Desperate Measures

Homeless Guy: Ninjas!

Homeless Guy: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.
O’Neill: Why not?
Homeless Guy: I’m just a crazy guy with a shopping cart full of canes.
O’Neill: I’m just a cynical Air Force guy with a closet full of National Geographics.

Jackson: So you think Maybourne’s a fan of Godzilla movies?
O’Neill: Eh, he strikes me more as a Mothra guy.
Jackson: I don’t get it.
O’Neill: NID agents use these sites to post coded messages. If I know Maybourne, he’s keeping tabs on his old buddies.
Jackson: Okay, what kind of message do you want to send?
O’Neill: Make it, “Hutch, we need to talk.” Sign it Starsky. He’ll understand.

Maybourne: Hi Jack. Don’t turn around. {Jack turns around}
O’Neill: Harry. Where’ve you been? You never write, you don’t call. I have a gun.
Maybourne: So do I.
O’Neill: I’m just trying to protect you. I’m a wanted criminal, it’s your duty to arrest me.
Maybourne: Always thinking of the other guy. How’d you find me?
O’Neill: Played a lot of hide-and-seek as a kid.

Maybourne: You know how this game is played and the kind of people who play it. You gotta prepare yourself for the possibility that she may not be coming back.

Maybourne: Geez, Jack. You’re stealing my routine.
O’Neill: Consider it an homage.

Maybourne: You gonna turn me in?
O’Neill: Actually that overwhelming desire to shoot you is coming back.

Maybourne: You know we make a pretty good team, Jack.
O’Neill: Shut up.
Maybourne: I’m just saying, if you ever get tired of the SGC you could make more money than you ever dreamed of.
O’Neill: Hey. G Gordon. Don’t give me another reason to shoot you.

Adrian Conrad: The exits are sealed, Major.
Carter: Who are you? What the hell am I doing here?
Adrian Conrad: My name is Adrian Conrad. You’re here because of me.

Jackson: I said I just electrocuted myself. Do you have any idea what that feels like?
Guard: No. {Daniel zats him}
Jackson: Something like that.

O’Neill: You alright?
Carter: Yeah. Very dramatic. Thank you.
O’Neill: You bet.

Conrad: I expect better treatment than this.
Colonel Simmons (John de Lancie): Well right now you have no choice. But once you start delivering on your end of our little bargain, I might be able to move you to better accommodations.
Conrad: You do not offer anything of equal value to the knowledge I possess.
Colonel Simmons: I’m not so sure about that.