Season 3

Into the Fire

Major Davis (Colin Cunningham): If they have someone on the inside, why can’t they do something?
Hammond: They did, Major.

Hathor: Which one of you shall be host to our new friend?
O’Neill: It has her eyes.
Hathor: Silence!

Raully: I am Tok’ra. Know this: If the Tauri do not destroy you, we will.

Villager: I know you! Sholva! You dare return to Chulak.
Teal’c: The people of this world are my brothers and sisters. I have betrayed no one.
Villager: Except your god.
Teal’c: False god. Dead false god.

Colonel Makepeace: How’s the leg? Can you walk?
Jackson: It’s just a deep bleeding gash, but it’ll be fine.

Hammond: One armored platoon should be able to take the Stargate.
Major Davis: General. Sir. I’m sorry, but it’s not up to me. Even if it was I don’t agree.
Hammond: I don’t really give a damn if you don’t agree with me, Major.

Bra’tac: Teal’c has returned from the Taur’i. If you care for this world and for our people you will listen to what he has to say.

Teal’c: General.
Hammond: Not what I’d call an army, but it’s a start.
Bra’tac: Hammond. Of Texas.
Hammond: Master Bra’tac. Gentlemen, I need your help.

Hathor: We will destroy you for this!
O’Neill: “We” would just like you to go away!

Seth

Jacob: So. You guys are the talk of the Tok’ra water cooler.
O’Neill: For what?
Jacob: Kickin’ some major Hathor behind.
O’Neill: Yes, we do take pride in good work. But that’s not why you’re here.
Jacob: We need your help.
Carter: You need our help? With what?
Jacob: Let’s just call it an old hunt.

Jackson: Well I’m guessing we haven’t even scratched the surface on meeting all the Goa’uld System Lords. There’s probably thousands we haven’t even heard of, right?
Jacob: Only dozens in the ranks of System Lords. Thousands of Goa’ulds in general.
Carter: What makes you think we would have met this one?
Jacob: The Tok’ra council has been taking a Goa’uld census of sorts. Where the System Lords have positioned themselves, what domain they rule. Who serves under them, that sort of thing. But there’s one Goa’uld we’ve lost track of.
O’Neill: Seth.
Jacob: Our record of him ends when Earth’s gate was buried in ancient Egypt
Carter: Are you saying he never left?
Jacob: That’s our theory. We think he still might be here. Hiding among Earth’s people.

Selmak: Your father has an unresolved issue on this planet and frankly it’s beginning to irritate me.
Carter: Mark.
Selmak: Yes. Your father is a proud man. He refuses to seek out your brother and mend their relationship.
Carter: Yeah. Well, Mark isn’t exactly rushing into my father’s arms either. Even when we thought Dad was going to die he didn’t return my call.
Selmak: It hurt your father deeply that his son did not come to his deathbed. Now why would it hurt? As far as I was concerned the kid wasn’t my son anymore. It didn’t hurt a bit.

Jason Levinson: You guys came prepared. I’m going with you.
Jackson: I think it’d be safer for everyone if you wait for us here.

James Hamner: You have a rather insubordinate subordinate, General.
Jacob: He’s not insubordinate to me, only to people such as yourself. Saves me the trouble.

Hamner: You wanna tell me what’s going on?
O’Neill: Didn’t you say you know more than I do?
Hamner: Well apparently not. I just got off the phone with the President.
O’Neill: Of the United States of America? Sweet.

Hamner: I have to prepare for the worst. If your people have been caught and I don’t act, it’s on me if they get killed.
Jacob: It won’t be on you, it’ll be on me.
Teal’c: It will reside on me also.

Fair Game

Thor: Greetings General O’Neill.
O’Neill: Greetings. Have we met?
Thor: I am Thor.

Thor: We received word of what transpired between your people and the Goa’uld named Hathor.
O’Neill: She had it coming.
Thor: As a result, the Goa’uld System Lords have turned their attention toward you.

Thor: I have come to offer our assistance.
O’Neill: Now see that would be appreciated. I have seen your work and it’s great.

Thor: Three representatives from the System Lords will arrive by Stargate. You must be prepared to speak on behalf of all the inhabitants of Earth.
O’Neill: Well. Maybe not me, personally.
Thor: We have chosen you, O’Neill, to represent your planet at the proceedings.
O’Neill: Alright, now, see that could be a mistake.

Thor: We have an enemy in our home galaxy that is far worse than the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Worse?

Thor: Our greatest advantage has been the feudal nature of the Goa’uld. Our greatest concern has been a single Goa’uld rising to dominant power. If Sokar were to overtake the System Lord collective, the Asgard may not have sufficient power to stop him.
O’Neill: So basically you guys are bluffing the Goa’uld big time.

Thor: These negotiations will not be easy. The Asgard will be required to make great sacrifices. As will you.

Thor: Do the System Lords accept the Asgard proposal?
Yu: The Goa’uld System Lords accept the Asgard proposal. And demand one additional concession. We want immediate and unconditional forfeiture of the Tau’ri Stargate.

Kronos: We will not attack your world. But if you continue to use your Stargate, be warned. Anyone who is caught by one of the System Lords will be shown no mercy. They will suffer greatly.
O’Neill: Well that certainly makes life more interesting.

Legacy

O’Neill: Is there anything we can do from in here?
Fraiser: Nothing, Colonel. All the specimens are inside us. And since we’re infected with multiple organisms we can expect our symptoms to be rapidly acute.
O’Neill: I’d like to apologize in advance for anything I may say or do that could be construed as offensive as I slowly go nuts!
Fraiser: Likewise, Colonel.

Learning Curve

Kalan: Colonel O’Neill. You are most punctual. Both Merrin and I are eager to participate in this exchange between our worlds.
O’Neill: Major Carter’s eager as well. She’s really looking forward to it. So’s Teal’c.
Teal’c: I will share my knowledge of the Goa’uld freely.
O’Neill: Teal’c’s eager on the inside.

O’Neill: So, Merrin, I understand you’re a reactor expert.
Merrin: Yes.
O’Neill: How old are you?
Merrin: I’m eleven. How old are you?
O’Neill: So Merrin, I understand you’re a reactor expert.

Merrin: You aren’t a scientist?
O’Neill: Oh no.
Merrin: Then you are not as smart as Major Carter and Dr. Fraiser.
O’Neill: Well it depends on…. Okay, no. I’m not. But while they were stuck in school I was out doing other things. Like having fun. You do know what fun is, don’t you? Okay. Ah. Fun is what you do to make yourself happy. Like music games. It’s whatever you do when you’re not learning to be a rocket scientist.
Merrin: I am here to teach Major Carter about the reactor.
Carter: Sounds like fun to me.

Teal’c: I have vowed to battle the Goa’uld and to free my people. If I allow the symbiote that I carry to be implanted, I would be perpetuating all that I oppose.
Tomin: What happens if you do not find a host for this Goa’uld?
Teal’c: It will die.
Tomin: If the Goa’uld dies, then you will die as well? That would be unfortunate.

Tomin: Father, I wish to undergo the Averium immediately.
Kalan: Tomin, it is six months until you turn twelve.
Tomin: I am concerned by what Teal’c has told me of these Goa’uld. If they learn of our existence they will destroy us. The studies I have made as an Urrone to learn about defense technologies must now be put to use so that Orban can begin preparations.
Kalan: I will notify the elders. You have learned well, my son. I am proud.

Carter: Draw me your reactor core. Give me an idea of what it looks like.
Merrin: I don’t draw.
Carter: You don’t draw? Everyone draws.
Merrin: No. It is not something I am required to do. I have never had to draw before.
Carter: Oh. Well, it’s pretty easy.

Jackson: So when you say he gave you his knowledge, you meant it literally.
Kalan: It was a beautiful ceremony.

Hammond: So once Merrin returns to Orban she will undergo this Averium and her nanites will be removed.
Fraiser: Yes sir.
O’Neill: Then maybe she won’t return to Orban.
Hammond: Colonel.
O’Neill: General! She’s going back to get her brain sucked out. And I dare anybody to phrase it more delicately.

Point of View

 

Deadman Switch

O’Neill: Who are you?
Aris Boch: Aris Boch. Perhaps you’ve heard of me.
O’Neill: Ah… not I. Teal’c.
Teal’c: I have not.
Aris Boch: Well that’s disappointing. I’m one of the galaxies greatest hunters.
O’Neill: Not ringing a bell, sorry.
Aris Boch: Well I know you. Captain Samantha Carter. Dr. Daniel Jackson. The Jaffa traitor, Teal’c. And Colonel Jack O’Neill.
O’Neill: Well fancy that. We’re famous.

Aris Boch: Dr. Jackson. If you don’t mind treating my wound.
Jackson: I’m an archaeologist.
Aris Boch: I know. But you’re also a doctor.
Jackson: Of archaeology.
Aris Boch: Never mind. Captain! You must have some medical training.
Carter: Actually, I’m a Major now.
Aris Boch: Oh. Well how very important. I’ll inform the galaxy.

Aris Boch: I give to the Goa’uld what they want and they give back to me what I want in return.
Carter: How do you keep from getting killed?
Aris Boch: Takes talents.
O’Neill: So. How do you keep from getting killed?

Aris Boch: And you, O’Neill, you’re considered, well, you’re a pain in the mikta.
O’Neill: Neck?
Teal’c: No.

Aris Boch: Zat gun?
O’Neill: Dropped the ni’katel.
Aris Boch approvingly: I guess it does save a bit of effort.

Jackson: You don’t seem to have much of a problem trading human lives like commodities.
Aris Boch: Oh, you Earthlings and your morality.

Korra: Aris told you about his wife and son?
O’Neill: Oh yeah.
Korra: It’s a lie. He has none. Never did.
Jackson: So why does he do this?
O’Neill: Greed.
Korra: Not exactly. It is true that his race cannot be used as hosts. And most were slaughtered by the Goa’uld. Those that were kept alive are addicted to a substance called Roshnah.

Aris Boch: Poison. That’s very un-Goa’uld-like. Why would he do that?
Carter: To save the lives of other Tok’ra.
Aris Boch: Since when does a Goa’uld care about another Goa’uld?
Carter: I told you, the Tok’ra are not the same.

Demons

Simon: The time of sacrifice is at hand. The elders will have to perform the trepanning ritual tonight to cleanse her.
Jackson: Oh no.
O’Neill: What?
Jackson: It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They drill a hole in the person’s head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released thus saving the person from eternal damnation.
O’Neill: Thus saving a person?
Jackson: Well they didn’t call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

Rules of Engagement

SG-11: Identify yourself!
O’Neill: Colonel Jack O’Neill, SG-1.
SG-11: Which quadrant?
O’Neill: What?

SG-X Member: Boy are you guys gonna get it.
O’Neill: Get what? From whom?
SG-X Member: You can’t talk!
O’Neill: Why not?
SG-X Member: Because you’re dead.
O’Neill: Dead?
SG-X Member: Pretending not to be dead will just get you into more trouble.
O’Neill: More trouble than dead?

Captain: No rank is above strict adherence to the rules of engagement. Rule two, article four. Unauthorized forces will be shot on sight.

Teal’c: Your standing orders given to you by your previous Jaffa Master?
Captain Rogers: To practice the exercises of battle according to the rules of engagement until the return of our Lord Apophis. When we are ready for the final challenge, he will come.
O’Neill: Don’t hold your breath.

Captain Rogers: We study long and hard and know much.
Carter: About Earth?
Captain Rogers: Oh yes. Corn and cotton are indigenous to North America.
O’Neill: That information could save your life one day.

Captain Nelson: You speak more like a Tau’ri than a warrior of Apophis.
O’Neill: Well thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.

Captain Rogers: This is the Final Challenge.
Captain Nelson: What happened?
Captain Rogers: The day has come, Nelson. The Final challenge.
Captain Nelson: Blood has been shed.

O’Neill: Ol’ Doc Fraiser says you haven’t been eating.
Captain Rogers: It’s poisoned.
O’Neill: It’s hospital food. Of course it is.

Captain Rogers: I will reveal nothing. You may begin torturing me.
O’Neill: Oh, I’ve already begun. This is the infamous tuna torture.

Captain Rogers: You can go home—wherever that is. The war is over.
O’Neill: No it’s not. Because tomorrow the Final Challenge begins. And many of my men will die. For him.

Captain Nelson: What will become of us? Where will we go now?
Captain Rogers: Home.

Forever in a Day

Sha’re: Daniel, I only came to tell you about the boy.
Jackson: What about him?

Sha’re: You must continue. So you can find the boy.
Jackson: Where is he?
Sha’re: To continue your travels, you must first forgive Teal’c. He did what is right.
Jackson: He killed you.
Sha’re: Yes.
Jackson: But you’re here.
Sha’re: Yes. Now go back to sleep.

Jackson: It was a beautiful ceremony, Good Father.
Kasuf: It was. My heart is still burdened.
Jackson: Why? Your daughter is with the God.
Kasuf: Yes. But you still have not heard her.
Jackson: I don’t understand.
Kasuf: What she has to say is important. To all of our future.

Sha’re: You must forgive Teal’c.
Jackson: Yes. You already told me that.
Sha’re: And together you must find the boy.
Jackson: Why?
Kasuf: For he is Harcesis. The One Who Holds the Secrets.
Sha’re: The boy is the son of two Goa’uld hosts. He contains all the secrets of the Goa’uld. You must find him.

Jackson: Keb is a myth.
Sha’re: No.
Jackson: Where is it?
Sha’re: Promise me you will save the child.
Jackson: I promise.

Past and Present

Orner (Jason Gray-Stanford): Where did you come from? How’d you get in here?
O’Neill: Door was open. Is there anyone around here who might be considered… in charge?
Orner: Me. Show me your papers.
Jackson: We don’t have any papers. We’re travellers. We’ve come to meet you.
Orner: To meet me?
Layale: Not you!
Jackson: Actually I meant your people.

Orner: Who would give you a name like Teal’c?
Teal’c: It was given by my father. It means strength.
Layale: You remember your father?
Teal’c: For as long as I draw breath.
Orner: Then you could have not been here at the time of the Vorlix.
Jackson: Vorlix? That doesn’t ring a bell.
Layale: It was the day that all we know of ourselves was taken away.
Orner: We can only remember the days since the Vorlix. Before that, nothing.

Ke’ra: You’re not from Vyus.
O’Neill: What gave us away?
Ke’ra: Whatever agent that caused the Vorlix is gone, but its effects were pandemic. If you know who you are, then you cannot be of this world.

Carter: What can you tell us about her?
Ke’ra: That she was somewhat of an apothecary. And that she did not survive the Vorlix.
O’Neill: How do you know that?
Ke’ra: The bodies of an elder woman and man were discovered some days later in a building destroyed by explosion. The only remains of our elders we have found. We deduced the male must have been Dr. Zervis. And the female matches what little description he gave in his notes of the visitor.
Teal’c: What is the name of this elder woman?
Ke’ra: It is mentioned… here, yes. She calls herself Linea.

Fraiser: Colonel.
O’Neill: Oh hi. What’s your name?

Ke’ra: There are still so many questions. Why are there no images of children and… where have our elders gone? Through your Stargate perhaps?

Jackson: She found your world because of us. Through of one of our computers. And that’s why we’re going to do everything in our power to help.
Ke’ra: I know you will.

Jackson: There’s a test, it compares what we call DNA. It proves that you and Linea are the same person.
Ke’ra: Well the test is wrong. I’m not Linea.
Jackson: No you’re not. You’re Ke’ra now. Ke’ra is wonderful. As long as you remain that person that will never change.
Ke’ra: You’re telling me that I would never be able to take the antidote. I would never harm anyone, Daniel. Do you believe me?
Jackson: I do.

Jackson: You’ve taken the antidote.
Ke’ra: Leave, Daniel.
Jackson: You said all debts have now been paid. That was the message Linea left behind.
Ke’ra: Was it?
Jackson: Did you take the antidote?
Ke’ra: I had to know, Daniel. I didn’t believe you.
Jackson: Ke’ra—
Ke’ra: I’m not Ke’ra, am I? I am the murderer you said I was.

Jolinar’s Memories

Gate Tech: Receiving GDO transmission. It’s the Tok’ra, sir.
O’Neill: Open the iris. {to Sam} Maybe it’s dad.
Carter: Maybe.

Carter: It’s my father.
Martouf (J.R. Bourne): I’m afraid he’s been captured by Sokar.
Carter: Oh my god.
Martouf: As far as we know, he is still alive.
Carter: As far as you know?
Martouf: You are familiar with the way Sokar has assumed the persona of the entity on Earth known as the Devil?
O’Neill: Yeah. Bit pretentious, don’t you think?
Martouf: You must understand when I say that, if Selmak is still alive, he has been sent to Hell.
O’Neill: As in?
Martouf: A place of eternal suffering and damnation, from which there is no return.

O’Neill: So we’re talking about a rescue mission here?
Martouf: Unfortunately to our knowledge, no one has ever escaped Ne’tu.
O’Neill: Oh.
Martouf: No one except for Jolinar.
Carter: Oh.

O’Neill: How did Jolinar get out?
Martouf: She never said.
Jackson: No one ever asked her how she escaped from an inescapable prison?
Martouf: She was found unconscious and badly injured in a tel’tak—a cargo ship floating adrift in space. Her recovery was long and painful. She was encouraged to remember how she escaped but she refused to speak of it.

Martouf: The Tok’ra believe that Sokar is about to launch a massive attack against the System Lords.
O’Neill: Isn’t that good news?
Teal’c: The chaotic and feudal disorganization of the System Lords’ fragmented rule is a far more vulnerable target than that of one powerful Goa’uld.
Martouf: Especially if that Goa’uld is Sokar.
Hammond: He’s really that much worse than the others?
Jackson: Of all the gods he picked to impersonate, he chose the Devil.

Martouf: Without wanting to sound overly dramatic, the fate of the galaxy may be at stake.
O’Neill: Sounds a bit overly dramatic.

Martouf: If she does not remember Jolinar’s method of escape I will not ask any of you to accompany me down to the surface.
O’Neill: Why?
Martouf: Because anyone who does will likely not return.

Jacob: Am I dreaming?
Carter: No. No, we’re real.
Jacob: Are you crazy?
O’Neill: Apparently.

O’Neill: Is he gonna make it?
Martouf: Not here. Unless we get him out of this place soon he will die.

Bynarr: Allow me to offer thanks for returning the Tok’ra Jolinar, the one who betrayed me, so that I may seek my revenge.
Sokar: Of what do you speak?
Bynarr: She arrived today with three others.
Sokar: I did not send her to you. They are intruders. Find out what they want, then kill them.

Apophis (Peter Williams): You will call me Nao’nak no longer. From this day forth I will reclaim my real name. Apophis.

The Devil You Know

O’Neill: You do understand we’re not too happy to see you.
Apophis: Your insolence is amusing to my ears.

Apophis: You used this to access the memories of Jolinar left in your mind. That is the only way you could have known how to escape. I will use it to get you to tell me everything you want to know.
Carter: It doesn’t work that way.
Apophis: I know how it works. When it’s fully activated it makes your memories easily accessible to your conscious mind.

Martouf: I knew it was you.
Carter: You shouldn’t have done it, Martouf.
Martouf: I couldn’t watch him kill you, Samantha.
Carter realizing: You lied.

Aldwin: I’m sorry I doubted you.
Teal’c: I am surprised as you that we survived.

Foothold

Fraiser: Loosen your belt please, Colonel.
O’Neill: How’s a needle in my butt gonna get water out of my ear?

Fraiser: It must have something to do with the alien symbiote within him. It took an extremely large dose just to sedate him in the first place.
Hammond: What is the problem with the human?
Fraiser: Her bio-chemistry has been altered. It is related to her prior infestation by the dominant parasitical species of this galaxy.
Hammond: Is there a way to compensate?
Fraiser: I have not found one yet.
Hammond: Place them in a holding cell. Once the invasion is complete you may study them further. Only then will we know if this is a viable new home.

Carter: This is Major Samantha Carter. We have a foothold situation.
Maybourne (Tom McBeath): Major Carter? Where are you?
Carter: I can’t tell you that, sir.

Maybourne: Major, you’re way outside your chain of command.
Carter: I have reason to believe that may be compromised, sir.
Maybourne: Understood.

Fraiser: Hey Teal’c. How’re you feeling? You went a little crazy on us so we had to sedate you. Do you what happened?
Teal’c: I do not.
Fraiser: SG-1 was exposed to chemical fumes from the spill. You became delusional and attacked several people trying to escape from the base.

Maybourne: So. You came to the one person you don’t trust.
Carter: I don’t know how far up the chain of command the infiltration goes. It may well be contained within the SGC, but if General Hammond was compromised—
Maybourne: He sounded fine to me on the phone.
Carter: What?
Maybourne: He called me, Major. Calm down. He’s concerned for you, that’s all.
Carter: I told you we had a foothold situation.
Maybourne: Major, a chemical spill causing paranoid delusion is infinitely more plausible to me than aliens taking over the SGC.
Carter: My god. You don’t think I can tell the difference between the two? What was I thinking—
O’Neill: Oh hi, Carter.
Carter: Maybourne you are an idiot every day of the week. Why couldn’t you have just taken one day off?

O’Neill: Who’s that?
Major Paul Davis (Colin Cunningham): Major Davis.
O’Neill: Colonel O’Neill.
Davis: What’s going on? How’d we get like this?
O’Neill: You’re asking me?

Davis: What are you doing?
O’Neill: I’m going to wake her up.
Davis: Do you think that’s such a good idea, sir?
O’Neill: It’s *an* idea.

Davis: What about the other thing?
O’Neill: The other thing? Okay… She’s just an alien. She’s just an alien. Yeah, that’s an alien all right.

Carter: How did you two get free?
Davis: We just woke up.
Carter: It must have happened when I killed you.
O’Neill: I’m sorry?

Maybourne: What happened?
Carter: They self-destructed.
Teal’c: Their destruction appears to be complete.
Carter: That’s a lot of damage.
O’Neill: Coat of paint. Little touch-up. It’ll be fine.

Hammond: Appreciate your help in this matter, Maybourne.
Maybourne: Credit Major Carter. I do.

Pretense

O’Neill: So. Who’s on trial?
Jackson: -ad.
O’Neill: Triad… al.
Narim: The decision that the Triad must reach is of great concern to a friend of yours. He is an Abydonian by the name of Skaara.
O’Neill: What?

Carter: So you built that Stargate?
Narim: Yes.
Jackson: Way smarter than we are.
O’Neill: Ours is bigger.

Narim: No harm will come to you. The Tollan will guarantee it.
O’Neill: Is that a “money back if you’re not completely alive” guarantee?

Klorel: You! You will pay for what you did to my father.
O’Neill: It’s good to see you too.

Skaara: I’m very happy to see you. All of you.
O’Neill: What just happened? What’s the deal?
Narim: The Tollan designed the device worn upon his chest. It suppresses the Goa’uld’s ability to silence his host. The Goa’uld and host are free to speak at will. The device cannot be removed as long as Klorel and Skaara are our guests.

Narim: As you may recall from our last encounter, it is forbidden for the Tollan to give our technology to anyone less advanced than our own.
O’Neill: Still got that arrogance bug, I see.

Travell: You disregarded my warnings.
O’Neill: Mine too. Well done.
Travell: If you were my subject I would be forced to discipline you. However you are not one of my subjects.

Carter: I thought the Nox were pacificists.
Lya: I only hid the weapon. I did not fire it.
Carter: Ah. Pretty fine line you didn’t cross.
Lya: Yes it is.

Urgo

Hammond: Can these devices be removed?
Fraiser: Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.
O’Neill: What’s the down side?
Fraiser: How they were implanted without any external marks or injury to the cortex is beyond me.
Hammond: Can we determine what threat they pose?
O’Neill: Apparently all desserts on base are in extreme danger.

Urgo (Dom DeLuise): Do you know that you’re all much better looking on the outside than you are on the inside? On the inside it’s so complicated.

O’Neill: Carter?
Carter: The technology implanted in our brains, sir. We’re looking at some sort of visual communication interface. Controlled hallucination.
O’Neill: So… I… What?
Urgo: He gets confused. By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen?

Fraiser: Okay, so what does he look like?
O’Neill: A famous tenor.

Urgo: Would you loosen up?
O’Neill: Hey! I’m loose.

Teal’c: We are not wild animals.
Urgo: Speak for yourself. Big fella.

Urgo: It’s me or death. You have to decide. Me. Or death. … Well?
O’Neill: We’re thinking.

Hammond: Doctor, are we entirely sure the members of SG-1 are… What’s the word?
Fraiser: Sane?
Hammond: That’s the one.

Urgo: Wait! I can be dull! Want me to be dull? What a nice shade of gray. How about some white bread with mayonnaise? Wanna watch golf on television?
O’Neill: Will you flip that switch?

Jackson: You’re Togar?
Togar: Yes! Togar!
Urgo whispering: As handsome as he is evil.

Urgo: I want to live. I want to experience the Universe. And I want to eat pie.
O’Neill: Who doesn’t?

O’Neill: Him or death.
Urgo: No, I—
O’Neill: Death or him.
Urgo: Oh my.
O’Neill: Well?
Urgo: I’m thinking.

A Hundred Days

Harriman: They say you’ve come through the stone ring. Hard thing to ask a man to believe.
O’Neill: I know what you mean.

Harriman: On the third day we could take no more. We fled to the stone ring. Where it used to be.
O’Neill: Used to be?

Fraiser: You working through the night again?
Carter: Yeah. A lot of work to do.
Fraiser: Look Sam, there’s no doubt you are going to solve this, but you have to accept the fact that it’s going to take time.
Carter: Yeah, well if I think that way it could take months.
Fraiser: Daniel says the Tollan could have a ship in the vicinity of Edora sometime early next year.
Carter: He shouldn’t have to wait that long.
Fraiser: You miss him.
Carter: Yeah.
Fraiser: Is this a problem?
Carter: No. No, of course not.
Fraiser: Okay.

Laira: Come. I would like your company.
O’Neill: I don’t even like my company right now.
Laira: You will again. Loss is that way. I mourned my husband for a hundred days. I never left my house, I never spoke to anyone.
O’Neill: After that?
Laira: I left my house. And I spoke to people.

Laira: Paynan has invited you to evening supper.
O’Neill: Why? He doesn’t even like me.
Laira: He is very grateful for all the help you’ve given him in rebuilding his home.
O’Neill: I just hammered a few nails. Well, actually I made the nails first, and then I hammered them.

O’Neill: Laira, you should know a part of me is never going to let go of the life I left behind.
Laira: Well. That’s not the part of you I want.

Shades of Grey

Jackson: Your Eminence, our government has asked us to return to Tollana to arrange formal diplomatic relations with your people.
High Chancellor Travell: Consider it done. You are, after all, the people who saved us from the Goa’uld.
Jackson: Thank you. Yes. Well. In that spirit we’d like to arrange for a trade.
High Chancellor Travell: What would you like to trade?
Jackson: Technology.
High Chancellor Travell: I’m sorry. You know that is the one thing we cannot give you. Tollan law strictly forbids it.
Jackson: Okay, we understand that. However in our culture laws can be changed when it’s deemed that the reasons for those laws are no longer relevant.
High Chancellor Travell: The reasons for these laws are still relevant.
Jackson: Okay, please, if you’ll just allow me to make our case.
High Chancellor Travell: I assume you want weapons technology.
Jackson: Yes.
O’Neill: One of those ion cannons would be nice.
High Chancellor Travell: I see. And for what will you use such a cannon?
O’Neill: To defend ourselves against the Goa’uld.
High Chancellor Travell: Forgive me, Colonel, but our research shows you are far more likely to use our technology against enemies on your own planet.
O’Neill: What if I gave you my word that would never happen?
High Chancellor Travell: Are you the commander of your entire nation?
O’Neill: No.
High Chancellor Travell: Then in truth you cannot guarantee it.
O’Neill: You know what? Forget it.
Jackson: Jack?
O’Neill: We knew you wouldn’t give us anything. We’re wasting a lot of time here.
Jackson: Jack—
O’Neill: No, Daniel. Let’s go.

Maybourne: May I come in?
O’Neill: No. I am in no way obligated to put up with your crap anymore.
Maybourne: I think you’re gonna want to hear what I have to offer you.
O’Neill: Offer?

Makepeace: I’m proud to join you folks. I hope you will learn to trust my command as much as you did Colonel O’Neill’s.
Carter: I’m sure we will, sir.
Jackson: I never really trusted Jack’s command, but… I’m open.

Maybourne: I want to be sure you understand once thing, O’Neill. What I’m about to show you is not so much classified as it is secret. Dangerous would be another word I would use.
O’Neill: Keep talking.
Maybourne: I want you to understand that
once you see what I’m about to show you, there is no turning back. You have the choice to go along with it or disappear.
O’Neill: Disappear?
Maybourne: This is your last chance to back out.
O’Neill: Well if you promise to cut down on the melodrama I’ll consider crossing the line.

Lieutenant Clare Tobias: What are they doing?
O’Neill: Taking back what’s rightfully theirs, I guess. Listen up, all of ya. You’ve got two choices here. As soon as they stop taking stuff they’re going to start taking people. Now you can go with the Asgard, or you can follow me. Your choice. I’ll be holding the door open so you can’t go anywhere else.

Makepeace: You pissed off the wrong people.
O’Neill: Like the Tollan, Tok’ra, Asgard, Nox…. Those folks?
Makepeace: They refuse to give us the things we need to defend ourselves against the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: We don’t need their stuff, Makepeace. We do need them.

New Ground

Nyan: Mallin, I think we found the Gateway.
Mallin: There is no Gateway. That is Optrican legend.
Nyan: Well then how do you explain this?
Mallin: This could be very dangerous, Nyan. Do you realize what this could mean.
Nyan: It would mean we were wrong. And the Optricans were right.

Nyan: Mallin, come back! If you tell them they might kill whoever comes through.

Nyan: We have to hide.
O’Neill: I thought you said they weren’t around here.
Nyan: Those are not Optrican. They are my people. Bedrosians.
O’Neill: Good guys?
Nyan: Good is not the word I would use to describe the ones that approach.

O’Neill: Would you believe we come in peace?

Jackson: Well this day just keeps getting better and better.
O’Neill: Yeah.

Rigar: It is impossible for one to travel to other planets, much less through a circle of stone.
Carter: The Stargate isn’t made of regular stone. If given enough power, a wormhole forms within the circle and that allows us to travel to other worlds.
Rigar: Wormhole?
O’Neill: Giant worms. Huge!

Rigar: And how is this illusion of water created that I have heard described?
Jackson: Well you’re right in that. It is an illusion, it’s not actually water.
Rigar: Then what is it?
O’Neill: Magic.

Nyan: You’re the most important thing that has ever happened to my planet. Although I have not decided if it is good or bad.

Nyan: Scientific advance in either direction is still an advance.
Teal’c: You sound like Daniel Jackson.

O’Neill: Hey Rigar. You know that “we come in peace” business? Bite me.

Maternal Instinct

Teal’c: What has transpired?
Bra’tac: Chulak was attacked. By Apophis.

Bra’tac: The Goa’uld fear and despise Kheb. They forbade anyone from speaking of it long ago.

O’Neill: Scary stories or not, Apophis is just nuts enough to go. I’d like some backup on this one.
Hammond: SG-2 will accompany you.
Bra’tac: As will I.
Jackson: Let’s just hope we’re first.

Monk: Do you seek oneness with Desala?
Jackson: Desala. I know that word. It sounds tribal, African maybe.
Monk: Desala is everything, everywhere.
Jackson: Nature. It’s nature.

Monk: Put no barriers between you and where you are.
O’Neill: Don’t look at me.
I believe he wishes us to take off our boots.
O’Neill: Yeah, look. We’ve been walking a ways today—
Monk: Your journey has only begun.
O’Neill: I’m just saying I think I’m doing us all a big favor by keeping these babies on.

Monk: The sun is warm, the wind is wild. The grass is green along the shores. Here no bull can hide.
O’Neill: I don’t know about that.
Jackson: Jack, he’s speaking in Zen koans.

Bra’tac: So a Jaffa cannot seek oneness before he is willing to die?
Monk: When the mind is freed, no body is required. I sense you are not ready to meet Oma Desala.
Bra’tac: I am not ready to die. But I take solace in the fact that journey is ahead of me.

Monk: Why do you seek this child of flesh and bones?
Jackson: He is the son of my wife.
Monk: But not your son.
Jackson: No. But my wife is dead now and I promised her I would make sure the boy is safe.
Monk: And you are sure he will be safe with you.
Jackson: Yes. Absolutely.
Monk: Because it is so clear, it takes a longer time to realize it. If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.
Jackson: Right. I, ah, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Jackson: Why did you tell me to do that?
Monk: Why did you do it?
Jackson: Because you told me to.
Monk: Because you trusted.
Jackson: Yes.
Monk: Well then use the capacity for trust. Trust Oma Desala. Do not believe you can light the candle, believe she can light the candle.

Crystal Skull

Fraiser: Colonel I can only guess at the effect this type of radiation may have on the human body. I recommend limited exposure. Ten, 15 minutes at the most.
Jackson: Wait a minute, that’s not enough time. I mean there has to be some sort of radioactive suit, or a—
O’Neill: Hey! If you’d been listening you’d know that NIntendos pass through everything.

Dr. Rothman: A teleportation device? What do you think?
Siler: I think you’re gonna get fired.

Jackson: You can see me?
Nicholas Ballard: Yes Daniel. I can see you.
Jackson: Why didn’t you say something?!
Nicholas Ballard: You’re not real. Something doesn’t mean anything.
Jackson: No no no no! Nick! Nick, I’m real! I’m real! You’re not hallucinating!
Nicholas Ballard: Hallucinations always say that.

Jackson: Repeat what I’m saying. I’m standing right beside you.
Ballard: Standing right beside me.
O’Neill: He’s lost a few pounds.
Jackson: Jack, don’t be an ass.
Ballard: Jack, don’t be an ass.

Ballard: Now we must wait for the giant aliens.
O’Neill: That just has a nice ring to it.

Nemesis

Thor: Under my command, the Beliskner was called into battle against an enemy we have named “Replicators.” During the battle, this ship became infested by the technology. The Replicators accessed the computer which contained information about your planet and plotted a course here. The crew was transported off the ship. I destroyed the outbound transporter technology to prevent the Replicators from escaping and remained in the hopes of stopping the Beliskner from reaching Earth. If you are watching this recording, then I have failed. And I have also likely doomed you to certain death.

Hammond: Welcome back, Major.
Major Davis: General, I wish it wasn’t always under such unusual circumstances.

Thor: The Replicators were brought aboard the Asgard ship for study before the danger could be fully comprehended.
O’Neill: We do that all the time. We would have expected more from you guys.