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Jackson: He wants to arrange a meeting for the purpose of negotiating a treaty.
Dr. Weir: A Goa’uld wants to arrange a treaty with us?
Jackson: Not just one Goa’uld. All of them. The System Lords. And they want to send representatives here.
Dr. Weir: How many planets are protected under this treaty?
Jackson: Um, 26. Twenty-seven if you include Earth.
Dr. Weir: And what good is it if the Asgard aren’t actually available to protect anything?
Jackson: Well at one time they were. More recently we’ve been trading on the threat. Kind of a… bluff.
Dr. Weir: Well Ba’al is about to call the bluff.
Dr. Weir: Okay. We’ll do it.
Jackson: We will?
Dr. Weir: In exchange we want Ba’al’s territory.
Camulus: What do you mean?
Dr. Weir: Well that’s the way it works, right? When one System Lord kills another he takes over his armies, his fleet, his planets. That’s what we want. Everything in Ba’al’s possession.
Amaterasu: What is the meaning of this?
Jackson: The second message. You’ve been recalled because the System Lords decided to test our defenses by sending a ship to attack Earth. It’ll be here within the hour.
Jackson: Tell the System Lords to call the ship back.
Amaterasu: The decision they have made is one of desperation. Forced upon them by your unwillingness to help. Persuading them to change course can only be done in person.
Oshu: With a full council vote.
Dr. Weir: Even if I did believe you, all good faith is out the window at this point. You’re our prisoners.
Amaterasu: We would also like to witness the demonstration.
Jackson: The ship isn’t coming. It was destroyed en route by Ba’al.
Jackson: So how’s the new job?
O’Neill: Oy. One crisis after another. This morning the mess got a shipment of Yukon Gold potatoes instead of the usual Russets.
O’Neill: Oh yes. The golds don’t make for good mash. The consistency’s all wrong.
I hear the new Russian colonel came to see you. Made a pitch to join SG-1.
Jackson: What’d you say?
O’Neill: Told ’em to make french fries instead.
Jackson: About the Russian.
O’Neill: Oh. Well I made it clear he shouldn’t expect preferential treatment. That he’d have to prove himself before I’d consider him for off-world travel.
He is one of the most highly-decorated officers in Russian military history. He has over twenty years flight experience.
O’Neill: And exactly no years in off-world travel. I’m not gonna risk the lives of anyone under my command on a slick resumé.
How uncharacteristically cautious of you.
Jackson: Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?
Dr. Brightman: You’re recovering from a gunshot wound.
Teal’c: You have no recollection of the incident?
Jackson: No! Who shot me?
O’Neill: Don’t… change the subject. What do you remember?
Jackson: I went to see Colonel Vasilev and right in the middle of our conversation he collapsed.
O’Neill: You’d think that getting blasted out of orbit would have slowed the guy down.
Teal’c: According to Daniel Jackson, Anubis surrendered his mortal form when he ascended, only to be cast down by the Ancients. As a result he exists purely as an immaterial being.
Carter: See in the past when we encountered Anubis the physical form we were seeing was actually a forceshield, designed to contain his essence. When it was destroyed, that essence was released.
Teal’c: Anubis was trapped in Earth’s orbit, inhabiting debris from his ship, millions of lightyears away from his power base.
O’Neill: So he hitched a ride on a Cosmonaut?
Carter: Yes sir. And then abandoned him for Colonel Vasilev.
Jackson: The Rand Protectorate and the Caledonian Federation have been locked in a state of Cold War for decades. Each nation has enough weapons to wipe each other off the face of the planet.
Carter: Sounds depressingly familiar.
Jared Kane: It’s over.
Jackson: I hope so. You may have just made a martyr.
Dr. Lee: I don’t get it. That should be the end.
Jackson: You’re saying he should have won?
Carter: That was the conclusion of the originally programmed scenario.
Dr. Carmichael: But the chair is not disconnecting.
Dr. Lee: Yeah, and the game’s not resetting the the beginning either.
Jackson: Well that’s not fair. You can’t win a race if someone keeps moving the finish line.
Dr. Lee: He said he wanted it to be harder—more realistic.
Jackson: In reality we haven’t defeated the Goa’uld.
VR Jackson: Teal’c, I know this isn’t your strongest suit, but this is a really bad time for jokes.
Jackson: I like what you’re doing with the place. Sort of Jaffa chic with a West African flair.
Teal’c: I have discovered there are many programs on television which offer advice in the area of home design and decoration.
Carter: Teal’c, how do Jaffa couples handle their problems?
Teal’c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and woman that can not be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Jackson: And if that doesn’t work?
Teal’c: A weapon is required.
Carter: Krista’s boyfriend was found dead in her apartment.
Jackson: What? What happened?
Carter: We don’t have all the details yet, but according to Kendrick, preliminary evidence indicates that Teal’c may have been responsible.
Jackson: That’s impossible.
Carter: That’s what I said. Unfortunately we can’t ask him about it because he’s missing. So’s Krista. As of right now, Teal’c is wanted for kidnapping and murder.
Colson: I’m a big fan. Pyramids as landing pads for alien ships? Fascinating.
Jackson: Uh, that was a long time ago.
Colson: Yeah, what have you been up to since? It’s like you just dropped off the map.
Jackson: I’ve been around.
Jackson checking voicemail: I’ve got thirteen messages from Emmett Bregman.
Carter: Okay, here’s a possibility. What if it wasn’t really an Asgard?
Jackson: Looked like one.
Carter: Didn’t sound like one.
Jackson: It didn’t say anything.
Carter: That’s my point. Colson wrapped things up pretty quickly without taking any questions.
Jackson: It was a perfect likeness.
Carter: Imagery of little gray aliens has been commonplace on Earth for years. For that matter, Colson could have a picture.
Jackson: So not a real Asgard?
Carter: No Asgard we know would allow himself to be used that way.
Jackson: Well it did look a little vacant.
O’Neill: Well the Pentagon has lost all patience.
Jackson: What do they going to do?
O’Neill: They want us to put a stop to it.
O’Neill: We’re calling in a marker. nothing happens. Yep… calling in a marker.
Thor beaming in: Greetings.
Colson: Okay. What just happened?
Jackson: Well in layman’s terms we just beamed you up. And then… down again.
O’Neill: Fellas! How was the trip?
Teal’c: I have been betrayed by those I trusted most.
O’Neill: That good, eh?
Bra’tac: His mood is foul indeed. Greetings. It is good to see you both.
Jackson: Bra’tac, what’s going on?
Bra’tac: There was a complication.
Bra’tac: She is well. And as lovely as ever, O’Neill. The problem, I fear, lies with Ry’ac.
Jackson: Is he okay?
Bra’tac: He is in love. And plans to be married.
Jackson: I’d hate to be the guy that has to explain this to the President.
Jackson: Is it just me or does that look like an Asgard beam.
Carter: It does. Which makes no sense. Why would they take our Gate?
O’Neill: Yeah. Usually they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well please.
Hoskins: This position’s compromised. We need to get out of here now.
Brooks: Yes sir.
Jennings: What about them?
Hoskins: We can’t take them with us.
Jackson: I don’t mind going for a little ride.
Carter: Me neither.
Hammond: I sat back and watched you people go on a lot of adventures over the years.
Jackson: It’s just, I thought when you were replaced at the SGC you were sort of buckin’ for retirement.
Hammond: And then I led Prometheus against Anubis’ fleet.
Jackson: It’s little strange, isn’t it? See, that weapon I shot you with should have killed you. What’s even stranger is you guys usually don’t take prisoners either. I mean it’s kind of kill first and…. No, that’s generally just about it. Just the killing.
Jackson: You’re a Goa’uld.
Vala: No, but I was once a host to one.
Jackson: Which would explain the naquadah in your blood that lets you use Goa’uld technology.
Vala: And how I can quickly learn to fly this rather primitive ship.
Jackson: Yeah, so primitive I wonder why it was worth the bother.
Vala: Well in this case it’s the size that matters.
Jackson: Your English is excellent.
Captain Daria Voronkova: Spasiba. And how is your Russian?
Jackson in Russian: Although I don’t get the opportunity to practice enough, I’m conversational. I suppose I can get by.
Captain Voronkova: Okay. We’ll stick to English then.
Captain Voronkova: Have you eaten a proper lunch?
Jackson: I had something on the plane.
Captain Voronkova: Then the answer is no. Good. I know a restaurant around the corner that serves the best salo in Moscow.
Jackson: Oh, I’m not a fan of salo.
Captain Voronkova: Don’t worry, you will acquire a taste for it.
Jackson: That’s insane. Why would Kinsey want to kill General Kiselev?
Colonel Chernovshev: I’m afraid Mr. Kinsey isn’t exactly himself these days.
Jackson: Why are you so willing to sacrifice yourself?
Goa’uld Kinsey: I assure you, I have no intention of dying on this miserable planet.
Joe: Dr. Jackson, can I just say, thank goodness you’re back. Not that Jonas was a bad guy, but after all you’ve been through together, you belong here with SG-1.
Jackson: Thank you. Jack?
O’Neill: He’s a barber.
Jackson: Broke into your house?
Jackson: Second week in a row.
O’Neill: Mm hm.
O’Neill: I’m thinking dog.
Joe: You could try locking your front door.
Jackson: Wait a minute. Jack, you’ve been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years and you never mentioned it?
O’Neill: Yeah. Sure I did. I know I did.
Carter: No. No, you didn’t, sir.
O’Neill: I didn’t?
Jackson: You didn’t find it the least bit odd?
O’Neill: Actually, no. I found it quite relaxing.
Repli-Carter: You have information that I need.
Jackson: Okay. What do you want to know?
Repli-Carter: I’m afraid it’s not that simple.
Jackson: No, it is that simple. All the same with you I’d rather not do the hand-in-the-head thing.
Oma Desala (Mel Harris): You are still on the ship. The human form replicator is attempting to probe your mind as we speak.
Jackson: So why are you here?
Oma: Because when she is done, she will destroy you. And when that time comes, you will be faced with a choice.
Oma: If you are seeking an absolute truth you will not find it. Only truth that applies to you.
Jackson: That is so extremely unhelpful.
Oma: The truth is, all knowledge—everything that is and was and will be—is everywhere. Out there. And in all of us.
Jackson: “If you immediately know the candlelight is fire then the meal was cooked a long time ago.”
Jackson: No. You’re trying to understand it, aren’t you?
Oma: It means what you want it to me.
Jackson: No it doesn’t. And you’re not Oma.
Jackson: I have to admit, it does sound interesting. On the other hand you’re an evil killing machine.
Selmak: If there is an organizing principle to Dr. Jackson’s notes, I have yet to discover it.
Carter: Yeah. He certainly has his own system.
Jackson: It’s not just knowledge and information, it’s understanding on a level that you’ll never reach.
Repli-Carter: Why do you think that?
Jackson: Because you’re a machine.
Repli-Carter: So are you.
Repli-Carter: You tricked me.
Jackson: You tricked me first.
Repli-Carter: You can not control me.
Jackson: Not yet. But I’m learning.
Jackson: How do I know this isn’t some sort of replicator trick to stop me from controlling her?
Oma: How deep is the river if you cannot see the bottom?
Jim: Deeper than the coffee in my cup, I’ll tell you that.
Oma: You can’t leave. You’re not ascended yet. Walk through that door you’re choosing the alternative.
Jackson: You’re saying I’ll be dead?
Oma: Pretty much.
Jackson: So you’re saying I can know Anubis plotting to destroy all life in the galaxy and all I can do about it is stay here and contemplate my own enlightenment?
Oma: You can eat your waffles.
Jackson: Can you tell me why you stopped me from killing Anubis the last time I was ascended?
Oma: Because if I didn’t stop you the others would have, and they wouldn’t have been as nice about it.
Jackson: You mean they wouldn’t have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma: That was your choice. Okay, maybe not the naked part.
Jim: I’ve said too much.
Jackson: No, you haven’t. In fact you’ve hardly said anything at all.
Teal’c: It is possible Ra simply took the device with him when he left Earth.
Carter: In which case it could be anywhere by now.
Jackson: We don’t know where it is now, but we do know where it was. Giza, 3000 BC.
Carter: You can’t be serious.
Dr. Jackson: What’s this?
Hammond: Non-disclosure agreement. What we’re about to discuss has been classified top secret by the United States government.
Dr. Jackson: What if we don’t want to sign it?
Hammond: Well then you’re free to leave.
Carter hurriedly signs it.
Dr. Carter: What do you think they’re gonna do? Ask us to join an elite team of intergalactic space heroes? Look at us. I think the only reason that they showed us the tape is because we’re on it.
Dr. Jackson: Exactly.
Dr. Carter: Oh.
Hammond: I want you both to know that your help on this project was most appreciated. Your country owes you a debt of gratitude.
Dr. Jackson: But we’re not done yet.
Hammond: Actually, we’re not done. You two, however, have a plane waiting to take you home.
Hammond: I’m sorry, Dr. Jackson. But neither you nor Dr. Carter possess the training or qualifications for a mission like this. That’s just the way it is.
Jackson: Well this can’t be a good sign.
O’Neill: Why is that?
Jackson: Where am I?
O’Neill: Ancient Egypt.
Jackson: No, I mean the me from your timeline.
Teal’c: I killed you.
Teal’c: You were a Goa’uld spy.
Jackson: A good reason.
Dr. Carter: It was horrible.
Jackson: Yeah, I’m sure. Why are you here?
O’Neill: Yes. Excellent question.