Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side, new days don’t always bring new beginnings. But they almost always bring new surprises.
Serena: You ready?
Lily: To explain to Rufus the real reason I’ve been lying to him? No. But I know I have to.
Serena: Well it’s Rufus. He’ll understand.
Lily: Yeah, let’s hope. You know it’s hard enough to tell him, but now with your father involved. William and Rufus do not exactly get along.
Serena: Hm. Nothing like grunge-era love triangle.
Lily: Yes, well complete with an unplanned pregnancy, a trip to a French Sanatorium, my mother and a whole lotta flannel. It was ugly in more ways than one.
Serena: Well it’ll be okay, Mom. I’m here for you.
Blair: It’s a lot easier to sneak up on someone when you’re not eight months pregnant. And they’re not standing in front of a full-length mirror.
Blair: Dorota, why did I go to the trouble of putting together an elegant brunch and inviting a dozen of Manhattan’s most eligible bachelors?
Dorota: So world can know Miss Blair single again and Chuck Bass thing of the past. But Miss Blair not yet grieve properly. To rush back into dating—
Blair: —Will show everyone that Chuck Bass has no hold over me! Dorota, you really need to stop buying your pre-natal vitamins over the internet.
Dorota: For this I postpone honeymoon.
Blair: Will you toss out that box of junk? I never want to see it again.
Jenny: You look like hell.
Chuck: Small price to pay to feel like heaven. Where’s Archibald? Don’t tell me you two finally closed the deal.
Jenny: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Chuck.
Chuck: Please. You’ve been panting at his loafers since Serena went MIA with Carter.
Gossip Girl: Paging Serena van der Woodsen. After a lifetime in the Daddy waiting room, looks like the doctor is finally in.
Dan: “We regret to inform you that, due to the high volume of applicants to the Dramatic Writing Program at the Tisch School for the Arts, we have decided to crush your dreams with this form letter.” Apparently there was only one spot for transfer students and I didn’t get it.
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): This is… really terrible.
Dan: Vanessa, it’s okay. I mean, it sucks yeah, but I’ll survive.
Vanessa: No it’s not that. It’s just… it was me. I um, I got the spot.
Vanessa: I should have told you I was applying for Dramatic Writing as well as Film and TV. I honestly didn’t think I had a shot. It was only after I wrote that short that I started thinking how great would it be if we both got in.
Dan: So you got the spot?
Vanessa: I would have never applied if I’d known they were only taking one transfer from NYU.
Dan: You got it. Wow. Wow. Well, I mean, congratulations. No seriously. Seriously. If it wasn’t going to be me, I’m glad it was you.
Vanessa: You are?
Dan: Yeah sure. And they also wished me success in my future endeavors. So it wasn’t a total loss.
Rufus: Why didn’t you tell me?
Lily: I don’t know. You have every right to be mad at me.
Rufus: I don’t want to be mad. I just want to understand. Lily, talk to me.
Lily: I was scared. I was more scared than I’ve ever been. And telling you… I mean to see the look on your face, I couldn’t bear it. And then when Will said that the minute people start treating you like you’re sick—especially your loved ones—that your body starts to listen to it. And I… I guess I just used that as an excuse. Because I knew the minute I told you that it would all become so real.
Rufus: So, ah, Will told you not to tell me.
Lily: Everything that he has done, and everything that he has said, has worked.
Rufus: I know. That’s all that’s important.
Dorota: I remember when I separated from first husband—
Blair: Dorota! I need answers that don’t end with “And then I came to America.” Wait. What did you say?
Dorota: Um. “First husband”?
Blair: Of course! Chuck.
Dorota: What is Mr. Chuck to do with this?
Blair: Isn’t it obvious? He’s declared a dating fatwa on me.
Gossip Girl: Prep the OR, kiddies. Looks like Jenny Humphrey is scrubbing up to surgically remove a boyfriend.
Jenny: So what’s step two?
Chuck: Get him drunk, take advantage of him. Do women just not get this?
Jenny: Chuck, he’s not going to go drinking with me. He made me call my dad before I slept over.
Chuck: Be here. Six o’clock sharp. And look like someone who doesn’t even have a father.
Blair: You twisted, manipulative psychopath! How could you?
Chuck: You’re going to have to be a tad more specific. It’s been a busy few days.
Blair: My party.
Chuck: Right. I heard about your little rebound reception. Good for you. Moving on.
Blair: So you’re just going to pretend like you had nothing to do with the fact that no one showed up. Like you didn’t put a dating fatwa on me. We’re over, Chuck. Unclench.
Chuck: To set the record straight, I didn’t put a fatwa on you. The reason no one showed up today is because no one could ever measure up to what we had. I’m obviously not the only guy who knows that.
Blair: Fine. If you won’t move on, I will. There are plenty of guys outside the Upper East Side and by this time tomorrow, everyone in the five boroughs will know that Chuck Bass’ threats mean nothing.
Will: What do you say we get out of here? Go to Serendipity. I remember how much you used to love their banana splits.
Serena: I was four.
Will: You’re right. I shouldn’t presume to even know you. This gulf, this chasm that’s between us, it’s going to take some time but we can make it go away.
Serena: You may be here for my mom now but that doesn’t explain the last 14 years. You just left.
Will: It wasn’t exactly like that.
Serena: Then what was it like?
Will: I’ve got plenty of fresh towels, Rufus, but thanks for checking in.
Rufus: I’m actually here to make sure you check out.
Will: Okay, you don’t trust me. I get it. If I were going by the me of twenty years ago I wouldn’t trust myself either. But people change, Rufus.
Rufus: Really? Because telling Lily to hide her illness from me and the kids is just like the guy I used to know.
Will: Lily needed to remain positive. And if I may say, it worked.
Rufus: Well for that I’m eternally grateful. But now that I’m a part of this she needs a new doctor, one I can be certain has only one agenda.
Chuck: What’s your problem?
Nate: You know what you did to Blair.
Chuck: And I’m paying for it.
Nate: Yeah. Seems like you’re having the time of your life.
Chuck: After all these years you can’t see through one of my smoke screens. I’m not asking for forgiveness, Nathaniel. I did what I did. But we have been best friends since before I can remember and I thought… I know Serena went with Carter and I know she’s back. I just thought you could use a drink. Maybe get out of the city. Even if it’s with me.
Nate: Yeah. Getting out of the city sounds like a good idea. What did you have in mind?
Chuck: Brooklyn, actually. And I invited along a tour guide.
Blair: By midnight everyone who reads Gossip Girl will see me kissing some guy. Chuck’s fatwa will kaput. And I’ll have my life back.
Dan: Jenny. Please tell me what you’re doing here starting with “Dad knows” and ending with “these drinks are not for me.”
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Nate Archibald suffering from a broken heart. Too bad he doesn’t know Jenny’s oath is less hippocratic and more hypocrite.
Dan: Look, I don’t know what Willa told you but keep in mind she carries around lighter fluid.
Vanessa: You told her that my Tisch sample was adapted from your story.
Dan: It slipped out. But you wrote an original piece, you don’t have anything to worry about.
Vanessa: You mean because Willa’s going to call her father and straighten it out with the dean? Thanks, Dan. You really made sure I was off to a great start.
Dan: You’re not— you’re not being fair. That was not my fault.
Vanessa: I asked you if you were okay with me getting in. Why weren’t you honest with me?
Dan: Like you were honest with me—going behind my back to apply for the one thing I wanted more than anything?
Vanessa: I explained that.
Dan: No! No, you justified that. You said yourself that if you knew there’d only be one spot you wouldn’t have applied.
Vanessa: What are, what are you saying? You want me to withdraw my application?
Dan: No. No. Of course not. But what were you expecting my reaction to be?
Vanessa: I, um, I don’t know. Not this.
Chuck: I haven’t read any posts on Gossip Girl yet. I guess my ban works in the provinces.
Blair: I knew it. I knew you’d fatwa’d me.
Chuck: And I knew you couldn’t break it.
Blair: You’re wrong. I could have.
Chuck: Then why didn’t you?
Blair: Because I suddenly realized it— the way to get over you wasn’t by hooking up with some random guy. Or pretending we didn’t happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. I’d been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I’m gonna kiss somebody someday. And when I do, it’ll be for me. Goodbye, Chuck. I’m going home.
Gossip Girl: In case you’ve never heard one before, that’s the sound of a relationship flatlining.
Nate: I know what this looks like.
Serena: Oh you do? Great. Well as long as you know how it looks then I guess I’m good.
Nate: It’s not what it looks like. Stop. Hey! I mean what are you even doing here?
Serena: I came to apologize for not hearing you out earlier and then I walk in to see her trying to kiss you?
Nate: Yeah, but I didn’t. Nothing happened. Same as nothing happened last night which I would have told you about if you hadn’t hung up on me.
Serena: So what about all the things she said about me. Is that really what you think?
Jenny: Yes. He does.
Serena: I’m talking to Nate, Jenny!
Nate: What? Do I wonder why you don’t trust me anymore? Yeah, I do. You won’t tell me about looking for your dad and then you leave town with Carter Baizen. And then you come back and you shut me out. What am I supposed to think?
Serena: I’m sorry. I should have told you that I was looking for my father. But I didn’t leave town with Carter. You know that. I even tried to apologize.
Nate: What are you talking about?
Serena: The night of Dorota’s wedding. I called your cell to explain everything. I even left a message with Jenny.
Jenny: What message? I never talked to her, Nate. For once, please don’t let her do this to you.
Serena: I left you a message, Nate. She said she would tell you.
Jenny: She’s lying! I never talked to her.
Nate: Just get out.
Nate: Seriously, Jenny. Just please. Leave.
Jenny: You know, you two deserve each other.
Dorota: In Poland we have a saying: “Love is like head wound”. It make you dizzy. You think you die, but you recover. Usually.
Blair: That’s a terrible saying. pause Tomorrow can we feed the ducks?
Dorota: I already buy bread.
Gossip Girl: To revive a struggling relationship, there comes a point when we must stop protecting what we have—
Serena: The reason I couldn’t talk to you early, it’s not about my dad. It’s about my mom. She’s sick. And I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Gossip Girl: —to allow for what we truly need. Moving forward can mean reaching out, reaching back, or reaching balance.
Lily: Thank you, Rufus. I know William being back is hard for you.
Rufus: All that matters is you getting better.
Gossip Girl: And while new journeys can start with a single step, they can end just as quickly with a single misstep.
Dan: Hey Vanessa, it’s me. Listen, I just read your play. And it’s amazing. I’m so so sorry. Please call me.
Gossip Girl: And when even the healthiest relationship finds itself on life support, it’s important to remember—
Will: It’s Will. It’s not working exactly as I’d hoped. I need you to write Lily another prescription…. Well you can’t back out now. I need you to make this work. And I doubt the authorities would be pleased to know what you’ve been doing.
Gossip Girl: —on the Upper East Side, sometimes the wrong prescription is just what the doctor ordered. XOXO —Gossip Girl.