Sick in the Head

Steven: S’up.
Co-ed: Hi. You don’t look very comfortable.
Steven: That’s ’cause I’m not.
Co-ed: Well hon, why do you like sleeping on the couch?
Steven: What?
Co-ed: Lloyd said that you liked to sleep on the couch. Is it for your back? Is that it?
Steven: Yeah.
Co-ed: We both know how terrified Lloyd is to sleep alone.
Steven: Yeah.

Steven: Don’t you feel bad about what you do to these girls?
Lloyd: No, actually I feel quite good about what I do to these girls.

Marshall: Man, this flu rules.

Lloyd: Alright, Mr. Magoo. Time to leave. Rebecca’s going to be here any second.
Steven: Okay, well. Have fun and in case you need me I’ll be sleeping on that disgusting ass little couch right there that Ron puked on the other night. Thanks.

Marshall: You’re really smart.
Rachel: Thanks.
Marshall: And you’re pretty. You’re smart and pretty. Like a dolphin.
Rachel: Thanks.

School Video Show Guy: Coming up next we have a generic R&B video. I don’t know who it’s by but I bet they’ll have a shot of a guy without his shirt on spinning around in the rain.

Steven: Excuse me. Am I like interrupting a slumber party or something?
Nicola: No. Our roommates are having sex. How about you?
Steven: Yeah. He is.

Ron: You guys gotta come with me and see this.
Lizzie: What is it?
Ron: Just come.
Marshall: I think my hands are shrinking. See!
Ron: Is that supposed to happen? That’s a lot of sweat.

Ron: Hey, you need to tell Marshall to go to the doctor.
Rachel: He doesn’t need to go to the doctor. He’s getting better.
Ron: No, he’s not getting better. He looks terrible. He looks like death. I almost buried him this morning.

Rachel: My uncle had stomach pains. And the doctors took out his kidney. And then they found out there was nothing wrong with it. And now he has to go through the rest of his life without a kidney.
Ron: Well you’ll be very happy to know that he does have a kidney! ‘Cause you’re born with two kidneys. You moron.

Nicola: Why are we out here and they’re in their rooms having sex? Are we the losers?
Steven: Nah. We’re as cool as they are.
Are we? I spent $600 this month on internet porn.

School Video Show Guy: Welcome to NRL: No Requests Live. We’re not live. Why no requests? Well I don’t get to pick the video so why should you?