Summer: How’s Seth? See I kinda turned down his proposal and never heard from him again.
Ryan: Proposal? That’s the first time I’m hearing about it.
Summer: Right. For a week now Seth has been off the map. You expect me to believe that not once did he mention anything about a proposal going awry?
Ryan: Right. Well. He had pink eye.
Summer: Pink Eye? Did you have pink eye too?
Ryan: What? Why?
Summer: Well, ’cause Taylor said she didn’t hear from you either and she’s asking about you.
Ryan: Well, see, that was because I was helping him with his recovery. And waiting for Henri-Michel to leave.
Summer: Your pink eye’s all clear.
Seth: Pink eye?
Summer: Yeah. The reason why I haven’t heard from you. I talked to Ryan.
Che (Chris Pratt): It was his sciatica.
Seth: Yeah. When it gets in the eye, it’s— it goes pink.
Taylor: Ryan and I were never going to work anyway. He doesn’t even like cheese.
Henri-Michel (Henri Lubatti): I must admit, I feel for him. I know the excruciating pain of living without you. And a life without cheese, well…
Summer: Hey Seth, it’s me. Just calling to see how you’re feeling. Hope that crazy 24-hour flu thing cleared up. And also I don’t believe that you have the flu. Okay, bye.
Che: All we need is my harmonica—got it—your broken spirit and these giant backpacks.
Kaitlin (Willa Holland): You honestly got her nothing? I mean, you couldn’t have gone to the Qwik-E-Mart and gotten her a stuffed animal or gummi bears?
Ryan: Gummi bears?
Kaitlin: Talk is cheap, Ryan. You’re going toe-to-toe with this Frenchie. You need to step your game up.
Ryan: I can’t believe I’m getting advice from a fifteen-year-old.
Kaitlin: A fifteen-year-old who’s right.
Henri-Michel: So you are here to beat me up. I warn you, my family is hemophilic. I will bleed.
Henri-Michel: Can I get you some coffee? It tastes like urine, but apparently that is how you Americans drink it.
Julie: How about a compromise?
Kirsten: I’m listening.
Julie: We do it together.
Kirsten: I’m not facing those women.
Julie: I’ll do the talking, you drive.
Kirsten: And how come you can’t drive?
Julie: Oh! I’m sorry. Do you want to do the talking? It was our company. You’re liable.
Kirsten: I’ll pick you up in the morning.
Summer: Now you’re going to tell me why I just had to lie to my friend?
Ryan: Ah, because I need to see her.
Ryan: I need to tell her how I feel. What?
Summer: Nothing. It’s just you don’t really strike me as the coffee cart type.
Ryan: And what does that mean?
Summer: Look, I’m sure you’ve changed. Being with Taylor made you more expressive, but articulating your feelings to your girlfriend, kind of a challenge.
Ryan: Yeah, but if I don’t make some sort of declaration —
Summer: You might lose her. Okay. You just need to take a deep breath, look inside, and say what’s from your heart.
Ryan: I can do that.
Summer: Good. One more thing. Taylor has a super big heart and she’s super forgiving, but there is a French guy circling like a great white shark.
Ryan: Okay, just reminding me of the stakes.
Summer: No. I’m giving you advice because you’re my friend and I really want you to work this out.
Ryan: I’m listening.
Summer: Do not choke!
Ryan: Yeah I wasn’t going to until you did that.
Summer: God you have a wide neck.
Ryan: Yeah, you have pretty small hands. Thanks for the advice.
Summer: No problem.
Taylor: That stuffed animal that you bought me is more expressive, Ryan.
Henri-Michel: What are you doing with the refuse?
Taylor: I was making sure that the maid service here is efficient.
Henri-Michel: Or looking for Ryan’s mug of stale candy and bear that holds a balloon?
Taylor: Well, the guy did get me a gift. And the balloon was really shiny.
Che: We can shove these rocks into the tent. Unless you’re too weak to move.
Seth: No, I um, actually, I found some berries down below, they were pretty tasty, so—
Che: You ate the berries?
Seth: Yeah. Why? Is that a problem?
Che: No. That’s no problem. Not yet.
Che: How are you feeling, friend?
Seth: Like I’m sharing a sauna with the Blue Man Group.
Che: Go with it. You’re in the spirit world, man. This is the very last part of your journey.
Seth: Ryan likes Journey.
Seth to the otter: I can hear you! What’s that, little fella? You don’t feel well? That’s okay. I can take care of you. I don’t exactly know what that means, but maybe I can get you back in the ocean with all your otter friends. And you can do otter-related activities.
Ryan’s Poem: A sonnet: I don’t know how to write.
A haiku: 5-7-5 seems too tight.
Then there are three little words I’m not able to say
But Taylor, this is what I can tell you today
Though I can’t say those words to you tonight
Please stick with me because I feel someday I might
Julie: Kirsten, I’m sorry. It was the only way I could think to get you to spend the day with me.
Kirsten: So you told all those women they have chlamydia when they don’t?
Julie: They might. They did have sex with male hookers. Plus I picked the five meanest women in Newport.
Kirsten: What is wrong with you?
Julie: I was desperate. I missed you. I hate not having you in my life, Kirsten. I can live without you as my business partner, but not without you as my friend.
Kirsten: You are going to call all those woman tomorrow and you are going to tell them the truth.
Julie: Okay. But not Linda. Please let Linda think she has an STD.
Kirsten: That is not only unethical, it is just plain mean.
Julie: I disagree. Do you want to debate about it over dinner? You know you missed me, c’mon. Say it. Kirsten.
Kirsten: I’m having dinner with Julie.
Kirsten: Yeah. She is the most manipulative, scheming partner in the world. And it was stupid ever to get into business with her and I will never make that mistake again.
Sandy: But she’s the best friend you got.
Kirsten: Something like that.
Julie: Oh god, we gotta change the locks.