The Passion of the Beaver

Jake: So no passion is bad. And too much is bad.
Richard: Sure. If you’re passionate about Maker’s Mark.

Zoe kissing Richard: Too hard.
Richard: What?
Zoe: I’m searching for my passion. {kisses the coffee guy} Too soft. {kisses Chris} Just right.
Chris surprised: Zoe.
Zoe grabbing his hand: I misplaced my passion. See if you can find it.

Natalie about the clinic closing: How can Bedford not have enough money? This school has a huge endowment. They’re always fundraising, the alums are cash cows.
Doctor Sharif: Campus security is the new black.

Chris: Where’d you learn to do that thing with the spoon?
Zoe: Oh. I, uh, saw that on some prison show.
Chris: Hm. Well how about round two? Tonight?
Zoe: I’ll call you.

Jake: Life rule #6: You can’t anticipate passion. Or a panther attack.

Sarah: Next order of business: the spirit committee. Peter Wortman and Chris Hernandez have the floor.
Chris: We lost our beaver.
Peter: Evan Stroll has quit as the Bedford mascot. He’s hung up his beaver tail.
Dean: A tragedy of epic proportions.
Sarah: What happened?
Chris: It started the first week of the semester.
Peter: He was drinking on duty. He danced on a pool table with a football player’s girlfriend. Took a beating.
Chris: Then just last week, he was pummeled by the Carlsberg State shark.
Peter: This is just two days after being practically violated by the St. Elmo Friar.

Zoe: I wanna be the new Bedford Beaver.
Dean: Well then you should try out like everyone else.
Zoe: Exactly! But that weasel Peter Wortman is saying there’s never been a female Beaver and I can’t audition.
Dean: Tell me, did I fall asleep and wake up in the fifties?
Zoe: No.
Dean: Well then good luck at the tryouts.

Dean: Oh Ms. Lopez? That speech you had planned? You had more planned?
Zoe: Lots.
Dean: Next time, I’d skip the part about the fallopian tubes.

Katrina: If I didn’t know you were too mature for games, I’d say you just put the ball on the fifty yard line.
Jake: Hut hut.

Owen: Annie, tell me what will make clear the woman psyche?
Annie: Tequila. In a dirty glass.

Richard: …So what if she liked more what I could do for her more than she actually liked me? I set it up. I asked her. How does that mean that she used me? I guess she was just never as passionate about me as I was about her. Passion is pain.