Gossip Girl Season 2

O Brother, Where Bart Thou?


Caroline Lagerfelt  Kevin Stapleton  Margaret Colin  Wallace Shawn

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Gossip Girl: More towers than Trump, more bucks than Bloomberg. Bart Bass definitely made his mark on Manhattan. The passing of a public figure can shake a whole town. But the real story is always the one happening in private. Away from the headlines. At home.

CeCe (Caroline Lagerfelt): Ah! Come. Eat. You need your strength.
Serena: I’m not hungry.
Eric: I’m saving room for later.
CeCe: In times of great uncertainties it’s even more important that we continue our daily rituals.
Serena: You haven’t eaten a Cheerio since you’ve been here.
Eric: And we know that’s gin in your coffee cup.
CeCe: My point exactly. Life must go on. As it always has.
Serena: How’s mom?
CeCe: I took her some coffee and some toast. She didn’t sleep very much last night.
Serena: Or any night since it happened.
Eric: All she does is make lists and yell at people.
CeCe: People mourn in their own ways.
Serena: What happens tonight when it’s all over and there’s nothing left for her to do?
Eric: Maybe she’ll move into The Palace and hole up with Chuck.
CeCe: Ah, yes. The bottomless minibar and the comfort of the twins in room service. It’s a scandal.
Lily: People mourn in their own ways, Mother. I’ve been assured by the hotel that if Chuck isn’t alive and well, well… at least he’s alive.

Lily: We’re doing comfort food. Nobody’s comforted by a tuna tower.

Eleanor (Margaret Colin): Wow. That’s a good picture. Lily should send a thank you note to the editor. How is Charles holding up?
Blair: He hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts but the hotel says they keep sending up food so there’s something alive in that room.
Cyrus (Wallace Shawn): You should try some capers with that and just a tickle of the sliced onion.
Blair: Maybe I’m underestimating his emotional bond with Kim and Krissy from room service, but I just think that at a time like this he should be with someone who cares about him.
Cyrus: Not enough! Not enough!
Eleanor: That is exactly why we are getting married so that we can always be around to care for each other.
Blair: It’s true.
Eleanor: Isn’t it.
Dorota: Just delivered, ma’am. For your trip to Paris.
Eleanor: Christmas in Paris.
Blair: How can you even think of your vacation the day that we’re putting Bart in the ground?
Cyrus: Because my dear, in the midst of death we are in life.
Eleanor: Genius.
Blair: Maybe Nate’s heard from Chuck. She gets up and leaves. Only to think better of it and come back and grab her food.

Dan: Hey.
Serena: Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you.
Dan: I know. I was just coming to check in on you, see how you were.
Serena: I’m fine. I’m just worried about my mom and Eric. And Chuck.
Dan: That’s nice. I’m worried about you.
Serena: Thank you so much for being such a rock these past few days. It’s meant so much having you around.
Dan: Yeah well, it’s not a problem. It just, it feels natural.
Serena: It does, doesn’t it?

Lily: I’m sorry we haven’t spoken since the Ball. I really appreciate your messages.
Rufus: All I want to say is that I’m here. If you want me to keep my distance I can do that too. I um, can’t imagine what you’re going through.
Lily: Actually you can better than anyone else can. Everyone’s so concerned about the grieving widow. But as much as I feel shock and loss, mostly I feel guilt.
Rufus: I’m sure you must be thinking a hundred thoughts right now. But Lily, you can not blame yourself.
Lily: Why not? He was on his way to see me. I was going to end our marriage.
Rufus: Hey. It’s okay. Do you hear me?
Lily: He left me a voicemail.
Rufus: What’d it say?
Lily: I don’t know. I haven’t listened to it. I’ve been too afraid hear his voice.
Rufus: Do you want to listen to it right now? I’ll stay with you.
Lily: Thank you. I’ll do it myself. I have to get back.
Rufus: Lil, I’m waiting for you this time. Six months. Six years. I’ll be here.

Andrew Tyler (Kevin Stapleton): My condolences.
Chuck: Skip the sympathy. This is business. My father met with you right before he died. I want to know what you told him that night.
Tyler: I worked for Mr. Bass. Not you. And what I have, you’re not the only party interested.
Chuck: I’m about to become very rich.
Tyler: Yeah. Congrats. But there’s someone else who’s about to come into some money. And I think she might be more motivated than you are.
Chuck: Lily. Bitch is the reason my father is dead.
Tyler: I’ll be in touch. You could buy me a drink.
Chuck: I’m sorry. I can’t stay. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go bury my father.

Gossip Girl: They say that when someone dies, their secrets are buried with them. But on the Upper East Side, sometimes the dead still speak.

Nate: We should have just driven to the door and dropped him off on the steps.
Blair: No one should see him like this. He needs to walk it off. Okay, walk it off, Chuck. Lift knee, bend foot.
Nate: Maybe we should have just left him at The Palace.
Blair: It’s his father’s funeral. He needs to be here and show his respects.
Chuck: Respect. My father wasn’t shown much of that in his final days.
Nate: What’s he talking about?
Blair: Who knows. When we found him his shoes were on the wrong feet. Chuck, remember how in eighth grade you used to help yourself to the decanter in The Captain’s library?
Chuck: First got my taste for single malt.
Nate: That’s right. And you’d have to go home to a four course dinner without passing out in your consommé.
Chuck: Or my father would think less of me. What does that matter now?
Blair: Chuck, am I going to have to stick my finger down your throat? I’ll hold back your hair. to Nate: What?
Nate: Sorry Blair. You had me, then you lost me.
Blair: Just straighten his tie.

Chuck: Hey! What the hell are you doing here?
Dan: Excuse me?
Blair: He’s just upset and loaded.
Chuck: What are you doing at my father’s funeral? You think he wanted you here?
Dan: Chuck if this is about the article, you know I didn’t write it.
Chuck: Do you think I care about your failed attempt at investigative journalism. My father’s dead because of your father.
Dan: What? Chuck, look. I’m sorry about this.
Serena: Chuck, Dan has been helping us. Unlike you!
Chuck: Helping us? Do you have any idea what his family has done?
CeCe: Daniel, I think maybe it would be best if you left.
Serena: No, Grandma. That doesn’t make sense. It’s not fair.
CeCe: Chuck is Bart’s son. He doesn’t have to make sense today.

Dan: It’s okay. I understand.
Chuck: You have no idea.
Serena: Dan, I want you here.

Lily: I know you’re upset but we all really need each other right now.
Chuck: Don’t touch me, Whore.
Lily: Charles, please. You need to be with your family.
Chuck: Family? I don’t have a family.

Gossip Girl: If the Lord is our Shepherd, looks like one of His lambs has lost his way. Or maybe, make that a black sheep. We bring nothing into this world and we leave nothing behind. But that doesn’t mean we don’t leave a big ol’ mess when we go.

Rufus: You’re back soon. wouldn’t have thought Bart Bass would be one to have a short funeral.
Dan: Chuck threw me out before it even started. Because according to him, ah, my father killed his father.
Rufus: Why would he say that?
Dan: Well I don’t know, Dad. I mean do you have any wild guesses, any thoughts?
Rufus: Who knows. Kid’s dad just died. He’s upset.

Nate: You’re really sweet with him.
Blair: Me? Sweet? No.
Nate: Yeah you are. I mean worrying about him, offering him food. It’s downright maternal.
Blair: I’m not maternal, I’ve just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I’m turning Jewish.

Lily: Mother if you want to talk now is not the time.
CeCe: What does Chuck know?
Lily: Did you not hear what I just said?
CeCe: He knows something about you and Rufus. You should find out what.
Lily: Mother, I just came from burying my husband. I don’t have the time, inclination or frankly the mental capacity to go head-to-head with Chuck. And what he knew he already told Bart. So there’s nothing to worry about now is there?
CeCe: Let’s hope not. But you won’t know until you talk to him. I saw him head up the stairs.

Lily: If you’re looking for Bart’s will, you don’t have to worry.
Chuck: I’m not. But you should be. I’m trying to find your file.
Lily: Well it’s not here so you can stop ransacking the place and look at me.
Chuck: I can’t look at you, Lily. You disgust me.
Lily: Charles—
Chuck: Disrespecting your marriage. Betraying my father with Rufus Humphrey.
Lily: I did no such thing.
Chuck: He was coming to fight for you. Talk about dying for nothing.
Lily: The only reason he got in that car is because you called him. If you could have just stayed out of it. But you couldn’t, could you? Because you’re just like him. You have to know everything, control everyone, trust no one.
Chuck: You’re saying this is my fault.
Lily: No, it’s no one’s fault.
Chuck: Yes it is. It’s your fault. His blood’s on your hands.
Lily: I’m sorry.
Chuck: As soon as that will is read, and I get my money you’ll never see me again.

Eric: We want you here. I just lost my stepfather. I don’t want to lose my brother too.
Chuck: When are you going to get it? We are not related.

Blair: Chuck! Stop! Don’t go. Or if you have to leave, let me come with you.
Chuck: I appreciate the concern.
Blair: No. You don’t. You don’t appreciate anything today. But I don’t care. Whatever you’re going through, I want to be there for you.
Chuck: We talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.
Blair: But I am me. And you are you. We’re Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you’ve ever done—the darkest thought you’ve ever had—I will stand by you through anything.
Chuck: And why would you do that?
Blair: Because I love you.
Chuck: Well that’s too bad.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass fleeing his father’s funeral. And Blair Waldorf shedding tears for the dearly departed.

Serena: Aaron invited me to Buenos Aires for the holidays.
Dan: Oh! Okay. Well, I’ve never been so I don’t know how helpful I can be with travel tips. I know that it’s summer there so pack a bikini.
Serena: Dan. When we heard about Bart’s accident we were in the middle of a conversation.
Dan: Right. About what it would mean, with you sleeping with Aaron and me sleeping with Lexi.
Serena: But that never happened, so…
Dan: So. I mean I guess now it will, right? At least for you.
Serena: Or?
Dan: Are you asking me to ask you not to go?
Serena: No—
Dan: Look Serena, if you want to go, go. If you don’t, don’t. I can’t tell you who to be with.
Serena: No but you can tell me how you feel.
Dan: How do you feel? About your boyfriend who wants to take you to South America?
Serena: Well I mean, he’s really great. I like him a lot.
Dan: Well then that’s your answer then.

Blair: I told Chuck I love him.
Cyrus: Really? That’s wonderful.
Blair: No it’s not. It’s horrible. I thought that if I could finally say it that everything would change but he’s jut as selfish and soulless as ever. Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist. Help me.
Cyrus: You don’t need help. He just needs time. {He hugs her}
Blair: Wait, not enough. {She hugs him tighter}
Cyrus: Don’t worry. It’ll all be okay. You’ll see, dear.

CeCe: What are you going to do about the fact that you’re in love with Rufus Humphrey?
Lily: Well I’m not sure I’m going to do anything. At least not right away.
CeCe: So you are in love with him. I was fishing.
Lily: Well. You caught me. Considering the circumstances I have tried with all of my strength to fight it. It is a curse I do not wish on my worst enemy. But… I love Rufus.
Serena: So that’s why Chuck was so upset.

Lily: Let me explain.
Serena: Don’t bother. You love Rufus, you always have. And you married Bart anyway and now he’s dead.
Lily: Well I might have fleshed out some of the more subtle nuances, but yes, I suppose that’s the gist of it. So go ahead. How could I? Bart’s body’s not even cold. Whatever horrible things you’re going to say to me, just say them.
Serena: I should have seen this coming.
Lily: You once asked me—begged me— not to be with Rufus because of you and Dan.
Serena: Has Rufus told you he wants to be with you?
Lily: He has.
Serena: Well this may sound strange coming from me but if you want to be with him then you should. Maybe it’s your time now. After all you’ve been through you should at least try.
Lily: And what about you and Dan?
Serena: I’m going to try and make things work with Aaron. We’re going to Buenos Aires for the holidays. That’s if it’s okay with my mom.
Lily: I think that’s great.

Rufus: We’re going to be okay this time, Lil.
Lily: I know we will.

Tyler: Congratulations. You’re the high bidder. The only bidder, actually.
Chuck: Well if Lily didn’t spend every dollar she has maybe it’s not worth it.
Tyler: I was dealing with her mother. She said Lily wanted to stop hiding her past, come clean.
Chuck: Well. Tell me what’s the point in paying to know something if she’s gong to tell everyone anyway.
Tyler: Maybe there is none. But you’re about to become the richest kid in New York. If I were you I’d want to make that decision myself.

Chuck: I just can’t believe you’d want this to become public knowledge.
Lily: What is that?
Chuck: Oh it’s exactly what you think it is.
Lily: But my mother—
Chuck: Lied to you. And to Mr. Tyler. Judging by the look on your face I’m guessing it wasn’t your idea to come clean.
Lily: Why on earth would she do this?
Chuck: I don’t know. But the next time you see her I’d ask. Until then I’m more than happy to further her agenda.
Lily: Charles, I beg you, please don’t turn away from the people who love you. They’re the only chance any of us has. And your father never learned that. I hope that you do.

Blair: What do you think you’re doing here?

Rufus: This can’t be good. Cece.
CeCe: Rufus.
Rufus: I’m actually on my way out if you don’t mind.
CeCe: There’s something you need to know.
Rufus: Isn’t there always when you’re around.
CeCe: Throughout my whole life the only thing I’ve ever wanted is my daughter’s happiness. My means to achieving might shift with time but my goal remains the same.
Rufus: Uh, since this about Lily she could be the one to tell—or not tell me. I won’t allow your meddling to come between us again.
CeCe: I gave her a chance to tell you, she didn’t take it. In fact she asked me to pay a lot of money to make the problem go away.
Rufus: But you didn’t do that, did you.
CeCe: The real problem is that she’s in love with you.
Rufus: Why is that a problem?
CeCe: Because so long as she holds on to this, the two of you don’t have a chance in hell of making this work. I want you to have this chance. Don’t you?

Dan: Um… hey. Well thank you for telling me that you’re in love with Lily Bass. Again. Or still. Or whatever it is. It would have been really useful information to have before I tried to stop Serena from flying off to South America.
Rufus: I will never be with Lily.
Dan: I don’t understand. Serena just said—
Rufus: Serena doesn’t know what the hell she talking about.
Dan: Are you okay? What’s with all this stuff and the note? Are you going somewhere?
Rufus: Nope. Just out.

Rufus: Just tell me one thing: was it a boy or a girl?

Gossip Girl: We hear Chuck Bass isn’t the only one who lost someone he loved this week. Our deepest condolences, Miss Waldorf. XOXO —Gossip Girl.