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Dr. Elizabeth Weir (Torri Higginson): What can I do for you, Major?
Carter: I want you to reconsider my request.
Dr. Weir: I’m sorry.
Carter: That cargo ship was modified using the knowledge of the Ancients. Now there is no guarantee that anyone will ever be able to figure out how it was done.
Dr. Weir: And as the most likely person on the planet to figure it out, are you saying that if I don’t let you attempt contact the Asgard you won’t even try?
Carter: I would never say that.
Pete: Okay. Pancakes or do I have to call the doctor?
Carter: I am kind of hungry.
Carter: Thanks. It was great. Tasted really real.
O’Neill: You’d think that getting blasted out of orbit would have slowed the guy down.
Teal’c: According to Daniel Jackson, Anubis surrendered his mortal form when he ascended, only to be cast down by the Ancients. As a result he exists purely as an immaterial being.
Carter: See in the past when we encountered Anubis the physical form we were seeing was actually a forceshield, designed to contain his essence. When it was destroyed, that essence was released.
Teal’c: Anubis was trapped in Earth’s orbit, inhabiting debris from his ship, millions of lightyears away from his power base.
O’Neill: So he hitched a ride on a Cosmonaut?
Carter: Yes sir. And then abandoned him for Colonel Vasilev.
Carter: Sorry about scaring the tourists. We’ve made contact with a lot of planets but this is the first time we’ve found ourselves coming out of a museum piece.
Commander Gareth: One of our artifacts suddenly coming to life was a little surprising but that pales in comparison to its purpose.
Jackson: The Rand Protectorate and the Caledonian Federation have been locked in a state of Cold War for decades. Each nation has enough weapons to wipe each other off the face of the planet.
Carter: Sounds depressingly familiar.
Dr. Lee: I don’t get it. That should be the end.
Jackson: You’re saying he should have won?
Carter: That was the conclusion of the originally programmed scenario.
Dr. Carmichael: But the chair is not disconnecting.
Dr. Lee: Yeah, and the game’s not resetting the the beginning either.
Jackson: Well that’s not fair. You can’t win a race if someone keeps moving the finish line.
Dr. Lee: He said he wanted it to be harder—more realistic.
Jackson: In reality we haven’t defeated the Goa’uld.
Pete Shanahan (David Deluise): So. How are things in the galaxy?
Carter: You know I can’t talk about work.
Pete: Sorry. I’m still getting used to the fact that my girlfriend’s a superhero.
Carter: Teal’c, how do Jaffa couples handle their problems?
Teal’c: On Chulak, a dispute between a man and woman that can not be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.
Jackson: And if that doesn’t work?
Teal’c: A weapon is required.
Carter: Krista’s boyfriend was found dead in her apartment.
Jackson: What? What happened?
Carter: We don’t have all the details yet, but according to Kendrick, preliminary evidence indicates that Teal’c may have been responsible.
Jackson: That’s impossible.
Carter: That’s what I said. Unfortunately we can’t ask him about it because he’s missing. So’s Krista. As of right now, Teal’c is wanted for kidnapping and murder.
Alec Colson (Charles Shaughnessy): As you all know, about five months ago our planet suffered a horrible tragedy. Over two thousand American servicemen and women were killed when a meteor shower disrupted global communications and hit a United States Naval carrier group on maneuvers in the Pacific Ocean. I’m here today to challenge the facts of that incident as they’ve been conveyed to the general public. On the day in question, none of our satellites detected a meteor shower. Now I don’t know how many governments around the world are in on this, but I do know we are being lied to. And the truth is being covered up.
Carter watching the press conference: Uh oh.
Colson: Ladies and gentlemen, there is life beyond our world. There are aliens out there and they have a technology far beyond ours and they have been intervening in our existence for quite some time. I have proof. And I am giving the governments of all the nations that are aware of this 24 hours to reveal the truth. Or I’m going to do it for them.
Carter: Okay, here’s a possibility. What if it wasn’t really an Asgard?
Jackson: Looked like one.
Carter: Didn’t sound like one.
Jackson: It didn’t say anything.
Carter: That’s my point. Colson wrapped things up pretty quickly without taking any questions.
Jackson: It was a perfect likeness.
Carter: Imagery of little gray aliens has been commonplace on Earth for years. For that matter, Colson could have a picture.
Jackson: So not a real Asgard?
Carter: No Asgard we know would allow himself to be used that way.
Jackson: Well it did look a little vacant.
O’Neill: Well the Pentagon has lost all patience.
Jackson: What do they going to do?
O’Neill: They want us to put a stop to it.
O’Neill: We’re calling in a marker. nothing happens. Yep… calling in a marker.
Thor beaming in: Greetings.
Colson: This isn’t a game, Sam. What you guys are doing up here. This is life and death for all of us.
Carter: We know that.
Colson: And no one will ever know.
Carter: Welcome to my world.
O’Neill: They want a what?
Carter: A goat, sir.
O’Neill: You can tell them lamb is far less gamey.
Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
O’Neill: Yeah, well you can tell them that’s not going to happen.
Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you’d say that.
O’Neill: They can have a pinata. That’s always fun.
Jackson: Is it just me or does that look like an Asgard beam.
Carter: It does. Which makes no sense. Why would they take our Gate?
O’Neill: Yeah. Usually they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well please.
Carter: I think the Trust intends to launch a full-scale chemical attack on the Goa’uld. Without any regard for the millions of Jaffa lives that would be lost in the process.
O’Neill: So they didn’t get the memo.
Hoskins: This position’s compromised. We need to get out of here now.
Brooks: Yes sir.
Jennings: What about them?
Hoskins: We can’t take them with us.
Jackson: I don’t mind going for a little ride.
Carter: Me neither.
O’Neill: Alright, you got our attention. Who are you?
Repli-Carter: My name is Samantha Carter.
O’Neill: Alright. We’ve got a little conflict with that statement. We’ve already got one here.
Repli-Carter: There are two of us.
O’Neill: If only.
Repli-Carter: I was made in Samantha Carter’s image. I know what she knows. Feel what she feels.
Carter: You were made. Who made you?
Repli-Carter: The one you call Fifth.
Carter: Oh my god. She’s a replicator.
Carter: What is it?
Repli-Carter: He’s found me. He’s on his way.
Carter: What about the cipher? Did you find it yet?
Repli-Carter: No, I’m still searching.
Carter: How much time do we have?
Repli-Carter: At maximum speed he’ll be here in less than two hours.
O’Neill: I need you to be perfectly honest with me. Is Carter letting herself get too involved in this one?
Teal’c: Colonel Carter and the replicator share thoughts and memories. It is understandable that a certain sympathy would develop between them.
O’Neill: Can’t have that.
Teal’c: However I do not believe Colonel Carter would allow these feelings to interfere with the commission of her duties.
O’Neill: Fair enough. But when the time comes, I want you to finish the job.
Repli-Carter: You should know. You made me what I am.
Carter: We will stop you.
Repli-Carter: You’re forgetting, I know exactly how your mind works. I know what you’re going to do before you even think of it.
Carter: The fact is, she learned betrayal from Fifth. And he learned it from me.
Carter: The Tok’ra have their hands full with more pressing matters. They strongly suggest that we get to Maybourne before the Goa’uld do.
Teal’c: If we do not retrieve him, Harry Maybourne faces certain capture. O’Neill remains impassive. Torture. Interrogation. Perhaps even death.
O’Neill: Alright, fine. Go get him.
Maybourne: Where’s Jack?
Carter: General O’Neill is back at the SGC.
Maybourne: No kidding. “General O’Neill”. That doesn’t sound right. Still, good for Jack. Nice to hear he’s doing so well for himself.
Teal’c: As, evidently, are you.
Carter: Let’s not touch anything just yet. I’m kind of fond of this era.
Carter: Sir, this technology is too valuable to lose.
O’Neill: Carter, what do you want me to do? Call in reinforcements? It’s not like we’re throwing down with a couple of Jaffa. We’re taking on a System Lord and his band of Merry Bad Guys.
Carter: In the event that something does go wrong, I’d suggest we come up with a pre-established signal. Preferably a code word that will let us know you’re in trouble.
Kinsey (Ronny Cox): How about something simple like, “help”?
O’Neill: I just walked in with a whole handful of ingredients for my world famous omelet.
Carter: World famous, huh? What’s in it?
Carter: I doubt that that actually qualifies as a recipe.
O’Neill: Oh, don’t kid yourself. There’s a secret ingredient. Can’t tell you what it is or I’d have to shoot you.
Carter: It’s beer, isn’t it.
Jackson: Wait a minute. Jack, you’ve been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years and you never mentioned it?
O’Neill: Yeah. Sure I did. I know I did.
Carter: No. No, you didn’t, sir.
O’Neill: I didn’t?
Jackson: You didn’t find it the least bit odd?
O’Neill: Actually, no. I found it quite relaxing.
Lord Yu-huang Shang Ti: What is the meaning of this?
Goa’uld: I should ask you the same thing. Major Samantha Carter.
Repli-Carter: Actually, I’m a colonel now.
Repli-Carter: You have information that I need.
Jackson: Okay. What do you want to know?
Repli-Carter: I’m afraid it’s not that simple.
Jackson: No, it is that simple. All the same with you I’d rather not do the hand-in-the-head thing.
Carter: Since Anubis has no real corporeal form, it’s likely he would survive it.
Jacob: He’d have no one left to rule.
Carter: For now. I mean time may not be an issue for someone like him. He could essentially start over. Repopulate the galaxy to his own specifications.
O’Neill: That’s a little audacious.
Selmak: If there is an organizing principle to Dr. Jackson’s notes, I have yet to discover it.
Carter: Yeah. He certainly has his own system.
Carter: This may not be possible, you know.
Jacob: Come on, Sam. It can’t be any harder than blowing up a sun.
Carter: You know, you blow up one sun and suddenly everyone expects you to walk on water.
Jacob: So we dial multiple gates simultaneously?
Carter: Not multiple gates. All of them.
Jacob: Every Stargate in the galaxy at one time? Do you know how many Gates there are in the whole galaxy?
Carter: A lot.
Jackson: It’s not just knowledge and information, it’s understanding on a level that you’ll never reach.
Repli-Carter: Why do you think that?
Jackson: Because you’re a machine.
Repli-Carter: So are you.
Repli-Carter: You tricked me.
Jackson: You tricked me first.
Repli-Carter: You can not control me.
Jackson: Not yet. But I’m learning.
O’Neill: Any more word from Teal’c?
Carter: Yes sir. Although Ba’al got away the fact that he turned tail and ran made the rebel victory every bit the turning point Teal’c and Bra’tac were hoping for. Jaffa from all over the galaxy joining in.
O’Neill: Well, viva la revolution.
O’Neill: All we know for sure is that he’s missing.
Carter: Sooner or later—
O’Neill: Forget it! How many times have we thought he was gone and then he shows up? In one form or another. I’m sorry but we’re not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead.
Jacob: It’s Selmak, he’s dying.
Carter: Oh my god, I’m sorry.
Jacob: It’s okay. He’s okay. He led a pretty full life.
Carter: In a way Selmak gave me the father I never thought I’d know.
Teal’c: It is possible Ra simply took the device with him when he left Earth.
Carter: In which case it could be anywhere by now.
Jackson: We don’t know where it is now, but we do know where it was. Giza, 3000 BC.
Carter: You can’t be serious.
Dr. Carter: Just because my reproductive organs are on the outside instead of the inside, doesn’t— God, that’s horrible! Who would ever say that?
Dr. Jackson: What’s this?
Hammond: Non-disclosure agreement. What we’re about to discuss has been classified top secret by the United States government.
Dr. Jackson: What if we don’t want to sign it?
Hammond: Well then you’re free to leave.
Carter hurriedly signs it.
Dr. Carter: Are you telling us that, in some alternate timeline we’re part of a team that travels to other planets and defends Earth against alien invasions?
Dr. Carter: What do you think they’re gonna do? Ask us to join an elite team of intergalactic space heroes? Look at us. I think the only reason that they showed us the tape is because we’re on it.
Dr. Jackson: Exactly.
Dr. Carter: Oh.
Dr. Carter: This thing must have inertial dampeners.
Jackson: Well this can’t be a good sign.
O’Neill: Why is that?
Jackson: Where am I?
O’Neill: Ancient Egypt.
Jackson: No, I mean the me from your timeline.
Teal’c: I killed you.
Teal’c: You were a Goa’uld spy.
Jackson: A good reason.
Dr. Carter: It was horrible.
Jackson: Yeah, I’m sure. Why are you here?
O’Neill: Yes. Excellent question.
Carter: Apparently nothing we did affected the timeline.
O’Neill: But we didn’t do anything.
Carter: Not yet. Apparently we were going to. Two weeks from now. But now we don’t have to.
O’Neill: Excellent. That’s it. I like it.