Marissa: I’m emotionally stable. Besides, I’m not the only one crying.
Seth: I’m sorry, what? I’m allergic, okay? And there is so much pollen in here right now, it’s ridiculous.
Marissa: It’s okay.
Seth: And tomorrow I’m watching football, okay?
Summer: Football season is five months away.
Luke: Thanks for meeting me.
Julie: Well it’s not like I had any choice. Phonecalls and emails. I had to block you from my buddy list, you were so incessant.
Luke: You blocked me? I thought you were offline.
Seth walking in on Ryan donning a wifebeater: Hey! Oh… sorry. I’m surprised that hasn’t happpened before. Not saying I’m disappointed it hasn’t happened before I’m just saying the mathmatical probability of…
Ryan: Yeah. Crying during chick flicks, walking in on me getting dressed…
Seth: Yeah, what’s your point, okay? I’m not seeing what you’re getting at. Do you work out?
Ryan: Not really.
Seth: Cool, me neither. I’m gonna go watch some hockey.
Ryan: Hockey season’s over.
Seth: Dammit. Where are you going?
Ryan: I’m gonna go find Luke. Beat the crap out of him.
Seth: Oh. Where shall this can of whoop-ass be opened?
Ryan: I don’t know I’m gonna go down to his house, try the pier…
Seth: Have you considered our backyard?
Sandy: I like to anticipate the worst at all times. It’s a Cohen family trait.
Hailey: Is this okay? Or is it putting the “ho” in hostess?
Summer: How can you live like this? Your t-shirts are touching your sweaters.
Ryan to Marissa: You know what we haven’t done in a while? kisses her
Seth: Yeah, Summer, do you really think giving her a little Feng Shui is going to help her forget her mom slept with her ex-boyfriend?
Sandy: Without a liquor license there’s no way this place can turn a profit. You know that. This is Newport Beach. Everyone here’s a borderline alcoholic.
Caleb: Marissa, your mother is a wonderful woman.
Marissa: She is?
Seth: “1996 All School Hide-and-Seek Champion.” I do believe Joel Gordon is still looking for me.
Marissa about Seth: He’s getting weirder.
Ryan: I didn’t think that was possible.
Kirsten: This marriage is an asteroid that has hit the earth. Now we just have to wait and see what species survives.
Summer: You have to find the stud.
Seth: Like you did, Summer?
Summer: Just get me the stud
Seth: Oh Summer. I think you are the stud finder.
Summer: You see this hammer in my hand?
Seth: Yeah, we’ll find that stud finder. What does it look like?
Summer: And a level.
Seth: What does is a level?
Summer: Don’t you know what a level is?
Seth: Yeah, it’s something you advance to in a video game.
Summer: That’s funny. The tool doesn’t know about tools.
Caleb: I better get back to my bride-to-be.
Kirsten: Oh yeah. Definitely might vomit.
Sandy: That’s the biggest you could do? As big a badass as you are?
Luke jokingly, to Ryan: Welcome to Portland, bitch.
Summer You’re such a dandy, Cohen.
Seth offended: You’re a dandy, woman!