Queer Eye

Jai Rodriguez

2003.07.15    

Season One

Butch

Jai Rodriguez: This is like a— Oh my god I think… I think I broke the wall… and I don’t think it matters.

Jai: Oh wait, there’s some announcement.
Carson: Or some Greek dancing.

Andrew L.

Jai: You guys I found a book about gay people! The Rainbow Goblins!

John V.

Ted grabbing Jai to face the camera: Turn around, turn around, turn around.
Jai sheepish: I was eating their food.
Ted: What are you eating, Jai?
Jai: Eating their food.
Ted: And whose does that food that belong to?
Jai: Them.
Ted: It belongs to John and Ayana.
Jai: It belongs to the straight people.

Jai: i’d like to take this time to thank the academy for believing in a small gay mans right to… dance, in a dress.

Jai: I saw some ay-ass!

George K.

Jai: There’s nothing here, I have nothing! Nothing!

Jai: Look at Jenny from the Block. She is so into him.

Josh D.

Jai: That is reefer if I’ve ever seen it.
Thom seeing “tomato” plants on Josh’s balcony: I had a t-shirt with a tomato plant leaf on it very similar to that.

Tom M.

Thom is wearing pink wings
Jai:Those wings make your ass look so fierce.
Thom: Don’t it though? Do these wings make my ass look big?

Carson: Man, the little one’s a tough customer.
Jai: Yeah, he’s a tough cookie.

Alan C.

Jai: Idiot’s Guide to Beer. Who’s that much of an idiot that they need a guide to beer?

Jai rushing the boys out the door: C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon. Shutting the door. I’m so glad they’re gone. I’m kidding.

Ross M.

Jai: He called you pretty boy. Are you going to take that?
Kyan: Yes… smiling Thanks.

WHAT’S THAT SOUND: The Making of the Queer Eye Music Video

Crew member: He has a beautiful woman to gyrate with.
Jai: Let’s leave Carson out of this.

A scene from the video: the boys are stuck in a traffic jam
Jai: Thom, why did we take the bridge?
Thom: Feel free to put your floaters on and swim, Punkin.

John Z.

Jai: John, this is the most boring porn I’ve ever seen. Ever.

Rob M.

Rob is a phone engineer
Jai: Now does he climb the poles and stuff?
Carson: No, that’s our job.

Jai: I love it when guys put dresses in their wardrobes. It’s the right answer.

James M.

Jai: We’re stressing out the straight guy! Wooo!
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Jai holding up Ramen noodles: This is not food. The whole oodles of noodles with the pack of doodles?

Mark Fa.

Jai playing virtual golf with Mark: Hey, if I kick your ass you won’t be upset, will you?

Jai about the parfait: He should just pass it off as a daiquiri.

Mark Fi.

Jai: Let’s go someplace new and interesting.
Carson: Ooh. I thought you were going to Hooters or something.

Jai: So I’m popping your virtual golf cherry?

Jai playing virtual golf with Mark: Hey, if I kick your ass you won’t be upset, will you?

Jai about the parfait: He should just pass it off as a daiquiri.

Season Two

David G.

Jai: Thom, let me drive! Let me drive!
Thom: No! Get away! Get away!

Michael C.

Jai: I kind of think he could kill his whole prep time by looking in the mirror.
Thom pointing toward Kyan: Hello! Look who he learned from.

Phil R.

Jai: This would make a great country song, though.
Ted singing: I tore my leg and then you left me.

Jai with a Britney cut-out on his lap: No, uh, no I’ve never gotten married and annulled it in one day. But we do have a lot in common.
Ted: Oh, Jai.

Jai as Thom does the running man: Do the running man! Do the running man!

Thom: You guys, he has one more “little” surprise for her.
Jai: You guys, he’s Puerto Rican. It’s not a little surprise.

Queer Eye for the Gay Guy

Jai: It just goes to show: bad taste does not discriminate.
Ted: They’ll let anybody by gay these days!
Thom: Exactly. How did he get his gay card?

John S.

Jai finding hand cuffs and cuffing himself: How could you leave these under the pillow?! I thought it was a sex toy!

Thom handcuffs Jai to a lamp and Thom and Ted start laughing
Jai: What, you’ve never seen a guy attached to a lamp before?
Ted: Hey, Jai, could you come over here? We could lose some light over here.

Jai: I’m sorry. I’m depressed about this so I’m having a fluffernutter.
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Kyan: I bet Jai!
Jai: I can’t be bet! You can’t bet humans!

John K.

Jai carrying a stack of ashtrays: I think you have enough ashtrays. I’m guessing, but I think you’re good.

AL D.

Kyan: Hey Carson, Thom, Jai, Ted!
Ted: That was a nice Jai impression.
Jai: Yeah that was a good impression of me.

ARI V.

Carson: Nothing like some maple syrup shots first thing in the morning.
Jai: Really gets you going.
Carson: You know what this needs? A pancake chaser.

Jai: Hey! Everybody! If you’re gay get in this room.
Carson: I’m not gay. I’m questioning.

Sean M

Jai watching porn and then turning it off: And off it goes. Literally, off it goes.

John W.

Ted: When Carson gets back I’m gonna put him in a ten-step couture program. Then I’m gonna kill him.
Kyan: I’m gonna kill him first, you kill him second.
Thom: Easy, killers.
Jai: We can dress John Williams from New Jersey!
Ted: Alright, everybody do a flip. everyone does a Carson hair flip

Steve P.

Jai looking at the basement canned goods: Woah. He’s saving for wartime.

Steve: From Minnesota.
Jai: Yah, eh.

Jai rooting through toiletries: Free from a hotel… stolen from a hotel…

BRIAN M.

Ted: …and Jai is going to top that with a little chipotle buffalo sauce.
Jai: As I’m known to do.

DARIN D. : LONDON

Thom: Why did you mess the bed up?
Jai: Because he had to make it for Julie. He learned how to make hospital corners.
Carson: That’s a mental-hospital corner.

Jai: This is a little sandwich.
Thom: Oh my God, it looks like he made it with a lawnmower.

ALEX M.

Jai: Relaxing the jaw. It’s not that kind of audition, kid!

John D.

Jai: You know what? Jai stands up indignantly Some nice thoughtful gifts and she sneered at them!

Jai: I wanted to say she’s sassy, but at this point she’s just pessimistic.

KORD S.

Jai: Marina and Kord.
Carson: That’s very Port Charles.

Jai to Kyan: You’re sexy. You’re one sexy bitch.

Kyan playing with a cigar cutter: For “cigars.”
Jai: Or emergency circumcisions.

Scott B. : Dallas

Jai: I have a question. You really live here? This is not a joke?

Season Three

Paolo P.

Jai taking a quarter out of the fountain: I don’t know why people throw good money away, They’re so—
Ted interrupting: Jai. Jai. Jai. Jai. That’s for charity. Jai, put the quarter back.
Jai: It’s for charity?
Ted: Yeah. Put the quarter back.

Paolo: I just wanted to tell you guys that you can stop by and baby sit anytime you want.
Jai: This is a one-time deal.

Hector D.

Jai: See. This is how you know you’re in Long Island. Look how many colognes he has.

Ryan M.

Kristen: Just to get my nerves under control, I’m gonna be bouncing out of this cake, right? There’s gonna be just, like, his friends around. There’s not gonna be over random people at this—?
Jai: No no. How many seats are there in the Garden?
Carson: I think Nassau Coliseum holds 50,000.

Kristen about the burlesque dancing: I’m not flexible either.
Jai: That’s not what Ryan told me.

Jai: You know what, they’re not doing too bad for a bunch of drunk guys.

Carson: It’s like a drunken Blair Witch Project.
Kyan: I’m exhausted watching this.
Carson: Okay, these are firemen and they can’t find their way around.
Jai: This is very, like, drunken Amazing Race.

Season Four

Ed. M

Jai: Oh, my god, there’s mermaids.
Carson: It’s like “Finding Nemo”.

Jai: Two is a dealer’s ace.
Ted: What does that mean?
Jai: I don’t know.

JEFF B.

Ted: Do you have any ideas what Thom’s going to be doing to your apartment?
Jeff: Well, I went to the store and picked out some pieces we’re going to put in there.
Jai: What kind of style is it?
Jeff: It’s exactly the kind of style I was looking for. One of my roommate’s had said to me privately, “I hope they make this place, like, really gay and throw a big rainbow flag up there.
Jai: We shoulda, just to fu— just to mess with them.
Ted: Thom’s style is really masculine, oddly enough. Considering what a flamer he is.

Jai: All of us are very different. We don’t fit one specific stereotype.
Ted: Except for Carson.

Steve H.

Jai: Carson, I have to tell you this is the ugliest couch ever, but it’s also the most comfortable.

Eric Z.

Jai on Eric proposing to Tani: “Tani! I love you so much! Do you like my haircut?”

Rotondo Family

Jai: Hey, we get to do three guys!
Everyone: Hey!
Carson: Our first three-way!
Kyan: Well, I don’t know about first.
Carson: Well there was that one time on Fire Island.

JIM M.

Hannah: This is what a girl’s room should look like.
Thom: This is what a girl’s room should look like.
Jai: No one knows a girl’s room like Thom.