Psych Season 1

9 Lives


Sage Brocklebank

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Henry: Where’s the ring?
Young Shawn: At the bottom. Now I gotta eat the whole box.
Henry: And where’s the ring now?
Young Shawn: At the top.
Henry: Right. See sometimes Shawn, you don’t have to dig so deep. All you gotta do is turn something upside down to make it right-side up and then… you get your prize.
Young Shawn: Thanks, Dad!

Present Day

Buzz McNab (Sage Brocklebank): Hey did you just sip that?
Shawn: You don’t taste Lassiter’s coffee before you give it to him? That surprises me, Buzz. He’s so particular, with no cream, no sugar.
McNab: It’s three creams, four sugars.
Shawn: Yeah it is.

Shawn: Come on, let me read the witnesses. You know, due diligence.
Lassiter: Spencer, we did the due diligence. It was a suicide. There was no crime. There are no
Shawn: You’re wrong. There is a witness. There’s a cat. I want to talk the the cat. As soon as he’s finished… licking himself. Wow. I’m jealous.

Juliet: That was amazing. How did you do that?
Lassiter: It was a lucky guess.
Shawn: Don’t you get tired of saying that?

Shawn: Just relax and let him do his job. He might find something.
Lassiter: He’s peeing.
Shawn: No. No. He’s drawing your attention to the evidence in the backseat.
Lassiter: By peeing on it.

Lassiter: Mr. Spencer, if you and your new partner are finished urinating on things, I believe your work here is done.

Shawn: Look, I don’t car what Lassiter says. The cat is not my new partner, Gus. Don’t be ridiculous.
Gus: Then tell me again why the cat gets to ride shotgun.
Shawn: He gets car sick.

Buzz: It’s just that… you’re still married, right?
Lassiter: Are you trying to piss me off?

Shawn has an elaborate flow chart
Gus: What does this mean?
Shawn: I have no idea, but I see it on Numbers all the time and it seems to work.

What are you doing?
Shawn: Turning things upside down to make them right side up. And there’s the prize.

I don’t know why you think I would do this for you.
Shawn: Some say it’s the hair.
Lassiter walking in: Really? Who says that?

Shawn: Claudia Starks only called that helpline because she was stressed about an audition. You call a helpline, they find you dead? That’s not very helpful.

Gus: Are you out of your mind? You rented office space for this?
Shawn: Gus. Don’t be a crazy hooligan. I rented a sign.

Gus: I have no idea what I’d even say.
Shawn: Here’s an opener: “My name is Gus. I have a deep-seated jealousy for a tiny little boy cat.”