Six Feet Under the Sea

1987

Young Shawn: We did it, Gus. A year of planning has finally paid off.
Young Gus: Don’t you think we should wait until they get a little further away?
Young Shawn: No. We have to move now. We’ve got ten minutes to find the dolphin, feed it, and then ride it.

Young Shawn: You’re not sick.
Henry: And you’re not very thorough.
Young Shawn: How did you know?
Henry: Oh, maybe it’s the snorkel hanging out of your backpack. What kind of undercover operation are you running here, kid?

Present Day

Shawn: Wait a minute. Is this a funeral for a sea lion?
Gus: Yes. Yes, it is. And don’t start, Shawn. Shabby’s more than just a sea lion.

Shawn: Oh no.
Gus: Oh no what?
Shawn: I think this sea lion was murdered.

April MacArthur: Gentlemen. I’m going to need to see you for a moment.
Gus: Great. Now you got me kicked out of a funeral. Nice. Just add it to the list. Kicked out of a pet store, kicked out of Santa’s Village, kicked out of the Salvation Army—
Shawn: Dishonorably discharged.

Gus: It’s not all the time that we have an attractive conservationist coming to the office. Oh, and by the way, I called her.
Shawn: What do you mean you call her? You can’t call a person.
Gus: Why not?
Shawn: ‘Cause I already called her.

April: Okay, this is it.
Shawn: What is there like a hidden door in the rock wall?
April: No.
Gus: You said you could get us in.
April: Yeah, I can give us a boost. The electrified security fence is broken here. Unless they fixed it.

Chief Vick: Breaking and entering?
Shawn: It was really just entering. Climbing and entering. We had the code. Is that a backstage pass?

Chief Vick: I had third row center at Phill Collins tonight. And I get called back here because my department psychic wanted to break into an aquarium to feed some fish?
Shawn: That is not entirely true.
Chief Vick: Then why were you wearing swim trunk and caring a How to Ride a Dolphin pamphlet?

Lassiter: I’m going to kill you, Spencer.
Shawn: I never told you that the victim wasn’t a sea lion.

Henry: Shawn, focus! Do not become complacent just because it’s water.
Shawn: Dad, we’re still on the dock.

Roger: So what are you guys doing out here?
Shawn: Oh, you know. Just, ah, hiding from sharks. Yeah, we heard that they can see you if your lights are on, so we kicked ours off.
Roger: That’s not how sharks work at all.
Shawn: Regular sharks! Of course. Right. But we heard there was an infestation of genetically altered shark-like beasts… here… in this area of the water. They can smell the light.
Gus: They also type.
Shawn: True.
Gus: What?
Shawn: Not well. But they’re sharks.

Randy Labayda (Ted McGinley): Burn the disks!
Spriggs: Is this you, boss?
Randy: Destroy the footage. Take a vacation in Mexico for at least a week. Think you can do that?
Spriggs: I can’t get to the footage right now, chief.
Randy: Why not?
Spriggs: Because your two hair analysts are reviewing it right now.
Randy: I— I don’t have a hair analyst. Who set that up?
Spriggs: Oh crap.

Gus: Hair analyst? That worked?
Shawn: I’ve always dreamed of having one myself.

April: Listen, I don’t know if this is the right time to ask, but what about Shawn?
Juliet: What about him?
April: I don’t know. Something intriguing—odd. It’s refreshing. I was thinking of letting him know that I’m available. And all that. What do you think?
Juliet: I… don’t know.
April: Is there a problem?
Juliet: No! There’s no problem.

Gus: They’re coming.
Shawn: Quick, jump in the water.
Gus: They’re gonna see us.
Shawn: Okay, hang from the anchor. Where’s the anchor?
Gus: That only works in cartoons!
Shawn: Is there a shark cage?
Gus: How could that possibly be a good idea?
Shawn: I don’t know. At least I’m coming up with ideas!

Shawn: Dude. This is like Out of Sight, but super gay.

April: Listen, Shawn, I asked them for you but they don’t really allow people to ride dolphins.