Parents Weekend

Ron: I’m so glad I didn’t tell my parents about this whole “Parents Weekend” thing. Because now I can just, like, zone in on Lloyd’s sister—just focus. I mean we talk sometimes, when she calls. She sounds cool man, she sounds hot. But I mean, she’s probably like a female Lloyd you know. Just picture Lloyd with hair and boobs and no weener. I mean, I could be interested in that.

Steven: So mom gets the first half of the weekend and you get the second.
Hal: How come I’m the one that gets the sloppy Steven seconds?

Rachel: Oh my god.
Mrs. Lindquist: Your frog has been very naughty.

Ron: Lloyd’s sister asked me to deflower her.
Marshall: Wow. That’s quite an honor. Has Lloyd congratulated you yet?

Ron: She’ll tell her friends across the pond and the name will be like the secret inside joke for bad sex. “How was your shag?” “Oh, I got Ronned! He Ronned me! It was terrible.”

Ron: Could you catch a red-eye? ‘Cause I think I’d be good at it.
Amanda: It’s non-refundable.