Stargate SG-1 Jack O’Neill

Season 6

2002.06.06    

Redemption : Part One

Carter: Sir, the X-301 was a modified glider. Now while many of the 302’s systems were retro-engineered from Goa’uld technology, it is entirely human-built.
O’Neill: So was the Titanic.

Hammond: Colonel Chekov feels that as a symbol of our joint efforts a Russian officer should be assigned to join SG-1.
O’Neill: Over my rotting corpse, sir.
Hammond: Colonel.
O’Neill: I’m sorry, did I say that out loud?
Hammond: I said I would discuss it with you and that I was sure you would give it some careful thought.
O’Neill: And that I will, General, but I’m still pretty sure I’ll say, “Bite me.”

O’Neill: Hammond is insisting SG-1 needs a sociopolitical nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness.
Teal’c: Have you considered Jonas Quinn?
O’Neill: Now I know you’ve been practicing but I still can’t tell. Is that a joke?

Carter: Inertial dampeners.
O’Neill: Cool… and check.
Carter: Engines.
O’Neill: All check. Phasers?
Carter: Sorry, Sir.

O’Neill: I’m going to go eat some cake.
Carter: I think I’ll join you.

Anubis: Prepare to meet your doom.
O’Neill: Oh please. Who talks like that?

Redemption : Part Two

Carter: They’re working on lightening the 302 but that’s why you’re going alone. Believe it or not every pound counts.
O’Neill: Shouldn’t have had that cake.

O’Neill: You sure you want to take this with you, Sir?
Hammond: We’re closed for business. I was supposed to retire five years ago. We don’t know how long it’s going to be before we can reestablish a Stargate program, if ever.
O’Neill: Actually, I just meant it says “Property of U.S. Air Force” on it.

O’Neill: Good guess on the green.
Jonas: Thanks.

Descent

O’Neill: Ship Ahoy-hoy.

Jacob Carter: Jack, are you seriously considering salvaging this ship?
O’Neill: Why yes I am, Jacob.
Jacob: This ship belonged to Anubis.
O’Neill: Excellent.
Jacob: What if it’s some sort of Trojan horse?
O’Neill: Well then apparently they did it wrong.

Jonas: Why would he bring me all the way out here if I’m not going to be allowed to contribute anything?
Teal’c: This is your first mission. It may take some time for Colonel O’Neill to gain confidence in your abilities.
Jonas: So it was the same for you?
Teal’c: No it was not.

Major Davis: I know Thor was a friend of yours, but this is a Goa’uld mothership. If we allow it to blow up they’ll be nothing left to salvage.
Jacob: Jack, this ship is never going to fly again. I’d say having the Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet owe you one is more valuable.
O’Neill: Yeah. Alright. Next mothership we keep. Okay?

Frozen

O’Neill: I forgot to tape The Simpsons. {Teal’c just stares at him} It’s important to me.

Dr. Fraiser: We didn’t do anything, sir. She revived herself. It’s as if the thawing process triggered an internal response telling her body to come back to life.
O’Neill: But not a snakehead, right?
Dr. Fraiser: No sir.
O’Neill: All right. Then what are we dealing with here?
Dr. Fraiser: Something not humanly possible. Not as far as I know.
Teal’c: Then she may indeed be not of this planet.
Carter: As far as we knew up until now, all human life in the galaxy was transported to two other planets from Earth by the Goa’uld. Now the odds of a totally alien lifeform evolving to look exactly like us is astronomical.

Teal’c: I do not believe Colonel O’Neill would choose to become a To’kra.
Thoran: I am aware of the Colonel’s dislike for our kind. However I am surprised that you think he would choose death over blending.

Carter: Sir. I don’t know if you can hear me. The To’kra have offered you a deal. There’s a symbiote that needs a host. They think it could cure you, now it may be your only chance. It would only be temporary. It would come out of you as soon as they found another host. Sir, are you getting any of this?
O’Neill: Carter.
Carter: Yeah, I’m right here.
O’Neill: Over my dead body.

Nightwalkers

Carter: You knew who Adrian Conrad was, didn’t you?
Jonas Quinn (Corin Nemec): Well I memorized all your mission reports. I just don’t want people around here to start thinking I’m “strange”.
Carter: People don’t think you’re strange.
Jonas: What about Colonel O’Neill?
Carter: Let’s get some lunch.

Abyss

Hammond: My patience on this matter has just about run out. You’ve been promising the safe return of Colonel O’Neill for days. Where is he?
Counselor Thoran: I’m afraid I am the bearer of bad news.

Lord Ba’al (Cliff Simon): Who are you?
O’Neill: You go first.
Ba’al: You claim you do not know me.
O’Neill: Well. Take no offense there, Skippy. I’m sure you’re a real hot, important Goa’uld. I’ve just always been kinda out of the loop with the snake thing.
Ba’al: I am Ba’al.
O’Neill: That’s it? Just… ball? As in bocce?
Ba’al: Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence?
O’Neill: I don’t know the meaning of the word. {pause}. Seriously, “impudence,” what does that mean?

O’Neill: This is the last thing I remember, I swear to God. I was sick. I agreed to let the Tok’ra put a snake in my head or I would have died! Right now I’m kinda wishing I had.
Ba’al: A wish easily granted.

Jackson: Hi Jack.
O’Neill: Daniel.
Jackson: I leave and look at the mess you get yourself into.

Jackson: It’s good to see you.
O’Neill: Yeah. You too. It’s a shame you’re a delusion.
Jackson: Oh, I’m here. I’m really here.
O’Neill: Sure you are. {he throws a shoe at—and through—him.}
Jackson: Here in the sense that my consciousness is here. Not here in the full, physical flesh and blood sense, which is really neither here nor there. The point is, you’re not imagining this.
O’Neill: I just tossed my shoe through you.
Jackson: Yes you did. That’s because I have ascended to another plane of existence.

Jackson: I’m energy now.
O’Neill: How’s that working out for you?
Jackson: Good, actually. Very good.
O’Neill: Good.

O’Neill: They did the implantation—a word I never intend to use again—and I woke up here. That’s my week so far.

O’Neill: So you wanna be my Oma?
Jackson: You could put it that way. I wouldn’t, but maybe that’s just me.

Jackson: Open your mind.
O’Neill: Though a candle burns in my house there’s nobody home.

Jackson: Jack, who are you talking to?
O’Neill: That woman.
Jackson: There’s nobody there.
O’Neill: Looks who’s talking.

Jackson: Now please, just try to open your mind.
O’Neill: Oh… stop it, will you?
Jackson: Come on, Jack! Do you think the Asgard named a ship after you because they thought it was a cool name? Now is not the time to play dumb. You’re a lot smarter than that.

Jackson: You’re a better man than that.
O’Neill: That’s where you’re wrong!

O’Neill: Daniel, you have to end this.
Jackson: Jack you just have to hang on for awhile longer.
O’Neill: No.

Jackson: It’s almost over, Jack.
O’Neill: How?
Jackson: You were right. There’s always a way out.

O’Neill: What’d you do?
Jackson: I didn’t do anything. It was Sam and Teal’c and, ah, Jonas too. They thought of something.
O’Neill: What?

Jackson: I always seem to be saying goodbye to you.
O’Neill: Yeah. I noticed that. Why don’t you stick around for awhile?
Jackson: I can’t really.
O’Neill: You just did.
Jackson: Special occasion.
O’Neill: Christmas?
Jackson: No.
O’Neill: Groundhog Day?
Jackson: No.
O’Neill: I’ve got my journey and you’ve got yours?
Jackson: Something like that, yeah.

Shadow Play

General Hammond: I must admit we were a little surprised to hear from you given the circumstances of our last encounter.
Ambassador Dreylock: I’m sure we all regret what happened. But I don’t think anything was said or done to damage relations between us irreparably.
O’Neill: You accused a member of my team of sabotage to cover up your own incompetence.
Commander Hale: And you received stolen goods and are harboring a traitor.
Ambassador Dreylock: Perhaps it’d be better if we focused on the matter at hand.

General Hammond: Given our past experience we’re reluctant to interfere in the affairs of another planet.
Ambassador Dreylock: According to Mr. Quinn’s original report, you regular interfere in the affairs of a race known as the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Well that’s a little different.

O’Neill: Jonas, you’re a member of SG-1 now. Your priorities have changed.

O’Neill: I have nothing against them defending themselves, but how do we know they’ll stop there?
Hammond: You sound like Dr. Jackson.
O’Neill: We spent some time together.

The Other Guys

Felger: What do you think they’re talking about right now?
O’Neill: So T, who’re you taking in the Cup? {Teal’c doesn’t react}. Lord Stanley’s Cup…. Hockey. Remember, with the ice and skating. We went to a game last year.
Teal’c: Indeed. I believe the Canucks of Vancouver are superior warriors.
O’Neill: Canucks, eh?

Felger: Then you guys can get right back to saving the world. For the seventh time.
Teal’c: Eighth.
O’Neill: What, you’re counting?

Jonas: So what now?
Teal’c: We wait.
Jonas: Shouldn’t we be trying to escape?
O’Neill: Oddly? No. Won’t be long.
Jonas: Before what?
O’Neill: Oh, some overdressed, over-the-top bad guy floats in, gloating about whatever evil fate awaits us. … Wait for it. {The door opens}. See?

O’Neill: Carter. Be honest. The resume gag?
Teal’c: It needs work, O’Neill.

O’Neill: What are you doing here?!
Felger: Stand easy. We’re here to rescue you!
Carter: Did he say “we”?
Felger: That’s right. I have Coombs with me.
O’Neill: Why look, everybody! He’s got Coombs with him!

O’Neill: Hey Herak! What, no gloating? Take some pride in your work, son.
Herak: You shall all be forced to bow before my master soon enough.

O’Neill: Where’s Khonsu?
Herak: Khonsu is dead.
O’Neill: Dead? Completely dead or semi-dead? You guys seem to have a grey area in that regard.
Herak: His true loyalties were well known. Once his betrayal bore fruit his existence was no longer required.
O’Neill: Are you calling us fruit?

Her’ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O’Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition. Bastard.

O’Neill: Felger, we need weapons.
Felger: There should be a big armory at the end of the hall. Either that or a bathroom.

Allegiance

Malek: This is the base of the Tau’ri. Why are there Jaffa?
Carter: Rebel warriors.
Malek: Jaffa who have turned against the Goa’uld. I did not realize their ranks had grown to such a number.
Carter: Hundreds more are operating as a fifth column among the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Just like you.
Carter: Many of these Jaffa had to evacuate their rebel base a few months ago.
Malek: I see.
O’Neill: Is that going to be a problem?
Malek: Not for us.
O’Neill: Good.

O’Neill: What the hell is going on here? This is a funeral, for cryin’ out loud!
Artok: I asked a question of this Tok’ra.
Ocker: No one may speak during the ritual.
O’Neill: For this you guys are fighting? I’m sure he’s sorry.
Artok: I am not.
O’Neill: Yeah, on the inside.
Ocker: It does not matter.
O’Neill: Look, it does not matter. Come on, a lot of people lost their lives. Show a little respect.

Malek: We have been fighting the Goa’uld for a millennia.
O’Neill: Yeah, just when should we expect some progress on that?

Jacob: There’s talk among the Tok’ra ranks that the end is closer than we think. And I don’t mean the end of the Goa’uld. I mean the end of us. All of us. The Jaffa rebellion isn’t exactly rolling along as well as could be expected either, I take it.
O’Neill: No, it’s not.
Jacob: Then at least we have that much in common.

O’Neill: Why don’t we see what the autopsy says.
Malek: Why?
O’Neill: Because we don’t convict someone just because a light turns red!

O’Neill: Alright, listen up folks. The good news is we can stop pointing fingers at each other. Everyone’s been accounted for. However, that does mean that someone—or—dare I say it some thing—is still floating around, trying to do us in.

Fraiser: It checks out. The same bladed weapon killed both of them and probably the others too. Single thrust, up through the symbiote, continuing up, piercing his heart. He was dead before he hit the ground.
O’Neill: Nirrti’s been working out.
Teal’c: Not Nirrti. An Ashrak.

O’Neill: Oo. Anybody else feel that?
Carter: The tingling sensation is caused by the energy field. It’s not causing any physical damage, so there’s nothing to worry about, sir.
O’Neill: No I like it. It’s good.

Cure

Dollen: They are sending their most respected team of representatives. No doubt the leader of this group will be a brilliant and savvy negotiator. We must be on our best to match the challenge. Personally, I can not wait to meet a man of such genius.
O’Neill: Howdy folks!

O’Neill: Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Dollen: We call it tretonin, Colonel. It is our greatest scientific discovery.
Carter: How so?
Dollen: Major Carter, from what you have told me of your world people suffer from a myriad of illnesses, many of them are untreatable. Tretonin makes our immune systems impervious to any ailment. We live in perfect health.

Commander Tagar: Would you care to tell us what you were doing at the tretonin facility?
O’Neill: You want to tell us why you have a pool full of Goa’uld symbiotes?
Dollen: You have betrayed our openness with you.
O’Neill: Openness? You’re raising Goa’ulds. When were you going to tell us that?

Dollen: Quite frankly, we wanted to tell you how the tretonin was made—eventually. We just wanted to first assess how you might react.
O’Neill: “Not well.”

Malek: As you know, memories passed on genetically by the queen allow them to be born with the collective knowledge of their lineage.
Kelmaa: It is possible that the queen that spawned him was unable to pass on this information to her progeny.
O’Neill: Unable?
Malek: The knowledge imparted on her young by a queen is done so voluntarily.
Kelmaa: In this case, if nothing were passed on to the symbiote it would be, as you say, an empty vessel.
Carter: Can you remove it without harming the host?
Kelmaa: Possibly. Although such a procedure would be dangerous.

O’Neill: So you wanted the Gate addresses to Goa’uld worlds because you wanted to snag another queen?
Dollen: Colonel, we have no choice but to replace the one we have.

O’Neill: Oh come on, Carter, face it. With all their high morals and fancy preaching about coexisting with humans, we are just a nice place to live.
Carter: I don’t think that we would just lie outright and doom thousands of innocent people.
O’Neill: The Tok’ra laying there on that table just did.
Dollen: Egeria has awakened.

Prometheus

O’Neill: This is an insanely bad idea.

O’Neill: Okay. Let’s go home.
Carter: Well, sir, it’s possible that when the hyper-drive was brought online no one fully accounted for the instability of the naquadria.
O’Neill: Who does?
Carter: Well what I’m saying is, if I don’t know where we are, I can’t plot a course for home.

Carter: Sir, based on the amount of time we spent in hyperspace, I’d estimate we’re at least twelve hundred light years from Earth.
O’Neill: How does that help us?
Carter: Ah, it doesn’t.

O’Neill: Thor. Buddy! Nice timing.
Thor: It has been some time, O’Neill.

O’Neill: Can you help us out here?
Thor: It is in fact we who need your help. The Asgard home world has been overrun by replicators. We have need of both you and your ship.

Unnatural Selection

O’Neill: Don’t get me wrong, flattery goes a long way with me. But if you’re going where I think you’re going with this—
Thor: When it became clear to the Asgard High Council that the war with the Replicators could not be won, a plan was devised—a trap was set. One made possible by you.
Carter: By us?
Thor: The android Reese that you discovered and provided to us for study retained a single core command in her base programming, which we believed all Replicators would still follow.
Carter: And you were able to reactivate it.
Thor: No. The android was damaged beyond repair. However, the key command was activated within her neural network, amplified, and broadcast through subspace throughout the known universe.
Carter: What was the command?
Thor: To come forth.
Jonas: You instructed every Replicator out there to come to you.
O’Neill: I have a theory why you lost the war.
Thor: The command was only given once the trap was set.
Jonas: What was the trap?
Thor: A time-dilation device, generating a field radius of point one-six light years.
Carter: Wow. That’s some trap.

Thor: We have done all that we can and failed, O’Neill. You and your team represent our last hope.
O’Neill: Yeah. Great. So, no pressure. Right?
Thor: If you have in fact made your decision not to undertake this task, I will inform the Council.
O’Neill: Just… give me a minute here, okay?
Teal’c: Are you reconsidering, O’Neill?
O’Neill: I’m considering reconsidering.
Jonas: Well there has to be other options.
Thor: We believe there is no alternative plan of action.
Carter: Thor, I don’t think you realize what you’re asking us to do.
Thor: In the past, your projectile weapons have been most effective.
O’Neill: Yeah, well we don’t have any projectile weapons with us at the moment, and according to Carter we’re a long way from— home?

Thor: The contents of your armory at Stargate Command, along with appropriate attire, food and other supplies you may require, are now being transported aboard this vessel.
O’Neill: I hope you did the paperwork.

O’Neill: Suffice to say you might want to get upstairs and punch one on the old speed dial.
Hammond: My grandchildren?
O’Neill: Two, then. I think the president might want to know what the Asgard have in mind for our new ship.

O’Neill: They didn’t go for it.
Carter: They didn’t approve the mission?
O’Neill: No, they did that. Once they knew the stakes and the whole “fate of the Universe” stuff. Both the president and Hammond realized we had no choice. He sends good luck, God speed, and all those things he says when he thinks we’re going to die.
Carter: So what didn’t they go for?
O’Neill: The name I suggested.
Carter: For the ship?
O’Neill: Yeah.
Carter: Yeah. Sir, we can’t call it the Enterprise.
O’Neill: Why not?
Carter: The code name for the project is Prometheus. What’s wrong with that?
O’Neill: It’s a Greek tragedy. Who wants that?
Carter: Okay. The X-303 it is then.

O’Neill: You guys trying to make yourselves sick?
Jonas: Thor forgot to take the need for refrigeration into account so we figured we’d start with the frozen stuff. And it’s good.
O’Neill: I’ll buy that.

Thor: Time is now progressing faster within the field.
Carter: They reversed it?
Thor: By a factor of ten squared.
O’Neill: What is with you people? Time machines are nothing but trouble. Even we know that.

O’Neill: We fully expected the other shoe to drop eventually.
Thor: We can only hope this will be the last footwear to fall.

Jonas: This can’t be the only structure on the entire planet.
O’Neill: I’d be willing to bet the bugs ate everything else.
Jonas: Then where are they?
Carter: Sir, you’re not gonna like this.
Jonas: What is it?
Teal’c: This planet’s surface appears to be covered with Replicator blocks.

O’Neill: Clocks are running a little fast around here. Thought we’d stop by, wind them. We’ll be on our way.

First: We are inside your conscious mind now.
O’Neill: You’d think there’d be more lights on.
First: This place must be important to you.
O’Neill: I work here.
First: Your iris code is 903224637.
O’Neill: Wow, that’s… close. Here’s one for you. I’m thinking of an animal.
First: I never expected that you would amuse me.
O’Neill: I never expected that you’d put your hand inside my head.

Sight Unseen

Hammond: Welcome home, SG-1. How did it go?
O’Neill: Oh, you know General how I love those sandy planets.
Teal’c: The wind was most pleasant.
O’Neill: Jaffa sarcasm at its finest, General.

Hammond: I take it that’s the artifact you mean. What is it?
Carter: Actually we’re not sure.
O’Neill: I’d say it’s some kind of bug zapper, General.
Carter: All I know is it’s emitting energy.

Carter: You only saw a flash of this creature. Are you sure it wasn’t some kind of hallucination?
Jonas: Are you suggesting I’m delusional?
O’Neill: No! No. It’s just… possible that you were seeing something that wasn’t entirely…. Yes, that’s what we’re suggesting.

O’Neill: You could come with.
Carter: Sir?
O’Neill: Fishing, Carter. I’m going fishing.
Carter: You know I’m planning on studying the artifact.
O’Neill: Yes. It’s always something, isn’t it.
Carter: Oh come on, sir. We both know the only you asked is because you knew I had something else to do.
O’Neill: No, really, I think you should come. Fish. Fish some more….

Vernon: I’m more of an El Camino man myself. Those things are like catnip to the ladies.
O’Neill: Don’t I know it.

O’Neill: Look, I know this is a massive cliché, but the place is surrounded.
Vernon: Yeah, you’re telling me. Those monsters are everywhere.

Vernon: So what planet are they from?
O’Neill: Who?
Vernon: The aliens.
O’Neill: Oh. Ah, a place called Melmac.
Vernon: Isn’t that where ALF is from?
O’Neill: Who?
Vernon: ALF, you know, on TV, the puppet.
O’Neill: Never saw it.
Vernon: No kidding?

Smoke & Mirrors

O’Neill: Hey. I’m back. What’d I miss?
Carter: Sir, Senator Kinsey is dead. He was shot.
O’Neill: What?
Jonas: Yeah. It’s been all over the news for three days.
O’Neill: I’ve been on vacation.

Hammond: I’m sorry to have to do this, but these men are here to escort you to Peterson. From there you’ll be flown to Andrews and then turned over to the civilian authorities in Washington.
Carter: Sir, what is this?
Hammond: Colonel O’Neill is under arrest for the murder of Senator Kinsey.
O’Neill: What?

O’Neill: General, I’ve been on vacation.
Hammond: I believe you, Jack. But for the moment we’ll have to cooperate.

O’Neill: Look, Kinsey wasn’t exactly my best buddy. And on occasion I felt like beating the crap out of him. But I didn’t kill him.

Jonas: I know you’ve been on secret missions before. We’re not always privy to the details.
O’Neill: I wasn’t on a mission, Jonas. I was in Minnesota. On vacation.
Teal’c: Did you encounter anyone that can verify your story?
O’Neill: I was twenty miles from the closest town. Alone. That was the point.

Carter: It’s a fake. All the mimic devices were switched.
O’Neill: Someone duplicated duplicators?

Carter: What are we doing out here, Agent Barrett?
Agent Barrett: My office is bugged. It’s standard procedure to record all conversations that take place at N.I.D. Headquarters. What I’m about to tell you, Major, nobody else can know. Especially my superiors.
Carter: What are you talking about?
Agent Barrett: There’s a cancer at the N.I.D. A shadow organization that operates outside the law. It’s time they were exposed for who they really are.
Carter: I agree.
Agent Barrett: The Prometheus incident, that was the last straw. After that I was called to the White House for an assignment.
Carter: What does this have to do with Colonel O’Neill?
Agent Barrett: Senator Kinsey was working for me. He was about to give me enough evidence to bring down the entire leadership of the shadow group.
Carter: How did you convince him to do that?
Agent Barrett: Let’s just say I know about a few of the skeletons in the Senator’s closet. And it is an election year.
Carter: You blackmailed him.
Agent Barrett: I’ll do whatever it takes to bring these people down, Major.

Kinsey (Ronny Cox): The only way you’re going to get public vindication is if the two of us appear on the six o’clock news shaking hands.
O’Neill: Yeah. I’m not sure it’s worth it.

Paradise Lost

Maybourne: I helped myself. I hope you don’t mind.
O’Neill: You’re eating my dog.
Maybourne: Want it back?
O’Neill: Would you like a beer to wash it down?
Maybourne: Already got one.
O’Neill: What are you doing here?
Maybourne: I can’t drop by an old friend’s house for a little barbecue?
O’Neill: Well there’s that whole treason thing.

Maybourne: I heard about what happened with Prometheus.
O’Neill: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Maybourne: Oh, nice delivery.
O’Neill: Yeah, I gotta work on that a little.

Maybourne: Well. Thanks for the beer. Nothing I like more than a good weiner.
O’Neill: Yes. You are what you eat.

Teal’c: Are you able to translate any of this, Jonas Quinn?
Jonas: It’s not Ancient, but it’s definitely a language belonging to one of the races of the Ancient alliance.
O’Neill: Nox? Asgard?
Jonas: Furlings.
O’Neill: D’oh! No, not those guys.
Jonas: What?
O’Neill: Oh, I don’t know. I just can’t imagine cute little furry things making big powerful weapons, that’s all.
Jonas: I don’t even know what they look like.
O’Neill: “Furling”. Sounds cute and fuzzy to me.

O’Neill: Carter.
Carter: Colonels.
Maybourne: Major.
O’Neill: Jonas?

O’Neill: You know, Harry. It’s not that I can’t believe you lied to me again. It’s that you lied to me. Again!

O’Neill: We’re gonna need food and drinkable water.
Maybourne: I’ve been drinking the lake straight up.
O’Neill: Well that’s smart.
Maybourne: I’m not dead yet.
O’Neill: It’s early.

Maybourne: You don’t find things a little spooky around here?
O’Neill: Made so only by your presence!

O’Neill: You and I are the only ones here. Trust me, the only one you have to be afraid of around here is me.

O’Neill: I think you’ve suffered enough. Hell, I even got to shoot you.
Maybourne: Twice.
O’Neill: I think the Tok’ra should be able to find a nice planet for you.
Maybourne: Thanks Jack.
O’Neill: Sure, Harry. Sure.

Metamorphosis

Teal’c: Nirrti is most interested in creating the perfect human host in order to increase her power.
O’Neill: So. She’s at it again.
Carter: No, sir. This is worse.
Dr. Fraiser: Sam’s right. Up to now, Nirrti’s been using Eugenics. Like with Cassandra’s people. Selectively breeding only those that demonstrated specific genetic attributes.
Carter: With a machine that can alter DNA and a population with which to experiment, Nirrti could create a new host or even alter the DNA of her current one.
Jonas: A Goa’uld with the powers of a Hok’taur.

Hammond: Like it or not, a Russian team is operating out of the SGC. I’ve been asked to integrate them more fully into our own operations.
O’Neill: Does it have to be with my team?
Hammond: Lieutenant Colonel Evanov is a fine officer. I assure you, you’ll be in command.
O’Neill: Yes sir. I’ll remind him of that.

Nirrti: I’m sure you’re aware that a second shot from this weapon will kill.
O’Neill: This weapon kills on the first shot.
Nirrti: Then why haven’t you already fired?
O’Neill: ‘Cause I need you alive.
Nirrti: You?
O’Neill: Yeah. I know, it’s kind of hard to believe.

O’Neill: You made it through. You’re gonna be all right.
No sir, I don’t think I am.

Wodan: We can all be as we were before. Now that you have shown us the truth.
O’Neill: Hail Dorothy. The Wicked Witch is dead. It’s a movie. Margaret Hamilton…

Disclosure

Forsaken

Carter: When the local sun sets and it gets dark, you can actually see luminous layer of ionized gas around the dying core expanding.
O’Neill: Fascinating.
Carter: You don’t care.
O’Neill: Hey, I like gas as much as the next guy.

Jonas: Colonel. Major. You have to see this.
O’Neill: Okay. You have to let us know where you are.
Jonas: Right.

Teal’c: The Celt were formidable warriors in their time. Their decendants may be valuable allies.
O’Neill: You’ve seen Braveheart too often.

O’Neill: You got a name for these guys?
Aden Corso (Martin Cummins): Nothing polite.

Corso: Scouting party. Probably trying to test your firepower.
Lyle Pender: Which isn’t very accurate.
O’Neill: I was trying to wound him.

Captain Warrick Trevor: Colonel, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. But most of all, for trusting.
O’Neill: My pleasure.

The Changeling

Teal’c: My mind was filled with images. Thoughts of me, yet I was not entirely myself.
Dr. Fraiser: Happens to humans all the time.
O’Neill: It’s called dreaming, Teal’c.

O’Neill: Hey. Let’s go. You know how much it costs to keep that thing open?

Teal’c: My symbiote is gone.
O’Neill: Fraiser just gave you a clean bill of health.
Teal’c: My symbiote is gone! My symbiote is gone!

O’Neill: Teal’c without Junior… That’s a concept.

Memento

Teal’c: Have we not been assigned to participate in the damage control effort?
O’Neill: Yes. And if there’s ever any damage I’ll do my best to control it.

Colonel Ronson: Weapons officer. Prepare to fire on my command.
O’Neill to Teal’c: He’s a weapons officer. You’d think he’d already be prepared.
Teal’c: Indeed.
Ronson: The bridge isn’t exactly where you’re supposed to be during a battle drill.
O’Neill: No. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.
Ronson: Can it wait until we are not in the middle of a drill?
O’Neill: When are we not in the middle of a drill?

O’Neill: Teal’c, prepare to assist in damage control.
Teal’c: I am prepared, O’Neill.
O’Neill: See how melodramatic that sounds? It’s unnecessary.

Ronson: There’s no redundancy for that particular system.
O’Neill: So you’re saying there’s no redundancy?

O’Neill: We’ve come a long way to meet you folks. So if there’s anything you can do to, you know, stop those missiles…

Commander Kalfas: They seek the Ring of the Gods.
O’Neill: If that’s what you want to call it. Ring of the Gods is good.
Chairman Ashwan: Please understand, this device you seek—the Stargate. I regret to tell you—
Commander Kalfas: It’s a myth.
Chairman Ashwan: There has never been a shred of evidence to prove its existence.
O’Neill: Have you look around?

Ronson: We will do this little barbecue of yours, but that’s as far as I go. {he storms off}.
O’Neill: Do we… have a barbecue?

Prophecy

Carter: Sir, if we’re right about this and Ba’al no longer has any knowledge of what’s happening on the planet, it’s possible we could free these people. If the System Lords think the planet’s worthless then we wouldn’t have to worry about someone coming in and taking his place.
Hammond: Did they ask for our help?
O’Neill: Mm, not exactly.

O’Neill: So you’re seeing things before they happen.
Jonas: That’s right.
O’Neill: Like what’s for lunch.

Carter: It’s hard to believe that Yu hasn’t been destroyed yet.
Sina: Given that he is the only System Lord still in opposition to Anubis, his persistence is remarkable.
O’Neill: You go Yu.

O’Neill: Nirrti never did anything to anyone that didn’t turn out badly.

O’Neill: Are you sure this is what you want?
Villager: It is as the prophecy foretold.
O’Neill: No, screw the prophecy. I need to know that your people are willing to follow through on this.

O’Neill: You know everytime I wake up in a Gou’ald cell, I can’t help the thought that something bad’s gonna happen.

O’Neill: Excuse me, Miss. How about sending a little of that our way? {the guards collapse} Or not.

Teal’c: Are you still having visions, Jonas Quinn?
Jonas: Not since the surgery, no.
O’Neill: So no lottery numbers? No trip to Vegas just you and me?

Full Circle

Jackson: Hi Jack. Jack, Abydos is in trouble. Anubis is on his way. He’s after the Eye of Ra. I have that replica Catherine gave me. It looks like this. Now I’m pretty sure the real one is located in some secret chamber on Abydos but I’m not sure where exactly. According to legend there were six eyes, including those held by Apophis, Osiris and Tiamat among others. Each is powerful on its own, but if you use them in combination it increases that power tenfold. Recently, Anubis managed to track down five of the eyes. He only needs Ra’s to complete the set. He’s looked everywhere Ra used to hang out, except Abydos. Now he’s on his way there.
O’Neill: I was sure that was an aspirin I took this morning.
Jackson: Jack it’s me. It’s really me. You have to help, you have to find the Eye of Ra before Anubis does. I mean keep it, hide it, destroy, whatever. It doesn’t matter, we don’t have much time.
O’Neill: Hey Daniel. How’re you doing? Long time. How are things on the higher planes?
Jackson: Hey Jack. Long time no see. How are you doing?
O’Neill: Fine. Just fine.
Jackson: Good? The knees, the back, everything.
O’Neill: Oh you know, kind of weather-contingent.
Jackson: Right right right. So what’s new?
O’Neill: Um. Actually a funny thing happened to me today. I’m riding an elevator and an old friend of mine—someone who never calls, never writes—just shows up and tells me all about this very important and apparently urgent mission that needs my attention.
Jackson: Can I help, or… ?
O’Neill: No, wait. Wait. Let me tell it. It’s good. See this buddy, the pal of mine has ascended to a whole new level of existence. Do you see the irony? He’s asking for my help and he’s this great and powerful being.
Jackson: Jack, we’ve already been through this. I can’t actually do anything.
O’Neill: Yeah, I’m still not clear on that.

Hammond: Colonel, how’d you come by this intel?
O’Neill: I didn’t say?
Hammond: No, you didn’t.
O’Neill: Daniel told me.
Jonas: You saw Dr. Jackson?
O’Neill: Actually it’s not the first time.
Carter: Well is he all right?
What else did he say?
O’Neill: Woah. wait. You guys don’t think I’m… nuts or anything like that?
Teal’c: I too have recently seen Daniel Jackson.
Carter: Really?
O’Neill: Why didn’t you say something?
Teal’c: Why did you not say?
O’Neill: Well to be honest I wasn’t quite sure it was really happening the first time.

O’Neill: Do something or we walk. Right now.
Jackson: Remember that fine line we were talking about?
O’Neill: Cross it.

Herak: Surrender or die!
O’Neill: I was just gonna say the exact same thing.
Herak: O’Neill. Of SG-1.
O’Neill: Hey, how’re you doing? You’ll have to forgive me, I’m terrible with names. What was—
Herak: I am Herak.
O’Neill: Congratulations. Failing upwards, I see.

I will speak with my master.
O’Neill: Yes. You do that. Don’t forget to tell him you screwed up again.
Jonas: Is it really necessary to further antagonize him?
O’Neill: Yes.

O’Neill: I assume you know about the part where you don’t kill us.

Skaara: I wish you well, O’Neill. You will not see me again. At least not for awhile.