Psych Season 5

Shawn and Gus In Drag (Racing)

2010.08.11    

Adam Rodriguez  Vanessa Minnillo  Zak Santiago

1990

Young Shawn: I can’t reach the brake! Gus, get down there and stop us!
Young Gus: Wait, why do I have to be the feet? How come you just can’t be taller?

Henry: What do you think you’re doing?!
Young Shawn: Well the important question is, what are you doing home?
Henry: I’m a detective, Shawn. New job, new hours.
Young Shawn: Could you write those down for me?

Present Day

Shawn: Look, we only came over to get a closer look at the ride because I used to have one just like it. Gus and I built it from scratch in auto shop.
Lassiter: Spencer, you don’t want this case.
Shawn: But I do.
Lassiter: But you can’t have it.
Shawn: Oh, but I will.
Lassiter: Stop it.
Shawn: Look, Lassie, I know we’ve had kerfuffles in the past. But to be honest this has all the makings of a Psych special. Fast cars.
Gus: Fast women.
Shawn: Fast food.
Gus: Murder.
Shawn: That too.

Buzz: Awesome driving.
Lassiter: Thank you, McNab. There is actually quite a bit more to pursuit driving than most people think.
Buzz: I was talking about the other guy.

Shawn: Watch for the flash, Gus. As soon as Lassie hits eighty-eight, he goes back in time. And this time he does not go to the prom with his sister.
Gus: It was his mother and they went to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.
Shawn: It was a throwaway. So we could make an entrance.
Gus: But you got it wrong.

Lassiter: Mr. Paget!
Paget: It’s pronounced Pagét.
Lassiter: I’ve heard it both ways.

Shawn: Just do this one and I’ll get you some astronaut ice cream.
Gus: You’re damn right you will.

Shawn: What? Seriously. Dude! Do that again. I’ve been trying to come up with an entrance bit like that since I accidentally threw Gus’ wallet into a fireplace.
Gus: I knew a squirrel didn’t swipe it off a windowsill.
Shawn: There was a squirrel outside and it was eyeing your wallet.
Gus: You lying bastard.

Tommy Nix (Adam Rodriguez): Clearly these guys are insane. They’re just looking to have some fun.
Shawn: I race hard. You race hard. You’re an awesome key-flipper. I can play Sowing the Seeds of Love on the recorder. He has that head. Now we all know each other. Why don’t you tell us where the next race is.
Tommy: What’s your name?
Shawn: Shawn.
Tommy: There’s an old saying, Shawn. If you need to ask, then you don’t belong there.
Shawn: I knew that.
Stig: Then why’d you ask?
Shawn: Well if you must know, it’s a rhetorical question. Like “Where’s Waldo.” Or “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”
Tommy: If you find the race, I’ll be happy to see you guys.

Gus: Everybody else’s hood stays up by itself. How long do I have to do this?
Shawn: Gus, we have to feature the engine. We have to show it people. This is what they do. Sit tight, I’m gonna get my Paul Walker on.

Manny (Zak Santiago): You know what we do with little guys who come around here asking bitch ass questions?
Shawn: I’m guessing he doesn’t break into song.
No, we kick their bitch asses.

Shawn: Side note: that guy would have killed me.
Tommy: Yeah. Quickly and quietly.
Shawn: And my body turns up in a ditch somewhere.
Tommy: They would have never found your body.
Shawn: No body.
Tommy: And yet, you didn’t back down.
Shawn: Well you know, I don’t like to um…
Tommy: Think ahead?
Shawn: Yes!

Shawn: You’re awesome. You have a great crew. {to Stig} You look like Flea.

Shawn: I think I can beat this guy.
Gus: Are you insane?
Shawn: I have a secret weapon! {pops open a compartment} What!
Gus: Nitrous? You are insane.
Shawn: You wouldn’t believe how easy that thing was to install.
Gus: No, Shawn. It’s incredibly complicated. Did you retool the front end?
Shawn: Nope.
Gus: Did you adjust the intake?
Shawn: What’s an intake?

Shawn: We did it!
Gus: He beat us, Shawn.
Shawn: By so much less than I thought he would!

Tommy: That’s some of the craziest stuff I’ve seen in a long time. You know you dudes got a lot of balls.
Shawn: Four, actually. And one phantom one I call Rigby.
Gina (Vanessa Minnillo): Or your asses are just lucky.

Paget: Yes, I hired Max. Yes, I called him after he retrieved my car. But he didn’t tell me that he had a change of heart.
Juliet: Well what did he say then?
Paget: He said somebody was after him.
Lassiter: Who?
Paget: He didn’t get a chance to tell me that. From the sound of his voice he was scared.

Shawn: You can’t just go in there and slap these guys around, all limp-wristy. Expecting them to tell you anything.
Lassiter: I’ve never had a limp wrist in my life.

Gus: Dude, did you make a chain out of paper clips?
Shawn: Gus, I didn’t have a lot of time. What I had were office supplies.

Tommy: It’s about freedom. No barriers. You tell me I can’t do something, I’m going to show you that I can. Or I’m gonna die trying. Adrenaline. That’s God’s greatest gift.

Shawn: Punch me in the face!
Lassiter: What?
Shawn: You’re going to blow my cover, now punch me in the face!
Lassiter: I’m not going to punch you in face!
Shawn: Ronald Reagan was a terrible president.
Lassiter punching him in the face: You son-of-a-bitch!

Buzz: There they are. Nice work, guys.
Shawn: Thank you, Buzz.
Buzz: No, I meant nice work getting owned by a girl.
Shawn: Okay. For your information we did not get owned. We refused to fight back.
Gus: We don’t hit women.
Shawn: That’s right.
Lassiter: No, but apparently she does.

Shawn: I don’t like the way that shook out at all. Lassie smugly breaking down the case, people laughing at our expense. Gina turns out to be Mary. It’s all very vexing. Don’t you feel vexed?
Gus: No. We solved the case. It all worked out the way it should.
Shawn: No. That is what is disturbing me. It never works out the way it should. That’s not our process. Our process is messy, haphazard. It’s definitely not like that. I don’t buy it.
Gus: Well you’re not gonna get it for free.

Shawn: Why is everyone suddenly breaking down this case but me?
Gus: Because you won’t. And worst still, you broke the first rule of undercover work: you got too close. You’ve gone all Point Break.

Tommy: That was quick. Guys at impound must have not been paying attention.
Shawn: No, they were. But then I busted out the Rice Krispy treats. It’s like flypaper, man. {Tommy laughs} Seriously those things are really sticky.

Lassiter: That crazy son-of-a-bitch isn’t going to stop. {the car rolls to a stop} Maybe he is.

Juliet: Vegetables in the tail pipe. I don’t know if that’s brilliant or stupid.
Gus: Probably stupid.
Shawn: Well there’s a fine line between the two.

Lassiter: Spencer get out of the car!