The Shower

Seth about Kirsten: It’s the Tourette’s firing up again. Happens every now and again, but it’s fun.

Kirsten: I just don’t understand. What is the rush?
Sandy: Honey, it’s the Gruesome Twosome. What do you expect? It’s the shock-and-awe approach to courtship.

Kirsten: So he’s bought your acceptance?
Sandy: But at a really high price.

Seth: I think it might be time to take a step back and untangle this incestuous web that I like to call the Caleb-Julie union. Now let’s think about this. When this bizarro knot gets tied, Julie Cooper’s gonna be your mother-in-law.
Sandy: Woah.
Seth: Yeah. Enjoy. And your step-mom.
Kirsten: Seth, my head is spinning.
Seth: Me and Marissa, we could be related. I don’t know. I can’t even do that math. But the real kicker is: Julie Cooper? My grandma. My grandma wears Uggs. Think about it.

Julie: …And my wedding planner’s a passive-aggressive nitwit that has the audacity to question my taste in music. Bob Seger is not “so over.”

Marissa: Standing my ground is not really my strong suit.
Ryan: That’s true.

Summer: They’re playing video games. It’s not a Mandy Moore movie.
Seth: No, she’s supposed to be crying and he’s supposed to be brooding. That’s how it works.

Seth: You’ve met my dad, you met my mom, you met Captain Oats. The list goes on and on.

Seth: You’re forgetting one key factor here, Summer. Parents love me. I’ve got this non-threatening, non-sexual vibe.

Seth: Sure we can do lunch. But your dad’s not gonna need a menu because he’ll be eating out of the palm of my hand. Ah ha hah!

Summer: Order steak, because he thinks greens are effeminate.
Seth: Celery’s gay. I got it, right.

Summer: Mostly we talk about me.
Seth: You?
Summer: Yeah, you know. It’s like our common interest.

Jimmy: Hailey was just over to help me fix my—
Hailey: Faucet!
Jimmy: My faucet. Which, remember it was leaking. And she’s an expert on plumbing.
Hailey: I should go. Now that the faucet is fixed.

Marissa: Wow. You guys really need to work on your improv skills.

Caleb: Besides, we’re family.
Jimmy: Right. Although, are we? I don’t know. I can’t keep track.

Ryan about Julie: I can’t believe your mom was into heavy metal.
Kirsten: I can’t believe she ever went to Anaheim.

Neil Roberts (Michael Nouri): Comic books?
Seth: Sir… I think I hear the skepticism in your tone.

Seth: What would you say—in your professional surgical opinion—she has more of? Would you say it’s vim or would you say it’s vigor?

Kirsten about her coffee: It’s so good. It’s only 1500 calories per sip.

Seth: So I didn’t even get a review at all? Not that I read my own press. But I mean, nothing involving thumbs or stars or…
Summer: We should go.

Theresa: I’ll take some self-defense classes. And Eddie and I will live happily ever after.

Sandy: So, are you ready to face the happy couple?
Kirsten: The gruesome twosome?

Kirsten to Theresa: I have some concealer upstairs. Works like a magic wand.
Sandy: She’s right. You should see her without the stuff on. Terrifying.

Julie: Oh my god. Did she just say “monster truck”?
Kirsten: Julie, you were into monster trucks?
Julie: I better get over there or there might not even be a wedding.

Ryan to Seth: Let go of me. Now.
Marissa: Is Ryan leaving?
Seth: Yeah. {pause} Oh, he took your car.

Sandy: Don’t try and fix this thing, kid. I am your guardian and I get to call the shots. Now get out of the car.

Kirsten: This is what Hailey does. She uses people to get back at me.
Jimmy: Kirsten, this isn’t about you.

Seth: Hey. You’re avoiding me.That’s cool. I like it. It’s a throwback. It feels very eighth grade.

Seth about Summer’s dad: Well look. I’m sorry if your dad doesn’t think I’m good enough for you. Okay? Really. I am. And if that’s the way he feels that sucks. But you know what? It really doesn’t matter, I don’t really have to be his type. Because the only thing that matters is me and you. Right?
Summer: I have to go. {she runs off}

Kirsten: I am never throwing another party again.
Sandy: Ah honey, don’t tease.

Seth: Go talk to your girlfriend. One of us should be able to.