Richard Belzer

Season 7


La Famiglia Bayliss: Look, it's not a permanent thing. I'm not asking for a long term commitment. Munch: I understand. You stayed with Pembleton for six years. He broke your heart, and now you're just looking for a one-nighter, huh? Bayliss: Yeah, something like that.

Season 5


Detective John Munch (Richard Belzer): Fill me in. From the top. Start with your name and birthdate. John Byers: John Fitzgerald Byers. November 22nd, 1963. Detective John Munch: Seriously? Byers: I was named after JFK. Before the assassination my parents were going to call me Bertram. Det. Munch: Lucky you. To the Lone Gunmen Det.…

Season 6


Blood Ties (Part 1) Pembleton: Where's Brodie? Munch: PBS aired his documentary. He won an Emmy. Bayliss: An Emmy? They give those things to anybody. Shaggy Dog, City Goat Munch: Without metaphors, what are we left with? We have a riddle, surrounded by a mystery, wrapped inside of an enigma and stuffed inside a body…

Season 5


The Heart of a Saturday Night Ravens. Who names a football team after an Edgar Allan Poe story? Pembleton: You and I, we have nothing in common. Kellerman: What are you talking about? We're both stuck here in the squadroom, we're both pissed off about it. I'd say we have something in common. Pembleton: You…

Season 4


Fire (Part 1) Kellerman: There's no absolutes in life. Only in vodka. Autofocus Kellerman: You know, he shouldn't leave a department vehicle running like that. Lewis: Yeah. Could get stolen. Kellerman: Lieutenant said take the first car in. Lewis: We shouldn't. Kellerman: You're right. Lewis: Grand theft auto, baby. Pembleton: You sons of bitches! Heartbeat…

Season 3


Nearer My God to Thee Pembleton: You're not Catholic and you took communion? Bayliss: Yeah. Is that wrong? Pembleton: If my god wins, you're screwed. All Through the House Answering the phone on Christmas. Munch: Ho-ho-ho-homicide! Every Mother's Son Pembleton: Son, I don't usually find myself giving advice. Especially to fourteen-year-old killers. But please listen…

Season 2


Bop Gun   See No Evil Bolander: I am allergic to idiocies and foolishness. Lewis: You go when you’ supposed to go, and everything else is homicide. Carrie Westin (Jennifer Mendenhall): Stanley, your anger isn't about the money. It isn't about Margie. It isn't even about you. Bolander: No. It's about the money. Black and…

Other Characters


Season One Deep Throat: You have much work to do, Agent Mulder. Don't jeopardize the future of your own efforts. Emil (Seth Green): Oh man. Did we tell him about the landmines and junk? Deep Throat: Mr. Mulder, why are those like yourself who believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life on this earth not…

John Munch


Season One Bernard: Okay, I was there. But I didn't kill them. John Munch (Richard Belzer): Who killed them? Bernard: A Jamaican killed them. Munch: A Jamaican? What's his name? Bernard: I don't know. But he's the one that cut me. Said he'd kill me too if I said anything. Munch: When'd he tell you…

Season 1


Gone for Goode Steve Crosetti (Jon Polito): Mr. Becker ducked. But he didn't duck good enough. Meldrick Lewis (Clark Johnson): Lost art, ducking. Crosetti: That's the problem with this job. It's got nothing to do with life. Tim Bayliss ( Kyle Secor): Ah, excuse me. This is Homicide? Kay Howard (Melissa Leo): Homicide? We work for…