Doctor Who Series 9

The Magician’s Apprentice

2015.09.19    S09E01

Aaron Neil  Benjamin Cawley  Clare Higgins  Daniel Hoffmann-Gill  Dasharn Anderson  Jami Reid-Quarrell  Jaye Griffiths  Jemma Redgrave  Jenna Coleman  Joey Price  Julian Bleach  Kelly Hunter  Michelle Gomez  Peter Capaldi

User Review
4 (7 votes)

What’s wrong?
Kanzo (Benjamin Cawley): Was that a child?

Kanzo as the ground moves: Stay still. Stay absolutely still. I’m just scanning the ground. I think we’ve got company. Do you know what hand mines are? {the boy nods} Well in that case you know you’ve got to stand absolutely still. Right?  {the boy nods} Where? {he indicates his foot}

The Doctor: Your chances of survival are about one in a thousand. So here’s what you do: you forget the thousand and you concentrate on the one. {about the screwdriver} Pick it up. I said, pick it up. I’m straight ahead of you about 50 feet. Can you see me? The device in your hand is creating an acoustic corridor. So that we can talk. Do you understand?
Young Boy (Joey Price): Who are you?
The Doctor: Oh, I’m just a passerby. I was looking for a bookshop. How do you think I’m doing?
Young Boy: This isn’t a bookshop.
The Doctor: No, this is a war. A very old one, going by the mix of technology. Which war is this? I get them all muddled up.
Young Boy: Just “The War”.
The Doctor: Where am I? What planet is this?
Young Boy: I don’t understand.
The Doctor: Oh well neither do I. I try never to understand. It’s called an open mind.

The Doctor: Now you have got to make a choice.
Young Boy: A choice?
The Doctor: Yes, you have got to decide that you’re going to live. Survival is just a choice. Choose it now.
Young Boy: If I move, they’ll get me.
The Doctor: I told you, you have one chance in a thousand. But one is all you ever need!

The Doctor: What’s your name? Come on! Faith in the future! Introduce yourself! Tell me the name of the boy who isn’t going to die today.
Young Davros: Davros. My name is Davros. silence. Hello? Are you still there? Please, you’ve got to help me! You said I could survive. You said you’d help me! Help me!

The Maldovarium

Colony Sarff (Jami Reid-Quarrell): We are Colony Sarff. We bring harm. Where is the Doctor? Where is the Doctor? Where is the Doctor!

The Shadow Proclamation

Shadow Architect (Kelly Hunter): Deploy the under-regiment across both sectors. That number of suicide moons can not be ignored. {seeing Colony Sarff} Apparently we have a security breach. I won’t ask how you got in here, but I will demand to know your business. Colony Sarff.
Colony Sarff: Where is the Doctor?
Shadow Architect: I’ve no idea. He’s not our concern. And he’s certainly not your employer’s.
Colony Sarff: The Doctor is required.
Shadow Architect: For what? Colony Sarff. You need to tell me. What does Davros want with the Doctor?

Ohila (Clare Higgins): Welcome, Colony Sarff. We are the Sisterhood of Karn. If you do not leave our world immediately, we will take your skim.
Colony Sarff: Where is the Doctor?
Ohila: Where he always is. Right behind you. And one step ahead. Tread carefully when you seek the Doctor, Colony Sarff. Or he will be the last thing you find.
Colony Sarff: Davros, Creator of the Daleks, Dark Lord of Skaro.
Ohila: What of him?
Colony Sarff: Davros is dying.
Ohila: Davros is ancient. He should have been dust centuries ago.
Colony Sarff: He has a message for the Doctor.
Ohila: Then you will give it to me. {he tries to transform} Your powers mean nothing here. Give me the message then leave.
Colony Sarff: Tell the Doctor, Davros knows. Davros remembers. Tell him he must face Davros one last time. {he slithers off}
Ohila: Doctor. What have you done?

Colony Sarff: You are dreaming, Lord Davros.
Davros (Julian Bleach): No. I am anticipating.
Colony Sarff: He cannot be found.
Davros: Of course he can. He has a weakness. If you seek the Doctor, first seek his friends.

Ryan (Dasharn Anderson) dropping his gum in a bin: Will I get it back after school?
Clara: How will you know which one’s yours?

Clara: Right. Now where was I? Jane Austen. Amazing writer, a brilliant comic observer, and—strictly amongst ourselves—a phenomenal kisser.

Clara: Everybody turn on their phones. News websites and Twitter. Hashtag: #planeshavestopped.

Mr. Dunlop (Aaron Neil): Miss Oswald. There’s a call for you at the office.
Clara: Yeah, that would probably be UNIT.
Mr. Dunlop: They’re telling me you’re needed. They were going to put me through to the Prime Minister.
Clara: Mr. Dunlop. Sorry, I have to take the rest of the day off owing to a, uh… personal crisis.

Clara : No, don’t send a helicopter. Think it through.

Kate Lethbridge-Stewart (Jemma Redgrave): The planes aren’t responding. No, none of them. It’s radio silence. I’ve got to go.

Clara: How many planes?

Jac (Jaye Griffiths): 4,165 aircraft currently airborne.
Kate: That’s a lot of passengers.
Clara: That’s a lot of fuel.

Kate: So, if this is an attack…
Clara: What kind of attack advertises? Why show somebody what you can do? Why not just do it?

Jac: Pardon my sci-fi, but this is beyond any human technology.
Kate: Okay, so we need the Doctor.
Clara: Kate, we can’t just phone the Doctor and bleat. He’ll go Scottish. Come on. What have we got, what do we know? It’s not an attack. It’s not an invasion because, well, that doesn’t come with a fair warning so… somebody needs our attention. Somebody who needs to put a gun to our heads to make us listen. Oh!

Missy (Michelle Gomez): Today I shall be talking to you out of— {her head pops into their space} —the square window.
Kate: What the hell was that? How did she do that?
Jac: I don’t know, some sort of psychic projection or… something.
Kate: Oh great. Thanks.

Missy: Okay, cutting to the chase: not dead, back, big surprise, never mind. I’m in a lovely little square in one of your, oh I don’t know, hot countries, and there’s a light breeze coming from the east, and this coffee’s a buzz monster in my brain, and I’m gonna need eight snipers.
Kate: Eight what?
Missy: Three for each heart, and two for my brain stem. You’ll have to switch me off fast before I can regenerate.

Missy: How fast can you get here? Oh! I’ll need to arrange you a flight corridor.
Kate: Why do you need snipers?
Missy: Because it’s the only way she’ll feel safe enough to talk to me. Shall we say four o’clock?

Missy seeing the red sights on her chest: Oh! Hm. Saucy.

Missy: How’s your boyfriend? Still tremendously dead, I expect.
Clara: Still dead, yep. How come you’re still alive?
Missy: Death is what other people do.

Missy: I expect you’ve tried to contact him by now. Well you should know, I can’t find him either. No one can.
Clara: That happens now and then.
Missy: Not like this. {she sets down a round object}. It’s a Confession Dial.
Clara: A what?
Missy: In you terms, a will. The Last Will and Testament of the Time Lord known as The Doctor, to be delivered according to ancient tradition to his closest friend on the eve of his final day. {Clara tries to pick up and gets zapped} Ah ah! What are you doing?
Clara: You said— I thought—
Missy: No no no no no. It was delivered to me.
Clara: You?
Missy: Well of course it was sent to me. What have you got to do with it? I’m his friend. You’re just—
Clara: I’m just what?
Missy: You see that couple over there? You’re the puppy.

Clara: Since when do you care about the Doctor?
Missy: Since always. Since the Cloister Wars. Since the night he stole the moon and the President’s wife. Since he was a little girl. One of those was a lie. Can you guess which one?

Clara: He’s not your friend. You keep trying to kill him.
Missy: He keeps trying to kill me. It’s sort of our texting. We’ve been at it for ages.
Clara: Mm, it must be love.
Missy: Oh don’t be disgusting. We’re Time Lords, not animals. Try, nano-brain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little food chain, and contemplate friendship. A friendship older than your civilization. And infinitely more complex.
Clara: So the Doctor is your bezzie mate, and I’m supposed to believe that you’ve turned good.
Missy: Good? {she disintegrates an agent}

Missy in an exaggerated accent: No! I’ve not turned good. {disintegrates someone else} Oh. Wow. I’m on a roll. Thanks for bringing spares.

Missy: Say something nice.
Clara: No.
Missy: I’ll kill everyone in this square.
Clara: Start with me. Then what? Hey? You came here for my help.
Missy: Because the Doctor is in danger!
Clara: Make me believe you.
Missy: How?
Clara: Release the planes.
Missy: The planes are keeping me alive. I mean there’s one-two-three-four-five-six-seven— eight naughty little snipers ready to kill me.
Clara: Yeah. On my command.

Clara: What does it say?
Missy: What does what say?
Clara: His confession.
Missy:  It will only open when he’s dead.

Missy: Question: if the Doctor has one last night to live; if he’s certain he’s facing the end of his life, where in all of space and time would he go?
Clara: Here.
Missy: Yes, Earth obviously. But where? When?

Jac: The Doctor makes a lot of noise and he loves to make an entrance.

Clara: How’s a Time Lord supposed to die?
Missy: Meditation. Repentance and acceptance. Contemplation of the absolute.
Clara: Great, thanks. {to UNIT} Change the algorithm. Eliminate the crisis points. Where is the Doctor making the most noise but there isn’t any crisis? {to Missy} We’re looking for a party.

Clara: There he is. “Do not go gentle into that good night.”
Missy: You go, girl.

Missy: Woo hoo hoo! Mummy, do it again! Vortex manipulators. Yours is slaved to mine. Cheap and nasty time travel!

Missy: Oh you probably want to throw up, don’t you. Pick a local.

Clara: How do we find him? How do we know what we’re looking for?
Missy: Anachronisms. The slightest, tiniest… {a guitar riffs} anachronisms.

Bors (Daniel Hoffmann-Gill): Dude. What is that?
The Doctor: You said you wanted an axe fight. {silence} Oh come on! In a few hundred years that’ll be really funny. It’s a slow burner.

Clara: What’s the matter with him? He’s never like this.
Missy: Oh you really are new, aren’t you.

The Doctor: Now, you lot. I’ve been here all day and it’s been a great day!
Bors: You’ve been here for three weeks.
The Doctor: Three weeks? It must be nearly bedtime.

The Doctor: Well we’ve partied! I helped you dig a well, with a first-class child-friendly visitor’s center. I’ve given you some top-notch maths tuition in a fun but relevant way. And I’ve also introduced the word “dude” several centuries early.

Clara: How did you know I was here? Did you see me?
The Doctor: When do I not see you?
Clara: What, one face in all of that crowd?
The Doctor: There was a crowd too?
Clara: Wow, we’re doing charm as well now, are we? Which one of us is dying? {he grabs and hugs her} Okay, And we’re doing hugging now too. Can’t keep up.
The Doctor: Well you know what they say. Hugging is a great way to hide your face.
Clara: Okay, look, I guessed a party but not like this. What is this? This isn’t you.
The Doctor: I spent all day yesterday in a bow tie. The day before in a long scarf. It’s my party and all of me is invited!

Missy: What the hell are you up to, man?
The Doctor: It’s the Wicked Stepmother. Everyone, hiss!
Missy: Apparently you think you’re going to die tomorrow.
The Doctor: Well. I’ve got some good news about that.
Missy: Oh yeah?
The Doctor: It’s still today!
Missy: Oh that’s very good.

The Doctor: Don’t swallow marbles!

Colony Sarff: Doctor. Your friends have lead me to you. You will come.
The Doctor: Says you and whose army?

Colony Sarff: Davros, Creator of the Daleks, Dark Lord of Skaro, is dying.
The Doctor: So I hear.
Colony Sarff: He would speak to you again on the last night of his life.

Colony Sarff: Are you so dangerous, little man?
The Doctor: You want to know how dangerous I am? Davros sent you. You know how stupid you are? You came. {he hisses} Is that supposed to frighten me? Snake nest in a dress. Now explain politely. Davros is my archenemy. Why would I want to talk to him?
Missy: No, wait. Hang on a minute, Davros is your arch enemy now?
The Doctor: Hush.
Missy: I’ll scratch his eye out.

Colony Sarff: Davros knows. Davros remembers. {he tosses his screwdriver}
Clara: That’s yours.
The Doctor: Uh. It was.
Clara: Was?
The Doctor: I don’t have a screwdriver anymore.
Missy: Oo… never seen that before. Doctor, the look on your face. What is that?
Clara: Shame. You’re ashamed. Doctor. What have you done?

Missy: Doctor, listen to me. I know traps. Traps are my flirting. This is a trap.
The Doctor: I am prepared.
Missy: You sent your Confession Dial. You threw yourself a three-week party. You know what this is.
The Doctor: Yes. Goodbye. Goodbye, Clara.
Clara: We’re coming with him. Both of us. Her and me. {they both stand next to the Doctor}
The Doctor: No! No! Under no circumstances. What are you doing now?
Colony Sarff: Voting. We are a democracy. It is agreed.

Bors: Inform High Command. It is located. The TARDIS is located.
Daleks: The TARDIS will be procured. Procure the TARDIS! Procure! Procure!

The Doctor: Davros is the Child of War. A war that wouldn’t end. A thousand years of fighting ’till nobody could remember why. So Davros, he created a new kind of warrior. One that wouldn’t bother with that question. A mutant in a tank that would never ever stop. And they never did.
Clara: The Daleks?
The Doctor: How scared must you be, to seal every one of your own kind inside a tank. Davros made the Daleks. But who made Davros.

Clara: What is that?
The Doctor: I don’t know. A hospital?

Clara: How long have we been waiting?
The Doctor: Who knows. That’s always the way with hospitals.

Clara: Doctor. You sent Missy your Confession Dial.
The Doctor: Well. We’ve known each other a long time and she’s one of my own people.
Clara: My point is, we both saw her die on Earth, ages ago, and obviously you knew that wasn’t real, or worse, hoped it wasn’t. Either way, I think you’ve been lying.
The Doctor: I’m sorry.
Clara: Don’t apologize. Make it up to me. There, see? Huh. Now you have to come back.

Clara: Gravity?
Missy: Oh yeah. You know what’s wrong with the gravity in here?
Clara: No.
Missy: Nothing. It’s perfect. But this is a space station so the gravity should be artificial. All copper-y smelling around the edges. A tiny bit sexy. But this feels real, man. Like a planet.

Clara: How can you and the Doctor be friends?
Missy: Why shouldn’t we be?
Clara: You spend all your time fighting.
Missy: Exactly.

Missy: You know what this airlock is?  I’ll tell you. It’s pants.
Clara: What do you mean?
Missy:I mean that today might be the day.
Clara: What day?
Missy: The day I kill you.
Clara: What are you doing? Are you opening it?
Missy: Yeah, of course.
Clara: Missy, we’ll get sucked out!
Missy: You and me together. Off we go! Let’s make jam.

Davros: I approve of your new face, Doctor. So much more like mine.

Davros: You came then.
The Doctor: Clearly.
Davros: Did you suspect a trap?
The Doctor: I still do.
Davros: Then why are you here? Did you miss our conversations? {he replays past conversations with past Doctors}

The Doctor: I get the point!
Davros: Do you know why you came, Doctor? You have a sense of duty. Of guilt perhaps. And certainly of shame.
The Doctor: You flatter me.
Davros: Pity. I intended to accuse.

Davros: I believe that for the ultimate good of the Universe I was right to create the Daleks.
The Doctor: You were very wrong.
Davros: This is the argument we’ve had since we met.
The Doctor: It ended in the Time War.
Davros: It survived the Time War, but it will end tonight. That is why you are here. {sirens sound} It seems your friends have gone exploring.

Missy: It’s warm, isn’t it? For deep space anyway.
Clara: What are you doing?
Missy: Treading softly.

Missy: We’re on a planet. And that is not a space station, that is a building. And the rest of the planet—the whole thing—is invisible.
Clara: That’s ridiculous.
Missy: Well yes, of course it is. I mean how would you ever find your glasses, or the little girls’ room and… what if you kissed an ugly? Unless when you’re part of the atmosphere… you start syncing with the spectrum.
Clara: Why would anybody hide a whole planet?
Missy: That would rather depend on the planet, dear. {the planet starts to unmask} No! They’ve built it again, they’ve brought it back. No no no.
Clara: What? What is it, where are we?

The Doctor: Skaro! You brought me to Skaro!
Davros: Where does an old man go to die, but with his children.

Clara: What’s Skaro?
Missy: The beginning. Where it all started. This is the planet of the Daleks.

Clara: The TARDIS. How did she get here?
Dalek: It has been procured.
Clara: Yeah? Yeah well if you’re trying to get inside, you can’t. Nothing can enter the TARDIS.
Dalek: The TARDIS will not be entered. The TARDIS will be destroyed.
Clara: Yeah, well good luck. Because she’s indestructible.
Missy: Did the Doctor tell you that, because you should never believe a man about a vehicle.

Missy: You know what this is? This thing you’re about to destroy?  I’ll tell you. It’s the dog’s unmentionables. And you know all about those, don’t you? This is a TARDIS. And with this, you can go anywhere, do anything, kill anyone. With this, the Daleks can be more powerful than ever before. You just need one thing.
The Doctor: No. Missy, no!
Missy: Me. You need me. A Time Lady to show you how it works. With this and with me, everything can be yours. And you can burn it all, forever and ever and ever.  Or would you rather just kill me?
Dalek: Maximum extermination! Exterminate! {they do}

Davros: I gave the Daleks life, I do not control them.

Davros: Hunter and prey, held in the ecstasy of crisis. Is this not life at its purest?

The Doctor: Why have I ever let you live?
Davros: Compassion, Doctor. It has always been your greatest indulgence. Let this be my final victory. Let me hear you say it just once. “Compassion is wrong.”

Daleks: Destroy the TARDIS! Destroy the TARDIS!

Young Davros: Help me! You can’t leave me! You promised. You said I had a chance. Who are you? I don’t get it. How did you get there?
The Doctor: From the future.
Young Davros: Are you going to save me?
The Doctor: I’m going to save my friend. The only way I can. Exterminate!