User Review( votes)
Rachel: God, aren’t there any men on this campus?
Lizzie: What about Lloyd?
Rachel: No. I don’t like guys like that.
Lizzie: Super hot English guys?
Rachel: Pretty boys. They’re so boring. I want to meet somebody with personality and some depth.
Lizzie: Oh you mean like an ugly guy.
Rachel: Shut up. You’re so shallow.
Lizzie: What? I had sex with Steven.
Rachel: Yeah, that’s true.
Steven: You could have told me you weren’t paying for school before I got kicked out.
Marshall: As long as I’m working at this cafeteria, we are the kings of free chow.
Marshall: Hey dude. What’s up?
Steven: Well I have to find a job or else you guys will be looking for a new roommate. My dad forgot to pay my tuition.
Ron: Okay, I got it. I saw this in a film. You are a student by day. And an illustrious man prostitute by night.
Marshall: Hey, dude, I could totally hook you up with a job in the cafeteria, man. Huh? My boss totally loves me.
Steven: Ah, no thanks. I think I’ll pass. I’d rather be a man whore than work there. No offense.
Marshall: No, no. That’s cool.
Steven: Oo, jello. Can I have some of that?
Marshall: No. He takes the jello into his room.
Ron: Thank you. I thought he was fattening me up to eat me or something. It was ridiculous.
Steven: I thought I saw an ad for a job at the art supply store.
Perry: That job doesn’t exist.
For some reason hot girls like art. So I just put that in there to get numbers. My palm pilot is bursting.
Marshall: Not only do we get paid really well but we also get to, like, kinda eat for free.
Steven: Really? We get like, free samples, or—
Marshall grabs a plate of half-eaten food: See?
Steven: Oh. Dude, someone else ate that.
Marshall: The trick is to take a bite off the uneaten end. You know? Sometimes you forget which end. So I just take one bite. Some people eat the whole thing. I’m not that gross, you know what I mean?
Marshall: I bet they have crushed ice in the urinals. It doesn’t get any fancier than that.
Ron: What they make, like, urine sno cones or something?
Jimmy: I want to be on SNL. Like Mike Myers or Belushi. I’ve got to keep practicing all the time.
Rachel: Why would you even want to be on that show? I mean it hasn’t been funny in like forever.