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Serenity (Part 1 & 2)

Aboard the Alliance Cruiser: I.A.V. “Dortmunder”
Captain: It’s a transport ship. Firefly class.
Crew member: They still make those?
Captain: Illegal salvage. Low-life vultures picking the flesh off the dead.
Crew member: Should we deploy gun ships and bring her in?
Captain: Do it.

Persephone : Eavesdown Docks

Badger (Mark Sheppard): You’re late.
Mal: You’re lying.
Badger: What did you just say to me?
Mal: You’re well aware we landed two hours ‘fore we planned to, with all the goods you sent us after intact, ready to roll. So your decision to get tetchy, say we’re late, means you’re looking to put us on the defensive right up front. Which means something’s gone wrong. And it didn’t go wrong on our end so why don’t we start again with you telling us what’s up.
Badger: You’re later than I’d like.

Badger: You’d gotten here sooner, you might have beaten the bulletin that came up sayin’ “Rogue vessel, classification Firefly, was spotted pulling illegal salvation on a derelict transport.”
Mal: Didn’t I.D. us. Doesn’t lead to you.
Badger: Naw, it doesn’t. But a government stamp on every molecule of the cargo just maybe might. {Mal’s silent.} Oh. You noticed that. You were going to hand over imprinted goods and just let me twist. Is that the case?
Mal: We didn’t pick the cargo.
Badger: And I didn’t flash my ass at the gorram law! There’s no deal.
Zoe: That ain’t fair.
Badger: Crime and politics, little girl. Th’ situation is always… fluid.
Jayne: Only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay us our wage.

Badger: What were you in the war? That big war you failed to win. You were a sergeant, yeah? Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds. Balls and Bayonets Brigade. Big, tough veteran. Now you got yourself a ship and you’re a captain. Only I think you’re still a sergeant, see? Still a soldier. Man of honor in a den of thieves. Well this is my gorram den. And I don’ like the way you look down on me. I’m above you. Better than! Businessman, see? Roots in the community. You’re just a scavenger.
Mal: Maybe I’m not a fancy gentleman like you with your… very fine hat. But I do business. We’re here for business.
Badger: Try one of the border planets. They’re a lot more desperate there. Of course, they might kill you. But you stay here, and I just know the Alliance will track you down. I have that feeling.

Mal: Wheel never stops turning, Badger.
Badger: That only matters to the people on the rim.

Dobson: Get the hell away from that weapon! Do you think I’m a complete back-birth? You’re carrying a fugitive across interplanetary borders. And you think I actually believe you’re bringing medical supplies to Whitefall? As far as I care, everyone on this ship is culpable.
Mal: Well now. That has an effect on the landscape.
Book: Please. We’re very close to true stupidity here.
Dobson: I have a cruiser en route for intercept, so talk all you want. You got about 20 minutes.
Mal: Might have less than that.
Dobson: Yeah. Threaten me.

Dobson: Okay, I can see you’re not an idiot.
Jayne: Wish I could say the same, Lawrence. But this is disappointing as hell.

Patience: Malcolm Reynolds.
Mal: Hello Patience.
Patience: I have to say, I didn’t look to be hearing from you anytime soon.
Mal: Well we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain words were exchanged. Also certain… bullets.

Mal: If that doesn’t work for you, no harm. Just thought you could use—
Patience: Alliance don’t scare me. Just collating data as they say. But I like that you’re up front about it. We can deal. I left coordinates for a rendezvous point outside of town.
Mal: See you in the world.

Dobson: I’m not playing anymore. Anybody makes so much as a— {Mal storms on the ship and shoots him}.

The Train Job

Lund: A toast! Quiet! Shut up! I’m ah, I got words. I’m saying. This is an auspicious day. We all know what day it is.
Jayne: What’s auspicious? What day is it?
Lund: A glorious day for all the proud members of the allied planets. Unification Day! The end of the scumbag independence, the dawn of a new galaxy.

Lund: Hey! You gonna drink to the Alliance with me? Six years ago today, the Alliance sent the Browncoats runnin’, pissing their pants. You know, your coat is kind of a brownish color.
Mal: It was on sale.

Lund: You didn’t toast. You know, I’m thinking you one of them Independents.
Mal: And I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don’t we just ignore each other ’til we go away.
Lund: The Independence were a bunch of cowardly, inbred piss-pots. Should have been killed off of every world that’s spinnin’.
Mal: Say that to my face.
Lund: I said, you’re a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are ya gonna do about it?
Mal: Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you. Zoe hits him from behind

Niska: You do the train job for me. Then you are solid. No more gossip.
Mal: Right.
Niska: You do not like I kill this man?
Mal: Oh, no. I’m sure he was a very bad person.
Niska: My wife’s nephew. At dinner I am getting earful. There is no way out of that.

Niska: Anything goes wrong then your reputation only gossip and things between us not so solid. Yes?

Sheriff Bourne: You were truthful back in town. A man can get a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation like ours, well, then he has a choice.
Mal: I don’t believe he does.

Mal: … Point is, we’re not taking what’s his. Now we’ll stay out of his way best we can from here on in. You explain that’s best for everyone, okay?
Crow: Keep the money. Use it to by a funeral. It doesn’t matter where you go or how far you fly. I will hunt you down and the last thing you see will be my blade.
Mal: Darn. {he kicks him into the intake engine}

Mal: Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance—
Oh yeah, I’m good. Best thing for everyone. I’m right there with you.


Alliance Commander: Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation.
Mal: It does? That’s discouraging.

Alliance Commander: It’s a curiosity. A woman of stature such as yourself falling in with… these types.
Inara: Not in the least. It’s a mutually beneficial business arrangement. I rent the shuttle from Captain Reynolds, which allows me to expand my client base. And the Captain finds that having a companion on board opens certain doors that might otherwise be closed to him.

Alliance Commander: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
Zoe: Fought with a lot of people in the war.
Alliance Commander: And your husband?
Zoe: Fought with him sometimes too.

Alliance Commander: Pirates. Pirates with their own chaplain. There’s an oddity.
Book: Not the only oddity this end of space, Commander. Where things aren’t always so plain as on the central planets. Rules can be a mite fussier.

Alliance Commander: That’s a very loyal crew you have there. But then I can tell by your record you have a tendency to inspire that quality in people. Sergeant.
Mal: It’s not Sergeant. Not no more. The war’s over.
Alliance Commander: For some the war will never be over.

Alliance Commander: Seems odd you’d name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.
Mal: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.


Badger: Captain Reynolds. I heard you was in town. I thought we might have a bit of a sit down.
Mal: I’d prefer a bit of a piss off.
Badger: I’m very sorry. Did I give you the impression I was asking?

Half the men in this room wish they were on your arm tonight.
Inara: Only half? I must be losing my undefinable allure.
Oh, it’s not that undefinable. All of them wish they were in your bed.

Why []. What a vision you are, in your fine dress. It must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that get-up. ‘Course your daddy tells me it takes a school boy’s wink to get you out of it again. the debutantes disappear. Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people.

I accept!
Mal: That’s great. What?
There has been a challenge.
I hope you’re prepared, Captain.
Mal: Are you all talking about a fight? That’s fine. Let’s get out of here.
Inara: It’s not a fist fight, Mal.
The duel will be lead tomorrow at [].
What’s going on?
Mal: Not really sure. What’s going on?
Well first off, you’ll be put up in lodgings for the night so you don’t disappear. I wouldn’t blame you, incidentally. Will might be a spoiled dandy, but he’s an expert swordsman. You’re the first one, gave him a reason.
Mal: This is a joke.
You’ll need a second.
Mal: What’s that?
I’ll take on the job.
He fights if you refuse.
Inara, come with me please.
Mal: Now, you taking on this job, you being my second, does this mean we’re in business?
It means you’re in mortal danger. But you mussed up Atherton’s face. And that has endeared you to me somewhat. You might even give him a fight. Before he guts you.

Badger: Nice to see someone from the old homestead.
River: Not really. Tell me if anyone interesting shows up. walks off
Badger: I like her.
Jayne: That there, exactly the kind of diversion we could’ve used.


Teacher: It’s the way of life in my findings that journeys end when and where they want to and that’s where you make your home.
Simon: This isn’t our home.
Teacher: If it isn’t here, where is it?

Mr. Tam: Have you completely lost your mind?
Simon: Pretty nearly.
Mr. Tam: We got the word at the [?]. I had to leave the dinner table
Simon: I’m sorry Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River’s life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk.

Our Mrs. Reynolds

Rustler: I think maybe you’ gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Jayne: Well I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
Mal popping up from under the bonnet: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier I would.
Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago.

Mal: Who the hell are you?
Saffron: What do you mean?
Mal: Well I think I was pretty clear. What are you doing on my boat?
Saffron: You know I am bequeathed to you.
Mal: To what by who?
Saffron: Did Elder Gommen not tell you?
Mal: Tell me what? Who are you?
Saffron: Mr. Reynolds, sir. I’m your wife.

Mal: You alright?
Saffron: I thought last night during the ceremony that you looked pleased.
Mal: Well, yeah. Last night I was. Some mulled wine. Pretty girl gave me a hat made out of a tree. Nobody said I was signing up to have and hold.
Saffron: Are you gonna kill me?
Mal: What? What kind of crappy planet is that? Kill you.
Saffron: In the maidens’ home I heard talk of men who weren’t pleased with their brides—
Mal: Well I ain’t them. And don’t you stand for that sort of thing. If someone ever tries to kill you try to kill them right back.

Inara: Come to my shuttle.
Saffron: You would lie with me?
Alarms go off
Inara: I guess we’ve lied enough.
Saffron: You’re good.
Inara: You’re amazing. Who are you?
Saffron: Malcolm Reynolds’ widow.

Saffron: Are you gonna kill me?
Mal: Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason not to?


Out of Gas

Captain: Catalyzer is a nothing part, Captain.
Mal: It’s nothing ’til you don’t got one. Then it appears to be everything.


Nurse: What have you got?
Mal: We got a couple of DOAs. By the time we got there—
Nurse disinterested: Take them down to the morgue.
Jayne : We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

War Stories


Mal, why you got a piece trained on my wife?
Mal: She ain’t your wife.
Huh. I married her, didn’t I?
Mal: You ain’t the only one.

Saffron: Oh yeah. just like old times.
Mal: We don’t have any old times. I just don’t want you pullin’ a pistol out of… anywhere.
Saffron: You missed a spot.
Mal: Can’t miss a place you never been.

Mal: Oh you are a tweaked one, you are.
Saffron: But face it, Hubby. I’m really hot.

Saffron: This was all your fault, you know. I had the perfect crime lined up.
Mal: Sure. You were gonna steal a man’s beard.

Wash: I’m confused.
Saffron: You’re asking yourself, if I’ve got the security codes why don’t I go in and grab it for myself.
Wash: No. Actually. I was wondering, What’s she doing on this ship? Didn’t she try to kill us?!
Saffron: Please. Nobody died last time.
Wash: We’re in space! How did she get here?
Mal: She hid.
Wash: I don’t recall pulling over!

Saffron: See there. All you gotta do to be a rich woman, hon is, get over it.
Zoe: Hm. Okay. clocks Saffron. I’m in.

Saffron: Brilliant.
Kaylee: Thanks.
Saffron: Except it’s idiotic.

Durran: You! sees Saffron. You found her. You brought back my wife.

Durran: You’ve returned to me the only thing I truly treasure.
Mal: Well. Then this is a day I’ll feel good to be me.

Durran: You won’t disappear again?
Saffron: Never. he leaves We’ve gotta move fast.
Mal: Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act.

Saffron: Durran, this isn’t what it looks like.
Mal: Unless it looks like we’re stealing your priceless Lassiter, ’cause that’s what we’re doing. Don’t ask me about the gun though, ’cause that’s new.
Durran: Well I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot.

Durran: How long have you been together?
Mal: We are not together!
Saffron: He’s my husband.
Mal: Well who in the damn galaxy ain’t?!

Saffron: My name’s not Yolanda.
Mal: Never entered my mind it was.

Saffron: I tried. I actually tried. I thought, This is a decent man. The genuine article.
Mal: A workin’ man. Strugglin’ to get by with the barest necessities on his private floatin’ island.
Saffron: Yeah, he had money. I thought it would help. I thought if I had everything then I wouldn’t want—
Mal: Heinrich the security programmer.
Saffron: You know I’d forgotten his name.
Mal: Addressin’ the itch of curiousness, did you marry him too?
Saffron: No. I didn’t kill him either.
Mal: No, don’t reckon there’s many you killed. Just put him in a position to die easy.

Inara: Honey you look horrific.
Saffron: What are you doing here?
Inara: Oh. Just my part of the job.
Saffron: What part of the job?
Inara: You know, I put on a big act, storm away in a huff. Then I fly off, wait for you to double-cross Mal, beat you to the rendezvous spot and grab the loot before you can get to it. What? You didn’t see it coming?

The Message

Battle of Du-khang

Tracey: Thanks. I didn’t know you were out there.
Zoe: Sort of the point. Stealth. You may have heard of it.
Tracey: I don’t think they covered that in Basic.
Zoe: Well at least they covered “Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get yourself shot.”
Tracey: Yeah, I got a badge in that. Won’t happen again.
Zoe: When it does I’m just gonna watch.

Mal: Tracey, ain’t you dead yet?
Tracey: Through no fault of my own.
Mal: I really wanted your beans.

Tracey: You know it’s funny. We went to the war never looking to come back. But it’s the real world I couldn’t survive. You two carried me through that war and now I need you to carry me just a little bit further. If you can. Tell my folks I wanted to do right by them, and that I’m at peace and all. When you can’t run anymore you crawl. And when you can’t do that, well… yeah, you know the rest.

Heart of Gold

Objects in Space

Jubal Early: I like this ship. Serenity. She’s good looking.
Simon: How did you get on… ?
Jubal Early: Strains the mind, don’t it?

Simon: Are you Alliance?
Jubal Early: Am I a lion?
Simon: What?
Jubal Early: I don’t think of myself as a lion. You might as well though. I have a mighty roar.
Simon: I said “Alliance.”
Jubal Early: Oh I thought…
Simon: No, I was.
Jubal Early: That’s weird.

Simon: You’re out of your mind.
Jubal Early: That’s between me and my mind.

Simon: And which part of your plan dictated the necessity of beating up a Shepherd?
Jubal Early: That ain’t a Shepherd.

Jubal Early: You ever been shot?
Simon: No.
Jubal Early: You oughta be shot.

Early: Firefly is a good design. People don’t appreciate the substance of things. Objects in space. People miss out on what’s solid… It’s not your moment, Doctor.

Inara: You can still walk away from this. I know you’re tired.
Early: Don’t go visiting my intentions. Don’t ever.

Jubal Early: That’s somewhat unsettling.

River: You’re a liar. I don’t think your intentions are honorable.
Early: Hell no. I’m a bounty hunter. That’s not generally considered honorable so much as… I live by a code, though. Which I think is worth—
River: You hurt people.
Early: Only when the job requires it.
River: Wrong. You’re a bad liar. You crawl inside me uninvited and you hurt my crew. I see everything that passes—
Early: I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me finding you. {to Simon}. Tell her.
Simon: What am I your advocate?
Early: You are starting now.
Simon: He’s really very… gentle and fuzzy. We’re becoming fast friends.
Early: You folks are all insane.
Simon: Well my sister’s a ship. We had a complicated childhood.

Jubal Early: You gonna be smart here River? River? … Serenity?

Jubal Early: You know with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget this girl is the smallest cargo I’ve ever had to transport. Yet by far the most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?

Jubal Early: I’ll be a son-of-a-whore. You’re not in my gorram mind. You’re on my gorram ship!
River laughing: It’s very interesting. All these buttons.
Jubal Early: Okay. We’re not touching those, okay? How the hell’d she get on my ship?
River: Put the gun away.
Jubal Early: Okay, I’m putting it away.
Simon: No… he’s not.

River: You’re not right, Early. You’re not righteous. You’ve got issues.
Jubal Early: No. Well yes. I could have that. You might have me figured out, huh. Good job.I’m not a hundred percent.
River: You talk too much.
Jubal Early: I’m flawed in that way. I sometimes go on. It’s been said.

Jubal Early having just shot Simon: See. That’s what it feels like.

Jubal Early: You made the right move darlin’. Best for you to go on with ol’ Early.
Mal popping up: You think so? Some of us feel differently.

Jubal Early: Well. Here I am.