Psych Season 5

Ferry Tale


Chi McBride

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Young Shawn: Alright, Gus. We trained long and hard. Hours of practice after school, all those Joe Piscopo-endorsed protein shakes. But it’ll all be worth it if we win that Mongoose BMX bike at the Police Department Picnic.

Young Gus: Wait. How did we decide who gets the bike?
Young Shawn: A good question. Ah. We could do eeny meeny miney mo.
Young Gus: Don’t insult my intelligence. We can do rock paper scissors.

Young Gus: No, I’m taping your face. Come here!

Present Day

Shawn: Dude, if you had told me we were boarding a ferry to Channel Islands to do an environmental clean up, obviously I would said no.
Gus: That’s exactly what I told you.
Shawn: And what did I say?
Gus: You said no.
Shawn: Then why am I here?
Gus: Because you’re easily distracted.

Shawn: Wow, that’s cute. In order to reduse carbon emissions you ask people not to use your first names?

Shawn: Before you go Black Al Gore, you should know that your seasickness patch fell off.
Okay, first of all Black Al Gore was your Halloween costume, not mine. And secondly, my seasickness patch is right here.

Shawn: Don’t go boneless on me, Gus!

The guard lets a little kid go to the head of the bathroom line
Shawn: What gives?
Craig (Chi McBride): You see him doing his little pee-pee dance? Even they can see that. They’re felons, not animals.

Gus: If the prison guard is here there where are the convicts?
Shawn: Gus, this is a prison break.

Gus: Wait. Where is your gun?
Craig: Oh. They probably turned it in for some books at the local community center. Where you think it’s at, man?

Gus: We need to call the police.
Shawn: That’s the sixth time you’ve said that today and this time I actually agree with you.

Shawn: Dad, listen up and listen carefully. Gus and I are on some ferry with some ridiculous environmental clean-up.
Gus: Do not editorialize, Shawn!

Henry: Shawn, the worst thing you can do in these situations is take matters into your own hands.
Shawn: Got it. {he hangs up} We’re going to have to take matters into our own hands.
Gus: Are you sure that’s what your dad said?
Shawn: Gus, don’t be the one game at Chuck E. Cheese that isn’t broken. By the time the police arrive these prisoners will be halfway from here to the Pacific Ocean.
Gus: Halfway from here to the Pacific Ocean is the Pacific Ocean, Shawn.

Craig: I just assumed y’all were just a couple of punkass friends from grade school that liked to get theyself in different situations and then riff off things at other people’s expense, you know?

Shawn: Hey. If I’m gonna die, you better be right behind me. Or I will haunt your kitchen cabinets ’til the day you die.

Lassiter answering the phone: Lassiter.
Shawn: Tell my dad I kinda took matters into my own hands.

Shawn: Hey dude.
Sanders: What?!
Shawn: Why don’t you let the women and children… and men go.

Shawn: That’s it. They’re starting to break. This is my chance to convince them to let us go.
Craig: Alright, now listen. You gotta come at these guys hard if you want them to respect you. No silliness or random movie references.
Shawn: This is just like Collateral. Except I’m Jamie Foxx and you’re Tom Cruise. You look Cruise.
Craig: You finished?
Shawn: Oh yeah. I’m done.
Craig: You sure? You sure? ‘Cause if you’re not…
Shawn: No, I’m done. I promise.
Craig: No, ’cause you seem to think I ain’t got nothing else better to do with my time.

Craig: Okay, one way for you to come off hard, take the last thing they said and then repeat it back to them. You know, like an angry question.
Shawn: That doesn’t make any sense.
Craig: That doesn’t make any sense?!
Shawn: I stand corrected.
Craig: Oh, you stand corrected?!
Shawn: I got it.
Craig: Are you sure?
Shawn: Yeah yeah.
Craig: You sure? Because it’s subtle, how it works.
Shawn: It’s not subtle. I got it.

Juliet: Chief, we have to listen to them. Two of our own are on board.
Lassiter: Well, one-and-a-half at best.
Henry: Still not helpful!

Craig: So how you wanna handle it?
Shawn: I’m a psychic detective, remember?
Craig: Not really.

Northcutt puts down the gun
: Gus, it worked. It’s a miracle.
Gus: No, Shawn, it’s not.
Craig armed: I’ll take that.
Shawn: Craig.

Craig: Yeah, probably not a good idea to taunt violent criminals, fellahs.

Gus: The important thing is that, in the end, you made the right choice.
Shawn: Sounds like the wrap-up to a Scooby-Doo movie.
Gus: I know.