Objects in Space


Mal: Fully-loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for unpleasantness. Mal: I want medical jargon I'll talk to a doctor. Simon: You are talking to a doctor. Mal: We're deep in space. Corner of no and where. You take extra care. 'Cause we're very much alone out here. Wash: Little River just gets more…

Heart of Gold


Nandi (Melinda Cooper): We ain't open for business. Rance Burgess (Fredric Lehne): Shut up, whore. Nandi: And you we don't trade with at all, Rance Burgess. You're no longer welcome in this establishment. You' been told that. Burgess: I've been told a great many things. I'm here for what's mine. Nandi: Ain't nothing here belongs…

The Message


Simon: I really know how to show a girl a disgusting time. Kaylee: It's... sweet. Poor little thing, never even saw the light of day. Now it's in show business. Wash: Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar. Simon: This may come as a shock but I'm actually not very…



Mal: Yep. That went well. Seventy-two hours earlier... Monty: Mal, why you got a piece trained on my wife? Mal: She ain't your wife, Monty. Monty: Huh? I married her, didn't I? Mal: You ain't the only one. Monty: What the hell is going on here? What do you mean she ain't my wife? Mal:…

War Stories


Book: A government is a body of people usually—notably—ungoverned. Simon: Now you're sounding like the captain. Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet and combat boots. SHUT UP! Zoe: Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity? Wash: You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, Lamby Toes. Mal:…



River refusing to eat: I don't want any. Simon: River, you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like... takes a bite... It's good. Jayne: Smells like crotch. Kaylee: Jayne! Jayne: Well it does. Mal: ...Could have been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden right now. Jayne: Beats just sitting. Wash: It is…

Out of Gas


Zoe: You paid money for this, sir? On purpose? Mal: She won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon, but she is solid. Ship like this, be with you 'til the day you die. Zoe: 'Cause it's a death trap. Mal: That's not— You are very much lacking in imagination. Zoe: I imagine that's so,…



Kaylee: Come on, admit it. It's true. Simon: No I won't. Because it's not. I use swear words like anybody else. Kaylee: Oh really? I never heard you, so when is it that you do all this cussing? Is it after I go to bed, or... Simon: I swear when it's appropriate. Kaylee: Simon, the…

Our Mrs. Reynolds


Rustler: I think maybe you' gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus. Jayne: Well I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature. Mal popping up from under the bonnet: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new…



Mal: You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kinda like a meat grinder. Mal: Morbid and creepifying I got no problem with. As long as she does it quiet-like. Book: I hope this corral's strong enough to hold them. Shepherd's a purely figurative title, you know. Zoe: Next time…



MAL: You tell me right now, little Kaylee, you really think you can do this? KAYLEE: Sure. Yeah. I think so. Besides, if I mess up it’s not like you’ll be able to yell at me. // ALLIANCE: Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation. MAL: It does? That’s discouraging.

The Train Job


Jayne: Your move. Zoe: That's a bold move. Mal: I live on the edge. Jayne: Nice work, dumbass. Mal: I've given some thought to moving off the edge. Not an ideal location. Could get a place in the middle. Lund: A toast! Quiet! Shut up! I'm ah, I got words. I'm saying. This is an…

Malcolm “Mal” Reynolds


Serenity (Part 1 & 2) Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion): The Alliance said they were gonna waltz through Serenity Valley, and we choked 'em with those words. We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty. Bendis: We’re gonna die. Mal: We’re not going to die. We can't die, Bendis. And you know why? Because…

Inara Serra


Serenity (Part 1 & 2) Inara Serra: I'd have to say, this is the first time we've had a preacher on board. Book: Well, I wasn't expecting to see a state official either. Ambassador. {shakes her hand as Mal laughs.} I'm missing something funny. Kaylee: Not so funny. Inara: Ambassador is Mal's way of— Mal:…