Gossip Girl Season 4

The Kids Are Not All Right

2011.01.24    

Amanda Setton  Margaret Colin  Michael Boatman  Sam Robards  Tika Sumpter

Gossip Girl: It’s a cold New Year, Upper East Siders. Time to donate that fall wardrobe to the help and to present the world with a better version of you. Which could mean facing your future… and forgetting past mistakes. Or finally settling on a brand new path. But a new year doesn’t wipe away old problems.

Blair: Well. Welcome back. All this for two weeks?
Serena: I had no idea where my PI mission was going to take me. I had to be prepared.
Blair: For a night with Taylor Swift?
Serena: Aside from forging affidavits that send innocent men to jail, Judge Stephens also enjoys riding horses on his ranch in Virginia.
Blair: Well someone did her research.
Serena: Apparently not enough, because he wasn’t there and no one knew who he was. So I had to pull an Erin Brockovitch and go down to the Litchfield County clerk’s office to try to get a copy of the case. And how’s this for irony?
Blair: Court records are public so you wore a push-up bra for no reason?
Serena: No. The file was sealed because the case involved a minor.

Serena: Just, take me away from my problems, please. Tell me, what did you do over the break?
Blair: Why? What did you hear? I… ate leftovers. And supervised Dorota taking down the tree. And I finally settled on who I want to intern for this semester. Indra Nooyi. Forbes’ Number Six Most Powerful Woman in the world.
Serena: Wow. I’m impressed.
Blair: As she will be. Once I figure out how to win her over before the internship deadline, which—yes—is in three days.
Serena: Did you… happen to see Dan over the break?
Blair: Why would I? What’s going on with you two anyway?
Serena: I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out how we both feel at family brunch.
Blair: Well. Here’s my advice: have a little faith, and if that doesn’t work, a lot of Mimosas.

Nate: Hey man, how was New Zealand?
Chuck: I have to say, it was an extraordinary bust. Jack was out of the country.
Nate: Aw, I’m sorry, man. I knew you were counting on his help.
Chuck: As fate would have it, I might have found one last ally. My father’s old friend Russell Thorpe is in town from Chicago. He’s hosting a party at Apella this afternoon. I’m on my way to his field office to see if I can get a meeting. {hears background noise.} I hear you kept yourself entertained in my absence.
Nate: Nope, that’s not me.
Chuck: That’s right. Your father’s out on parole. How’s it been?
Nate: I know he’s earned the right to blow off a little steam, but it’s been nothing but spas and restaurants and night clubs. I mean shouldn’t he be concentrating on his future?
Chuck: Perhaps you should dock his allowance.
Howard Archibald (Sam Robards) from the other room: Oh yeah! Hey Nate, need one more for a foursome. You in, dude?
Nate: That’s not what it sounded like. But I should go. Good luck.
Chuck: You too.

Serena: So, how was your break? What did you do?
Dan: Why, what’d you hear?
Serena: Nothing. Which, I’m afraid, is what I have to report from my road trip.
Dan: Hm. I’m sorry. I know you were hoping for some closure.
Serena: Well my mom’s deviousness is the gift that keeps on giving, so for now at least the past still lingers.

Serena: Was brunch a special occasion?
Dan: No, no. I have an interview with Writers’ House later. It’s a literary agency for my internship.
Serena: Well that’s the one good thing about being a freshman. I don’t have to think about that this year.
Dan: That, and a lot of other things it seems.
Serena: Dan, you knew my focus was fixing things for Ben. I didn’t realize I had an ultimatum.

Eric: Hey. I, ah, wanted to call but she wouldn’t let me.

Blair: Are you telling me it’s been a week and you still can’t get me five minutes alone with Indra?
Penelope (Amanda Setton): She’s only here for two days before heading to Chennai tomorrow. Her schedule’s packed.
Blair: Oh! I’ve always wanted to go to India. Can you get me a seat on her plane? Or— get me an itinerary.
Penelope: It’s being faxed over.

Eleanor (Margaret Colin): Make a decision, Laurel! Or I’ll make the last one you’ll hear. What are you girls doing?
Blair: Just solidifying the details of my internship.
Eleanor: Oh. Honey, that reminds me. I was thinking, why not work with me at Waldorf Designs? You love fashion.
Blair: Well I also love a good pot-au-feu but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to build a career around it.
Eleanor: Fine. Well, I have a monster of a day.
Penelope: Do you know how many women would kill to work with your mother?
Blair: Yes. And they’re the Jenny Humphreys of the world.

Chuck: If I could impose on you to pop back up to the office and tell Mr. Thorpe Chuck Bass is here to see him. I’ll take a coffee and today’s Pravda if it’ll be a few minutes.
Reina (Tika Sumpter): I’m sorry. Who are you?
Chuck: Chuck Bass. I just flew in from New Zealand, got the invitation to Mr. Thorpe’s party. Thought I’d stop by early to discuss business.
Reina: Would you mind telling me what this is regarding?
Chuck: I don’t usually expose my private matters to an assistant.
Reina: Assistant. I prefer the term secretary, don’t you? Why not just call things as you see them.
Chuck: Couldn’t agree more. So, since I’m sure your boss will see me, if you’ll just tell him I’m here—
Reina: That won’t be possible.

Reina Thorpe: It appears you may be out of the loop. The potential sale of Bass Industries? Is very real. There’s a deal on the table and it’s fast-tracked to close in twenty-four hours. I’m guessing I’ll be seeing you at my boss’ party later?

Rufus: I’m sorry for ambushing you guys, but we need to start talking again. Dan. How’s that internship search going?
Lily: Oh, that’s right. Maybe I can help. I can call one of my friends at Condé Nast.
Serena: Hm. Maybe you could forge a signature on the cover letter.
Lily: Serena.
Dan: This talking thing’s going great.
Serena: What I want to know is how many times you got your hair done this week while an innocent man sat in prison.
Eric: Serena—
Lily: Contrary to what you might believe, I am handling this in a way that is best for this family, and we’re not going to discuss it anymore.
Serena: Okay. {she gets up.}
Dan: I’m going to make sure she’s okay.
Eric: And… I’m not hungry anymore, so I’ll see you at home.
Rufus: She’ll come around. Just give her time.
Lily: Thank you for trusting me.
Rufus: I’m gonna go get our check and the coats.

Lily: Judge Stephens, hi. I hope you enjoyed your time in the city. But you can return to the ranch now. I’ll take it from here.

Dan: Crazy question, but why isn’t Ben just going after Lily himself?
Serena: Because he knows she’ll go to the cops and tell them what Juliet did to me.
Dan: Oh, you mean kidnap and drug you?
Serena: Look, however wrong it was enough harm has been done to their family by ours.
Dan: It’s a lot to take on by yourself, that’s all.
Serena: You know, I’m tired and this crusade has taken me away from other things.
Dan: Well do you want to go somewhere and talk? Or not talk?

Chuck: Serena, a moment.
Serena: Uh, now is not a good time.
Chuck: Time is why I’m here. Unless we stop her, your mother is going to sell Bass Industries in twenty-four hours. I think I have a plan that’ll get us both what we want.
Serena: Well— we’ve waited this long. What’s a few more hours.
Dan: Sure. My interview’s at 12:30 so…
Serena: Okay, we’ll meet at the Waldorfs at two and then we’ll cab down there together.

Gossip Girl: Watch your back, Lily. These kids are definitely not all right.

Chuck: As I see it, we have two distinct goals. I want to block the sale of Bass Industries, you want to get ol’ Ben out of jail. A single strategy may satisfy us both.
Serena: Which is?
Chuck: Blackmail.
Serena: But I can’t pressure her unless I have hard evidence.
Chuck: Well, while you were brunching I took the liberty of checking the safe at the house. Did you know she has a safety deposit box at the Dorset Bank on Madison?
Serena: No.
Chuck: I know you spent your entire life not wanting to become your mother, but… desperate times.

Howard: You gettin’ soft kid?
Nate: No, I’m getting bursitis. That was mile nine. Maybe we should head back.
Howard: I feel like I’m twenty again.
Nate: I am twenty. I feel like I’m going to puke up a lung. Don’t you have things to do?
Howard: Like what? Something on your mind?
Nate: Just making sure you’re concentrating on the future, is all. Your terms of parole are pretty specific. A job, for one.
Howard: I know what the terms are.
Nate: Which is why my PO already has an interview set up this afternoon.

Nate: You know what? A celebratory sounds like a good after-party. Maybe you could get an advance, pick up the check.
Howard: At the pay grade I’m at, I hope you don’t mind a Halal cart.

Blair: What are you doing here?
Dan: Hello to you too.
Blair: I told you that it was just one movie on one lonely holiday break. That’s it.
Dan: No, I’m here to see Serena.
Blair: Oh. Well. She’s not here to see you. Shocker.
Dan: Where is she?
Blair: Ah, she’s off scheming with Chuck. Disguises are involved. It can’t end well.
Dan: I’ll wait. I’m sure she’ll be back. She knows I have an interview to get to. you do know that Powerful Woman is not actually a career, right?
Blair: And neither is Serena van der Woodsen but ten bucks says that you’ll miss your interview waiting for her. Yet again.
Dan: Ten bucks whatever hair-brained scheme you’re cooking up blows up in your face. As per usual.
Blair: Loitering lounge is upstairs.
Dan: Already there, sister.

Blair: I’ve thought about it and I really would love to intern with you.
Eleanor: Really? Well… that is just great, dear.
Blair: And since you seem to have your hands full, I thought maybe I could accompany you. On your fittings for the Midwestern Mogul party.
Eleanor: Well, perhaps it might be more efficient for you to have your own assignment rather than accompanying me.
Blair: Even better! Why not—
Eleanor: Patty Blagojevitch.
Blair: I’m going to assume that that noise was a sneeze and that you meant to say Indra Nooyi.
Eleanor: Indra? Don’t be silly. She is a huge new client and you are just an intern. But you can deliver this to Patty. And you can style her. God knows she needs it.
Blair: But—
Eleanor: Darling, I am thrilled.

Blair: Tell Indra’s people that her Eleanor Waldorf fitting has been moved up a half hour.

Chuck: Relax. You’re a spitting image.
Serena: Remind me to kill you later for that.
Chuck: The teller we need to talk to is named Julie. She’s new, I remember her.
Serena: And who do we say you are, my son?
Chuck: Is it weird hearing you say that actually turns me on?
Serena: This better be worth the therapy.

Gossip Girl: Will Lonely Boy ever learn that S can’t tell time? Especially when she’s wasting someone else’s?

Serena: All I have in my pile are divorce papers, jewelry and artful nudes of my mother in her groupie days.
Chuck: Swap piles?

Serena: What did you expect to find in here anyway?
Chuck: A gun. The smoking kind.
Serena: Oh my god, you found a copy of the affidavit.

Gossip Girl: Looks like Serena may have found Ben’s get-out-of-jail-free card.

Serena: We have her.
Chuck: You want to make the call or should I?
Serena: No. Later. In person.
Chuck: I like the way you think, mom.

Lily: Well I’m just curious, what were you hoping to find?
Chuck: A way to stop you from disposing of the last remaining bit of my father.
Lily: Is that what you think I’m doing?
Chuck: Why else would you be selling Bass Industries.
Lily: Because it’s in trouble, Charles.
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Lily: You read the paper. Real estate. Hotels. Even in Manhattan, no one’s impervious.
Chuck: Why wouldn’t you tell me?
Lily: Because I thought we could ride it out. Refinance or something. I was hoping we could turn it around and I wouldn’t have to tell you. But then you disappeared and by the time you got back, it was an inevitability.
Chuck: You expect me just to accept this? Go on with my day?
Lily: If I sell now I can control how we sell it and to whom. There’s a private buyer that’s made a very generous offer. The company will stay intact and so will your father’s name. And the money from the sale will give you a chance to build a future. And who knows, maybe even buy it back some day.

Lily: The important thing is that you believe me when I tell you I don’t want your father’s legacy to die. I’m trying to save what’s left of it.

Serena: You didn’t know him. He was a good man before all this happened.
Blair: They’re all good men before something happens to them, S. Some of them stay good. No matter how they’re treated.
Serena: I thought you hated Dan.
Blair: I do. So very much, but, whatever it is that you see in him he seems to see in you as well. I know you want to focus on Ben, but maybe you’re avoiding your future not fixing your past.

Lily: I wish we didn’t have to go, but…
Rufus: But nothing. According to this invitation it’s going to be a “wing-ding”.

Lily: Why aren’t you dressed?
Eric: Uh… shirt, pants. Yeah, I’m dressed.
Lily: Look, I know you disapprove of me, but can’t you please do so in a tuxedo?

Gossip Girl: Spotted: B using old tricks to get to one Nooyi. But it seems that someone got an SOS to the CEO. Sorry, B. That internship has sailed.

Serena: I’m really sorry. I swear I thought I would make it on time. Did you miss your interview?
Dan: Yeah. But it was my own fault for thinking you’d show up on time. Look, I really can’t get into this now. I’m on my way out.
Serena: Where are you going?
Dan: Well James Franco is giving a reading of some of his short stories at Housing Works and the Writers’ House agent is going to be there, so I’m gonna and try to, try to woo him. The agent, not James Franco.
Serena: Well, why don’t I go with you as your date? Then after you impress the hell out of the agent we can have that talk.
Dan: Well you did come all the way to Brooklyn to apologize. And you are dressed for a party so…

Gossip Girl: Looks like Serena’s ablaze on a path to punishment. Suit up, Lily. Your baby’s out for blood.

Chuck: Mr. Thorpe. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, sir.
Russell Thorpe (Michael Boatman): Call me Russell. I see you’ve met my daughter.
Chuck: Reina Thorpe.
Russell Thorpe: Wharton grad. Thorpe Enterprises’ Vice President and a most trusted advisor to her proud and aging papa.
Chuck: You said you were his assistant.
Russell Thorpe: You said that.

Russell Thorpe: Reina never lies. It’s her best quality.
Chuck: I highly doubt that.

Lily: Dan. This party doesn’t seem like your speed.
Dan: Are you kidding. There are actually beers behind the bar I can pronounce.

Lily: Dan, when you see Serena please tell her to stop whatever it is she’s planning on doing before she destroys our family.

Eleanor: I can’t believe your nerve! What were you planning to do? Lobby Ms. Nooyi for a job in the changing room?
Blair: No. I was going to wait until after. Meetings in underwear tend not to be taken seriously.
Eleanor: You would use me and jeopardize my business for some career you thought of five minutes ago based on some power list.
Blair: I’m sorry I lied to you. But your dress was going to look stunning on her no matter who zipped it up in the back. I have to take my future into my own hands. Otherwise…
Eleanor: Otherwise what? You’ll be forced to follow in my footsteps? No, that’s fine dear. Now that I realize your childish games are actually who you are and not a phase, I wouldn’t want someone like you wanting to be like me. And you are fired.

Dan: Hey, what are we doing here?
Serena: Just, one more minute.
Dan: No. No more minutes.
Serena: She can’t keep getting away with this. It’s not fair.
Dan: Fair? My agency meeting was important today. It was my last shot.
Serena: I know, but you’ll get another chance.
Dan: No, I won’t. Normal people don’t get an endless number of chances no matter the situation. That’s just you. Whatever it is you’re planning to do, is it worth it or are you going to walk out the door with me right now?
Serena: I’m sorry.

Gossip Girl: It seems like love can’t compete with the allure of war. Find your seats, honored guests. Justice is served.

Post Reporter: Can you please tell this Dan Humphrey that, while I’m flattered, I don’t have the power to hire anyone. Print’s a dying medium.

Howard: I’m gonna make you proud of me, I promise.
Nate: That’s what you said right before you got caught.

Blair: I thought I saw you storm out of here ten minutes ago.
Dan: Well, on top of everything else they can’t find my coat. So it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your sorry scheme blew up in your face. You owe me ten.
Blair: And Serena disappointed you twice today, so you owe me twenty. {to passing staff} Coat checker!
Dan: What’s wrong? It’s not the coat.
Blair: I’m sorry, are we friends?
Dan: Of course not.
Blair: I had a horrible fight with my mother. I tried to be Indra Nooyi. And while I admit that choice might have been a bit random, the other choice was to be my mother. And I didn’t want that.
Dan: Why not? You care about fashion more than most people care about, ah, well, anything. You used to send girls home crying from Constance for wearing tights as pants.
Blair: Well, somebody had to. It was for the greater good. Just like my suggestion that you take off that tie and shove it in your pocket right now.
Dan: You’re an evil dictator of taste, Blair. Why deny that just because it’s what your mother does? And by the way, this tie was my grandfather’s.
Blair: If only he’d been buried in it.

Thorpe: I was planning to get settled before I dove into business, but I’m a restless man. So, I’ve decided to set my sights high. On a company that has just this minute come back up on the block. My dear departed friend’s Bass Industries.
Gossip Girl: Looks like Page Six of this party will read: The World According to Thorpe.
Thorpe: So, cheers! To new friends. And inevitable enemies.
Gossip Girl: Forget your usual suspects, Upper East Siders.
Thorpe: I look forward to facing you all.
Gossip Girl: There’s a new family in town.

Eleanor: Come to twist the knife further?
Blair: You were right. I used you. And I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.
Eleanor: Don’t be. I’ve watched you struggling to find your path and I guess I just hoped that you would want to follow mine but, like any self-respecting daughter of an egocentric mother, would be repelled by the thought of being anything like her.
Blair: That is not true. Mother, you are brilliant. And resilient. And… a businesswoman, and an artist. I’d be crazy not to want to be like you.
Eleanor: Really? But you are not a designer. You are a, um…
Blair: A dictator of taste.
Eleanor: Exactly! I love that. Who said that?
Blair: A friend of mine.
Eleanor: Well if only there was a person who did that for a living. Someone to aspire to. There is. {she grabs a stack of magazines.}
Blair: Editrix of a high fashion magazine.
Eleanor: So we’ll strategize in the morning?

Dan: I realized I didn’t really need to be in possession of this.
Serena: Thank you, yes. I would say I’m sorry about today, but in my head that just sounds inadequate.
Dan: Ah, you don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault that I seem to drop everything just to make myself available to you.
Serena: I don’t mean to take you for granted. It’s just, if we’re being completely honest…
Dan: We are.
Serena: I think that maybe sometimes I test you. You know, I keep thinking that if things get too hard you’ll give up on me. But you never do.
Dan: And I never will. If you really need me—ever—I am there. But I think there’s a reason you didn’t insist I come with you over break.
Serena: And why you didn’t try to make me stay.
Dan: So where does that leave us?
Serena: One last shot. If we ever do jump in again, that’ll be it. We either sink or swim. We won’t get another chance.
Dan: And when that time comes we better make damn sure we’re ready.
Serena: Yeah. We should.

Gossip Girl: In the New Year, we resolve to do things we’ve only dreamed of doing. And not to do other things ever again.

Blair: I hope your visits don’t become a habit, Humphrey.
Dan: Don’t worry. I don’t think you’ll be seeing me around here for awhile.
Blair: Heading home to Brooklyn?
Dan: No, actually. I was gonna catch Monsieur Hulot’s Holiday at the Walter Reed. Try to cheer myself up.
Blair: Oh. Well I do enjoy myself some Tati. Although I suppose if you’re trying to improve your mood that my coming with you would defeat that purpose.
Dan: It is pretty funny. Even you couldn’t kill that much comedy.
Blair: Well I still require you to sit two seats away.
Dan: Works for me. It keeps your paws off my popcorn.
Blair: Wait here while I change.

Gossip Girl: We may surprise ourselves as we face our future. Or be surprised when we’re cleaning up the past.

Rufus: So. Russell Thorpe seems nice.
Lily: Oh my god! It’s not just his disloyalty or deviousness, it’s his pomposity.
Rufus: And the fact that you slept with him?

Gossip Girl: Dishonesty may help some make a few good amends. While others are left to wonder if they can handle the truth.

Chuck: What are you doing here?
Reina: River Park’s one of the only bars I like in New York. And I came to offer you an apology. Today at the office, the identity game. I’m usually more straightforward than that. Which leads me to my next point.
Chuck: Edge of my seat.
Reina: My father reported your family’s fight to the buyer, during the party. Scared him off so he could go after it himself.
Chuck: While I’m impressed with your honesty, I can’t say I like the information. Or your relationship to it.
Reina: It’s just business.
Chuck: Right now I’m trying to focus on whatever pleasure I can.
Reina: If you can separate the two so can I. My car is just outside. I’ll wait five minutes before taking off. If I go home alone, I’ll never bring it up again.

Gossip Girl: And whether you kick things off by sleeping with the enemy, or trying your best to remake a former friend—
Ben Donovan: Serena.
Serena: You’re still here.
Ben: Just waiting for the bus. What are you even doing here?
Serena: Are you free for coffee?
Ben: I’ll be free for anything.
Gossip Girl: One thing’s for sure, anything is possible. XOXO —Gossip Girl.