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As the new television season tiptoes in like a drunk frat boy (Really? New shows are starting soon, Mr. Network? I hadn’t realized. Maybe you should constantly fucking remind me more) so too do syndicated shows. So, thinks I, perhaps I should watch some shows I initially dismissed as trite and derivative. Like the supernatural-lite The Ghost Whisperer and… what the hell’s the one with Patricia “Awesome in True Romance” Arquette? Something Something Scary Something. I forget. Anyway I thought I’d give them a shot. Maybe I was missing two good shows.

Nope. Horrible fucking shows. Approaching “Boston Legal” bad (which is #1 on the list of horrible shows because it has this stench of unearned smugness permeating every line of dialogue).

In fact I couldn’t even get through an episode of either. A guest spot by Paul Blackthorne couldn’t even get me to watch. And I will do a hell of a lot of things for and/or to Paul Blackthorne.

Horrible. This is why I should just stay bitchy and judgmental. About television. About people. About whatever. Being nice and sunshiney leads to an early grave. I have the clinical research someplace

See but that’s my problem. If I’m not nice and sunshiney I really don’t have much going for me, compliments-wise. Sort of like some people can be “fat but she’s such a pretty girl”. Or, “not too bright–but what a kind soul”.

I don’t qualify for any of that. No one will be waxing poetic about my selflessness. And my days of inspiring poetry are ten years gone.

But you know in the grand scheme of things I guess I don’t really want to be remembered as a kind soul. How dull. How… pedestrian. In fact, if I could have one word that people thought of me I’m going to have to go with interesting. I’d prefer “extremely smoking hot” but without some serious cash that’s not possible. So interesting is more feasible.

Oh! Back to drunken frat boys. It totally reminded me of something. Have you ever had someone get pissed at you for calling a fraternity a frat? You know that whole “You wouldn’t call your country a…” Well you know the rest.

I seriously thought that was just a horrible line no one actually used until I met someone who used it on me.

Whatever you do, don’t fire back with anything remotely related to their mother.

The more you know…