Eugene: Hey, you know who I had sex with last night? Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling... oh and who's that chick from Crouching Tiger? Greg: Ang Lee. Eugene: Yes. So hot. I mean TiVO be my pimp, yo. Eric: And that's from a group eVite, bitch! Greg: Dude this is terrible, man. I hate this. I…

Lizzie: I feel bad for Hal. He's lonely. Steven: I know. I just wish he could be lonely by himself sometimes. Hilary: Hal, could you do me a favor? Hal: Anything. Hilary: Dare to believe in yourself. Ron about Kikuki: She doesn't speak any English? That's unbelievable. It's like you found the perfect girl. Rachel:…

Lloyd: Dude, are you wearing makeup? Marshall: Yes I am. Rachel gave me some cover up for my pimple and then I put a little under my eyes. Ron: I thought you looked less tired. Marshall: Thank you. Hal: Steven it's no big deal. Your mom and I still fight. Hell, we even get it…

Ron: I'm so glad I didn't tell my parents about this whole "Parents Weekend" thing. Because now I can just, like, zone in on Lloyd's sister—just focus. I mean we talk sometimes, when she calls. She sounds cool man, she sounds hot. But I mean, she's probably like a female Lloyd you know. Just picture…

Steven Karp (Jay Baruchel): The point is I'm tall, and handsome. And I've gained weight. And I've like finally got a fashion sense. Man, it's like the beginning of a whole new era. Jack: A new era? You're the same guy. You think you're cool 'cause you grew like a freak and got a haircut?…