Reversals of Fortune

Gossip Girl: Welcome back, Upper East Siders. After a long, hot summer away I see it didn’t take much time for you to dirty up the clean slates I gave you. My inbox is overflowing, so let’s get to the good stuff shall we? potted: Chuck Bass up to his old tricks. Poor B. I guess nothing good lasts forever.

Chuck: I’m Chuck. Bass.
Ashley Hinshaw: I know.
Chuck: I wasn’t expecting to see someone like you somewhere like this so early in the day.
Ashley: I needed a refuge. It’s too hot.
Chuck: It’s never too hot.
Ashley: Care to test that theory?
Chuck: What if I have a girlfriend?
Ashley: Chuck Bass doesn’t do girlfriends. Where’s your limo?
Chuck: I gave my driver the day off.
Ashley: Then I guess we’ll have to find somewhere else.

Gossip Girl: As for a certain leggy blonde by a Hamptons pool, looks like Serena left big shoes to fill. And someone finds them the perfect fit.

Eric: Well I found it. And just in time: the car’s here. Now it’s time to go… get you dressed.
Jenny: No, I’m not leaving.
Eric: I don’t think we have a choice.
Jenny: As soon as we get in that car that means no more beaches and no more bonfires and no more stalking the Barefoot Contessa through 1770 House. Our summer in the Hamptons is officially over.
Eric: So, uh, a sit in.
Jenny: More like a lie-in. At least until the sun goes down.
Eric: You sure your dad doesn’t know?
Jenny: No, totally. I mean, we hid all the evidence. Look, Dan doesn’t even know. He was prereading all his books for college. And I snuck onto his laptop and might have disabled his Serena van der Woodsen Google Alert.
Eric: But what happens when we get back to the city?
Jenny: Then it’s Serena’s problem. As for now we made her a promise. And it is very important to keep those. Even if they were asked via drunken text from a Turkish pay-as-you-go phone.

Dan: Our bags are packed, the house is closed up, but the real question remains: now that you’ve spent your whole summer drinking your coffee out of Cece’s china will it taste as good coming out of your Welcome Back Kotter mug at home?
Rufus: Sure it was great out here but I like the real world too. Well I mean since we’ll be at Lily’s it’s the better smelling, better thread count version of the real world but still. Hey, you guys aren’t ready? Serena’s going to be home by six.
Eric: How can she even greet us when she gets here? Isn’t she taking a vow of silence for her month at the ashram?
Dan: I don’t know, that Eat Pray Love thing of hers is awesome but I just highly doubt she can keep her mouth shut for a whole month.
Rufus: Even so, it’s time to leave. And I think her month is up.
Dan: Yeah, I need to meet up with Vanessa too, because I think she has something to tell me about how she spent her summer.
Wasn’t she in Europe with Nate?

Nate: Well it’s a good thing the flight attendants dimmed the cabin lights over the Atlantic.
Bree Buckley (Joanna Garcia): Well it’s an even better thing that my car got a flat on the way to Heathrow and I missed the plane that I was supposed to be on. Otherwise I would have been sitting in seat 3B of an entirely different plane. Waking up with an entirely different passenger in seat 3A.
Nate: Alright so now that we’re back on our own turf do I at least get your number? Maybe your last name.
Bree: A little mystery never hurt anyone.
Nate: Oh really? C’mon, please. You gotta give me something to go on here.
Bree: Okay. Ah, well we are going to the same school.
Nate: Yeah, and Columbia’s kind of a big one. Especially when you factor in graduate school.
Bree: You caught that. See you’re a better detective than you think. Well, my car is waiting.
Nate: Oh, are you done with that? I’ll take it. {sees the Buckley headline} On second thought—
Bree: You have a problem with the Buckleys?
Nate: Yeah, well that right-wing nut job called William van der Bilt a deviant for lobbying against DOMA.
Bree: Maybe that’s because William van der Bilt called Jeb Buckley a cokehead and a cheater.
Nate: What, are you saying it isn’t cheating if you get your congressional aide pregnant?
Bree: You’re Nate Archibald.
Nate: And you’re Bree Buckley.
Bree: You pulled my hair during the Clinton’s inaugural ball.
Nate: Your redneck cousins tried to waterboard me at the Easter Egg hunt on the White House lawn.
Bree: It’s good to see you again.
Nate: Yeah, take care of yourself.

Chuck: Uh uh.
Ashley: Why not?
Chuck: It’s better to wait.
Ashley: How long?
Chuck: Let’s see… now.
Blair: What the hell is going on?
Chuck: Blair, I can explain.
Ashley: I’m sorry, um, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.
Chuck: Yes, you did. She did.
Blair: Shame on you, Ashley Hinshaw. How could you do that? Pick up someone in a relationship? Have you no pride, no self respect?
Ashley: Okay, but I didn’t know—
Blair: You may have an Abercrombie campaign and the security code to Clooney’s castle in Lake Como but that doesn’t give you the right to try and steal someone else’s man! Now take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!
Ashley: Okay, you’re crazy.
Chuck: Hey.
Blair: Hi.  [?] 2 or 3 hours. I missed you.
Chuck: Let me make it up to you. Let’s get out of here.
Blair: Or we could stay.

Gossip Girl: As for Serena van der Woodsen, you left America a star. But after your exploits in Europe you’ve come back a supernova. And yet nothing explodes without a fuse. I wonder what—or who—lit yours.

Serena: What’s that?
Rufus: The money your mother left us for emergencies. Not to boast but we haven’t used a penny of it all summer.
Jenny: Well thank heaven for salaried servants and an account at the beach club, right.
Rufus: Well I’m glad I have the number for City Harvest. This is all a little much.
Dan: A little much? It makes the Four Seasons look like… one season.

Serena: I’m really sorry about yesterday. I thought after the whole arrest scandal, out of sight out of mind. I had no idea it would be worse when I got back.
Rufus: You’ve apologized enough, Serena. No one’s blaming you. Now that those vulture’s have the first shot of your return I’m sure they’ll leave you alone. It’s not like you’re going to get arrested again.

Chuck: I know it’s a buyer’s market right now but that doesn’t mean there’s actually anything worth buying.
Nate: Why don’t you just stay at the Palace?
Chuck: I am done living in my father’s shadow. And that includes living in his hotel.
Nate: And running his company?
Chuck: Lily was doing an amazing job overseeing the board before she left. Why not let her continue. What about you? Any word from the van der Bilt compound since you got back?
Nate: Not a word. Tomorrow’s the family polo match. You know when I skipped out on the internship at the mayor’s office I knew they’d be mad. Now I’m getting the silent treatment.
Chuck: Well if they’re mad at you already why don’t you call the girl from the plane?
Nate: I’m not going to use Bree to send some message.
Chuck: You’re missing one key detail: sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing?

Serena: Wait you do what? I go to Europe for three months and you turn from Jane Austen to Anais Nin. Is there anything Chuck Bass can’t get you to do?
Blair: It was my idea.
Serena: No, no it wasn’t.
Blair: Yes, it was. We had our honeymoon period and while other couples settle into routine we were determined to keep things interesting. So Chuck plays the cheating bastard and I play the scorned woman. I even get to choose who to humiliate. Models, tourists, Upper West Siders…

Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Okay, wait. Why do you have a knock off designer wallet? I thought you hated intellectual property theft. Oh, it’s to hold all your hundred dollar bills.
Dan: Do you know how hard it is to break one of those things? I don’t even know why they make them. I’m kidding. Sort of. It’s not a knock off. It’s a graduation present from Lily. As is what’s in it. And you know what, I thought I’d never use it but… have you seen the stitching?

Rufus: I don’t understand. Serena’s arrest was months ago. Why do they still care about her so much?
Eric: Her hair.
Jenny: Her clothes.
Jenny: Her hair.
Eric: Her hairstyle.
Rufus: What do you know that I don’t know?

Dan: I see the cat’s out of the bag.
Rufus: And topless on Valentino’s yacht.
Jenny: So fair, everyone’s topless on Valentino’s yacht.

Carter Baizen (Sebastian Stan): Where you headed beautiful?
Serena: Carter.
Carter: I was in the neighborhood.
Serena: No you weren’t.
Carter: Gossip Girl said you’d returned. I wanted to see you.
Serena: Well you’ve seen me. Now you can go.
Carter: We need to talk.
Serena: No. We don’t.
Carter: I know you can’t avoid what happened forever.
Serena: Watch me.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena van der Woodsen giving Carter Bassin the slip. We’ve all seen the selects but what happened between them when TMZ was MIA? Something tells me the truth is just out of focus.

Vanessa: I’m his best friend and I support him no matter what. Even if he were rich and dressed like Truman Capote.
Scott (Chris Riggi): You should probably tell him that.
Vanessa: I should. Too bad he has that polo match with his family.
Scott: His whole family?
Vanessa: Yeah. Nate’s family. And I’m sure Blair and Chuck will be there if that murder-suicide I predicted hasn’t happened yet.

Blair: Summer was great. We had a lot of fun. Summer’s over.

Gossip Girl: This just in: an unlikely alliance is forming on the Upper East Side. Too bad it may be too late to do any good.

Eric: “Mrs. Jennifer Humphrey.” When did you get married?
Jenny: It doesn’t matter. It’s engraved.

Nate: Well the bad news is your last name’s Buckley, but the good news is knowing that makes you easier to find.

Blair: How’s your tureen?
Chuck: Bland. How’s your julep?
Blair: Weak.

Vanessa: Hi.
Dan: What— Vanessa? What are you doing here?
Vanessa: Nice suit.
Dan: You couldn’t judge me enough in New York, you had to follow me to another state to do it too?
Blair: Humphrey! C’mon, it’s show time.
Vanessa: If you don’t mind Dan and I are in the middle of something.
Blair: If you don’t mind —or even if you do—Dan’s coming with me.
Dan: I have to go. I’m sorry.
Vanessa: So am I.

Carter: What the hell is this?
Blair: It’s a restraining order.
Carter: This says I have to stay away from Blair Waldorf.
Blair: Yeah. And until further notice you’ll find me by Serena’s side. Step with 100 feet of me and you’ll be arrested. And about how far do you think he is from me?
Dan: Oh he’s far enough.
Blair: I agree. Security!
Serena: Hey, what’s— what’s going on here?
Carter: Ah, your friend’s trying to have me removed.
Serena: Right. Because you’re stalking me.
Dan: You don’t have to talk to him.
Carter: You told him I was stalking you? You want to tell him the truth or should I?
Dan: What’s the truth?
Serena: Yeah Carter, what’s the truth?
Carter: Sooner or later you’re going to be alone with no one taking your picture. What are you going to do then?
Blair: Serena, what’s he talking about?

Gossip Girl: Forget a grand entrance. Everybody knows it’s the exit they’ll remember.

Nate: I’m good at secret relationships. I’ve had a bit of practice.

Serena: Why won’t you leave me alone Carter? You’re not my boyfriend.
Carter: No, but I seem to be the only one you tell your secrets to.
Serena: Well I guess that was a mistake.
Carter: Dropping your dress, stealing a horse—all that is is a cry for attention.
Serena: I don’t need to cry for attention. I’m getting plenty on my own in case you haven’t noticed.
Carter: Yeah, plenty from everyone except the one you want it from.
Serena: That’s not true.
Carter: He didn’t want to see you Serena.
Serena: That’s not what happened.
Carter: We spent a month chasing him down and then we found him he couldn’t even meet you face to face.
Serena: Well maybe he didn’t get my message or he didn’t realize who I was—
Carter: He didn’t realize who his daughter was? Serena, what if your dad didn’t want to see you? Who cares? Who the hell is he not to want you? I would have stayed all summer with you. But after that you ditched me and ran again.

Nate: I’m not going to be taking the internship, Grandfather. I hope you can understand that.
Mr. van der Bilt: Of course I can. How many times must I tell you, Nathaniel, I want to be your family. Work wherever. Date whomever. I won’t stand in your way. I just want you to be happy.
Nate: I almost believe you.
Mr. van der Bilt: That’s enough for me.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Blair Waldorf learning that just because you get out of the game doesn’t mean there isn’t someone waiting on the bench to take your place.

Vanessa: I know stuff’s going on with your family so I’m just going to go.
Dan: Okay. Why’d you come here?
Vanessa: Honestly, right now I just don’t know. Maybe people just change. Maybe it’s okay if we grow apart.
Dan: Vanessa, I’m not changing.
Vanessa: You’re at a polo match in a three thousand dollar suit and your name’s in the program. And after I take a bus across the state line to apologize you ditch me for Blair Waldorf and totally disappear.
Dan: Cece set me up with this suit. Alright? And Jenny got a dress too if you’d also like to make her feel bad about it. As for Blair it’s not like we’re shoe shopping or sipping martinis. There’s something going on with Serena.
Vanessa: And what is that?
Dan: I wish I knew. All I do know is that Lily’s mother is very sick and my dad is struggling just to keep it together. Not to mention my family is generally in the middle of a transition. So please—please!—give me a break with the “rich people suck” thing.
Vanessa: I don’t care if you’re rich. Which, you aren’t by the way. Ride in a limo, break a hundred, that’s fine. But if you’re going to be in this world, be yourself in this world. Because I actually like that guy. And I hope he’s the one that turns up at NYU.

Carter: Anybody seen a girl in an orange dress?

Blair: Chuck, where is she?
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Blair: Do you really expect me to believe you don’t have her stashed here?
Chuck: I came back from the party because I have a headache. Didn’t you get my messages?
Blair: I must have left my phone on the table. What if we need games? What if without them we’re boring?
Chuck: We could never be boring.
Blair: You say that, but I know you. You’re Chuck Bass.
Chuck: I’m not Chuck Bass without you.
Blair: Running to get here all the way from Connecticut was pretty exciting. Do you know where Alexandra lives?
Chuck: How about we stay in instead.

Vanessa: Well that wasn’t so much fun, was it?
Scott: Depends on your definition of fun.
Vanessa: I don’t know why I even brought you. The Humphreys are going through a lot and I don’t even know if Dan and I are still friends.
Scott: I know they’re dealing with stuff, but they seem like good people to me.

Gossip Girl: Growing up means one thing: independence. We all want it. Sometimes we use other people to try and get it for ourselves. Sometimes we find it in each other. Sometimes our independence comes at the cost of something else. And our cost can be high. Because more often than not, in order to gain our independence we have to fight. Never give up. Never surrender. XOXO —Gossip Girl