Gossip Girl: Some say love is a river, some says love’s a silly song. Some say love is all around us. It lifts us up where we belong. Some say love is hearing laughter in the rain. But on the Upper East Side, we all know love is pain.
Blair: The bloodsucker is back. I saw her coffin and telltale Louis Vuitton broom on the floor.
Nate: Vampire’s don’t ride brooms, Blair.
Blair: Leave it to Georgina to start a mutant strain.
Bree (Joanna Garcia): You know my roommate and I didn’t see eye to eye at first. So one night I bought ice cream cone cupcakes from the treats truck and we bonded. She taught me how to say hello in Swahili. “Hujambo”.
Blair: Aw. Do you happen to know what the Swahili is for “Mind your own beeswax”? No reason of course. Just might be useful some day on safari.
Chuck: So Bree, you went home last week.
Bree: Yeah. Tried to mend the “I’m dating a van der Bilt” fence. Didn’t work. We’re Southern, so family loyalty’s real big down there.
Blair: Like slavery. What? I’m joking. You know I’m joking, right Bree?
Nate: So how’s Serena doing? She still dating Baizen or did she come to her sense yet?
Bree: Carter Baizen? Is he in town? I heard he was away on business.
Blair: He is. Traveling is so important. Bree, have you ever thought of traveling? Somewhere very far away.
Chuck: I wasn’t aware you knew Carter.
Bree: Yeah. Our families used to vacation together on Sea Island. I’ve been trying to track him down.
Chuck: I’ll go apologize for my girlfriend.
Nate: So you’re happy with Chuck. Don’t I deserve to be happy as well?
Blair: Trust me Nate. I know women. And none of us are that nice.
Serena: That was by far your best wedding. The flowers, the foie gras. Who would have guessed nine months later Klaus would have auf’ed.
Lily: Well the worst thing is I thought he would make me happy. I thought all of them would. What are you doing here?
Serena: I wanted to clear the air. I’m sorry. I know that you’re disappointed that I’m not going to Brown and I know that you’re angry that I left.
Lily: I’m not angry at you, Serena. I should have been here this summer to help you with the decision instead of leaving you here with another man who doesn’t get it.
Serena: Mom, what are you talking about? You and Rufus are the perfect couple.
Lily: Thank you for stopping by.
Serena: Hey, what’s going on with mom and Rufus?
Jenny: You don’t know? They’ve been in a cold war since the day you left.
Serena: Over Brown?
Eric: On the surface, yeah. But I have a feeling mom’s flipping out over other things too.
Jenny: I think they could be in real trouble.
Dan: Dad, what are you doing here?
Rufus: I’ve been running.
Dan: You’ve been running? With jeans on? And it didn’t chafe?
Rufus: If you don’t mind I need to sleep in my own bed tonight. Maybe longer.
Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg): Why won’t he respond to any of my calls or texts or animated e-cards?
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Are you serious?
Georgina: The last one I sent him was this adorable singing dog.
Vanessa: Okay. Dan didn’t write you back because a) he broke up with you, b) he’s seeing someone else and c) even though I tried to defend you you’re a full-on crazy person.
Georgina: Wait, can we go back to B for a second. He can’t be seeing someone else because we just broke up and— Okay. Then you’re going to get Dan to dump her.
Vanessa: And why in the world would I do that?
Georgina: I didn’t visit my family last week. I was in Boston. You know, I met the sweetest guy. I think you know him. Scott Rosin.
Vanessa: Oh my god.
Georgina: He just had so much on his mind. And after several glasses of wine—slightly enhanced—you wouldn’t believe what he told me.
Vanessa: What are you saying Georgina?
Georgina: Get Dan to dump the whore or I’m gonna tell the whole world Scott’s secret. And that would be too bad because a) that’s the last thing he wants b) how do you think Dan’s gonna feel when he finds out you’ve known his brother’s been alive the whole time? And c) who are you going to hang out with when all the Humphreys hate you? Should we review b again?
Gossip Girl: Some say love is a secret you keep sealed. But to Georgina Sparks, love is a battlefield.
Georgina: Well that was just pathetic! Haven’t you ever tried to get somebody to dump a celebrity before?
Georgina: That’s okay. Plan B. You’re familiar with Photoshop, I presume?
Lily: You’re kidding.
Rufus: I knew I let you kids watch The Parent Trap too many times.
Dan: It’s time for you two to talk.
Jenny: You love each other.
Serena: And it’s not Rufus’ fault I made the decision not to go to Brown.
Eric: Can you please sit down. For us.
Lily: Well I do love the bolognaese here.
Blair: Carter is not who you think he is. I know you don’t like to discuss this but he wasn’t the cause of my spiral. Just a symptom. And he makes Serena truly happy. What is this? This is incredible.
Chuck: Buntautuk. I learned it from a master in Chiang Mai. Serena’s deluded. The guy’s not capable of genuine feelings.
Blair: He’s brought out a different side of her. All happy and domestic, nested up at my mother’s.
Chuck: Carter’s at your penthouse? Why wouldn’t you tell Bree that when you asked?
Blair: He got in last night. She just called me a few hours ago. Anyway, why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her. And the tractor she rode in on.
Chuck: What you hate is Nate moving on. Look I love you, but Nate liking Bree doesn’t make her a piranha. And Serena liking Carter doesn’t make him a prince.
Blair: Hey, where’re you going? I have tension!
Vanessa: I’m not in love with you, you moron. Georgina’s been blackmailing me.
Dan: What? Why? Vanessa, look I’m your best friend. You can tell me. You have to tell me. What does she have on you?
Vanessa: Ugh. She knows that I know… Scott… is your brother.
Rufus: Lily, where are you?
Lily: Where are you?! I’m at the loft. I came to apologize. I don’t know why I got so crazy.
Rufus: You are right. I am never going to really understand this world I am now part of. But that doesn’t stop me from loving you. It never has.
Lily: I love you too.
Rufus: Well we can keep asking each other if we can do this. We can keep planning and talking adjusting and talking some more. Or we can just leap. So let’s leap. Let’s get married.
Lily: We’re already getting married, Rufus.
Rufus: I mean soon. I mean tomorrow. We leap.
Lily: Oh my god. Yes. We leap.
Gossip Girl: Put on those dancing shoes, kids. Looks like we’re going to the chapel.
Amalia (Benita Robledo): The Whitney is a no, Harvard Club a no. And Colicchio laughed in my face when I asked about Craft.
Blair: The only time I want to hear “no” is if Ruth Madoff wants an invite.
Serena: Constance Crew, what have you got?
New Mean Girl 1: My sister’s a florist. She can handle the flowers.
New Mean Girl 2: We’ve got cake. My aunt owns a bakery. She said she found a cancellation.
New Mean Girl 3 : I’m sorry. My family’s in investment banking. They’re all broke.
Dan: Then you can go.
Dorota: I call the Sonic Youths. They in North Hampton. Will try to make it.
Serena: Acceptable. Hey Jenny, you okay? You’ve been working on that dress all night.
Jenny: Yeah. It’s like my own Project Runway challenge.
Dan: Wow. I wondered what happened to Poppy. I had no idea it was so easy to get someone deported. That’s so thoughtful. That’s so Georgina. You know, I really missed you while you were away.
Georgina: You did? I heard you were seeing someone.
Dan: I was. But it turned out she was dating Orlando Bloom behind my back. Can you believe that?
Georgina: No. It is amazing how down that guy’s Star-O-Meter has gone.
Chuck: I’m giving you a choice. You can go to the wedding and tell Serena the ugly truth. Even if by some chance she can stomach you after that, you still have to deal with Bree. And her family. And a little thing I like to call “Southern Justice”.
Carter (Sebastian Stan): Or?
Chuck: I’m getting sick of being your travel agent. This ticket’s the last. And it’s one way.
Gossip Girl: Looks like this wedding song just became Stormy Weather. But don’t worry. Here comes the sun.
Blair: Go. Flit. Mingle.
Jenny: You know, Lily, it wasn’t easy for me when my parents split up. And it was even harder when I realized my dad was in love with someone else. But the truth is I’ve never seen him happier than he is with you.
Lily: That is so sweet.
Jenny: I can’t wait for you to hear his vows.
Gossip Girl: Ah. The Wedding March. Here comes… the awkward pause. Looks like the wedding dress might have a runaway train.
Rufus: That was—
Georgina: Your love child. Not dead. Congratulations. It’s a boy.
Gossip Girl: Oo oo, Love Child. Things didn’t get any easier. Might have to move the honeymoon suite to the Heartbreak Hotel.
Carter: Are you okay?
Serena: Will you just leave? Please. I need some time.
Carter: Just so you know, I told you what I told you because it’s not the same with you. I really do care about you Serena. So much.
Lily: Look Rufus we just drove around the entire block. He’s not here. Vanessa was wrong.
Rufus: The bus for Boston leaves in eight minutes. So he could still come. You know he could be anywhere. Let’s go back to the bus stop.
Rufus: What are you doing? Let’s go.
Lily: What’s the point?
Rufus: The point is we can still find him.
Lily: Well if we do, after what I just did— What am I supposed to say to him?
Rufus: That we’re his parents. And we’re here for him. That love can fix things.
Lily: We both know that’s not true.
Rufus: You know what? I don’t.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: A family reunited. And it feels so good.
Rufus: And I promise to eat caviar without spitting it in my napkin when we go to dinner at Mayor Bloomberg’s. As long as he knows that when he comes to our house he’s eating my chili.
Kim Gordon: Lily?
Lily: And Rufus, I know that our future will be just like us: flawed and fragmented. And full of more love than I ever thought possible. I am so excited for you to be my husband. And for our children—all of them—to be my family.
Kim Gordon: Well, by the power vested in me, by a sketchy service on the internet, I pronounce you husband and wife.
Scott (Chris Riggi): Sorry for not telling you who I was.
Dan: You know, I should have guessed. No one under 40 has ever shown that much interest in Lincoln Hawk.
Jenny: See, I told you. He has my nose.
Eric: Maybe. But those are my eyebrows.
Jenny: So Scott, what do you think about board games?
Scott: Love them.
Chuck: Hey. Been looking for you. You okay?
Serena: Not really. Carter told me some stuff and it turns out he’s not the person I thought he was. The person he is, I don’t really want to know.
Chuck: Look, I may loathe the guy but he didn’t have to own up to anything. He could have skipped town. I even bought him a ticket. He risked a lot going to the wedding. Knowing Bree would be there.
Nate: I talked to Blair. So is it true? You used me to get to Carter?
Bree: Yeah. I guess I did. Come on Nate. You’re a Van der Bilt. I’m a Buckley. And as much as I like you, that’s always going to come first. It’s in my blood. It’s Texas. If it means anything, I’m sorry.
Nate: No. No. You know what, it doesn’t. So please leave.
Gossip Girl: There are songs that make us want to dance. Songs that make us want to sing along. But the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them. And once again, break your heart. XOXO —Gossip Girl