The Simpsons

Season 1

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire Bart: There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa. Homer: Oo, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. Homer reciting reinde…

Season 2

Bart Gets an F I will not encourage others to fly. Mrs. Krabappel: There were moments when I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin. Martin Prince: Oh please. Call me Papa. Mrs. Krabappel: B…

Season 3

Stark Raving Dad I am not a dentist Homer: Marge, I can’t wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I’m not popular enough to be different. Mr. Burns: Spare me the tiresome …

Season 4

Season 4 Kamp Krusty This punishment is not boring and pointless Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you. So if nobody minds let’s just quietly run ou…

Season 5

Homer’s Barbershop Quartet I will never win an Emmy Homer: Junk … junk… the airplane’s upside down. Stradi-who-vius? Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbon…

Season 6

Bart of Darkness Beans are neither fruit nor musical Bart: Look, Lisa. I snatched five bathing suits. All Martin’s. Lisa: Take your best shot! I’m wearing seventeen layers. {the kids attac…

Season 7

Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two) I will not complain about the solution when I hear it Kent Brockman: Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield, but until now none of them was important. …

Season 8

Treehouse of Horror VII Marge: You went into the attic? I’m very disappointed and terrified. Dr. Hibbert: You don’t forget a thing like Siamese twins! Lisa: I believe they prefer to be cal…

Season 9

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson Moe: Listen up guys. The Springfield police have told me that 91 percent of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys. {they congratulate themselves} Yeah…

Season 10

Lard of the Dance Homer: Marge, if you don’t mind I’m a little busy now achieving financial independence. Marge: Through cans of grease? Homer: No. Through savings and wise investment. Of …

Season 11

Beyond Blunderdome Fridays are not “pants optional” Saleswoman: Thinking of saying goodbye to gas? Bart: You betcha! {he burps} Marge: Bart! {she passes gas} Well that shut me up. Mel Gibson: Don&…

Season 12

Treehouse of Horror XI Homer: Who cut out Beetle Bailey? I need my Miss Buxley fix. Marge: I don’t like you ogling her! Why don’t you read Cathy? She’s hilarious. Homer: Eh. Too much…

Season 13

Treehouse of Horror XII Gypsy: You’ve ruined me! Oh why didn’t I see this coming! Homer: Leprechauns? Don’t they live in Ireland? Moe: Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel well…

Season 14

Treehouse of Horror XIII Homer: Now, before I abandon you in this cornfield, does anyone remember the way home? Homer clone: I do. Homer shoots the clone. Homer: Anybody else? Another clone raises his…

Season 15

Treehouse of Horror XIV Grampa ignited by a flaming log: I’m still cold. Marge: Would everyone please stop fighting and burning. Kang: Pathetic humans! They’re showing a Halloween episode.…

Season 16

Treehouse of Horror XV Bart: Am I the only one here who’s in horrible pain? Homer: You’re the only one who won’t shut up about it! Flanders: Concussion diddly… hemorrhage doodl…

Season 17

Bonfire of the Manatees Does any kid still do this anymore? Homer: Alright. You can shoot your gay adult film at my house. Fat Tony: I didn’t say anything about gay. Homer: I thought you guys w…

Season 18

The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer Lisa: Otto, Bart won’t give me a seat. Otto: You know I can deal with your problem or I can rock out. But I cannot do both! Otto: That’s not a so…

Season 19

He Loves to Fly and He D’ohs I will not wait twenty years to make another movie Mr. Burns: I guess this is the end. I just wish I’d spent more time at the office. Mr. Burns: And just so yo…

Season 20

Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes Homer: Now let’s think about this. If you shoot me I won’t be able to stop you and you’ll be free to go. BUT! Someone may come after you. Probably not, gi…

Season 21

Homer the Whopper The class hamster isn’t just sleeping Bart: Excuse me, I just heard that before Spider-man was a movie, it was a comic book. Is that possible? Movie Exec: Hey! Don’t blam…

Season 22

Elementary School Musical When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio Homer: It’s 4am. You kids should have been in bed a half hour ago. Kent Brockman: And now to comment on joining th…

Season 23

The Falcon and the D’Ohman Tom Colicchio: For your prize, you have won a new kitchen. Which I will now become. {he transforms} Ow! Ow! I miss my Soulpatch. Homer: Wayne, maybe it’s the me …

Season 24

Moonshine River I will not wear white after Labor Day Homer: Nobody likes to be rejected and it never gets easier until you can drink. Because then you can express your unfiltered feelings by drunk di…

Season 25

Homerland 25 years and they can’t come up with a new punishment? Carl: Man I love conventions. Lenny: Yeah, they’re the perfect combination of work and binge drinking. Marge: Dear Christia…

Season 26

Clown in the Dumps Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately my dad doesn’t die Krusty: My only comfort is the roast is over and will only be shown four times a day for the rest of all time. Therapist Pickles: …