We’d Like to Thank the Academy

Shawn: Lassie! We totally caught the bad guys.
Lassiter: Yeah. What do you think you’re doing crashing a stakeout?
Shawn: You’re welcome.

Gus: Do you think the chief called us in to congratulate us on our bust yesterday?
Shawn: Most definitely. I’m also assuming that there will be an award involved.
Gus: A busty.
Shawn: I was thinking Lifetime Achievement. Busties usually go to strippers or sculptors. Lionel Ritchie has one.

Chief Vick: Yesterday’s stunt may be the most assisine and idiotic thing I’ve seen in all my years at this department.
Gus: That doesn’t sound like props.
Shawn: She’s roasting us.
Gus: Oh.
Henry: What the hell do you think you were doing?
Shawn: Oh I don’t know, catching the bad guys?

Henry: He was setting up a sting, Shawn. Do you have any idea what that involves?
Shawn: Newman. Redford. The lettuce. The ponies.
Chief Vick: Wireptaps, search warrants. Surveillance teams. All of which take time.
Shawn: That sounds like something for you to worry about. What we like to do is come up with a solution. And make it happen.
Gus: Not always in that order.

Shawn: In the end we always come through.
Gus: Just like the chairman of the Federal Reserve.

Nick Conforth (Ralph Macchio): Listen, your program breaks down as follows: a third will be spent in the classroom, a third will involve fieldwork and one-third will involve physical training.
Shawn: What about the other third?
Gus: Are you kidding?
Shawn: Never mind. Surprise us.

Conforth: I can’t believe you are Henry Spencer’s son.
Shawn: Well neither can I. It’s an ongoing investigation.

Shawn: Seriously. For the ten hours or so that we retain the stuff that you’ve taught us, you made a real difference, Nick.
Conforth: I am twice the cop that he is.
Shawn: Well don’t just stand there and wax on about it.

Shawn: Dude, this is so Top Gun. I’m Cruise, she’s McGillis, you’re Sundown.
Gus: Why can’t I be the Goose?
Shawn: You know why.
Gus: Stop hypothetically typecasting me, Shawn.

Shawn: Sundown, we’re in.
Gus: I’m Goose, Shawn. The black Goose.
Shawn: That has no ring to it at all.

Shawn: We’ve been known to lay down a few wagers ourselves. The racing hot dogs on the Jumobtron at ballgames.
Gus: Always bet on relish.

Shawn: So Chris and Dickey get in over their heads with this goon. They knock off Devry, grab the cash they need to pay him back.
Gus: Which may be the dumbest plan two geniuses ever came up with.

Gus: Look, we can catch the guys responsible for those robberies.
Conforth: Good. You guys go. I’ll just screw it up.
Shawn: I can not believe what I’m hearing. Do you know what the Nick Conforth we know would be doing right now?
Conforth: No.
Shawn: Well, neither do we really, because our whole relationship only spans about a day.

Shawn: Dickey, what happened?
Dickie: Some guy that looks like a fabulous Emmitt Smith just kidnapped my friend.
Shawn: Devry.

Gus: Seriously, how does Devry keep showing up at places moments after we do?
Shawn: Uh oh. I think I know who has my walkie.

Shawn: We won’t let you down, Chief.
Chief Vick: Yes you will. Now, hand over your cadet badge.
Shawn: Gladly. {checking his pockets} I must have, ah… slung it in one of these side babies here just right in there for safe… Boy, I really do have a problem.

Shawn: You do realize this is the end of True Romance.
Gus: That was a massacre, Shawn. Everybody died.
Shawn: That’s not true. Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette made it out.
Dickie: And Michael Rappaport.
Shawn: Good point, Dickie. I forgot about that.

Shawn: Dude, what was that?
Gus: It’s me!
Shawn: Are you kidding me? You’ve achieved pitch-perfect AK-47 mouth action.
Gus: I know! I’ve been practicing!
Shawn: Air bump.

Conforth: Mr. Spencer, do you have this under control?
Shawn: I believe I do. How are you doing over there?
Conforth: I think I’m going to barf. {he runs off}
Shawn: Oh, that’s… that’s unfortunate.