Season 3

The Graduates

Seth: "Dad, remember when I called you the worst father ever? Right after that I swung by your place of work, I smoked a joint, I forgot to put it out and now your office fits into an ashtray." Seth: This is it, dude. We never have to set foot in this stupid school or…

The Party Favor

Ryan: Have you told her there's nothing going on between you and Anna? Seth: I've tried, but every time I get close she pulls her rape whistle. Summer: Not only will I not go to prom with you, but if you and I were stranded on a desert island, I would take the nourishment that…

The College Try

Summer: 48 hours ago, Coop, you were Newport's Courtney Love. Julie: Marissa, honey, you know it's not too late to go with you. I promise I won't embarrass you. I can pretend to be part of your entourage. Or your Scientology guide. Neil (Michael Nouri): Honey, I don't get it. You throw all of these…

The Dawn Patrol

Julie: Keep that grimey paw away from me. Unless you wanna see what ten years of cardiobar can do to your face. Ryan: Still lying to everybody about everything? Seth: I'm trying to talk as little as possible. Kirsten: Well whatever happens, you have at least one proud mother watching you when you graduate. Ryan:…

The Day After Tomorrow

Seth: All this time I thought getting into college would make things so much easier. Ryan: Yeah. Not gonna happen. Seth: There's a cold front coming through. Taylor: Have you spoken to Marissa lately? Summer: Well, if you count "Pass the milk" and "Don't be so skanky,"— Ryan: Everything okay? Seth: Yeah. No. It's just…

The Secrets and Lies

Summer: I'm sounding out a hot new couple alert. Act like you knew nothing. Seth: I don't. Seth: So if the body doesn't lie... Summer: Then it's saying, "Ew." Seth: "Ew"? Or "Touch my pooper"? Seth: Tense, tightly-wound shut-in. That's all I want out of you, okay? It's kind of a Boo Radley-shade. Far away…

The Undertow

Seth: Who knew my new PlayStation idol would be your new girlfr— new... Sadie (Nikki Reed): Friend. Seth: Friend... Girl friend. Summer: Nice save. Sadie: I think friend is the word. Ryan: I'm gonna get that. Sadie: Nice dodge. Ryan: Thanks. Taylor: Holy Kodak moment! Summer: I guess Seth just aced his Brown interview. Taylor:…

The Journey

Kirsten: Ryan, I forgot to ask. Do you have any request for your birthday on Sunday? Seth: Sunday's your birthday? Ryan: Thanks buddy. Sandy: Not just any birthday. Ryan's turning 16. Becoming a fully-franchised citizen of this great democratic experiment we call America. Seth: Yes, we all know you went to law school. The important…

The Road Warrior

Seth: I've got two girls in bikinis trying to seduce me. Which sounds awesome. But I'm scared, I'm wet, and I'm cold, Ryan. Ryan: Okay. Alright, I'll be right there. I just gotta towel off. Seth: Why do you have to towel off? Kirsten: Maybe you two should stop sneaking around and go public. Julie:…

The Cliffhanger

Seth: So I wanted to be alone. Are you the only one in this family that's allowed to brood? Seth: We're getting dangerously close to an after-school special here, Ryan. It's marijuana and I did it twice. Julie: I know you've been married for, like, 200 years, but you must remember something about dating. Kirsten:…

The Pot Stirrer

Seth: Dude, I planned my first escape on an Etch-a-Sketch. This is my dream. It's just, I don't know, man. It's real. Ryan: Well, why don't you talk to Summer about it. I mean, I'm sure she's freaking out a bit, too. Seth: I'll be fine. Seriously. This is just my process. Ryan: Fair enough.…

The Sister Act

Seth: Every time things are going too well around here, that's when doom comes aknockin'. Ryan: Doom? Seth: Aknockin'. doorbell Or aringin'. Right on time. Don't answer it. It's probably a flaming bag of crap. Ryan: Or FedEx. Kirsten: Veronica. What are you doing here? Veronica (Paula Trickey): Hello, Kirsten. I hear you and Julie…

The Safe Harbor

Summer: If we're going to launch a successful campaign to get Marissa back into Harbor we have to find someone who can organize the masses. Someone who they'll follow, you know, into battle. Seth: You mean General Townsend? Summer: Affirmative. Taylor withdraws from the campaign Seth: I guess that means no button guy. Summer: Seth!…