Nick: Hey Lindsay, do you ever think about heavy stuff?
Lindsay: Heavy stuff?
Nick: Like death or the meaning of life.
Lindsay: Well yeah. My grandmother died I was pretty depressed. I took it pretty hard—
Nick: Yeah yeah. I knew that you were like me. I can’t even talk to those other guys. Ken and Daniel? They’re jokers. They don’t think about the meaning of life and they don’t think about why we’re here and they don’t think about the point of it all. They don’t, they don’t think about the point of it all.
Lindsay: Are you stoned?
Nick: A little bit. You wanna smoke?
Lindsay: No thanks.
Daniel: I’m so sick of all this rah-rah stuff. These jocks think they’re such bad asses. Walking around like they cured cancer.
Kim: The last time Nick got dumped he kinda went a little berserk.
Lindsay: You mean Heidi Henderson?
Kim: He told you about that? No. What happened?
Lindsay: No. Nothing. I mean I don’t even know really.
Sam: Hey Cindy. How’s it going?
Not good. Our mascot broke his arm and he got a concussion too. And now his mom won’t let go to bed tonight ’cause she’s afraid he’s gonna slip into a coma.
Bill: My cousin slipped into a coma once. And then when he woke up he spoke fluent Spanish.
Bill: Sam, I think that was a subliminal message. She wants you to be the new mascot.
Bill: “We really need a new mascot.” “I really need a new mascot.” “I really need Sam to be the new mascot.”
Sam: You really think I should try out?
Bill: Open your eyes Sam! I mean that was the biggest come-on I’ve ever seen. She was practically feeling you up.
Mr. Weir: I’m a member of the Rotary, you know. And the masons. And councilman Applebee just last week asked me to run for the school board.
Lindsay: That’s great Dad.
Mr. Weir: I could be the mayor and I wouldn’t get any respect around this house.
Vicki: The next high school mascot will be… Sam Weir.
Colin: It’s all politics!
Daniel: This place is turning into a cult.
Ken: I’d hate to be that guy’s drum set tonight.
Herbert (Shia LaBeouf): Hey Sam. When you’re climbing ’em, be careful not to pull their hair. Because they’ll jerk up. Okay? And when you’re climbing them, be careful not to pull their bra straps. ‘Cause they’ll wiggle and you’ll fall.
Herbert: Alright. Now if you fall, be careful to cover your head so you don’t break your neck, okay?
Sam: Perverts! Do you mind?
Cindy: Sam just because you’re nervous about the big game it doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me and Todd.
Neal: Sam, hand me the head of that Norseman.
Mrs. Weir: How you holdin’ up?
Mrs. Weir: I am so sorry about everything. You know, Lindsay really does care about you. She told me so last night. She just feels overwhelmed right now. She needs her space, you know.
Nick: Is that what she said?
Mrs. Weir: Uh, didn’t— didn’t Lindsay talk to you?
Nick: Yeah, she talked to me.
Daniel: Go McKinley! Shut ’em down! Lincoln, you suck!
Cheerleader: Hey! That’s my bra strap!
Norseman Neal: No, it’s the team’s bra strap.
Vicki: There he is. Get him girls!
Neal: Oh god! I’m a bleeder!