J. K. Simmons

Season 18

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The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer Lisa: Otto, Bart won't give me a seat. Otto: You know I can deal with your problem or I can rock out. But I cannot do both! Otto: That's not a song. Real songs are about deals with the devil and far off lands where you…

Vern Schillinger

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Schillinger is trying to get Alvarez to kill Beecher Schillinger: I work the mail room, right. I can push whatever you need, in or out, through the system. Alvarez: Tits? Schillinger: Sure. Alvarez: I thought you were anti-drugs. Schillinger: I don't care if you smuggle in fucking tacos. I want Beecher dead. Today. later... it…

Season 4

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Fire (Part 1) Kellerman: There's no absolutes in life. Only in vodka. Autofocus Kellerman: You know, he shouldn't leave a department vehicle running like that. Lewis: Yeah. Could get stolen. Kellerman: Lieutenant said take the first car in. Lewis: We shouldn't. Kellerman: You're right. Lewis: Grand theft auto, baby. Pembleton: You sons of bitches! Heartbeat…

Other Characters

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Season One Steve Crosetti (Jon Polito): Mr. Becker ducked. But he didn't duck good enough. Meldrick Lewis (Clark Johnson): Lost art, ducking. Crosetti: That's the problem with this job. It's got nothing to do with life. Bernard: Okay, I was there. But I didn't kill them. John Munch (Richard Belzer): Who killed them? Bernard: A…

Celebrity Guests

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Season 1 Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved? Cowboy Bob (A. Brooks): You ever known a siren to be good? No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind telling me, "Sell the vehicle to this fellah and you're out of business." Cowboy Bob:…