Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire Bart: There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa. Homer: Oo, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. Homer reciting reinde…
Bart Gets an F I will not encourage others to fly. Mrs. Krabappel: There were moments when I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin. Martin Prince: Oh please. Call me Papa. Mrs. Krabappel: B…
Stark Raving Dad I am not a dentist Homer: Marge, I can’t wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I’m not popular enough to be different. Mr. Burns: Spare me the tiresome …
Season 4 Kamp Krusty This punishment is not boring and pointless Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you. So if nobody minds let’s just quietly run ou…
Homer’s Barbershop Quartet I will never win an Emmy Homer: Junk … junk… the airplane’s upside down. Stradi-who-vius? Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbon…
Bart of Darkness Beans are neither fruit nor musical Bart: Look, Lisa. I snatched five bathing suits. All Martin’s. Lisa: Take your best shot! I’m wearing seventeen layers. {the kids attac…
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two) I will not complain about the solution when I hear it Kent Brockman: Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield, but until now none of them was important. …
Treehouse of Horror VII Marge: You went into the attic? I’m very disappointed and terrified. Dr. Hibbert: You don’t forget a thing like Siamese twins! Lisa: I believe they prefer to be cal…
The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson Moe: Listen up guys. The Springfield police have told me that 91 percent of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys. {they congratulate themselves} Yeah…
Lard of the Dance Homer: Marge, if you don’t mind I’m a little busy now achieving financial independence. Marge: Through cans of grease? Homer: No. Through savings and wise investment. Of …
Beyond Blunderdome Fridays are not “pants optional” Saleswoman: Thinking of saying goodbye to gas? Bart: You betcha! {he burps} Marge: Bart! {she passes gas} Well that shut me up. Mel Gibson: Don&…
Treehouse of Horror XI Homer: Who cut out Beetle Bailey? I need my Miss Buxley fix. Marge: I don’t like you ogling her! Why don’t you read Cathy? She’s hilarious. Homer: Eh. Too much…
Treehouse of Horror XII Gypsy: You’ve ruined me! Oh why didn’t I see this coming! Homer: Leprechauns? Don’t they live in Ireland? Moe: Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel well…
Treehouse of Horror XIII Homer: Now, before I abandon you in this cornfield, does anyone remember the way home? Homer clone: I do. Homer shoots the clone. Homer: Anybody else? Another clone raises his…
Treehouse of Horror XIV Grampa ignited by a flaming log: I’m still cold. Marge: Would everyone please stop fighting and burning. Kang: Pathetic humans! They’re showing a Halloween episode.…
Treehouse of Horror XV Bart: Am I the only one here who’s in horrible pain? Homer: You’re the only one who won’t shut up about it! Flanders: Concussion diddly… hemorrhage doodl…
Bonfire of the Manatees Does any kid still do this anymore? Homer: Alright. You can shoot your gay adult film at my house. Fat Tony: I didn’t say anything about gay. Homer: I thought you guys w…
The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer Lisa: Otto, Bart won’t give me a seat. Otto: You know I can deal with your problem or I can rock out. But I cannot do both! Otto: That’s not a so…
He Loves to Fly and He D’ohs I will not wait twenty years to make another movie Mr. Burns: I guess this is the end. I just wish I’d spent more time at the office. Mr. Burns: And just so yo…
Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes Homer: Now let’s think about this. If you shoot me I won’t be able to stop you and you’ll be free to go. BUT! Someone may come after you. Probably not, gi…
Homer the Whopper The class hamster isn’t just sleeping Bart: Excuse me, I just heard that before Spider-man was a movie, it was a comic book. Is that possible? Movie Exec: Hey! Don’t blam…
Elementary School Musical When I slept in class it was not to help Leo DiCaprio Homer: It’s 4am. You kids should have been in bed a half hour ago. Kent Brockman: And now to comment on joining th…
The Falcon and the D’Ohman Tom Colicchio: For your prize, you have won a new kitchen. Which I will now become. {he transforms} Ow! Ow! I miss my Soulpatch. Homer: Wayne, maybe it’s the me …
Moonshine River I will not wear white after Labor Day Homer: Nobody likes to be rejected and it never gets easier until you can drink. Because then you can express your unfiltered feelings by drunk di…
Homerland 25 years and they can’t come up with a new punishment? Carl: Man I love conventions. Lenny: Yeah, they’re the perfect combination of work and binge drinking. Marge: Dear Christia…
Clown in the Dumps Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately my dad doesn’t die Krusty: My only comfort is the roast is over and will only be shown four times a day for the rest of all time. Therapist Pickles: …