Julie: Keep that grimey paw away from me. Unless you wanna see what ten years of cardiobar can do to your face.
Teacher: You do an impression of me, Mr. Cohen?
Seth: Ah. No, no, I don’t do any impressions. I don’t, um, use props, I don’t like jokes in general.
Teacher: Well, why don’t you work on some one-liners in Dr. Kim’s office.
Taylor: Hey, Sum. If it makes you feel any better, I just saw Seth and he looks as miserable as you do.
Summer: The only thing that would make me feel better would be seeing that ass-less, gut-less wuss skinned, flayed and served as ass-less, gut-less wuss tartar.
Taylor: That’s very descriptive, Summer.
Summer after unbreaking up with Seth: It’s good to have you back, babe.
Summer: No way. No scheming, no plan Bs, no wacky hijinks? Cohen broke up with me. Only he has the power to unbreak us up. There’s no way I’m gonna go groveling back to him like some pathetic brokenhearted little bitch.
Taylor: Do you still love him?
Summer: Yeah. There’s something wrong with me, huh?
Taylor: Did he say that he doesn’t love you?
Summer: Now that you mention it, no. He did not.
Taylor: You see, he’s acting out of fear. He’s trapped in an anxiety spiral. And in the rock, paper, scissors of romance, love trumps fear. Actually love trumps everything.
Julie: Listen up, Tommy Lee. You’re just the latest in a series of experiments my daughter likes to make when acting out. So enjoy it. Because right here, right now is as good as it gets for you. Soon Marissa’s gonna wake up and realize she is so much better than you and your life.
Volchok: You think she’s gonna come running back to you.
Julie: Marissa knows that I will be there for her whenever she decides to come home because I am her family. Not some punk with a smirk, three brain cells, and a good coke connection. You tell her that.
Ryan: I’m looking for someone. Dawn Atwood.
Chloe: Her shift doesn’t start for a couple of hours. Who should I say is looking for her?
Ryan: A friend. I’m staying at La Crescenta.
Chloe: Nice hotel. Dawn doesn’t really have any friends that stay at nice hotels.
Ryan: I got a good rate.
Chloe: She does however have a son. Lives with some pretty wealthy people. Who’s supposed to be cute.
Ryan: This is not what I expected.
Chloe: Yeah? Well maybe it’s what you need.
Heather: So, the princess fell off her throne and landed on Volchok’s mattress.
Marissa: Hey Heather. It’s good to see you too.
Heather: Who said it was good to see you?
Dawn: You don’t have to lie to me, Ryan. And you don’t have to worry about me embarassing you at your graduation.
Dawn: You know what, I may not have been the best mother in the world, but I have never been ashamed of my family.
Ryan: Look, you don’t know her the way I do.
Chloe: Never said I did.
Ryan: It’s been the same thing my whole life. Gets clean for a little while, promises she’s changed, then she meets some low-life, he moves in with her, and she bottoms out.
Chloe: How many of these low-lives did she meet in rehab? Hasn’t had a drink in twelve years, pays for their apartment, even fixed up one of his old cars for her.
Ryan: I didn’t know that.
Chloe: Didn’t want to. Maybe you already made your mind up about him. And about your mom, too.
Dawn about the photos and yearbook: Kirsten sent those. Don’t worry. My eyes are red from cryin’, not from drinkin’.
Seth to Captain Oats: You didn’t get into Brown too, did you?
Seth: I don’t love you anymore.
Taylor: Want me to whip up another round of Frappucinos? They say chocolate and sugar send endorphins to your brain. Come on, tell me you feel better.
Summer: He doesn’t love me. rests her head on Taylor’s shoulder. Aw!
Seth: Gonna be a long night, Ryan. A lot of whining, a lot of pining, ah, maybe some brainstorming, you don’t mind?
Ryan: It’s good to be home. Alright, how are we going to get your Summer back?
Seth: Plan A: I fake my own death. You never wanna underestimate the power of the sympathy vote.
Ryan: Is there a plan B?
Seth: Yeah yeah. Uh, I could hack in through the Brown firewall into the Admission’s office mainframe and reverse my acceptance.
Ryan: That’s actually a good idea. You know how to do that?
Seth: I had an uncle that went to DeVry.