Series 7
User Review
( votes)The Bells of Saint John
The Doctor: Hello?
Clara Oswald: Ah, hello. I can’t find the internet.
The Doctor: Sorry?
Clara: It’s gone. The internet. Can’t find it anywhere. Where is it?
The Doctor: The internet?
Clara: Yes, the internet. Why don’t I have the internet?
The Doctor: It’s 1207!
Clara: I’ve got half past three. Am I phoning a different time zone?
The Doctor: Yeah, you really sort of are.
Clara: Will it show up on the bill?
The Doctor: Oh, I dread to think. Listen, where did you get this number?
Clara: The woman in the shop wrote it down. It’s a help line, isn’t it? She said it’s the best help line out there. In the universe, she said.
The Doctor: What woman? Who was she?
Clara: I don’t know. The woman in the shop. So why isn’t there internet? Shouldn’t it just sort of… be there?
The Doctor: Look, listen, I’m not actually— This isn’t… {he sighs} You have clicked on the WiFi button, haven’t you?
Clara entering the password: “Run you clever boy, and remember. 1-2-3.”
The Doctor: Clara? Clara Oswald.
Clara: Hello.
The Doctor: Clara Oswin Oswald!
Clara: Just Clara Oswald. What was that middle one?
The Doctor: Do you remember me?
Clara: No. Should I? Who are you?
The Doctor: The Doctor! No? The Doctor?
Clara: Doctor who?
The Doctor: No, just The Doctor. Actually. Sorry. Could you just ask me that again?
Clara: Could I what?
The Doctor: Could you just ask me that question again.
Clara: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Okay, just once more.
Clara: Doctor who?
The Doctor: Oo, yeah. Oo… Do you know, I never realize how much I enjoy hearing that said out loud. Thank you.
Clara: Okay. {she slams the door}
The Doctor: Please! I just need to speak to you.
Clara: Why are you still here? Why are you here at all?
The Doctor: Oi! You phoned me. You were looking for the internet.
Clara: That was you?
The Doctor: Of course it was me.
Clara: How’d you get here so fast?
The Doctor: I just happened to be in the neighborhood. On my mobile phone.
Clara: When you say, “mobile phone”, why do you point at that blue box?
The Doctor: Because it’s a surprisingly accurate description!
Clara: Hello.
Little Girl (Daniella Eames): Hello.
Clara: Are you a friend of Angie’s?
Little Girl: I’m a friend of Angie’s.
Clara: What were you doing upstairs?
Little Girl: I was upstairs.
Clara: I know you, don’t I?
Little Girl: You know me. Don’t you.
The Doctor: Are you all right?
Clara: I’m in bed.
The Doctor: Yes!
Clara: Don’t remember going.
The Doctor: No.
Clara: What did I miss?
The Doctor: Oh! Quite a lot, actually. Angie called. She’s going to stay over at Nina’s. Apparently that’s all completely fine and you shouldn’t worry like you always do, for God’s sake, get off her back. Also, your dad phoned. Mainly about the government. He seems very cross with them. I’ve got several pages on that. I said I’d look into it. I fixed that rattling noise in the washing machine, indexed the kitchen cupboards, optimized the photosynthesis in the main flower bed and assembled the quadricycle.
Clara: Assembled the what?
The Doctor: I found a disassembled quadricycle in the garage.
Clara: I don’t think you did.
The Doctor: I invented the quadricycle.
Clara: What happened to me?
The Doctor: Don’t you remember?
Clara: I was scared. Really scared. Didn’t know where I was.
The Doctor: Do you know now?
Clara: Yes.
The Doctor: Well then, you should go to sleep. Because you’re safe now. I promise. Goodnight, Clara.
Clara: Are you guarding me?
The Doctor: Well, yes. Yes, I am.
Clara: Are you seriously going to sit down there all night?
The Doctor: Yes, I promise. I won’t budge from this spot.
Clara: Well then. I’ll have to come to you.
Clara: Are you going to explain what happened to me?
The Doctor: There’s something in the WiFi.
Clara: Okay.
The Doctor: This whole world is swimming in WiFi. We’re living in a WiFi soup. Suppose something got inside it. Suppose there was something living in the WiFi. Harvesting human minds. Extracting them. Imagine that. Human souls trapped like flies in the World Wide Web. Stuck forever. Crying out for help.
Clara: Isn’t that basically Twitter?
Clara: What was that face for?
The Doctor: A computer can hack another computer. A living, sentient computer… maybe that could hack people. Edit them, rewrite them.
Clara: Why would you say that?
The Doctor: Because a few hours ago you knew nothing about the internet. And you just made a joke about Twitter!
The Doctor: You and me, inside that box now!
Clara: I’m sorry?
The Doctor: Look, just get inside.
Clara: Both of us?
The Doctor: Trust me. You’ll understand once we’re in there.
Clara: I bet I will.
The Doctor: Look, please—
Clara: What is that box anyway? Why have you got a box?
The Doctor: Clara—
Clara: Is it like a snogging booth?
The Doctor: A what?
Clara: Is that what you do? You bring a booth. There’s such a thing as too keen.
Clara: What’s going on? Is the WiFi switching on the lights?
The Doctor: No, the people are switching on the lights. The WiFi is switching on the people.
Clara: Our lights are on, everybody else is off. Why?
The Doctor: Some planes have WiFi.
Clara: I’m sorry?
The Doctor: We must be one hell of a target right now. {they see an airplane approaching} You, me, box, now!
The Doctor: Yes! It’s a spaceship! Yes! It’s bigger on the inside. No! I don’t have time to talk about it.
Clara: But… but…
The Doctor: Shut up. Please. Short hops are difficult.
Clara: …bigger on the inside. Actually bigger.
The Doctor: It’s a spaceship. We flew away.
Clara: Away from the plane?
The Doctor: Not exactly! {they burst out into the plane’s interior}
Clara: How did we get here?
The Doctor: It’s a ship. I told you. It’s all very stretchy!
Clara: Is this the plane? The actual plane? Are they all dead?
The Doctor: Asleep. Switched off by the WiFi.
Clara: What’s going on? Is this real? Please tell me what is happening!
The Doctor: I’m The Doctor. I’m an alien from outer space. I’m one thousand years old, I’ve got two hearts and I can’t fly a plane! Can you?
Clara: No.
The Doctor: Oh. Fine. Well let’s do it together.
Clara: Okay. When are you going to explain to me what the hell is going on?
The Doctor: Breakfast.
Clara: What? I ain’t waitin’ for breakfast!
The Doctor: It’s a time machine. You never have to wait for breakfast.
Clara: So this is tomorrow then? Tomorrow’s come early.
The Doctor: No, it came at the usual time. We just took a shortcut. Thank you! Thank you! Tomorrow, a camel.
The Doctor: I don’t take the TARDIS into battle.
Clara: Because it’s made of wood?
The Doctor: Because it’s the most powerful ship in the universe and I don’t want it falling into the wrong hands.
Clara: So if we can travel anywhere in time and space, why did we travel to the morning? What’s the point in that?
The Doctor: Whoever’s after us spent the whole night looking for us. Are you tired?
Clara: Yes.
The Doctor: Well then imagine how they feel! They came the long way around.
Clara: So what happens if you do find them? What happens then?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I can’t tell the future, I just work there.
Clara: You don’t have a plan?
The Doctor: Oh, you know what I always say about plans.
Clara: What?
The Doctor: I don’t have one.
The Doctor: Oi! Hang on. I need that.
Clara: You’ve hacked the lower operating system, yeah? I’ll have their physical location in under five minutes. Pop off and get us a coffee.
The Doctor: If I can’t find them you definitely can’t.
Clara: They uploaded me, remember. I’ve got computing stuff in my head.
The Doctor: So do I.
Clara: I have insane hacking skills.
The Doctor: I’m from space! And the future. With two hearts and… 27 brains.
Clara: And I can find them in under five minutes plus photographs. Twenty-seven?
The Doctor: Okay. Slight exaggeration.
The Doctor: The security is absolute.
Clara: It’s never about the security. It’s about the people.
The Doctor: You okay?
Clara: Sure. Setting up stuff. Need a username.
The Doctor: Learning fast.
Clara: Clara Oswald for the win. {thinking} Oswin!
Clara: So. He comes back, does he?
The Doctor: You didn’t answer my question.
Clara: What question?
The Doctor: You don’t seem like a nanny.
Clara: I was going to travel. I came to stay for a week before I left and during that week…
The Doctor: She died. So you’re returning the favor. But 101 Places to See, and you haven’t been to any of them, have you? That’s why you keep the book.
Clara: I keep the book because I’m still going.
The Doctor: But you don’t run out on the people you care about. Wish I was more like that.
The Doctor: You know, the thing about a time machine though, you can run away all you like and still be home in time for tea. So what do you say? Anywhere. All of time and space right outside those doors.
Clara: Does this work?
The Doctor: Eh?
Clara: Is this actually what you do? Do you just crook your finger and people just jump in your snog box and fly away?
The Doctor: It is not a snog box!
Clara: I’ll be the judge of that.
The Doctor: Starting when?
Clara: Come back tomorrow. Ask me again.
The Doctor: Why?
Clara: ‘Cause tomorrow I might say yes.
The Doctor: Clara, in your book there was a leaf. Why?
Clara: That wasn’t a leaf. That was page one.
View all quotes from The Bells of Saint John
The Rings of Akhaten
Clara: So we’re moving through actual time? So what’s it made of, time? I mean if you can just roll right through it, it’s got to be made of stuff. Like jam’s made of strawberries. So what’s it made of?
The Doctor: Well not strawberries, no. No no no. That would be unacceptable.
Clara: And we can go anywhere?
The Doctor: Within reason. Well, I say “reason”—
Clara: So we could go backwards in time.
The Doctor: And space, yes.
Clara: And forwards in time.
The Doctor: And space, totally. So where do you want to go. Hey? What do you want to see?
Clara: I don’t know. Do you know when someone asks you what’s your favorite book and straightaway you forget every single book that you’ve ever read?
The Doctor: No, totally not.
Clara: Well that’s a thing that… happens.
The Doctor: And? Back to the question.
Clara: Okay. So… so… so… So… I would like to see. I would like to see. What I would like to see is… Something awesome. {he complies}
The Doctor: Can you feel the light on your eyelids?
Clara: Mm hm.
The Doctor: That is the light of an alien sun. Forward a couple of steps. Okay. Are you ready?
Clara: Yes. No. Yes?
The Doctor: Welcome to the Rings of Akhaten.
Clara: It’s…
The Doctor: Oo! It so completely is. But wait! There’s more.
Clara: More what?
The Doctor: Wait wait wait. In about five… four… three… two…
Clara: What is it?
The Doctor: The pyramid of the Rings of Akhaten. It’s a holy site for the Sound Singers of Akhate.
Clara: The Who of What?
The Doctor: Seven worlds orbiting the same star. All of them sharing the belief that life in the universe originated here. On that planet.
Clara: All life?
The Doctor: In the universe.
Clara: Did it?
The Doctor: Well… it’s what they believe. It’s a nice story.
The Doctor: You know, I forget how much I like it here. We should come here more often.
Clara: You’ve been here before?
The Doctor: Yes yes yes. I came here a long time ago with my granddaughter.
Clara: Um, so how much does it cost?
The Doctor: Ah, not money. Something valuable. Sentimental value. A photograph, love letter, something like that. That’s what’s used for currency here. Psychometry. Objects psychically imprinted with their history. The more treasured they are, the more value they hold.
Clara: That’s horrible.
The Doctor: Better than using bits of paper.
Clara: Then you pay.
The Doctor: With what?
Clara: You’re a thousand years old, you must have something you care about.
The Chorister (Chris Anderson): Have you seen her?
Clara: Who?
The Chorister: The Queen of Years.
Clara: Who?
Clara: You all right? {she nods} What are you doing?
Merry (Emilia Jones): Hiding.
Clara: Oh. Why?
Merry: You don’t know me?
Clara: Sorry. Actually not.
Merry: So why did you follow me?
Clara: To help. You look lost.
Merry: I don’t believe you.
Clara: I’ve got no idea who you might be. I’ve never been here before. I’ve never been anywhere like here before. I just saw a little girl who looked like she needed help.
Merry: Really?
Clara: Really really.
Merry: Can you help me?
Clara: That’s why I’m still here.
Merry: Because I need to hide.
The Vigil materializing in the room: Merry. Where are you, Merry?
Clara: I know the perfect box.
The Vigil: Merry! Where are you, Merry?
Merry: What’s this?
Clara: A spaceship-y thing. Timey. Spacey.
Merry: It’s teeny.
Clara: Ha! You wait.
Merry: What’s wrong?
Clara: I don’t know. {the TARDIS clangs} I don’t think it likes me.
Clara: So. What’s happening? Is someone trying to hurt you?
Merry: No. I’m just scared.
Clara: Of what?
Merry: Getting it wrong.
Clara: Okay, can you pretend like I’m totally a space alien and explain?
Merry: I’m Merry Galel.
Clara: Really not local, sorry.
Merry: The Queen of Years? They chose me when I was a baby. The day the last Queen of Years died.
Clara: Okay.
Merry: I’m the vessel of our history. I know every chronicle, every poem, every legend, every song.
Clara: Every single one? Blimey, I hated history.
Merry: Now I have to sing a song in front of everyone. A special song. I have to sing it to a god. I’m really scared.
Clara: Everyone’s scared when they’re little. I used to be terrified of getting lost. I used to have nightmares about it. And then I got lost.
Clara: So. This special song, what are you scared of exactly?
Merry: Getting it wrong. Making Grandfather angry.
Clara: And do you think you’ll get it wrong? Because I don’t. I don’t think you’ll get it wrong. I think you, Merry Galel, will get it very very right.
Clara: Are we even supposed to be here?
The Doctor: Sh!
Clara: But are we?
The Doctor: Shhhh!
The Doctor: Look. They’re singing to the mummy in the temple. They call it the Old God. Sometimes Grandfather.
Clara: What are they singing?
The Doctor: The Long Song. A lullaby without end. To feed the Old God. Keep him asleep. It’s been going for millions of years. Chorister handing over to Chorister. Generation after generation after generation.
The Doctor: I need something precious.
Clara: Well you must have something. All the places you’ve seen, you must have something.
The Doctor pulling out his screwdriver: This. And I don’t want to give it away because it comes in handy.
Clara: You’re a thousand years old and that’s it? Your spanner?
The Doctor: Screwdriver.
The Doctor: Okay. Time to let go.
Clara: I can’t.
The Doctor: Clara, you have to.
Clara: Why?
The Doctor: Because it really hurts.
Clara: Sorry.
The Doctor: Oh, that is interesting. A frequency-modulated acoustic lock. The key changes ten million zillion squillion times a second.
Clara: Can you open it?
The Doctor: Technically no. In reality, also no. But still, let’s give it a stab. {he puts his shoulder into it with little success}
Merry: You said I wouldn’t get it wrong. And then I got it wrong. And now this has happened! Look what’s happened!
Clara: You didn’t get it wrong.
Merry: How do you know? You don’t know anything! You have to go! Go now or he’ll eat us all.
Clara: Well… he’s ugly. But you know, to be honest— {she runs up to the glass}—I don’t think he looks big enough.
Merry: Not our meat. Our souls.
Clara: Did you just lock us in?
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: With the soul-eating monster.
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: And is there actually a way to get out?
The Doctor: What, before it eats our souls?
Clara: Ideally, yeah.
The Doctor: Possibly. Probably. … There usually seems to be.
The Doctor: He’s waking because it’s his time to wake. And feed. On you, apparently. On your story.
Clara: She didn’t say stories, she said souls!
The Doctor: Same thing. The soul’s made of stories, not atoms. Everything that ever happened to us—people we loved, people we lost… people we found again against all the odds—he threatens to wake, they offer him a pure soul. The soul of the Queen of Years.
Clara: Stop it, you’re scaring her.
The Doctor: Good. She should be scared. She’s sacrificing herself. She should know what that means. Do you know what it means, Merry?
Merry: A god chose me.
The Doctor: It’s not a god. It’ll feed on your soul, but that doesn’t make it a god. It is a vampire and you don’t need to give yourself to him.
Clara: Having a nice stretch?!
The Doctor: Yep. Stay back, I’m armed. With a screwdriver.
Clara: Where did they go?
The Doctor: Grandfather’s awake. They’re of no function anymore.
Clara: Well you could sound happier about it.
Clara: I say leg it.
The Doctor: Leg it where, exactly?
Clara: I don’t know. Lake District?
The Doctor: Oh the Lake District’s lovely. Let’s go there. We can eat scones. They do great scones in 1927.
Clara: You’re going to fight it, aren’t you?
The Doctor: Regrettably, yes, I think I may be about to do that.
Clara: It’s really big.
The Doctor: I’ve seen bigger.
Clara: Really?
The Doctor: Are you joking?! It’s massive!
Clara: What about that stuff you said? We don’t walk away.
The Doctor: No. We don’t walk away. But when we’re holding on to something precious, we run. We run and run fast as we can. And we don’t stop running until we are out from under the shadow.
Merry: Isn’t he frightened?
Clara: I think he is. I think he’s very frightened.
Merry: I want to help.
Clara: So do I.
Clara: Still hungry? Well I brought something for you. This. The most important leaf in human history. The most important leaf in human history. It’s full of stories. Full of history. And full of a future that never got lived. Days that should have been and never were. Passed on to me. This leaf isn’t just the past, it’s a whole future that never happened. There are billions and millions of unlived days for every day we live—an infinity. All the days that never came. And these are all my mum’s.
The Doctor: Well? Come on then. Eat up. Are you full? I expect so. Because there’s quite a difference isn’t there? Between what was and what should have been. There’s an awful lot of one but there’s an infinity of the other. And infinity is too much. Even for your appetite.
Clara: You were there. My mum’s grave. You were watching. What were you doing there?
The Doctor: I don’t know, I was just… making sure.
Clara: Of what?
The Doctor: You remind me of someone.
Clara: Who?
The Doctor: Someone who died.
Clara: Well whoever she was, I’m not her. Okay? If you want me to travel with you that’s fine. But as me. I’m not a bargain basement stand-in for someone else. I’m not going to compete with a ghost.
The Doctor: No. {he gives her back her ring} They wanted you to have it.
Clara: Who did?
The Doctor: Everyone. All the people you saved. You. No one else. Clara.
View all quotes from The Rings of Akhaten
Cold War
North Pole 1983
The Doctor: Viva Las Veg—augh!
Intruder on the bridge!
Captain Zhukov: Who the hell are you?
Clara: Not Vegas then?
The Doctor: No! But this is much better!
Clara: A sinking submarine?
The Doctor: A sinking Soviet submarine.
Clara: Are we going to be okay?
The Doctor: Oh yes.
Clara: Is that a lie?
The Doctor: Possibly. Very dangerous time, Clara. East and West standing on the brink of nuclear oblivion. Lots of itchy fingers on the button.
Clara: Isn’t it always like that?
The Doctor: Sort of, but there are flash points and this is one of them. Hair, shoulder pads, nukes. It’s the 80s. Everything’s bigger.
Clara: We were sinking.
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: Then what happened?
The Doctor: We sank.
Clara: No, what happened to the TARDIS I mean.
The Doctor: Never mind that.
The Doctor: Ah… it never rains. But it pours.
Professor Grisenko: We were drilling for oil in the ice. I thought I found a mammoth.
The Doctor: It’s not a mammoth!
Professor Grisenko: No.
Clara: What is it then?
The Doctor: It’s an Ice Warrior. A native of the planet Mars. And we go way back. Way back.
Captain Zhukov: Martian, you can’t be serious!
The Doctor: I’m always serious. With days off.
Clara: Doctor.
The Doctor: Just keeping it light, Clara. They’re scared.
Clara: They’re scared? I’m scared.
The Doctor: The Ice Warriors have a different creed, Clara. A different code. By his own standards, Skaldak is a hero. And it was said his enemies honored him so much they’d carve his name into their own flesh before they died.
Clara: Oh yeah. Very nice. He sounds lovely.
Lieutenant Stepashin: Why are we listening to this nonsense, Captain? These people are clearly enemy agents.
Clara: Huh?
Lieutenant Stepashin: Spies, Captain.
Clara: Pretty bad spies, mate. Don’t even speak Russian.
Lieutenant Stepashin: What?
Clara: I don’t… {to The Doctor} Am I speaking Russian? How come I’m speaking Russian?
The Doctor: Now? We have to do this now?
Clara: Are they speaking Russian?
The Doctor: Seriously! Now? It’s the TARDIS translation matrix.
Clara: Are they?
The Doctor: Yes! They’re Russians!
The Doctor: A soldier knows another soldier. He’ll smell it on you. Smell it on you a mile off.
Captain Zhukov: And he wouldn’t smell it on you, Doctor?
The Doctor: Just let me in there before it’s too late. It can’t be you or any of your men.
Captain Zhukov: Well it can’t be you. {Clara clears her throat behind them}
Clara: Well there really is only one choice. Isn’t there? I don’t smell of anything. To my knowledge.
Professor Grisenko: I think he wants to speak to the organ grinder, not to the monkey.
Clara: I heard that.
Clara: Doctor, something’s wrong.
The Doctor: What?
Clara: Something’s… {she opens the helmet to find an empty shell} It’s not there, it’s gone!
The Doctor: Gone? Gone? Gone. What do you mean “gone”?
Clara: It’s got out!
Clara: How did I do? Was I okay?
The Doctor: This wasn’t a test, Clara.
Clara: I know, but…
The Doctor: You were great. Yeah.
Clara: Really?
The Doctor: Really.
The Doctor: Stay here.
Clara: Okay.
The Doctor: Stay here, don’t argue!
Clara: I’m not.
The Doctor: Right. Good.
Professor Grisenko: Clara. What is it?
Clara: I was doing okay. I mean, I went in there and I did the scary stuff, didn’t I? I went in there with the Ice Warrior and it went okay. Actually it went just about as badly as it could have done, but that wasn’t my fault.
Professor Grisenko: Not at all.
Clara: So I’m happy about that.
Professor Grisenko: Yes.
Clara: Sure.
Professor Grisenko: And so you should be. So what’s the matter?
Clara: Seeing those bodies back there. it’s all got very real. Are we going to make it?
Professor Grisenko: Yes, of course.
Professor Grisenko: And The Doctor. What he said, is it true? You’re from another time. From our future? Clara?
Clara: Yes.
Professor Grisenko: Tell me what happens.
Clara: I can’t.
Professor Grisenko: Well I need to know.
Clara: No, I’m not allowed. I can’t.
Professor Grisenko: No, please!
Clara: I can’t!
Professor Grisenko: Ultravox! Do they split up?
Clara: Why did you hesitate? Back there. In the dark. You were going to kill this man, remember? I begged you not to and you listened. Why show compassion then, Skaldak, and not now? The Doctor’s right. Billions will die. Mothers, sons, fathers… daughters. Remember that last battle, Skaldak? Your daughter. You sang the songs.
Skaldak: Of the red snows.
Clara: What’s happening?
Skaldak: My people live. They have come for me.
Clara: We did it!
The Doctor: No. No no no no no. It’s still armed. A single pulse from that ship… I’ll destroy us if I have to. I will destroy us if I have to. Show mercy, Skaldak. Come on. Show mercy. {Clara starts singing Hungry Like the Wolf}
Clara: Saved the world, then.
The Doctor: Yeah.
Clara: That’s what we do.
The Doctor: Yeah.
Clara: The TARDIS! Where’s the TARDIS? You never explained.
The Doctor: Oh well, don’t worry about that.
Clara: Stop saying that. Where is it?
The Doctor: Yeah, well. I wasn’t to know, was I?
Clara: Know what?
The Doctor: I’ve been tinkering. Breaking her in. I’m allowed!
Clara: What did you do?
The Doctor: I reset the HADS.
Clara: Huh?
The Doctor: I reset the HADS!
Clara: The what?
The Doctor: The HADS! The Hostile Action Displacement System. If the TARDIS comes under attack–gunfire, time winds, the sea–it… relocates.
Clara: Oh Doctor.
The Doctor: I haven’t used it in donkey’s years. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Well never mind. It’s bound to turn up somewhere {his screwdriver starts up} Ooo!
Ha! See? Right on cue. Brilliant.
Clara: Brilliant?
The Doctor: The TARDIS is at The Pole.
Clara: Not far then.
The Doctor: The South Pole. {to the Captain} Can we have a lift?
Hide
The Doctor: Boo! Hello. I’m looking for a ghost.
Alec: And you are?
Clara: Ghost busters.
The Doctor: It’s 1974. You’re the assistant and non-objective equipment. {to Clara} Meaning psychic.
Clara: Getting that. Bless you though.
Clara: This is actually your house?
Alec: It is.
Clara: Sorry. You went to the bank and said, “You know that gigantic, old haunted house on the moors–the one that dossers are too scared to doss in, the one the birds are too scared to fly over.” And then you said, “I’d like to buy it, please, with my money.”?
Alec: Yes I did, actually.
Clara: That’s incredibly brave.
The Doctor: The most compassionate people you will ever meet, empathics. And the loneliest. I mean, exposing themselves to all those hidden feelings, all that guilt. Pain and sorrow and…
Clara: Doctor?
The Doctor: Yes?
Clara: Sh.
The Doctor: You coming?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: To find the ghost.
Clara: Why would I want to do that?
The Doctor: Because you want to. Come on.
Clara: Well I dispute that assertion.
The Doctor: Eh? I’m giving you a face. Here. Can you see me? Look at my face.
Clara: Fine. Dare me.
The Doctor: I dare you. No takesy-backsies?
Clara: Say we actually find her. What do we say?
The Doctor: We ask her how she came to be. Whatever she is.
Clara: Why?
The Doctor: Because I don’t know. And ignorance is… What’s the opposite of bliss?
Clara: Carlisle.
The Doctor: Yes! Carlisle. Ignorance is Carlisle.
The Doctor: Ah. The music room. The heart of the house. Do you feel anything?
Clara: No.
The Doctor: Your pants are so on fire.
Clara: Do you feel like you’re being watched?
The Doctor: What does being watched feel like? Is it that funny, tickly feeling on the back of your neck?
Clara: That’s the chap.
The Doctor: Then yes, a bit. Well quite a big bit.
Clara: I think she’s here.
The Doctor: Cold spot. Spooky. Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. …
Clara: Doctor!
The Doctor: What?
Clara: I’m not happy.
The Doctor: No.
Clara: Okay. What is that?
The Doctor: It’s uh, it uh… It’s a very loud noise. It’s a very loud, very angry noise.
Clara: What’s making it?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Are you making it?
Clara: Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes?
Clara: I may be a teeny tiny bit terrified.
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: But I’m still a grown up.
The Doctor: Heh. Mainly. Yes, and?
Clara: There’s no need to actually hold my hand. {the Doctor checks}
The Doctor: Clara?
Clara: Yeah?
The Doctor: I’m not holding your hand.
Emma: What about you and the Doctor?
Clara: Oh. Don’t think so.
Emma: Good.
Clara: Sorry?
Emma: Don’t trust him. There’s a sliver of ice in his heart.
Clara: I’ve got this weird feeling it’s looking at me. Doesn’t like me.
The Doctor: The TARDIS is like a cat. A bit slow to trust, but it’ll get there in the end.
Clara: So. Where are we going?
The Doctor: Nowhere. We’re staying right here. Right here on this exact spot if I can work out how to do it.
Clara: So when are we going?
The Doctor: That is good. That is top notch.
Clara: And the answer is?
The Doctor: We’re going always.
Clara: “We’re going always.”
The Doctor: Totally.
Clara: That’s not actually a sentence.
The Doctor: Well it’s got a verb in it.
The Doctor: What do you think?
Clara: Color’s a bit boisterous.
The Doctor: I think it brings out my eyes.
Clara: When are we?
The Doctor: About six billion years ago. It’s a Tuesday, I think.
The Doctor: What’s wrong? Did the TARDIS say something to you? Are you being mean?
Clara: No, it’s not that. Have we just watched the entire life cycle of Earth, birth to death? And you’re okay with that?
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: How can you be?
The Doctor: The TARDIS. She’s time. We… wibbly Vortex. And so on.
Clara: That’s not what I mean.
The Doctor: Okay. Some help. Context. Cheat sheet… something?
Clara: I mean one minute you’re in 1974 looking for ghosts, but all you have to do is open your eyes and talk to whoever’s standing there. To you I haven’t been born yet. And to you I’ve been dead a hundred billion years. Is my body out there somewhere? In the ground?
The Doctor: Yes, I suppose it is.
Clara: But here we are talking. So I am a ghost. To you, I’m a ghost. We’re all ghosts to you. We must be nothing.
The Doctor: No. No. You’re not that.
Clara: Then what are we? What can we possibly be?
The Doctor: You are the only mystery worth solving.
Emma: What’s wrong?
Clara: I just saw something I wish I hadn’t.
Emma: What did you see?
Clara: That everything ends.
Emma: No, not everything. Not love. Not always.
Clara: But what’s she running from?
The Doctor: Well that’s the best bit. We don’t know yet. Shall we see?{checks the slides} Oh…
Clara: What is that?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Still, not to worry!
Clara: What is that?
The Doctor: Subset of the Eye of Harmony.
Clara: I don’t–
The Doctor: Of course you don’t. Be great if you did. I barely do myself.
Clara: What’s this now?
TARDIS: The TARDIS voice visual interface. I’m programmed to select the image of a person you esteem. Of several billion such images in my database, this one best meets the criterion.
Clara: Ugh! Oh you are a cow. I knew it. Whatever. You have to help the Doctor.
TARDIS: The Doctor is in a pocket universe.
Clara: You can enter the pocket universe.
TARDIS: The entropy would drain the energy from my heart. In four seconds I’d be stranded. In ten, I’d be dead.
Clara: You’re talking, but all I can hear is meh meh meh meh meh. Come on, let’s go! {the TARDIS disappears}
Clara: Doctor?
The Doctor: How do sharks make babies?
Clara: Carefully.
The Doctor: No. No no no. Happily.
Clara: Sharks don’t actually smile. They’re just… well they’ve got lots and lots of teeth. They’re quite eat-y.
The Doctor: Exactly. The birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Every lonely monster needs a companion.
Clara: There’s two of them!
Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS
The Doctor: You said–
Clara: I know what I said. I was the one who said it.
The Doctor: You said it was looking at you funny.
Clara: I was tired. Overwrought. I didn’t mean it. It’s an appliance. It does a job.
The Doctor: Yes, pretty cool appliance. We’re not talking cheese grater here!
Clara: You’re not getting me to talk to your ship. That’s properly bonkers.
Clara: Ugh. You’re like one of those guys who can’t go out with a girl unless his mother approves.
The Doctor: It’s important to me you get along. I can leave you two alone together.
Clara: Now you’re creeping me out.
The Doctor: Take a wheel. Not the wheel. I’ll make it easy. Shut it down to basic mode for you.
Clara: Basic? ‘Cause I’m a girl?
The Doctor: No! {yes}
Clara: Please, tell me there’s a button you can press to fix this!
The Doctor: Oh yes. Big friendly button.
Clara: Are you lying?
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: To stop me freaking out?
The Doctor: Is it working?
Clara: Not so much!
Clara: Red flashing light. Means something bad. Get out of here fast? Or possibly, whatever you do, don’t open this door. {she thinks it over then opens the door to a huge fireball} Bad decision.
Clara in the library: Now that’s just showing off.
Reading from The History of the Time War
Clara: So that’s who…
The Doctor: I’m so so sorry. Sorry. Please please forgive me, Clara. {she punches him} Ow! Okay, so we’re not doing hugging. I get that now.
Clara: What do you keep in here? Why have you got zombie creatures? Good guys do not have zombie creatures. Rule one, basic story telling. {she hits him again}
The Doctor: Not in front of the guests.
Clara: Who are they?
The Doctor: Friends. Well, people who aren’t trying to kill us. So I don’t need punching again!
The Doctor: Guys. Don’t worry. The countdown’s a fake. Look. Just give a second, I’ll turn it off. I only made it look as though the engine was actually exploding. {Engine Status: Overload} Ah. Okay, that’s not good. Okay, don’t panic. Or maybe panic.
Clara: Something you want to share with the rest of us.
The Doctor: It appears the engine was damaged. We’re in trouble, Clara. Proper trouble. It needs fixing or we’re toast.
Clara: So now would be a good time to use that big friendly button, right?
The Doctor: Yes, sorry. I should have had one built in.
Clara: Doctor, what are they? What aren’t you telling me?
The Doctor: Trust me. Some things you don’t want to know.
The Doctor: She’s right on to us!
Clara: She?
The Doctor: Clara, don’t ask me anymore.
Clara: Run?
The Doctor: I’m liking how you’re thinking.
Clara: Yeah.
The Doctor: We can only survive for a minute or two in there.
Clara tapping him on the shoulder: Um, what happens if we stay longer?
The Doctor: Our cells will liquefy and our skin will start to burn.
Clara: I always feel so good after we’ve spoken.
The Doctor: Marvelous! Keep this door shut.
Clara: That will not be a problem.
Clara: What’s the use of secrets now?
The Doctor: Secrets protect us! Secrets make us safe.
Clara: We’re not safe!
Clara: That’s me.
The Doctor: I’m so sorry.
Clara: That’s me. I burn in here.
The Doctor: It isn’t just the past leaking out through the time rift. It’s the future. Listen, I brought you here to keep you safe but it happened again. You died again.
Clara: What do you mean again?
The Doctor: The engine room. The heart of the TARDIS.
Clara: We’re outside!
The Doctor: No, we’re still in the TARDIS.
Clara: There’s no way across.
The Doctor: No? Okay, You’re right.
Clara: If you don’t have a plan we’re dead.
The Doctor: Yes. We are. So just tell me.
Clara: Tell you what?
The Doctor: Well, there’s no point now. We’re about to die, just tell me who you are.
Clara: You know who I am.
The Doctor: No I don’t. I look at you every single day and I don’t understand a thing about you. Why do I keep running into you?
Clara: Doctor, you invited me. You said that–
The Doctor: Before that! I met you at the Dalek Asylum. There was a girl in a ship wreck and she died saving my life. And she was you!
Clara: She really wasn’t.
The Doctor: Victorian London. There was a governess who was really a barmaid and we fought the Great Intelligence together. She died and it was my fault. And she was you!
Clara: You’re scaring me.
The Doctor: What are you, eh? A trick? A trap!
Clara: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
The Doctor: You really don’t, do you?
Clara: I think I’m more scared of you right now than anything else on that TARDIS.
The Doctor: You’re just Clara, aren’t you? Oh!
Clara: Okay, I don’t know what the hell this is about but the hug is really nice.
The Doctor: We’re not going to die here. This isn’t real. It’s a snarl.
Clara: What?
The Doctor: What does a wounded animal do? It tries to scare everyone away. We’re close to the engine. The TARDIS is snarling at us, trying to frighten us off. We need to jump.
Clara: You’re insane!
The Doctor: We’ll cross a portal to the engine.
Clara: How can you be so sure?
The Doctor: Well. I can’t.
Clara: Okay then. Well, that’s water-tight.
The Doctor: Hey! Now, Clara. I have piloted this ship for over 900 years. Trust me this one time please. Okay. Okay. As well as all the other times. Ready? {she nods} Geronimo.
The Doctor: The heart of the TARDIS. This engine, it’s already exploded. It must have been the collision with the salvage ship.
Clara: We’re not dead.
The Doctor: She wrapped her hands around the force. Froze it.
Clara: So… so it’s safe?
The Doctor: Temporary fix. Eventually this whole place will erupt. There’s no way I can save her now. She’s just always been there for me and taken care of me and now it’s my turn and I don’t know what to do. It just… {he sees her hand} Oh Clara. Oh. You are beautiful. Beautiful fragile human skin. Like parchment. Thank you. Ah, the rift in time, all the memory is leaking out. I need to find the moment we crashed. I need to find… Music.
The Doctor: The time rift! Recent past, possible future.
Clara: What are you going to do?
The Doctor: Rewrite today, I hope. I’ve thrown this through the rift before. I need to make sure this time I take it in there myself. There might be a certain amount of yelling.
Clara: Is it going to hurt?
The Doctor: Things that end your life often do that.
Clara: Wait! All those things you said. How we… met before, how I died.
The Doctor: Clara, don’t worry. You’ll forget. Time mends us, it can mend anything.
Clara: I don’t want to forget. Not all of it. The library. I saw it. You were mentioned in a book.
The Doctor: I’m mentioned in a lot of books.
Clara: You call yourself Doctor. Why do you do that? You have a name, I’ve seen it. In one corner of that tiny–
The Doctor: If I rewrite today you won’t remember. You won’t go looking for my name.
Clara: We’ll still have secrets?
The Doctor: Yeah. It’s better that way.
Clara: I feel exhausted. I feel…
The Doctor: We’ve had two days crammed into the space of one.
Clara: Why would you say that?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I say stuff. Ignore me. Do you feel safe?
Clara: Of course.
The Doctor: Give me a number out of ten. Ten being “woo hoo”. One being… “augh!”
Clara: You’re being weird.
The Doctor: I need to know if you feel safe. I need to know you’re not afraid.
Clara: Of?
The Doctor: The future. Running away with a space man in a box. Anything can happen to you.
Clara: That’s what I’m counting on.
View all quotes from Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS
The Crimson Horror
Yorkshire 1893
The Doctor: Okay! So. Not London 1893. Yorkshire 1893. Near enough.
Clara: You’re making a habit of this, getting us lost.
The Doctor: Sorry. It’s much better than it used to be. Oo… I once spent a hell of a long time trying to get a gobby Australian to Heathrow airport.
Clara: What for?
The Doctor: Search me. Anyway– {a scream in the distance} Braveheart Clara.
Clara: What’s going on?
The Doctor: Oh. Haven’t you heard, luv? There’s trouble at mill. She’s a lizard.
Clara: Doctor, I’ve been thinking. The chimney–
The Doctor: Yeah yeah yeah, way past that now. Yucky red parasite from the time of the dinosaurs pitches up in Victorian Yorkshire. Didn’t see that one coming.
Clara: Yeah, but the chimney–
The Doctor: Yeah, but what’s the connection to Mrs. Gillyflower. “Judgment will rain down on us all.” {thinking} Empty mill…
Clara: A chimney that doesn’t blow smoke.
The Doctor: Clever clogs.
Clara: Miss me?
The Doctor: Yeah. Loads.
The Doctor: Hang on! Hang on! I’ve got a sonic screwdriver.
Clara: Yeah? I’ve got a chair.
The Doctor: No no, Clara. If we follow straight after her, she’ll shoot Clara on the spot.
Clara: She wouldn’t.
The Doctor: She would.
The Doctor: Right. Right. London. We were heading for London, weren’t we.
Clara: Was there any particular reason?
The Doctor: No! No, just thought you might… like it.
Clara: Yeah. Maybe had enough of Victorian values for a bit.
The Doctor: You’re the boss.
Clara: Am I?
The Doctor: No. No! Get in.
Angie (Eve de Leon Allen): It’s you, isn’t it? It’s from the seventies but it’s definitely you.
Clara: Of course it’s not.
Artie (Kassius Carey Johnson): And that’s you too. From 1983. I found it at school.
Clara: No. That’s just someone who looks like me.
Angie: And that’s someone who looks like your boyfriend.
Artie: Is he an alien?
Angie: Why would he be an alien?
Artie: The chin.
Angie: And the time travel. {she clicks to a picture of Clara in Victorian dress}
Clara: That’s not right.
Angie: You’re in Victorian London.
Clara: No, I was in Victorian Yorkshire.
Angie: How come you didn’t tell us?
Artie: Time travel. That’s so cool!
Angie: Can we have a go?
Clara: Can you have a what?
Artie: We want a shot at the time machine.
Clara: No no no no no. Listen–
Angie: Okay. Or… we’ll have to tell dad that our nanny’s a time traveller.
View all quotes from The Crimson Horror
Nightmare in Silver
The Doctor: Well here we are! Hedgewick’s World! The biggest and best amusement park there will ever be. And we’ve got a golden ticket. Eh? Eh! Fun!
Clara: Fun.
Artie: Clara, I think outer space is actually very interesting.
Clara: Right. Wonderful day out, Doctor, but time to get the kids home.
The Doctor: Yeah, um… no. Not actually ready to leave.
Clara: Why not?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Reasons.
Clara: What reasons?
The Doctor: Insects. Funny insects. I should add them to my funny insect collection.
Clara: You collect funny insects?
The Doctor: Yeah, I’m starting to. Right now.
Clara: Is this really the biggest amusement park in the Universe?
Porridge: Yeah. Hedgewick bought the planet cheap. It had been trashed in the Cyber Wars.
Clara: Who were we fighting?
Porridge: Cybermen. Technologically upgraded warriors. We couldn’t win. Sometimes we fought to a draw but then they’d upgrade themselves, fix the weaknesses, and destroy us. It’s hard to fight an enemy that uses your army as spare parts.
Clara: You beat them though. Beat them or you wouldn’t be here. How?
Porridge: Look up there. That corner of sky. What do you see?
Clara: Nothing. It’s just black. No stars, no nothing.
Porridge: That used to be the Tiberian Spiral Galaxy. A million star systems, a hundred million worlds, a billion trillion people. It’s not there anymore. No more Tiberian Galaxy. No more Cybermen. It was effective.
Clara: It’s horrible.
Porridge: Yeah. I feel like a monster sometimes.
Clara: Why?
Porridge: Because instead of mourning a billion trillion dead people, I just feel sorry for the bloke who had to press the button and blow it all up.
The Doctor: Clara. Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks?
Clara: You know I didn’t. She hasn’t.
The Doctor: She’s just got in there.
Clara: That was a Cyberman! But they’re extinct.
The Doctor: Listen to me, I will get her back. Captain, a word please!
The Doctor: Right. Right. Well okay. As Imperial Consul I am putting Clara in charge. Clara, stay alive until I get back. And don’t let anyone blow up this planet.
Clara: Is that something they’re likely to do?
The Doctor: Get to somewhere defensible.
Clara: Where are you going?
The Doctor: I’m getting Angie, finding Artie, and looking for funny insects. Stay alive. And you lot, no blowing up this planet!
Captain: Cyberia-class weaponry. We’ve taken it out of storage.
Clara: Good. We need to find somewhere defensible. Where?
Captain: The Beach. Giant’s Cauldron. Natty Longshoe’s Comical Castle.
Clara: Real castle? Drawbridge? Moat?
Captain: Yes. But comical.
Clara: What would the Empire do if they were alerted?
Captain: I told you. Tell me to blow up the planet.
Clara: After they had got us off.
Porridge: Captain, you want to take that one?
Captain: No, ma’am. Just blow the sucker up.
Clara: Drawbridge. Moat. Brilliant.
Brains (Will Merrick): With respect, ma’am, we ought to be hunting the creature.
Clara: The only reason I’m still alive is because I do what the Doctor says. Can you guarantee me you’d bring me back my children alive and unharmed? {he shakes his head no}. I trust the Doctor.
Captain: You think he knows what he’s doing?
Clara: I’m not sure I’d go that far.
Clara: I don’t get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet and everybody on it just to get rid of one Cyberman.
Porridge: We tried other ways, but they only work sometimes. So now we take drastic action, and it works.
Captain: If you find a Cyberman, and you can’t destroy it immediately, you implode the planet. I was sent here because I didn’t follow orders. I can make up for that.
The Doctor: Hey, Clara! You haven’t let them blow up the planet. Good job.
Clara: Did you get the kids? Are they all right? What’s going on?
The Doctor: Ah, a bit of a good news, bad news, good news again thing going on, so… good news! I kidnapped the Cyber Planner and right now I’m sort of in control of this Cyberman.
Clara: Bad news?
The Doctor: Bad news, the Cyber Planner’s in my head and different bad news: the kids are, well…. it’s complicated.
Clara: Complicated as in how?
The Doctor: Complicated as in walking coma. {he hides behind the chessboard}
Clara: Other good news?
The Doctor: Well in other good news, there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way, and the Cyber Planner’s installing a patch for the gold thing. No, wait. That isn’t good news, is it? So. Good news. I have a very good chance of winning my chess match!
Clara: What?
The Doctor: I’ll explain later. In a bit of a hurry.
Clara: You’re playing chess by yourself?
The Doctor: And winning. {he rips off the gold}
Cyber Doctor: Actually, he has no better than a 25% chance of winning at this stage in the game. Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, Flesh Girl. Fantastic. I’m the Cyber Planner.
Clara: Doctor?
Cyber Doctor: Afraid not. I’m working the mouth now. Allons-y! Oh, you should see the state of these neurons. He’s had some cowboys in here. Ten complete rejigs.
Clara: You aren’t the Doctor.
Cyber Doctor: No. But I know who you are. You’re the impossible girl. Oh, he’s very interested in you.
Clara: Why am I impossible?
Cyber Doctor: Hasn’t he told you, the sly devil? Oh, dear me. Listen, soon we wake, we’ll strip you down for spare parts then build a space ship and move on.
Clara: More Cybermen?
Cyber Doctor: They’re waking from their tomb right now. You could either die or live on as one of us.
Clara: The Doctor will stop you.
Cyber Doctor: He can’t even access the lips!
The Doctor: Bit of pain, neural surge. Just what I needed. Thank you!
Clara: Why am I the impossible girl?
The Doctor: It’s just a thing in my head. I’ll explain later.
Clara: Chess game. Stakes.
The Doctor: If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories along with knowledge of time travel. But! If I win. he’ll break his promises to get out of my head and then kill us all anyway.
Clara: That’s not reassuring!
The Doctor: No.
Clara: One gun. Five hand pulsars and a planet smashing bomb that doesn’t work anymore.
Brains: Why not?
Clara: Broken trigger unit.
Brains: But you signed for that!
The Doctor: Come here and untie me please!
Clara: Do you think I’m pretty?
The Doctor: No, you’re too short and bossy and your nose is all funny.
Clara: Good enough.
Angie: I think you should ask Porridge.
Clara: Why?
Angie: Well he is the Emperor. I bet he knows the activation codes. Oh come on, it’s obvious. He looks exactly like he does on the coin and on the waxwork. Except they made him a bit taller. But look, am I the only one paying attention to anything around here?
Clara: You are full of surprises. Porridge!
Porridge: She’s right.
Clara: So you can save us?
Porridge: We all die in the end. Does it matter how?
Clara: See you next Wednesday!
The Doctor: Well, a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday. One of the Wednesdays.
View all quotes from Nightmare in Silver
The Name of the Doctor
Gallifrey
A Very Long Time Ago…
Clara: Doctor. Doctor.
The First Doctor: Yes, what is it? What do you want?
Clara: Sorry, but you’re about to make a very big mistake.
Clara: I don’t know where I am. It’s like I’m breaking into a million pieces and there is only one thing I remember: I have to save the Doctor. He always looks different. I always know it’s him. Sometimes I think I’m everywhere at once, running every second just to find him. Just to save him. But he never hears me. Almost never. I blew into this world on a leaf. I’m still blowing. I don’t think I’ll ever land. I’m Clara Oswald. I’m the impossible girl. I was born to save the Doctor.
Angie: Oh no. You’re going to try to make a soufflé again, aren’t you?
Clara: My mum’s soufflé, yeah. Although this time I will get it right. This time I will be soufflé girl.
Artie: How can it be your mum’s soufflé if you’re making it?
Clara: Because, Artie, it’s like my mum always said, “The soufflé isn’t the soufflé. The soufflé is the recipe.”
Angie: Was your mum deep on puddings?
Clara: She was a great woman.
Vastra: Glad you could make it.
Clara: Where am I?
Jenny: Exactly where you were, but sleeping.
Vastra: Time travel has always been possible in dreams.
Vastra: Ah, perhaps you two haven’t met. This is the Doctor’s companion. That is, his current travelling assistant.
Clara: Assistant?
Strax: Have you gone a darker green?
Vastra: Clara Oswald.
River: Professor River Song.
Clara: Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course he has, Professor Song. Sorry, it’s just that I never realized you were a woman.
Strax: Well neither did I.
Vastra: Clarence DeMarco. Murderer. Under sentence of death. He offered us this in exchange for his life.
River: Space-time coordinates.
Vastra: This, Mr. DeMarco claims, is the location of the Doctor’s greatest secret.
Clara: Which is?
Jenny: We don’t know. It’s a secret.
Vastra: The Doctor does not discuss his secrets with anyone, my dear. If you’re still entertaining the idea that you’re an exception to this rule, ask yourself one question. What is his name?
River: Well I know it.
Clara: What, you know his name? He told you?
River: I made him.
Clara: How?
River: It took awhile.
Clara: So, So you’re a friend of his then.
River: A little more than a friend, a long time ago.
River: So what else did this DeMarco tell you? He didn’t just buy his life with some coordinates. How did he prove their value?
Vastra: One word only.
River: What word?
Vastra: A word I’ve heard in connection with the Doctor before. Trenzalore.
The Whisper Men: Tell the Doctor. Tell the Doctor. Tell the Doctor.
Clara: Tell him what?
The Great Intelligence: His friends are lost forevermore. Unless he goes to Trenzalore.
River: No, you can’t say that. He can’t go there. You know he can’t. The Doctor can never go to Trenzalore!
Clara: Doctor.
The Doctor: Ha! Clara! How are you? Don’t worry. Everything is under control.
Clara: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Oh! Um, Mr. Maitland went next door so I said I’d look after the kids. They wanted to go to the cinema, but I said no, I said, no, not until you wake up. I was very firm.
Clara: At which point they suggested Blind Man’s Bluff.
The Doctor: Yes. Where are they?
Clara: At the cinema.
The Doctor: The little Daleks!
Clara: So who was she? The lady with the funny name and the space hair.
The Doctor: An old friend of mine.
Clara: What, like an ex?
The Doctor: Yes, an ex. River asked Vastra for the exact words. What were they?
Clara: “The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered.” Doctor.
The Doctor: Sorry. And it was Trenzalore? It was definitely Trenzalore?
Clara: Yeah.
The Doctor: Oh damn.
Clara: Well?
The Doctor: Trenzalore. I’ve heard the name of course. Dorium mentioned it. A few others. Always suspected what it was, never wanted to find out myself. River would know though. River always knew.
The Doctor: I’m linking you in to the TARDIS telepathic circuit. Won’t hurt a bit.
Clara: Ow!
The Doctor: I lied.
Clara: Okay, what is Trenzalore? Is that your big secret?
The Doctor: No.
Clara: Okay, what then?
The Doctor: When you are a time traveller there is one place you must never go. One place in all of space and time you must never, ever find yourself.
Clara: Where?
The Doctor: You didn’t listen, did you? You lot never do! That’s the problem. “The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discovered.” He wasn’t talking about my secret. No no no, that’s not what’s been found. He was talking about my grave. Trenzalore is where I’m buried.
Clara: How can you have a grave?
The Doctor: Because we all do, somewhere out there in the future, waiting for us. The trouble with time travel, you can actually end up visiting.
Clara: But you’re not going to. You just said it was one place you must never go.
The Doctor: I have to save Vastra and Strax. Jenny too if it’s still possible. They cared for me during the dark times. Never questioned me, never judged me. They were just… kind. I owe them. I have a duty.
The Doctor: No point in telling you this is too dangerous?
Clara: None at all. How can we save them?
The Doctor: Apparently by breaking into my own tomb.
Clara: What’s that?
The Doctor: She’s just figured out where we’re going, she’s against it! I’m about to cross my own time line in the biggest way possible. The TARDIS doesn’t like it.
Clara: Now what?
The Doctor: She doesn’t want to land. She’s shut down!
Clara: So we’re not there?
The Doctor: We must be close.
Clara: So. how do we get down there? Jump?
The Doctor: Don’t be silly. We fall.
Clara: You okay? Visiting your own grave, anyone would be scared.
The Doctor: It’s more than that. I’m a time traveller. I’ve probably time travelled more than anyone else.
Clara: Meaning?
The Doctor: Meaning… my grave is potentially the most dangerous place in the Universe. Shall we?
Clara: Gravestones are a bit basic.
The Doctor: It’s a battlefield graveyard. My final battle.
Clara: Why are some of them bigger?
The Doctor: They’re soldiers. Bigger the gravestone, higher the rank.
Clara: It’s a hell of a monument.
The Doctor: It’s the TARDIS.
Clara: I can see that.
The Doctor: No. When a TARDIS is dying, sometimes the dimension dams start breaking down. They used to call it a size leak. All the bigger-on-the-inside starts leaking to the outside. It grows. When I say that’s the TARDIS I don’t mean it looks like the TARDIS, I mean it actually is the TARDIS. My TARDIS from the future. What else would they bury me in? {he walks towards it}
River: Clara. Don’t speak. Don’t say my name. He can’t see or hear me, only you can. We’re mentally linked. It’s the conference call. I kept the line open.
The Doctor: Who are you talking to? We need to get– {he looks at a gravestone} River.
Clara: That can’t be right.
The Doctor: No, it can’t.
Clara: She’s not dead.
The Doctor: Oh she’s dead, I’m afraid. She’s been dead for a very long time.
River: Yeah, probably should have mentioned that. Never the right time.
Clara: But I met her!
The Doctor: Long story. But her grave can’t be here.
River: If it isn’t my gravestone then what is it?
Clara: What do you think that gravestone really is?
The Doctor: The gravestone?
River: Maybe it’s a false grave.
Clara: Maybe it’s a false grave.
The Doctor: Yep, maybe.
River: Maybe it’s a secret entrance to the tomb.
Clara: Maybe it’s a secret entrance to the tomb!
The Doctor: Yes, of course! Makes sense. They’d never bury my wife out here.
Clara: Your what?
Clara: Where are we?
The Doctor: Catacombs.
Clara: I hate catacombs. So how come I met your dead wife?
The Doctor: Oh well, you know how it is when you lose someone close to you. I sort of made a backup.
River: I died saving him. In return he saved me to a database in the biggest library in the universe. Left me like a book on a shelf. Didn’t even say goodbye. He doesn’t like endings.
The Doctor: Still a bit of a climb. I think I remember the way. Clara? Clara! Hey, it’s okay. You’re fine. The dimensioning forces this deep in the TARDIS, they can make you a bit giddy.
Clara: I know, I know. {she stops} How do I know? How do I know that?
The Doctor: Clara, it’s okay, You’re fine.
Clara: Have we, have we done this before? We have. We have done this before, climbing through a wrecked TARDIS. You said things, things I’m not supposed to remember.
The Doctor: We can’t do this now. The TARDIS is in ruin.
The telepathic circuits are awakening memories you shouldn’t even have.
The Doctor: Clara! Clara, what’s wrong?
Clara: What do you mean you keep meeting me? You said I died, how could I die?
The Doctor: That is not a conversation you should even remember.
Clara: What do you mean I died!
The Whisper Men: The girl who died he tried to save. She’ll die again inside his grave.
The Doctor: Run. Run!
The Doctor: Is everyone all right? Is every one okay? Clara! Clara! Clara, you okay?
Clara: That was not nice.
The Doctor: No no. I know. I’m sorry.
Clara: What’s wrong with him? What’s happening?
Vastra: He’s being rewritten. Simeon is attacking his entire time line. He’s dying all at once. The Dalek Asylum. Androzani.
Clara: What did you say? Did you say the Dalek Asylum?
Vastra: Now he’s dying in London, with us.
Clara: The Dalek Asylum. You said it was me that saved you. How? Victorian London, how? How could I have been in Victorian London?
The Doctor: No. No. Please. Stop. My life, my whole life is burning.
Clara: I have to go in there.
The Doctor: Please. Please. No.
Clara: But this is what I’ve already done. You’ve already seen me do it. I’m the impossible girl. And this is why.
River: Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t.
Clara: If I step in there, what happens?
River: The time winds will tear you into a million pieces. A million versions of you, living and dying all over time and space. Like echoes.
Clara: But the echoes could save the Doctor, right?
River: But they won’t be you. The real you will die. They’ll just be copies.
Clara: But they’ll be real enough to save him. It’s like my mum said, “The soufflé isn’t the soufflé. The soufflé is the recipe.” It’s the only way to save him, isn’t it?
Vastra: The stars are going out! And Jenny and Strax are dead. There must be something we can do.
Clara: Well how about that? I’m soufflé girl after all.
The Doctor: No. Please.
Clara: If this works get out of here as fast as you can. And spare me a thought now and then.
The Doctor: No. Clara!
Clara: In fact, you know what? Run. Run, you clever boy. And remember me.
Clara: I don’t know where I am.
The Doctor: Clara!
Clara: I just know I’m running. Sometimes it’s like I’ve lived a thousand lives in a thousand places. I’m born, I live, I die. And always, there’s the Doctor. Always I’m running to save the Doctor. Again and again and again. And he hardly ever hears me. But I’ve always been there. Right from the very beginning. Right from the day he started running.
Clara: I don’t know where I am. I don’t know where I’m going or where I’ve been. I was born to save the Doctor. But the Doctor is safe now. I’m the impossible girl, and my story is done.
Clara: Doctor? Doctor! Please! Please! I don’t know where I am.
The Doctor: Clara. You can hear me. I know you can.
Clara: I can’t see you.
The Doctor: I’m everywhere. You’re inside my time stream. Everything around you is me.
Clara: I can see you. All your different faces are here.
The Doctor: Those are my ghosts, my past. Every good day, every bad day.
Clara: What’s wrong? What’s happening?
The Doctor: I’m inside my own time stream. it’s collapsing in on itself.
Clara: Well get out then!
The Doctor: Not until I’ve got you.
Clara: I don’t even know who I am.
The Doctor: You’re my impossible girl. I’m sending you something. Not from my past, from
yours. {the leaf floats down} This is you, Clara. Everything you are or will be. Take it. You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight. It will take you home.
The Doctor: Clara, Clara, come up. Come up to me now. You can do it, I know you can.
Clara: How?
The Doctor: Because it’s impossible and you’re my impossible girl. How many times have you saved me, Clara? Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you. You have to trust me, Clara, I’m real. Just one more step. Clara! My Clara! Oh! {he sees a figure in the distance}
Clara: Who’s that?
The Doctor: Never mind. Let’s get back.
Clara: Who is he?
The Doctor: He’s me. There’s only me here, that’s the point. Now let’s get back.
Clara: But I never saw that one. I saw all of you. Eleven faces. All of them you.
The Doctor: I said he was me. I never said he was the Doctor.
Clara: But I don’t understand.
The Doctor: My name, my real name, that is not the point. The name I chose is the Doctor. The name you choose, it’s like, it’s like a promise you make. He’s the one who broke the promise.