Seth Rogen

Eric’s POV

Eugene: Hey, you know who I had sex with last night? Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling... oh and who's that chick from Crouching Tiger? Greg: Ang Lee. Eugene: Yes. So hot. I mean TiVO be my pimp, yo. Eric: And that's from a group eVite, bitch! Greg: Dude this is terrible, man. I hate this. I…

Hal and Hilary

Lizzie: I feel bad for Hal. He's lonely. Steven: I know. I just wish he could be lonely by himself sometimes. Hilary: Hal, could you do me a favor? Hal: Anything. Hilary: Dare to believe in yourself. Ron about Kikuki: She doesn't speak any English? That's unbelievable. It's like you found the perfect girl. Rachel:…

The Perfect Date

Lloyd: Dude, are you wearing makeup? Marshall: Yes I am. Rachel gave me some cover up for my pimple and then I put a little under my eyes. Ron: I thought you looked less tired. Marshall: Thank you. Hal: Steven it's no big deal. Your mom and I still fight. Hell, we even get it…

The Day After

Marshall: There's a stain above where I sleep and I can't tell if it came down from above or flew up from down here. Ron: Isn't life just great. Marshall: I've seen things no man should see. Steven: Man this is so awesome. The sheets are all messed up like in Basic Instinct. Lloyd: Marshall,…

Truth or Dare

Marshall: That was awesome. Ron: That was pretty cool. Lloyd: Awesome, that was not. Marshall: Why not? Why wasn't it? Lloyd: I've been thinking this might happen for awhile, but this is sooner than I thought. We have become their brothers. Marshall: So? Lloyd: So I understand, where you're from being someone's brother may not…

Rush and Pledge

Steven: Do you guys want to go to that rush party tonight or not? Ron: No. Marshall: No. Lloyd: No. Ron: Fraternities are evil, okay? They brainwash you, they steal your soul. They take your firstborn for godsakes. Lloyd: And you're the firstborn. Steven: So I guess you guys don't care about free beer and…

Eric Visits Again

Steven: You stupid stupid stupid computer. How do you expect to take over mankind if you keep crashing? Eric: If Lizzie ever cheated on me I think I would die. Then you're already dead. Eric: You better check yourself! Rachel: Wait, Lizzie hooked up with Lloyd? Nobody tells me anything. {Eric celebrates} Was that before or…

God Visits

Ron: I love college. I just wish I could take my tuition and shove it down that girl's underwear in one dollar bills. Marshall about Sheila moving out: I've never even seen her before. Lloyd: I have. Lizzie's phone rings Ron: Hi Eric. Eric: Who the hell is this? Why are you answering Lizzie's phone?…

Addicts

Ron about the credit cards: The real cards aren't that big. But they're good too. Lloyd: Online investing is for desperate fools. Ron: That's true, right. Except for me though. Dave: Yeah. Virgin plastic. That's nice, huh? That's a good feeling. Steven: Don't rob me. Dave: I could, actually. Dave: What's your major, Steven? Marshall:…

Parents Weekend

Ron: I'm so glad I didn't tell my parents about this whole "Parents Weekend" thing. Because now I can just, like, zone in on Lloyd's sister—just focus. I mean we talk sometimes, when she calls. She sounds cool man, she sounds hot. But I mean, she's probably like a female Lloyd you know. Just picture…

The Assistant

Steven: Lloyd won't stop talking to my dad. Ron: So? Marshall: Your dad is cool. Ron: Everyone's dad is cool but your own. Like my dad, right? He's a big fat moron. You guys would love him. Ron: If you are lying to me now I'll shank you, prison-style. Perry: Oh, Ron. I'm trembling! Oh…

Sick in the Head

Steven: S'up. Co-ed: Hi. You don't look very comfortable. Steven: That's 'cause I'm not. Co-ed: Well hon, why do you like sleeping on the couch? Steven: What? Co-ed: Lloyd said that you liked to sleep on the couch. Is it for your back? Is that it? Steven: Yeah. Co-ed: We both know how terrified Lloyd is to sleep…

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Rachel: God, aren't there any men on this campus? Lizzie: What about Lloyd? Rachel: No. I don't like guys like that. Lizzie: Super hot English guys? Rachel: Pretty boys. They're so boring. I want to meet somebody with personality and some depth. Lizzie: Oh you mean like an ugly guy. Rachel: Shut up. You're so…

Eric Visits

Ron: Gentlemen, okay, are you ready? Okay, because you're going to remember this moment coming up for the rest of your sweet lives. He dramatically unveils a keg Lloyd: That was the moment? Steven: Eric's here now? Lloyd: Your nemesis has arrived. Rachel: Have you ever dumped anyone? Marshall: Almost. But we never actually like…