Gossip Girl: There are three things we do alone: we are born, we die, and if we’re a high school junior headed for college, we take the SATs. And while the test is said to measure our best traits, preparing for it inevitably brings out the worst. Humility becomes self-doubt. Striving becomes obsession. Some are driven to self-medication. While others cling to the security of being part of a group. And anyone who’s used to bending the rules will find themselves breaking them.
Jenny: Dad, I’m gonna be late.
Rufus: I’m going with you.
Jenny: What? You’re walking me to school?
Rufus: I need the exercise.
Jenny: I made one mistake. That doesn’t mean I need a human ankle monitor.
Rufus: You used to beg me to walk you to school. You’d cry if I didn’t walk you to class.
Jenny: That wasn’t me. That was Dan.
Dan: It’s true. But I was six. It was an emotional time for me. It was post-tee ball.
Chuck: She really needs to tone down on the social niceties. It’s embarrassing.
Serena: Eventually the two of you are going to have to work out your issues.
Chuck: Issues? I’m issue free. And based on my exhaustive research, so are you.
Chuck: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She’s in Switzerland, dating the Prince of Balfour.
Serena: There’s a prince of Balfour? And she’s dating him? Oh thank god.
Chuck: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with peace of mind. And maybe Chuck in the room.
GG: Spotted in the courtyard: Serena, looking like she’s seen a ghost. The ghost of parties past.
Jenny: I’ve been thinking, what’s the one thing that no one in our group has, not even Blair?
Mini-minion: What are you doing? He’s gorgeous.
Jenny: He’s a dog walker. I need a king, not a jester.
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Is there a reason you insist on looking so desperate and needy?
Dan: She’s been like that since we were kids. Venomous without provocation.
Vanessa: It’s better than being a charity case.
Dan: She’s rude too.
Blair: So what’s it going to be? Aromatherapy? Or annihilation?
Penelope (Amanda Setton): What’s the plan?
Chuck to Dan: Beautiful day you’re ruining, isn’t it?
Hazel (Dreama Walker): You know what’d be hot? You, us, at G Spa.
Nelly Yuki (Yin Chang): I don’t drink.
Penelope: Saks Fifth.
Nelly: Hate shopping.
Hazel: Yogurt on the steps?
Nelly: Lactose intolerant. Look, I really don’t want any friends. All I want is to be alone and to never listen to Flo Rida ever again.
Penelope: What happened? A little backstage hit-it-and-quit-it?
Nelly: No. My boyfriend broke up with me at a Flo Rida concert. One minute we’re waving our hands in the air like we just didn’t care and the next we’re just— storms off
Vanessa to Nate: I judged the cover. But now that I’ve read the book I figured you were owed some apologetic Souvlaki at the very least.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena van der Woodsen being given a real-life multiple choice question. A. Go home and study, B. Get a good night’s sleep, C. Call your boyfriend, or D.—
Serena: An hour.
Gossip Girl: None of the above. Hope that wasn’t the wrong answer, S. This test doesn’t grade on a curve.
Dan: Alright. “Capacious.” Looks like “spacious.” What does it mean? Roomy. Ah, yeah… “captious.” Look like… well it looks like “capacious”. I can’t concentrate.
Jenny: The sound of your own voice distracting you?
Jenny: I met this really nice guy and I’m supposed to meet him in the Park for lunch tomorrow.
Rufus: Well grounded or not grounded, you’re not old enough to date.
Jenny: It’s not a date. He’s just a friend.
Rufus: Who is this guy?
Jenny: You don’t know him. He goes to Unity.
Rufus: Upper East Side Unity?
Dan: Technically it’s Upper West Side, Dad.
Jenny: How are you helping?
Rufus: I thought you wanted to take a break from that whole crowd.
Jenny: What whole crowd?
Rufus: The one that made you feel like compromising your character was a prerequisite for hanging out with them.
Jenny: So it’s okay for Dan to date someone rich then?
Dan: Well it’s not without it’s complications, believe me.
Rufus: I thought you said it wasn’t a date.
Jenny storms off and slams her door
Rufus: It was nice there for a minute.
Dan: Yeah, it was.
Blair: Hey S. I’m just sipping a Ginkgo Biloba Blend and wondering how your stomach migraine is. Call me so I don’t worry.
Blair: Lucky for us, mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.
Nate: Next time your sister’s band is in town I want front row seats.
Vanessa: You don’t strike me as a Lesbian Punk fan.
Nate: You know I am just offended by how much you underestimate me, Ms. Abrams.
Vanessa: You like punk?
Nate: Oh. I didn’t hear you— You said “punk”? Because you had me at “lesbian”.
Nate: Listen, there’s nothing wrong with keeping your options open. I don’t think your parents are going to be mad at you for choosing your own path. Unless… they’re related to my parents.
Sarah/Georgina: Sorry to disturb you.
Dan: It’s fine. I love dogs.
Sarah/Georgina: Really? Do you have any?
Dan: No. Uh, we used to have a cat. But you know—sister. Allergies. Now the cat—Iggy—lives in Florida with my grandma. Ah, he doesn’t write. Never calls.