Gossip Girl Season 4

Damien Darko


Caitlin FitzGerald  David Call  Jay McInerney  Kevin Zegers  Matt Doyle  Michael Boatman  Sam Robards  Tika Sumpter

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Gossip Girl: Brr, Upper East Siders. It’s cold outside. And as February approaches, we need to find ways to fight frostbite. Some keep warm the old fashioned way.

Chuck: Do you know what a turn-on it would be to sleep with a woman trying to buy my company.
Reina Thorpe (Tika Sumpter): As long as we play clean in business, I’m happy to keep it.
Chuck: Dirty between the sheets.

Some seek the comfort of loved ones. And some try to keep away the gloom by painting things bright.

Blair: What are you doing up this early?
Serena: Breakfast with Ben. And don’t lecture. He’s a nice person. A nice, innocent person who deserves a friend after what my mom did to him.
Blair: A lot of mascara for a friend. But you can have breakfast with whomever you want. I don’t judge. {Serena gives her a look} Well, today I don’t. Because today everything is new and fresh and golden. Today my internship begins.
Serena: You finally going to tell me where it is?
Blair: It’s too important, I can’t jinx it! I’ll tell you after my first day. But I must go.
Serena: But you realize most offices aren’t even open this early. Unless you’re interning in a donut shop.
Blair: I want to be early. What is wrong with being early? Catch the worm!
Serena: Okay, I’ll see you at the W party tonight. And good luck at your new job at the mayor’s office or the Whitney or CIA or whatever. This is like living with Don Draper.

Dan: Lily, thank you so much for getting me this opportunity.
Lily: Just so you know, it may not be what—
Dan: Don’t worry, I realize most internships are about exploitation and espresso runs. I’m just happy to get a chance to be around writing again.
Lily: Well then you’re welcome Daniel. How about a celebratory breakfast?
Dan: Oh, you know I can’t. I’m super busy. I’ve gotta limber up for all this boot-licking I’m going to be doing. But thank you.
Lily: Okay. Bye.

Lily: Well at least one of our kids appreciates me.
Rufus: Lily.
Lily: I get Ben out on parole but Serena and Eric continue to treat me like I’m toxic.
Rufus: I know you did what you could, but Ben’s still going to have a criminal record. Give them time.
Lily: Everything I do or have ever done is for my children. And someday they’ll realize that. {pause} Right?
Rufus: Mm.
Lily: Hm.

Ben (David Call): Serena, the reason I asked you here is because I heard from an old college friend. He’s starting an organic farm up in Ithaca. Wants me to move up there.
Serena: Wow. Ithaca is supposed to be beautiful. But are you sure?
Ben: Be outside all day, work with my hands. After being cooped up so long, it’s kind of ideal.
Serena: Well I hope we get to spend some time together before you go.
Ben: I’m leaving tomorrow. I want to start my new life as soon as possible. I hope you understand.
Serena: Yeah, of course. I’m sure we can write or email or call or…. I’m really happy for you.
Ben: Take care Serena.

Serena: Rufus, hey. You still have a plot in a community garden, right?

Dan: You gotta be kidding me. Scorpio Rising was a great film.
Blair: That dreck puts the “ick” in esoteric.
Dan: Alright, fine. We can go see the Merchant Ivory retrospective. You can ensure that your delicate sensibilities aren’t disturbed and I can catch up on my sleep.
Blair: Going to movies is a one or… four time thing. It’s not like we’re friends.
Dan: I never suggested we were, but I am going to suggest the Boys Exhibit at Chelsea.
Blair: Oh you are such a boy. How could you go to that when the Degas is about to close at the Morgan?
Dan: You are such a girl. I’m going to take a pass on the ballerinas. Frilly dresses and tutus is not my idea of art.
Blair: Fashion is the most powerful art there is. It’s movement, design and architecture all in one. It shows the world who we are and who we’d like to be. Just like your scarf suggests that you’d like to sell used cars.
Dan: Vanessa gave me this scarf.
Blair: Look, I have to go. Stop wasting my time. You know today is a big day for me.
Dan: So you going to finally tell me what internship you get? No. Alright. Then I won’t tell you which one I got either. I will see you Sunday at the Morgan. I will wear my most fashionable toe shoes.
Blair: Don’t get your hopes up.

Damien (Kevin Zegers): Serena, hey. It’s great to see you. I heard about the Ostroff Center and Juliet giving you the—
Serena: The drugs that you sold her?
Damien: I had no idea what her plans were. I want to make sure that you’re okay.
Serena: Look, I couldn’t care less about clearing your conscience. When are you going to realize your occupation hurts people?
Damien: I don’t give anyone anything that they don’t come looking for.
Serena: Okay, well then I guess you’re only half-responsible that I almost died.

Blair: W stands for way better than I even imagined. I’m already planning outfits in my head.
Epperley Lawrence (Caitlin FitzGerald): You mean outfits for Laura Stone to wear in our Mizselle shoot on Friday. I would love to hear your thoughts, but if you’re dreaming about what you’re going to wear to the party tonight, think again.
Epperley: I saw that movie too. But this is real life, not some Hollywood chick flick where with a scrunchie gets a makeover and triumphs in the end.
Blair: I have never owned a scrunchie.
Epperley: I think I read that. On your resumé.

Epperley: You’re all so young, so adorable.
Blair: All who?
Epperley: All of you interns.
Blair: But I thought it was just me.
Epperley: Thousands of applications. These are the best of the best.
Blair: I’m the best of the best. I’m Blair Waldorf.
Epperley: Assuming that’s your way of saying you’re the most distinguished, ambitious student at your school, then they’re all Blair Waldorfs.

Epperley: This must be our sixth and final intern.
Dan: Oh, I think there must be some mistake.
Epperley: Daniel Humphrey, NYU? I’m Epperley Lawrence. Your supervisor. Welcome to W.

Gossip Girl: Nothing says January like a brand new cold war.

Lily: Jonathan, how are you? I haven’t seen you since you—
Jonathan (Matt Doyle): Eric and I broke up, probably.
Lily: Well not that I see my son much these days either. He’s been with Eliot nonstop since they got back from Stad. {Jonathan looks at her.} What?
Jonathan: Eliot broke up with Eric over the holidays. It’s all anyone was talking about the first day back at school.
Lily: But Eric slept at his place last night.

Epperley: Focus on your work ethic, not your wardrobe. W is about more than just fashion and beauty. We do probing interviews and art issue. We’re looking for visionaries.

Blair: Get out of here, Humphrey. This is my world.
Dan: I can’t just quit. When Lily said Condé Nast I figured she meant Vanity Fair or The New Yorker, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t pull every string she had on my behalf. Turns out it’s easier to get a guy paroled than it is to get a magazine internship in this town.
Blair: You don’t know the difference between Rodarte and road kill. You’ll be guillotined.
Dan: We’re interns. I may not know couture but I know how to collate.
Blair: And I know how to staple, so stay out of my way or I’ll use one to attach your tongue to your shoulder blade.

Lily: Where were you last night? And don’t say Elliot’s. I called over there and spoke to his mother.
Eric: I was with a friend.
Lily: Why didn’t you tell that you two me you broke up?
Eric: I didn’t want to share a huge fact from my life. I wonder where I got that gene from.

Jonathan: Are you okay? What’s going on with you and your mother?
Eric: Oh. Now you care. Because you didn’t when you dumped me.
Jonathan: I was angry, and rightly so. But… I’ve always cared and you know that.
Eric: It’s my family and Elliot and… it’s just been a rough few weeks for me. I’ve missed having you in my life.
Jonathan: Well I’m here now. Your mother said you guys were going to some party tonight. Is there any chance you’d want to bring someone to be there for you? Help keep the peace. Make fun of everyone we see.
Eric: Yeah. That sounds perfect.

Dan: Epperley asked me to pull the lemon Louboutins.
Blair: Oh. You poor lost lamb. Let me help you.
Dan: I didn’t date Serena van der Woodsen for two years to not come away knowing that those are Marc Jacobs and they’re mustard.

Dan: Give it up, Blair. I’m actually good at this. And unlike the other interns I know you. Your stupid tricks won’t work.
Blair: Oh look! It’s Georgina’s baby!

Howard (Sam Robards): I didn’t want to tell you until everything was settled. I have incredible news. I got a job. A real job. As a financial advisor in a top tier company.
Nate: Are you serious? Dad, that’s great!
Howard: I never thought it would happen again—the suits, the business lunches, the ability to pay my own hotel bills. I can’t stop pinching myself.
Nate: What’s the firm?
Howard: Thorpe Enterprises. I’ll be working with Russell Thorpe himself.

Chuck: I just walked past your dad in a two thousand dollar suit.
Nate: It seems the Captain, who could barely get an interview for a custodial position, got a big executive position with the guy trying to buy your company.

Dan: So. How are you enjoying your first day?
Blair: Well. What would have been perfection has now been tainted by Brooklyn’s Benedict Arnold.
Dan: How am I a traitor? The only reason you’re still here is ’cause no one has ratted out your attempts at sabotage to Epperley.
Blair: And the only reason you’re still here is because no one’s asked you who’s Givenchy.

Dan: You do realize that I know Jeremiah Harris personally, right?
Blair: And you do know that I know everyone personally, right?

Serena: Hey, is Eric here? I’m supposed to take him to lunch.
Lily: Oh, he’s brooding in his room.

Serena: This was for Ben. “Please use this money to start a new life. Far away from me and my family.” {on the back} “I don’t need your blood money to stay away. I’ll stay away for free.”

Gossip Girl: Seems Serena’s getting frosty with her mother over an envelope of cold, hard cash. Looks like not everything or everyone’s on sale this January.

Serena: Well at least now I know why Ben lied. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me because I’m the daughter of the person that ruined the last three years of his life and is trying to ruin the rest of it.
Lily: Thirty thousand dollars would hardly ruin his life.
Rufus: You said you were going to help find Ben an apartment, not pay him to disappear.
Eric: Mom paid someone off again. Well we should make this a drinking game.
Lily: Ben Donovan has information that can ruin this family. What’s wrong with not wanting him around?

Rufus: I’m going out.
Serena: I’m right behind you.
Eric: Yeah. Hold the elevator.

Reina Thorpe: I’m glad you called. Afternooners are my favorite.
Chuck: I thought you said you were totally above board when it comes to business.
Reina: I did. And I am.
Chuck: So why did you hire my best friend’s father to work for your company?
Reina: The Captain? He and my father and old friends. My father believes in second chances and we need someone who knows the lay of the land.
Chuck: His son’s my roommate. It’s an obvious conflict.
Reina: Chuck, we just met I had no idea who you lived with. I know you’re sensitive to this. I assure you, Thorpe Enterprises has no interest in corporate espionage.
Chuck: Even so. I spoke to Nate. The Captain’s a loose cannon. I’d consider it a personal favor if you’d have him fired. Now. What were you saying about afternooners?
Reina: Actually I just remembered I have a meeting. Sorry Chuck.

Blair: Your mother might be up to her old tricks, but maybe it’s best for Ben to get a fresh start without you.
Serena: Maybe. I don’t know. I just don’t want to go down without a fight.
Blair: Speaking of fights I’m at full-on war with Humphrey.
Serena: B, I know you like to turn everything into a contest but surely Dan isn’t your biggest competition at W.
Blair: All the other girls are variations on a theme. And that theme is slightly lesser versions of me. But Dan is a writer. He makes delicious coffee. Never mind the fact that he’s not a completely horrible looking straight guy working at a fashion magazine. He’s got the whole office buzzing.
Serena: Sounds like someone’s feeling a little threatened.
Blair: Well not for long. My author will make his look like a monkey with a typewriter. Or maybe an invisible monkey with a typewriter.
Serena: B, I hear scheming in your voice. You cannot sabotage him.
Blair: Why not? I’m not going to treat him any better than all my other enemies just ’cause you sporadically love him.
Serena: He’s not your enemy. Earn the spotlight on your own merits. You’ll feel better.
Blair: I’ll call you later. Let Ben go.
Serena: Let Dan be.

Damien: Congratulations on getting out. I’m sure you’ve been doing a lot of celebrating, huh? Wanna buy some party favors?
Ben: So it’s true. The straight laced academic star became a dealer.
Damien: Guilty.
Ben: I remember that paper you wrote comparing The Wire to The Iliad. Did not intend for English comp to be an occupational training course.

Ben: The thing with The Wire is that witnesses usually had evidence before they testified. I know you were the one who said you saw me and Serena at that B&B.
Damien: I told the truth.
Ben: Nothing happened between me and Serena that night. But I went to prison anyway.
Damien: You say potato, judge says pedophile.

Epperley: Maybe the striver thing is all an act. And maybe it’s just a coincidence that my coffee tasted like her perfume. I’m sure you know her better than I do.
Dan: Yeah, I do know her. I know that her kindergarten yearbook quote is “The a best defense is a good offense”.

Gossip Girl: Careful D, it’s flu season. But nothing’s more contagious than mistrust.

Eric: Where’s mom?
Rufus: She’s still licking her wounds. We were all pretty hard on her this afternoon. I never would have come to a party like this without her, but I needed some air.
Eric: Oh, hey. I get it. Being in a room with a selfish manipulator can really suck the life out of you.

Blair: Chuck Bass and no guest. You may enter.
Chuck: Blair Waldorf working the door.
Blair: I got an internship at W.
Chuck: Knowing you, you’ll be editor by May. Your plan’s working.
Blair: So it seems to be.

Ben: Serena I’m actually here because I saw your brother Eric with Damien Daalgard. Who we both know is a drug dealer.
Serena: No. No, Eric hates Damien, and he doesn’t do drugs. So there must be some sort of explanation.

Serena: Jonathan. Hey. By any chance have you seen—
Jonathan: Eric? No. The guys should become a magician. He’s disappeared. I thought we were here on a date. I guess I’m getting played once again.
Serena: I’m sorry, a date? What about Elliot?
Jonathan: Elliot dumped him. He didn’t tell you? He promised he was over his Jenny Humphrey phase. I guess he was wrong. Or maybe I was for believing in him.

Jeremiah Davis (Jay McInerney): I warn you, if the Krug is warmer than 55 degrees, I’m leaving.

Blair: OMG. I was just poleaxed by a poor person.

Reina: Fancy seeing you here. Chuck, this is Stewart Fuji. He’s in the film business.

Chuck: What are you doing with that bore? Let’s get out of here.
Reina: Actually I’m having a nice time. Stewart understands that when I say I’m telling the truth, I am.
Chuck: Reina, you’re trying to take my company. How can I just trust you? You’d think less of me if I did.
Reina: I couldn’t think less of you than I do right now.
Chuck: Sorry. I wouldn’t be like this if it wasn’t my father’s legacy. The stakes are too high to take a chance on trust.
Reina: Hey. It’s just business.
Chuck: From now on, I don’t even know if we have that to discuss.

Blair: You Williamsburg weasel! I can’t believe you stabbed me in the back.
Dan: I only did it because I thought you did the same to me.
Blair: Hillary Clinton is one of my role models. I do not break treaties, you ass!

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Dubious friends in definite hot water.
Epperley: Obviously you’re both fired. Go back the office and pack your things.
Looks like W just left Dan and Blair both out in the cold.

Howard: I just got an interesting phone call from Reina Thorpe. Did you tell Chuck to have me fired? Let me guess, you thought I’d embarrass you.
Nate: The Thorpes are trying to take over Bass Industries. We thought they might be using you just to get information.
Howard: I’m a grown man, Nate. And I’m actually good at what I do. Chuck is family. I would never do anything to jeopardize things for him.
Nate: You do realize that’s a total contradiction though. Being Chuck’s family and working for the Thorpes.
Howard: Word around the office is he’s banging Thorpe’s daughter. Talk about sleeping with the enemy.
Nate: But that’s Chuck’s decision, okay? And whatever happens is on him and him alone. You need this second chance. You can’t go down in another scandal.
Howard: So you’re getting me fired instead? All those nights in prison, when I thought I couldn’t take it. When I wanted to quit or die or… I didn’t. Because I knew there was still one person out there who believed in me.
Nate: Dad, you’ll get another job.
Howard: Yeah. Washing toilets. You know what? I think I’d rather live in a halfway house than live with someone that only halfway trusts me.

Dan: Come on, it was just an internship. I’m sure you can have your mom call and get you a new one in a second.
Blair: My mother didn’t get me W. She’s a designer. She can’t call in favors from a fashion magazine.
Dan: Well you don’t get jobs like this with out a connection.
Blair: Well I did. I practically stalked Stefano. I spent the night in his lobby waiting to meet him. After the police escorted me out of the building for the third time, I faxed a letter to every machine in the building.
Dan: That’s like two hundred fax machines.
Blair: Three hundred and thirty-two.
Dan: Wow. Blair, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know any of this.
Blair: What, the fact that you were willfully ignorant is supposed to make me feel better? You wanted an internship. I wanted this one.
Dan: So why didn’t you just sabotage me? You had every opportunity.
Blair: Guess I must have some undiagnosed brain injury. ‘Cause I stupidly thought that this fake friendship might be real.

Ben: Hey, I know what it feels like when you think you’ve got no one to turn to.
Eric: Who the hell are you?
Ben: I’m Ben. Serena’s—
Eric: Non-rapist but still technically ex-con former teacher. You have taken up a lot of time over the dinner table at our house.
Ben: I’m sure all that drama has been overshadowing what’s going on in everyone else’s life. Especially yours.
Eric: No offense, man. But mind your own business.
Ben: When I got locked up I… befriended some not very good guys. I found out the hard way. When you do things that betray who you are, it can become very difficult to recognize yourself. I don’t want to see that happen to you.

Rufus: Eric. I just heard that you’ve been hanging out with Damien. Are you doing drugs?
Eric: You know, I could lie and say no, but I bought sleeping pills. And then I needed Adderall to wake back up, but it was a… it was stupid. And I’m done with it.
Rufus: If you need help, I want to make sure you get it.
Eric: I don’t care about the drugs. Damien was just there when no one else would listen.

Ben: Serena, it’s a lot easier for me to start over without any reminders from my past.
Serena: Why? I saw you talking to Eric and it reminded me of what you were like at boarding school.
Ben: I’m not that person anymore.
Serena: Yes, you are.
Ben: You know why I’ve been avoiding you? Because I see that look in your eye and I know exactly what that means. But I don’t want to be with you. I didn’t reciprocate back then and I don’t now. I’m sorry.

Gossip Girl: Sorry, S. Looks like the only thing you’ll be snuggling up with this winter are warm memories.

Serena: I’m not heartbroken, I’m humiliated. I was falling for someone who wants nothing to do with me.

Blair: Epperley?
Epperley: It’s 9:20. Where are you?
Blair: What are you talking about? You fired me.
Epperley: Yes, and then Dan confessed that you were the one that called Jeremiah and took the credit, and then staged that whole wrestling stunt to embarrass you. I was totally wrong about him. If you’re going to be a backstabber just stab some backs, you know?

Blair: You know what I just remembered? If you really want something, you don’t suffer anyone or anything until you get it.

Rufus: Ben, I realize my wife hasn’t treated you justly in any way. I’d like to help.
Ben: You’re not going to offer me more money, are you?
Rufus: You deserve a real shot at getting back on your feet again. And that’s gonna be tough to do living in a halfway house. I have an extra room at my loft and I’d love it if you’d move in. After everything that’s happened it’s the least we can do.
Ben: I haven’t experienced a lot of kindness lately. I gotta think about it, but it sounds good.

Gossip Girl: This winter, even though we bundle up, a cold shoulder can freeze us out.

Russell (Michael Boatman): We’re old friends. You’re doing a bang-up job. I should have told you about my plans for Bass Industries but I, ah, didn’t want to put you in a compromising position.
Howard: I completely understand. And I can assure you there are no conflicts anymore. Whatever you need, I’m your guy.

Reina: I told you who I was when we met. I don’t play games. In business or in my personal life. My father is going to do everything humanly possible to acquire Bass Industries. It’s not a secret, it’s a fact.
Chuck: I know. I apologize for losing sight of that. Look, you’re a beautiful girl who says what’s on her mind and isn’t afraid of the consequences. I don’t want to stop seeing you. I can handle the complications if you can.
Reina: Hm. I think complications are the least of what I can handle. But there is a man in a towel in my bathroom now. So… maybe another time.

Epperley: As it turns out, your friend wasn’t worthy.
Blair: Tell me about it. I’ve been trying to convince people for years. But just so you know, he was never really my friend

Gossip Girl: Sometimes a ray of sun shines in and gives us hope.

Ben is still a good person. I know he is.

Ben: Stay away from Serena, stay away from her family.
Damien: What do you care? Those people ruined your life, not me. You actually like her.
Ben: How I feel about Serena is none of your damn business. The only thing you should be worried about is disappearing.

Damien: Hey. What are you doing right now?
Eric: Sorry Damien. But I’m done with the pills.
Damien: No. That’s not what I meant. You want to hang out? As friends.
Eric: Sure. Why not.
Damien: Good.

Gossip Girl: But on the Upper East Side, the slipperiest ice, is usually right in front of us. XOXO —Gossip Girl.