The Head, the Tail, the Whole Damn Episode

1989

Henry: Jaws IV?
Young Shawn: Yes, Jaws IV. It was terrifying.
Henry: Shawn, you have to understand why I’m conflicted here. It’s very difficult to comfort you over what is the worst sequel ever made.

Young Shawn: Do I watch for the fin?
Henry: No, that’s only in the movies. You never see them coming. That’s why they’re called the Silent Killers.
Young Shawn: I thought that was hypertension.

Present Day

Lassiter: Everytime we get a high profile case you know what happens next. Spencer’s going to waltz in here, make some crazy proclamation about what happened and in five days he’s going to be right. Well not today. {on the walkie} McNabb, hold back the Wonder twins.

Shawn: This is the thanks I get for giving you a cat and finding a guy to remove your Baha Men tattoo?
Buzz: Sorry guys. He’s really determined today.

Lassiter: Spencer, one loose end doesn’t make it foul play.
Shawn: It doesn’t?
Gus: How do you think we’ve stayed in business these last four years.
Shawn: But what if it does?

Shawn: We’re one in the same. We’re Shassie now. We’re Sharlton. We’re Spencer.
Lassiter: Oh my god.

Juliet: Make no mistake, this is definitely your fault.
Shawn: I’ve heard that. But I’m trying to figure out how.

Gus: Let me get this straight. You’re doing real police work and Lassiter is following a crazy hunch?
Shawn: Stranger things have happened.
Gus: Name one.
Shawn: Michelle Pfeiffer dated Fisher Stevens and then he actually cheated on her.

Henry: Did you just pretend to be a psychic? To me?
Shawn: Sorry. Force of habit.

Shawn: Is this really happening?
Gus: Yes. And I think your dad is totally in there.
Shawn: Oh please, Gus. Where is the decorum? He’s hitting on this poor woman in the middle of a crime scene.
Gus: Shawn, you did that three times in the last year.

Gus: Yeah, I need to get off this boat.
Shawn: Gus, don’t be Leon from the Like a Prayer video. Or anything for that matter.

Shawn: I know who the killer is?
Gus: Who?
Shawn: We’re on his boat.

Shawn: You know I don’t write the headlines but if I did I probably would have added, “and does so with foppish aplumb.”
Gus: You know that’s right.

Dr. Kimberly Phoenix (Jeri Ryan): You’re dad is one silver-tongued devil, Shawn.