The Assistant

Steven: Lloyd won’t stop talking to my dad.
Ron: So?
Marshall: Your dad is cool.
Ron: Everyone’s dad is cool but your own. Like my dad, right? He’s a big fat moron. You guys would love him.

Ron: If you are lying to me now I’ll shank you, prison-style.
Perry: Oh, Ron. I’m trembling! Oh wait, no I’m not. Because he’s coming.

Rachel: What’s the big deal? I mean he’s just a person. You’d think the queen was coming.
Ron: The Queen is just an old lady. Sandler is like a god, okay?

Jonathan Loughran: You have any food?
Rachel: You’re not going to kill me are you?

Hal: So what do you think?
Adam Sandler: I was thinking about going now. So uh, you wanna come with me?
Lizzie: Sure.

Jonathan Loughran: Hey Sandman, you’re not the only special person in my life. Okay?
Adam Sandler: I know.
Jonathan Loughran: Yeah, I got another special person. A very special person. And her name is Rachel.
Adam Sandler: Rachel. Which one’s Rachel?
Jonathan Loughran: She’s the one with the bigger boobs.

Lloyd: Hal, you’ve gone crazy.

Steven: So was The Pelican Brief good?
Rachel: Yeah. Morgan Freeman was really good.
Steven nodding: He’s… (not in it)