Stargate SG-1 Vala Mal Doran

Season 10


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Flesh and Blood

Vala: Are you actually going to stop growing at some point?

Vala: You know, I never thought I’d agree with my father but now I’m starting to remember about how he used to go about, you nurture them, and you raise them, and you teach them the best that you can, and then all they do is break your heart. I always assumed that his experience was just tainted by me.
Jackson: What are you talking about?
Vala: Wow. She started off all sweet and innocent and now she’s hell bent on domination of the galaxy.
Jackson: What? How old is she?
Vala: A few hours. The Ori used me to sneak one of their own over the border.

Jackson: This is bad.
Vala: You’re telling me. Origin is about to become much more appealing to the males of this galaxy.


Vala is off to use Jackson’s computer to study for her psych test
Jackson: I said no. And you can’t access it without my password!
Vala: Already got it, thanks!

Landry: You can’t cram for a psychiatric evaluation.
Vala: That’s what they want you to think.

Dr. Hutchinson: Vala. I’m Dr. Hutchinson. Have a seat. So, how are you feeling?
Vala: Very well. Very well. Well you know all things considered. I mean you’d assume I’d be a prime candidate for acculturation difficulty, enduring feelings of displacement and alienation. Perhaps even a little paranoid ideation. The truth is I was able to adopt an abstract attitude, which allowed me to release some of my repressed feelings, ultimately providing me with a cathartic actualization. How are you feeling?

About Vala taking the lie detector test
Hutchinson: Try to relax. an aside You’re looking very nice today.
Vala: Oh. Thank you. You’re looking rather dashing yourself.
Hutchinson: Thanks. realizes the detector is signaling a false answer. So does Vala.
Vala: I mean, nice. no change. I mean, not objectionable.

Woolsey: I’m assuming things didn’t go well.
Vala: I fail to see the point of that ridiculous exercise. Unless its purpose was to thoroughly humiliate me. Those questions weren’t intended to shed light on my character or delve deeply into my subconscience. They were merely little reminders as to exactly why I don’t belong here.
Woolsey: Then I take it you’ve carefully considered our offer and come to a decision.
Vala: I have.

Vala: As my first official act I’d like to report a rather disagreeable little man.
Woolsey: That’d be me.
Landry: Mr. Woolsey’s offer was part of the test. We wanted to make sure we could trust you.
Vala: I knew that. But were his sexual advances part of the test?
Woolsey: What? That’s a— General, I can assure you—
Vala: Well, I would have even considered playing along, but some of his requests were, well, a little unusual. Even for me.

The Pegasus Project

Vala: Funny, he doesn’t look excited.
Mitchell: Trust me. Like a kid who was up all night on Christmas Eve.
Vala: I thought we imposed a moratorium on cultural references I didn’t understand.

Rodney McKay: You may need me.
Vala: Colonel Carter said as much.
Carter: Oo. We weren’t going to tell him that.

Jackson: There’s something else going on.
Vala: What?
Jackson: It shouldn’t have worked.

Jackson: I know you’re still here. There’s no point in hiding!
Vala: I don’t think she’s coming back, Daniel. Especially if you shout at her.
Jackson: Oh yes she is. She’s going to finish what she started.


Teal’c: You are suggesting that Ba’al attempted to gain control of the council in order to gain acess to the Ancient device.
Vala: With the purpose of wiping out all life in the galaxy except his own little corner, of course.
Mitchell: That was Anubis’ plan.
Ba’al: I never said it was original.

Mitchell: What the hell are you doing?
Vala: I alerted the Jaffa patrol to our presence.
Mitchell: Obviously. Do you mind if I ask why?
Vala: So they’d sound the alarm, and send reinforcements.
Mitchell sarcastically: Oh well that’s, that’s brilliant. Hey, how come I didn’t think of that?
Vala standing in the rings: My dear Colonel, where do you think the reinforcements will come from?


Teal’c: Is General Landry not expecting us at his cabin?
Carter: I’ll let him know we’re going to be delayed a little bit.
Vala: I’m sure Colonel Mitchell will be very pleased to hear he’s got more special alone time with the General.



Jackson: You’re making a big mistake. More Ori ships will be here soon.
Jaffa: Then they will suffer the same fate.
Adria offscreen: I think not. {She uses telekinetic powers to strangle him}
Vala: Adria?
Adria: Hello, Mother.

Vala: Listen, we’re not rejoining the fleet. You’re coming with me.
Adria: No. I can’t abandon my army.
Vala: It’s not your army.
Adria: Of course it is.
Vala: Well as your mother I’m putting my foot down. You’re too young to have your own army.

Memento Mori

Three Weeks Earlier

Jackson: Dinner tonight is my way of saying thank you. Thank you for proving me right when I said we could take a chance on you.
Vala: I don’t know what to say.
Jackson: Just say what you were going to say before I interrupted.
Vala: Okay. I need to use the bathroom.

Trust Minion: How are you feeling?
Vala: A little dizzy. A little tired. And very very angry.
Trust Minion: That’s because the flashbacks you’re experiencing are dredging up some long-buried emotions that may be coloring your subconscious mind.
Vala: I’m going to kill both of you in the most painful way possible.

Sal (Don Stark): I’m Sal, the owner.
Vala: Sal the owner. Of Sol’s Diner?
Sal (Don Stark): Yeah. Sol was the original owner. I bought the place from him. So, how was lunch?
Vala: Delicious.
Sal (Don Stark): Delicious enough to pay for it?
Vala: Yes! If I had the money, I would certainly have paid for the meal. And given the lovely waitress a sizeable gratuity.

Vala: I have no idea who I am, much less what I’m capable of. All I know for certain is that about an hour ago I was lost, hungry and drawn to the delightful aroma of the Blue Plate Special.

Vala: Sal, what am I doing? Working here and sleeping out back, watching reruns of The X-Files in my spare time.

Mitchell: Where are we going?
Vala: Just drive.
Mitchell: You know I’m bleeding here.
Vala: Shut up.

Vala: What are you doing?
Mitchell: Just checking to see if I still have both of my kidneys.

Vala: Get out of my way or I will shoot you.
Jackson: You don’t remember who you are but I do. You won’t shoot.

Vala: What’s this?
Landry: Let’s just call it a Welcome Back present.
Vala: These are—
Landry: Team badges. You’re now officially a member of SG-1.
Carter: Congratulations. You earned it.

Company of Thieves

Mitchell: Yep. She’s a real beauty.
Vala: Stabilizers are a bit wonky, I’m afraid. Makes for a bumpy ride. But it’s all perfectly safe.
Mitchell: Really?
Vala: Not exactly.
Jackson: We gave you as much raw naquadah as you needed and all you came up with was this piece of junk?
Vala: People’s lives are at stake, Daniel. Do you honestly think that I cheaped out on the ship and pocketed the difference? an alarm goes off
Mitchell: What’s that?
Vala: Life support seems to be failing. {to Teal’c}. Can you take over? She changes crystals and the alarm stops
Mitchell: Great, you fixed that. How about fixing the stabilizers?
Vala: I didn’t fix it. I just disabled that annoying alarm.

Vala: The key is to be as incospicuous and non-threatening as possible. If you like I could take Daniel.

Anateo: Dr. Jackson. Vala. Just wanted to let you know that your duplicity has already forfeited Colonel Carter’s life. Unless you surrender immediately, the rest of the crew is next.

The Quest : Part One

Vala: The key is to be as inconspicuous and non-threatening as possible. If you like I could take Daniel.

Vala: Well. Arthur and his knights wouldn’t have had access to this advanced technology to guide them through. So presumably the answer
could be deceptively simple.

Vala to Teal’c: Well, after you, Muscles.

The Quest : Part Two

Mitchell about the dragon’s name: So what are we supposed to do, just start guessing?
Vala: Darryl the Dragon.
Mitchell: How ’bout Smokey?
Teal’c: Perhaps Puff.

Vala: Merlin’s gone.
Mitchell: Well that’s just … weird.

Line in the Sand

Ori Soldier: What just happened? How did that building disappear?
Vala: Perhaps it was the will of the gods.

Tomin: Why are you still wearing the clothes of a blasphemer?
Vala: If I put on this dress, and say, “Hallowed are the Ori” will you stop mass-murdering innocent people?

The Road Not Taken

Vala: I’m bidding for a timeshare on eBay. {she rushes out, only to rush in a moment later} Welcome back, Samantha. We really did miss you.
Carter: Thank you. It’s good to be home.

The Shroud

Vala: That little weasel man who somehow represents your government.
Jackson: Woolsey?
Vala: I can’t be certain, but I think he might not like you.
Jackson: He wants to have me killed, doesn’t he?
Vala: Oh, I’m not sure how serious he is. He seems quite the prankster to me.

Vala: Okay. Huh. This shouldn’t be too bad.
Mitchell: I don’t know. With me whenever there’s some assembly required, I inevitably find a part missing. A screw, a widget, what-have-you.


Vala: I can’t wait to meet your parents.
Mitchell: Yeah, just don’t embarrass me.
Vala: I would never embarrass you.

Mitchell: I’ll be on the couch.
Vala: Your loss.

Darrell Grimes: What department did you say you work in again?
Vala: Accounts. Receivable.

Mitchell: She’s a nice girl. I like her.
Vala: Nice. She’s a cure for insomnia.

Bad Guys

Vala: Well then you should say what you mean.
Jackson: I don’t think you want me to start doing that.
Vala: I don’t think you want to start thinking what I think.

Cicero (Joshua Malina): I’m published dozens of papers, written a book. No one listens. My colleagues think I’m a bit of a joke.
Vala: Look Daniel, you’ve found a kindred spirit.

Vala: There’s a seventy percent chance that if we dial manually we’ll be able to establish a connection and a fifty percent chance the bomb will just go off.
Mitchell: That’s a hundred and twenty percent.
Vala: Well there’s some crossover where establish a wormhole and blow us up.
Mitchell: Daniel, did you hear that?
Jackson: Yeah. A hundred percent chance we should have brought someone who knows what they’re doing.


Mitchell: So I was thinking, we could zat him, toss him in a holding cell until he comes to his senses.
Vala: I was thinking it’s not too late to go with him.
Jackson: I offered. He doesn’t want us to.

Vala: So what does this Arkad have to gain by attacking Earth.
Mitchell: Maybe he’s trying to up his street cred.

Family Ties

Jacek (Fred Willard): Sweetheart! How is life treating you?
Vala: Certainly better than you ever did.

Jacek: Hug for Daddy?
Vala: You’re lucky I’m not allowed to kill you.

Jacek: Having second thoughts?
Vala: No. I think the door is locked.

Vala: So where are the boys tonight?
Carter: Cameron has a date, Daniel is exhausted. And Teal’c got tickets to some show…


Vala: I thought this was an honest establishment.
Gambler: It is. And that’s why it’s necessary to have you searched. {chips fall out of her sleeves}
Vala: I don’t suppose we could call this even?

Vala: I did not expect to see you again.
Adria: I had to return, mother. My work here is unfinished.
Gambler: Who is this?
Vala: You really don’t want to know.

Adria: What are you doing here? Where are your friends from Earth?
Vala: Friends come and go.

Vala: You do realize in a traditional mother-daughter relationship I’m supposed to be the bossy one.

Mitchell: Do you not see what’s going on here?
Vala: No.
Mitchell: This is Adria, telling us where to go so she can pick us off.

Carter: She’s using you, Vala.
Vala: No. I would know.
Mitchell: Well you didn’t know before. Did you?

Adria: Return with me to my ship and take up your rightful place as the mother of the Orisi.
Vala: Adria, stop it. I am not your mother. I may have given birth to you but we are not family. So stop pretending.
Adria: You just need time to think about it. We will talk further on our way.

Vala: Hello Gorgeous! If you’re watching this you’re obviously back at Stargate Command. And you’re probably thinking everyone around you has gone completely wonko. With the exception of Daniel who, let’s face it, was always a little bit—
Jackson off screen: Vala!

Vala: So…. No IOA? No Reynolds’ men? No television program about dancing with supposed celebrities?
Jackson: Actually that part was real.
Vala: How very disturbing.
Carter: Yeah.
Jackson: Mm hm.

Vala: It’s over Adria.
Adria: I’m afraid you’re mistaken. Adria’s no longer available. {her eyes glow}

Adria: I need time to prepare.
Vala: Prepare for what?
Adria: Ascension.


Jackson: I told you to bring something to amuse yourself. I didn’t mean me. Or the crew.
Vala: They won’t believe that it’s my birthday. Again.
Jackson: Not my problem.
Vala: Being stuck on this ship is worse than being stuck at SGC. I tell you last time I was this bored I took hostages.
Jackson: I was there.

Vala about the Asgard: Out of curiosity, how do you tell the difference?
Jackson: The voice.

Vala to Jackson: I’m gonna go crazy. And I’m taking you with me.

Vala: I’m hearing things all the time. Are you hearing things?
Teal’c: I am trying not to.

Vala: We’ve been here three months, Daniel. Three. Months. You do like girls?
Jackson: Yes!
Vala: Well I don’t see many other options around here, do you? Unless you really don’t find me attractive.
Jackson: Do you want an honest answer to this question?
Vala: No.

Mitchell: When I said that I wanted to get the team back together—work with you guys, learn from ya—I did not mean every waking moment for the next fifty years.
Jackson: You said that yesterday.
Mitchell: I did?
Teal’c: And the day before that.
Vala: And the day before that.

Mitchell: What are you, 130 now?
Vala: I don’t know. He doesn’t look a day over 122 to me.

Vala: Fifty or sixty years? Something interesting must have happened. Obviously I hooked up with someone. Was it you, Muscles? Can’t be Mitchell, can it? General Landry?