Season 1

The Ties That Bind

Seth: Thor. That's a strong name. No one's gonna mess with Thor. Ryan: Thanks. Seth: Seth's a good name for a boy too. Although at Camp Takahoe I was often referred to as a girl. So I guess it works either way. Ryan: Can we not play the name game? Seth: Not having anyone pick…

The Strip

Seth: Go back to bed. Or... the floor. Theresa: I can't impose on Seth's parents forever. Seth: Sure you can. I intend to. Sandy: So, Cay-Cay, what have you been doing all this time? Sandy: Not that I have any affection for you, Caleb. You know that. But I do love The Vegas. Seth: I…

The Shower

Seth about Kirsten: It's the Tourette's firing up again. Happens every now and again, but it's fun. Kirsten: I just don't understand. What is the rush? Sandy: Honey, it's the Gruesome Twosome. What do you expect? It's the shock-and-awe approach to courtship. Kirsten: So he's bought your acceptance? Sandy: But at a really high price.…

The Proposal

Marissa: I'm emotionally stable. Besides, I'm not the only one crying. Seth: I'm sorry, what? I'm allergic, okay? And there is so much pollen in here right now, it's ridiculous. Marissa: It's okay. Seth: And tomorrow I'm watching football, okay? Summer: Football season is five months away. Luke: Thanks for meeting me. Julie: Well it's…

The Nana

Luke: Hey, Cohen, get up. Seth: It's my precious, you can't have it! Julie: I would love to stay and chat with you, Ryan. But I have to find my daughter. Ryan: Not if I find her first. Seth: So what's the GPRA? Ryan: I have no idea what you just said. Seth: Game plan,…

The L.A.

Seth: So, then, did you take your watch off during the deed or... what exactly? Ryan: Wanna wait in the car? I can pick something up from the front desk myself. Seth: No, that's cool. I've got more questions. So then, I don't understand. Did you take it off during foreplay? Was it before foreplay?…

The Telenovela

Ryan about Marissa: We'll just go back to being friends. Seth: When were you guys ever friends? Was it when you were beating up her boyfriend or, ah, spooning in a Tijuana motel? Is that when you were friends? Ryan: Yeah, that doesn't mean we can't be friends. Does it? Seth: I don't know. Summer:…

The Heartbreak

Sandy: Valentine's Day is not a holiday. Rosh Hashannah, that's a holiday. Memorial Day, yes—a holiday. Do you know who inviented Valentine's Day? Kirsten: St. Valentine. Sandy: Hershey's and Hallmark. If you're single it's designed to make you depressed and if you happen to be in love, start shellin' out. Chocolate, flowers, lingerie— Kirsten: You've…

The Rivals

Seth: You did accuse the guy of faking a suicide attempt. Ryan: No I didn't. I just didn't believe him. Seth: Oh. Okay. Hard to believe such blind compassion upset Marissa. You should go work things out. Ryan: I don't trust him. Something about Oliver's... off. Seth: Yeah. He tried to kill himself. Or he…

The Third Wheel

Sandy: She's eating us out of house and home. Kirsten: Sandy, it's just a bagel. Sandy: No no no. It's never just a bagel. Seth: Mom, as someone who's basically been a shut-in for the last 17 years of his life I can pretty much say with the greatest authority, that woman never leaves the…

The Countdown

Marissa: I love you. Silence. I mean— I didn't mean. I... Ryan: Thank you... ? Marissa: Uh. You're welcome? Hailey Nichol (Amanda Righetti): Who the hell are you? Ryan: It's a long story. Who the hell are you? Hailey Nichol: It doesn't work that way, dude. It's my pool house. Ryan: Actually, dude, it's my…