You Can’t Handle This Episode

1989

Henry: What does that make you want to do when you grow up?
Young Shawn: Hm… Go into advertising? That’s a really catchy jingle. Seriously. I can’t get it out of my head.

Present Day

Shawn: I do not believe this man committed suicide. Unfortunately he was murdered!
Gus: Wait. Already? How sure are you?
Shawn: Forty-one percent.

Ewan O’Hara (John Cena): Honestly man. From what my sis tells me, you— you’re the amazing one.
Shawn: You said that?
Juliet: I said you were prophetic.
Shawn: What?! You’re prophetic!

Shawn: We’ll need one of those Hummers—the open Hummers we saw on the way in. And my partner will require a corn cob pipe.

Shawn: Gus, please. Let’s focus.Your pettiness ions are interfering with my psychic ions and creating recepto-non-grata-interfero-bupkus.

Major General Felts (Robert Patrick): I assume you realize that this type of idiocy will not be tolerated on my base!
Shawn: Is there another type of idiocy that you would be more comfortable with?

Lassiter: Someone better start telling me something because I’m in the mood to staple heads.

Juliet: What—other than being a war hero—has my brother done to bring on your suspicions?
Shawn: He has an arsenal of weapons in his pants.
Juliet: Shawn you might just try to mask your obviously jealousy for Ewan.

Felts: If you’re going to turn this into an interrogation, Detective, you better be prepared to stick bamboo shoots under my fingernails.

Abigail: I’m going to Uganda.
Shawn: The city?
Abigail: The country.

Gus: I wonder where that truck is going.
Shawn: Any chance it’s Uganda?
Gus: Shawn, are you okay?

Shawn: I’ve never met a man who’s so big he couldn’t hide behind a plane.

Shawn: You know what’s funny is that Major General Felts turned out to be the good guy in all of this. If I hadn’t seen The Great Santini so many times I probably would have seen that sooner.