Gossip Girl Season 5

The Return of the Ring

2012.05.14    

Alice Callahan  Amanda Setton  Ella Rae Peck  Eric Yves Garcia  Gabe Saporta  Kaylee DeFer  Margaret Colin  Michelle Trachtenberg  Nan Zhang  Robert John Burke  Sheila Kelley

Gossip Girl: Good morning, Upper East Siders. How do you look today? You know image is everything. But under those perfect clothes and perfect smiles, everyone has their not-so-perfect secrets.

Chuck: I take it you’ve decided to have Lola move in for the summer.
Nate: She sleeps here every night, I want to see her every day. I figure why not.
Chuck: This place could use a woman’s touch.
Bart Bass (Robert John Burke): Couldn’t we all.

Gossip Girl: Lucky for me, nothing can stay hidden forever.

Dan: Have you heard from Lily?
Rufus: No. Nothing.

Gossip Girl: Whether the truth’s in the diary or the Daily News, once it’s out it will change everything. Let the chips fall where they may. Along with the husbands and boyfriends.

Blair: It’s bad enough you read my diary, but to publicly expose my naked thoughts is unconscionable.
Serena: B, I was never going to publish them. I just wanted to know I could. I was upset about you and Dan. And I’m so sorry. I never thought Gossip Girl would steal my computer with everything on it.
Blair: Well I took Dan’s phone so he wouldn’t see anything but I’m just postponing the inevitable if she keeps releasing pages.
Serena: I wouldn’t worry about Dan. He’s a writer. He knows that diaries are all about exploring thoughts. Like all those terrible things you said about me. That’s not how you really feel.
Blair: It is now.

Blair: Oh! {reading the blast} “Another day of wedding planning where my mother needs to make me feel small so she can be the star.” There goes that relationship! No big deal! Who needs a mother!

Blair: Dorota! We need to find every damning thing I ever wrote. So we can be proactive about damage control.
Dorota: Every damning thing since grade school is a lot of damning.
Blair: Do you want to steam laundry in Siberia? Mobilize the troops!

Lola (Ella Rae Peck): I got a job as a swing in the touring company of Wicked.
Nate: Swing. What’s that? Like a tart or a prop?
Lola: It’s like an understudy but for a lot of characters. Not exactly my dream but with my mom in jail it solves my housing problem.

Eleanor (Margaret Colin): Blair. Darling. Why is Dorota carrying your life history?
Blair: Suffice it to say that I apologize in advance if any of your meetings today are negatively affected by the publication of my intimate musings.
Eleanor: “My mother considers herself the arbiter of Parisian style, but the only French she’s intimate with are fries.” Wow. The reflections of an overprivileged and unattended thirteen-year-old have no bearing on the business I’m in town for.

Dorota: Pages with foot in mouth already marked from K to six.

Penelope (Amanda Setton): Why should we help you when you called us “back of house”?
Jessica (Alice Callahan): That was you. She says my hair’s as thick as Jessica Simpson’s.
Kati (Nan Zhang): That says “head.”
Blair: You should be grateful that your names are mentioned at all. That guy spent one week with Marilyn and he is still living off the royalties.

Serena: Just be the bigger person and don’t read any of them. Stay off Gossip Girl, okay?

Rufus: Lily and Bart never got divorced so technically they’re still married.
Dan: Wait. Wait. What?
Rufus: One of Lily’s marriages has to be annulled. I need to make sure it’s not mine. I gotta go.

Bart (Robert John Burke): Deceiving you was the only way to keep you and Chuck safe.
Lily: If I had known maybe we could have done things differently.
Bart: You mean you would have come with me? Please. You were getting ready to leave me for Rufus.
Lily
: I’m sorry for that. I should have had more respect for our marriage. What about Charles? I mean his thinking you were dead was hell for him.
Bart: He got through it though. With your help. He told me about the adoption, Lily. I owe you everything for that.
Lily: Charles is family. And even with you back he’s mine too.

Blair: Status report. Penelope. Social suicide watch?
Penelope: The Met’s not gonna be happy.
Blair: Make a donation. Also include the ballet, opera. Skip MoMa. Tim Burton isn’t art. I stand by that statement.

Gossip Girl: “This new romance with Dan is fun. But is cultural stimulation enough? What if I never love anyone more than I love Chuck?” Looks like someone forgot a “D” at the end of that word. Guess we just answered who’s in Blair’s heart. Question is, is there room for two?

Blair: Do you want to come with me to the Shepherd’s divorce party tonight? I should have known that marriage was doomed when Serena banged my boyfriend at the reception.

Blair: You saw Gossip Girl.
Dan: You want to reimburse me for my new phone ’cause I’m assuming it’s you that took the old one?

Dan: Blair I told you I loved you and you pretended like you didn’t even hear me.
Blair: Dan, let’s just put all that behind us.
Dan: See, you’re doing it again. Do you even want to be in this relationship?
Blair: Of course!
Dan: Is the reason you can’t say you love me because you’re still in love with Chuck?
Blair: No.
Dan: Then I need to know how you feel about me. By tonight.
Blair: Dan—
Dan: We’re supposed to be spending the summer in Italy together and I don’t want you coming unless we know where we stand.

Bart: Rufus. You’re looking well. I see your transition from Brooklyn to the big time has done you wonders.
Rufus: I’m not here for small talk. I just need you to sign these annulment papers.
Bart: So. Lily has chosen to end our marriage in order to save yours.
Rufus: She made her choice three years ago when she decided to leave you for me. Nothing’s changed since then.
Bart: Maybe I have. All that time in hiding made me realize what’s really important.
Rufus: What does that mean exactly?
Bart: If Lily’s happiness depends on my signature on these, you will have them by the end of the day.

Serena: You knew how important that job was to me. And I was on the verge of getting another one.

Blair: Summer job on a film set versus exposing all my secrets. No, I’m not sorry.

Blair: “I’ll never love Chuck again after what he did tonight. He’s a monster. He deserves to be alone forever.” I was waiting for that one. You happy now? Now that I’m as alone as you are?
Serena: I’m only alone because of you. You had your prince and you had Chuck. You didn’t need to take Dan too.
Blair: I didn’t take Dan. That’s not how relationships work. You would know that if you’d grown up at all since high school.
Serena: Oh come on, Blair. You’re the one that can’t move on. You’re still in love with Chuck and you still won’t admit it.
Blair: Get out! I mean it. I want you gone for good. Pack your things.
Serena: You can’t hold me responsible for everything bad in your life.
Blair: I can. Because you are. The best time I ever had was when you were gone six years ago. Leave your key with Dorota.

Carol (Sheila Kelley): Well it’s about time William gave you my money. I was starting to worry he’d made some secret alliance with Lily.
Lola: I guess it just took awhile to arrange everything.

Lola: Go move in with Nate. Don’t turn your back on the life that I almost screwed up for you.

Bart: I am proud of you, son. Lily told me you stepped up but I had no idea how much you’d accomplished.
Chuck: Thank you. How was seeing Lily after all this time?
Bart: I never dealt with such a formidable woman. Made me regret not treating her better.
Chuck: They require dedication.
Bart: I assume you’re talking about Blair Waldorf. But you two aren’t back together?
Chuck: I made a lot of mistakes after you left. I lost my temper. I lost myself. When I finally realized what I’d done and I had the ring to propose it was too late.

Bart: No one does a grand romantic gesture better than a Bass.

Chuck: What are you doing here?
Blair: I came to check on you. Gossip Girl’s been putting a bunch of stuff up and I wanted to make sure that you weren’t hurt—
Chuck: Why would I be hurt about something that was in your diary a year ago? We’ve been through so much since then. Talked about everything, made amends. Or is there some other reason you’re here? Maybe to tell me you and Dan broke up?
Blair: No. We haven’t.
Chuck: I can’t play this game anymore, Blair. I spent a whole year waiting for you. I need to move forward.
Blair: No, you’re right.

Chuck: Unless there’s something else you need to say.

Serena: Blair’s dirty work can wait.
Penelope: She fired me. I’m on the way to meet everyone at Michael Jordan’s Steak House for the Shepherd’s divorce party.
Serena: Alright, well there’s been a change of plans. You’re not going to that. And neither is Blair. And you and your friends are going to see to it.
Gossip Girl
: That’s the problem with hired help. They’ll work for anyone.

Serena: You look just as beautiful in black as you did in white.

Chuck: You didn’t need to buy me a gift.
Bart: Actually you bought it. I was in Harry Winston picking up an apology trinket for Lily. Helene told me it was in the vault. I thought you might want it back.
Chuck: Why?
Bart: Well isn’t Blair the most important thing in your life? Where’s that last grand gesture we spoke of earlier?
Chuck: Maybe I’ll just hold on to it.

Blair: I’m headed for a reckoning. Dan versus Chuck.
Eleanor (Margaret Colin): You always did love Jane Austen.
Blair: As literature, not my life! Dan is my best friend and when we’re together it’s great. I feel strong and safe. Except in a [] room.
Eleanor: And with Chuck?
Blair: I’m vulnerable. He’s devastated me, but he’s also made me happier than I’ve ever been. I just don’t know which kind of love is better.

Eleanor: Trust me, Blair. There isn’t a woman out there more powerful than you.
Blair: You really think so?
Eleanor: Yes I do. That’s why I want you to take over my company. That’s what I’ve been trying to talk to you about. I have decided to retire. And I know you’ve always said you didn’t want any part of what I do.
Blair: Well have you seen my closet? Fashion is art and culture and history and everything I love combined.

Eleanor: What are you still doing here?
Penelope: Waiting for Blair to change.
Eleanor: She left. She went through Serena’s room to avoid you.

Serena: Don’t you see, Dan? The Blair that you’re in love with isn’t the real Blair. It’s the one you created in your book. And she’s always loved Chuck. She just used you to get between us because she knew that I loved you.

Lily: How dare you have annulment papers drawn up behind my back.
Rufus: I tried to call you, you didn’t answer. I wanted to give us a chance to work things out before Bart started causing problems.
Lily: Our problems long pre-date Bart’s return. You haven’t spoken to me in weeks. You’ve had no interest in working on our marriage until you saw this as a competition with him.

Blair: Thanks Mom. I’ve made my choice. I know who I need to be with. I’m on my way to tell him now.

Bart: Of course none of this would have been possible without my son, Chuck. So thank you, Chuck, for keeping my seat warm. So starting today I will be the only Bass in Bass Industries.

Gossip Girl: Some secrets even I couldn’t see coming. Bye bye, Baby Bass.

Bart: I thought that went well. What did you want to discuss?
Chuck: You said this was a family business. What happened to us being partners?
Bart: You said partnership. I said nothing and did what was best for my company.
Chuck: The only reason your company still exists is because I saved it. All I’ve done is work to protect your legacy.
Bart: And pine after Blair Waldorf.
Chuck: That has nothing to do with the way I’ve handled this business!
Bart: You didn’t try and trade her for a hotel deed? You didn’t let everything fall apart when you ran away from her—all the way to Europe? You didn’t just three months ago almost bankrupt yourself trying to get her out of her marriage? I had hoped you had outgrown such foolish behavior, but you’re still willing to throw everything away for a girl that’s done nothing but toy with you.

Bart: Bass Industries needs to be run by a man. Not a boy. You’ve never grown up. Maybe you can start now.

Dan: I don’t know who you are anymore.

Blair: I’m sorry.
Chuck: I don’t need your pity.
Blair: I’m not here because I pity you. I’m here because it’s time I was honest with you. I love you. I’m in love with you. I have tried to kill it, to run away from it, but I can’t. And I don’t want to anymore.
Chuck: So what?
Blair: So now we can be together. Isn’t that what you want?
Chuck: It was. Before I lost everything.
Blair: Bass Industries isn’t everything. I’m going to take over my mother’s company and that can be our future.
Chuck: The only reason Waldorf Designs has a future is because I gave mine up for it. My father was right. I always put you first. And you bet against me every time. And now I have nothing.
Blair: You have me.
Chuck: That’s not enough. I need a future.
Blair: Then let me be part of it.
Chuck: I don’t want to be Mr. Blair Waldorf. I’m Chuck Bass.

Gossip Girl: Poor B. Now that she’s revealed what’s in her heart guess these diary’s days are dead. Along with her happily ever after.

Chuck: I’m off to meet Jack. It turns out my father cut him out of the company too.
Nate: I’m not surprised, but are you sure you want to partner with the guy?
Chuck: I need resources. I’m going to get back what I built and my father stole. Nobody knows resource management better than a vengeful Jack Bass.

Lily: Well at least an annulment will be better than a messy divorce.
Rufus: Are you sure about this?
Lily: I can only have one marriage. This just isn’t one anymore.

Dan: I’m busy.
Serena: I never meant for you to get caught in the crossfire of my battle with Blair. I deleted the video so no one knows about it and no one got hurt. And please don’t act like you’re innocent here. I mean it was mutual. We both used each other.
Dan: I was trying to escape my own pain and you were trying to destroy your best friend. Those are two different things.
Serena: I’m sorry for how it happened, but I love you Dan. And I don’t think that you would have done what you did if you didn’t still have feelings for me. And now there’s nothing standing in the way of us.
Dan: Serena, there is no us. There’s only you. And now that our parents are splitting up I never have to see you again.

Gossip Girl: The French say, “plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.” Sounds romantic. But all it means is the more things change the more they stay the same.

Ivy (Kaylee DeFer): You sure you want to do this?
Lola: Cece gave it to you. I’m just giving it back.
Ivy: Well thank you. If you ever need anything.
Lola: After Lily sabotaged my mom’s defense I just need you to keep our agreement.
Ivy: Take down Lily. I’m looking forward to it.

Gossip Girl: Outsiders remain on the outside. At least for now.

Eleanor: That is your third sigh since the seventh arrondissement. Are you having regrets leaving without speaking to Serena?
Blair: Not at all. Those are “I love Paris” sighs.

Gossip Girl: And the wild cards just keep getting wilder.

Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg): Dan Humphrey. Come to whisk me away for a rendez vous under the Tuscan sun. You’re lucky you’re on my free pass list otherwise Phillip might have put up a fuss.
Dan: This invitation isn’t about seduction, Georgina. It’s about scandal.
Georgina: Can’t a girl have both?
Dan: I need your photographic memory and your passion for social upheaval to help me write the book about the Upper East Side. The book I should have written from the beginning.
Georgina: Hm. Nothing like a scorned lover to scorch the earth. I can hardly wait.

Gossip Girl: But even the same characters can start to play new power games. And old stars can cease to shine. S always said she wanted to be left alone. Now she’ll get her wish.

Zeke (Gabe Saporta): I’m Zeke, by the way.
Serena: I don’t care what your name is.

Gossip Girl: As far as I’m concerned, Serena van der Woodsen doesn’t exist.

Blair: You’ve fought for me all year. I’ve come to fight for you.
Croupier (Eric Yves Garcia): Will you be joining the game?
Blair: You said I always bet against you, but this time I’m all in.
Croupier: Your bet, sir?

Gossip Girl: What did I say about letting the chips fall where they may? See you next fall. XOXO —Gossip Girl