Psych Season 4

Let’s Get Hairy

2009.10.09    

Josh Malina  Larisa Oleynik  Thomas F. Wilson

1989

Gus: Shawn, we shouldn’t have left our troop.
Shawn: Dude, this is a chance to put our skills to a real test.
Gus: Okay, what was that?
Shawn: It was nothing. Your Little Chief senses are off.
Gus: Okay, tell me you didn’t hear that!
Shawn: Probably just a giant beaver.

Henry: Do you know how dense this forest is?
Gus: Dense enough for a werewolf to run amuck and swallow me like a Rollo?
Henry: Werewolves, huh?
Shawn: Yeah. Didn’t you hear that?
Henry: The mind can convince itself of almost anything when fear is involved. But fear does not exist in this dojo, does it boys? {there’s a scary noise in the woods} Okay. We’re outta here.

Present Day

Stewart Gimbley (Josh Malina): Please tell me you’re the psychic detectives. Please.
Shawn: I am the psychic detective. He has a Magic 8-Ball head.

Gus: So Stewart, why do you feel you need to be locked up and observed?
Stewart: I’m almost positive I’m a lycan.
Shawn: Lycan? Like seaweed?
Stewart: No. A lycan.
Shawn: Oh, you mean lychee. Like sheep’s wool.
Gus: Lychee is a tropical fruit, Shawn.
Stewart: A lycan. Lycanthrope. A, a, a—
Gus: Werewolf?
Stewart: Yes!

Lassiter: Wait a minute, he broke through his chains?
Shawn: Figuratively, yes. Technically it was duct tape and kite string.

Shawn: Sure you don’t want to tag along?
Lassiter: I would rather adopt a child.

Shawn: Please, Jules. This could be a matter of life and death. Or mange.
Juliet: Okay.
Shawn: Sweet! Use the bat phone.

Willow Gimbley (Larisa Oleynik): He’s been so elusive this past week. He won’t let me or any of the other shamans in our healing rhombus help him because he doesn’t want to put us in danger.

Shawn: Look at you, crushing on Vampira.

Lassiter: Alright. Fine. Let’s hear it.
Shawn: For who? The boy? That’s on Gus’ iPod. It’s back at the office.
Gus: Don’t say a word about Denise Williams.

Gus: Maybe we should let them take it from here.
Shawn: Gus, if we turn away every werewolf case that comes through our door, people are going to start talking.

Shawn: Polexia wasn’t kidding.
Stewart: Polexia? What? You talked with the Black Widow?
Gus: You call her the Black Widow?
Stewart: Not just me. All of us in the group. She was once married to this guy who couldn’t grow hair. What’s that called?
Shawn: Bald.
Gus: Alopecia.
Shawn: That’s the fear of beans.

Lassiter: Yes, I have the right address. It’s the one you divined!

Dr. Ken Tucker: It’s not too late. We can work it out. I love my wife, but I really do enjoy having sex with you.
Polexia Li: That’s the best you’ve got? Well pretty soon everyone will know just how pathetic you really are!
Dr. Tucker: I’m afraid I can’t let that happen. I didn’t have to end this way—

Dr. Tucker: You don’t understand. She’s very sick. I was only trying to help.
Juliet: I don’t think so. And woman-to-woman? It’s time to ixnay this shortcut.

Dr. Tucker: For what it’s worth, I only went into the woods to kill a deer. The hunters were a mere crime of opportunity. A happy accident.
Lassiter: Oh! That’s worth absolutely nothing.

Stewart: Where am I? I feel like a baby.
Willow: That’s because you’re wearing a diaper.

Butch Zielinski (Thomas F. Wilson): You’re ruthless, Henry. You are strong of mind but mean of heart.
Henry: We reap what we sow, Zielinski. Time to pay the piper.

Shawn: Dad, are you feeling okay? You just gave up your dream machine to a guy you said you punched once in a bowling alley.
Henry: He brought a nun, Shawn. Sometimes you gotta give one up for the team.

Henry: I’m tired. I want waffles.
Gus: I could eat some waffles.
Shawn: I’m buying.
Gus: Which means I’m buying.
Shawn: You know that’s right.