Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece

1985

Young Shawn (Liam James): But we’re just playing.
Henry: Well play right, Shawn. Or don’t play at all.

Present Day

Gus: What are you doing?
Shawn: Dude, I’m on to something big.
Gus: Tailing cops. In a police station?
Shawn: Some monumentally expensive ring just got stolen. I’m gonna get us onto the case.

Shawn: Look. She’s faking her own signature and later there’s evidence that— {Gus smacks his elbow} I feel it. In the ink. Very bad vibes. Strong, squidish vibes.
Chief Vick: I’ll check it out.

Shawn: You’re the sister of the groom. And the maid of honor. And the wedding planner!
Lacey Maxwell: Correct.
Shawn: That is so nice.
Lacey Maxwell: You should see my closet.
Shawn: I am hoping to. But not until I find this ring.

Shawn: If this is some sort of hazing ritual where we’re gonna end up naked in a stream together I’ll need to arrange for a ride home.

Juliet: Is this your only lead?
Lassiter: His responses to my interrogation were hostile at best.
Juliet: Clarify hostile.
Lassiter: Use my tone now as a guide.

Shawn: Here. Let me read your palm.
Juliet: How about just one finger?

Gus: Fantastic. I can’t even have an imaginary boy cat.
Shawn: Gus. A boy cat wouldn’t serve my purposes nearly as well. The next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.
Pickles?
Gus: Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Though I’m not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.

Gus: In a related issue, I’m blocking your number on all the phones in the office.
Shawn: If you think that’ll work, I think it’s endearing.

Chief Vick: Let me be perfectly clear. I didn’t see you and we didn’t talk. Call me if you have something. {she walks off}
Shawn: I love her.

Lacey: I went to Europe, painted, slept, ate. Sank a boat. Disappointed?
Shawn: Besotted.

Shawn: Huh. That is about as orange as you can get.

Shawn: Isn’t it kind of weird how the body’s just shoved in here?
Gus: No! What’s weird is there’s a dead guy in a dumbwaiter and we’re standing here staring at it where somebody can find us.

Lassiter: He also told me to keep you out of here by any means necessary which opens up an exciting world of possibilities.

Juliet: You’re not going to shoot him, are you?
Lassiter: I haven’t decided.

Shawn: Did I forget to mention that we’re hosting the bachelor party?

Shawn: Dude, at least take a traveller.

Gus: I just got a lap dance from Patrick Swayze.
Shawn: What do you mean, like an impersonator?
Gus: No! I think it was actually Patrick Swayze.

Shawn: But Dad throws a curve ball. {pause} No. That was a slider.

Priest: Does all this have anything to do with why these two shouldn’t be married?
Shawn: No, sir. No. It doesn’t at all actually.

Shawn: Because you have magic hands. Which I was… really looking forward to on Friday.

Shawn: Woah woah woah. She’s running? In those heels? really?
Gus: What, we have to chase her too?

Gus: You are not going to be my best man.
Shawn: You bet your ass I am. I’ve already picked out which sing I’m singing at the altar.
Gus: Really?
Shawn: You still like Ted Nugent?