Eugene: Hey, you know who I had sex with last night? Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling… oh and who’s that chick from Crouching Tiger?
Greg: Ang Lee.
Eugene: Yes. So hot. I mean TiVO be my pimp, yo.
Eric: And that’s from a group eVite, bitch!
Greg: Dude this is terrible, man. I hate this. I feel like horrible things are about to happen.
Eric: Dude, I’m going to my friend’s house, Greg. There’ nothing wrong with that. I go to your guys houses all the time.
Greg: But dude you’re not her friend, Eric. You’re some kind of stalker who needs to drive slower.
Ron about the Girls Gone Wild girl: See and she built up suspense. It was better that she did that.
Hal: Steven, I’ve discovered your new mother.
Ron: Yeah, and she’s young and drunk!
Alice: It’s fine. Janice’s brother swallowed my tongue stud too. Just, when it comes out the other end give it Janice and she’ll pass it along.
Eric: Woah. Dude, that was in another guy’s ass?
Alice: What, I cleaned it.
Perry: Oh now I’m the freak? Stick with that, Garfield.
Rex: You know what a relationship is? Real Exciting Love Affair That Turns Into Ongoing Nightmare. Sobriety Hangs In Peril. Something like that. I’ve got it tattooed on my back. You wanna read it?
Rex: I’ll tell you something buddy. There is nothing as good as the love of a good woman. Except ecstasy.