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Season 5

2011.09.26    

Yes, Then Zero

David Russell: Loosen up. Enjoy it a little bit. Just because you’re in white tie doesn’t mean you can’t be dirty and drunk. That’s how these people were back then.

Serena: Marshall, remember when you said I could observe filming one day before the shoot was over?
Marshall (Ethan Peck): Shoot’s not over ’till next week.

Louis: How does it feel to be home?
Blair: Oh, it’s going to be tough reacclimating after living in a palace. How will the penthouse do? But maybe we should skip the wedding planning and pull the blinds and just spend the day in bed.
Louis: We did that all summer. But we can’t put off our parents any longer. would a present help motivate you downstairs?
Blair: How did you know just what I was missing. Shall I wear it to your uncle’s speech at the General Assembly tomorrow?
Louis: Unfortunately you will not be allowed inside until you are an official member of the royal family. Consider yourself lucky. [?] speeches are stronger than Ambien.

Jeremiah (Jay McInerney): Read an advance copy of a story that Vanity Fair is running in their next issue. Reminded me of your work. Only better.
Dan: Who wrote it?
Jeremiah: That’s the thing. No one knows. Totally anonymous. And everyone’s talking about it.
Dan: What’s the story about?
Jeremiah: It’s a little Wharton and a lot Wolfe. The modern misdoings of upper crust Manhattan. I thought of you because the protagonist’s name was Dylan Hunter of all thing. Initials being what they are.

Princess Sophie (Joanne Whalley): I see from your list of demands, Blair—
Eleanor: Demands?
Princess Sophie: —that you would like to have peonies in your bridal bouquet.
Blair: They’re my favorite flower.
Princess Sophie: And they are very beautiful, but in our country a bride always walks with carnations.
Blair: To the nearest florist and demands a refund. I’ll be holding peonies.

Princess Sophie: I know this is very short notice, but not to worry. My dress is on the way.
Blair: Your dress?
Princess Sophie: Everybody else has been married in this dress, from my great grandmother on.
Blair: Louis, I already lost on the food and the flowers and the font. You know how important choosing my dress is for me.

Dorota: How about some cold Prosecco to kill the pain.

Blair: It’s okay, I accept.
Louis: Accept what?
Blair: Your apology. {the dress comes in}. You didn’t talk to your mother.
Louis: It’s just so hard to say no to her.

Blair: We’re going to be married in three months. I need to know that we’re in this together and I’m not just standing here alone.
Louis: You’re not. I’m right here.
Blair: Those are just words. I need proof.
Louis: You’re right. The dress discussion can wait until tomorrow. But tonight, I show my mother that you come first.

Jane (Michael Michele):Serena. Are you looking for marshall?
Serena: No, you actually.
Jane: I hope it’s to tell me why you didn’t follow up after our first meeting. I didn’t scare you away, did I?
Serena: No no, I just didn’t want to step on Marshall’s toes.
Jane: Why not? Keeping him on them is what David hired you to do. If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t have even read the book.

Stunt Coordinator: You’re about to be in a lot of trouble. I get the feeling you don’t care.
Chuck: Are you free tonight?
Stunt Coordinator: I am now.

Eleanor: Darling, is the stress of the wedding getting to you? Testing a good man who loves you never ends well.

Random Partygoer: Oh my god. Are you that guy? That guy from that movie?
Nate: Ah… yes.
Random Partygoer: I love that guy. Can we have your autograph?
Nate: Yeah.

Diana Payne (Liz Hurley): How about a tour?
Nate: Ah… yes. Absolutely.
Diana: This is a private tour.

Blair: I can’t even believe I’m answering this call.
Louis: I’m so sorry, Blair. Something’s come up that’s taking me longer than anticipated. It looks like I won’t make it to the [?].
Blair: You’re going vague on this one? Something’s come up? Why don’t you admit that you’re already at the UN with your mother instead of lying.
Louis: I’m not. I wish I could tell you where I am, but I made a promise.
And we know how you honor the promises you make. As long as they’re not to me. Tell your mother congratulations. She won.
Louis: What are you talking about?

Diana: So you collect?
Nate: Yes.
Diana: A Helmut Newton, right?
Nate: Yes.
Diana: Is that Lauren Hutton?
Nate: Yes.
Diana: Or is it Lisa Taylor?
Nate: Yes. How’d you know?
Diana: I have a good eye. And good taste. Is this the master bedroom? Let’s destroy it.

Stunt Coordinator: Okay. I know I don’t know you at all and you probably could give a damn about what I have to say. Most of the people in my business are in it because they’re thrill seekers or adrenaline junkies. But for some of them, there’s something dark going on. I think you need help.
Chuck: I said I’m fine.
Stunt Coordinator: That maybe, but this date is over. Good luck, Chuck

Nate: My best friend was right. Saying yes makes everything better.
Jane: Well based on my own recent experience I’d have to agree. Now it’s time for you to leave.
Nate: Well if that’s how you want to be about it, okay. But it is my house. Don’t you think you should be the one to go?
Jane
: Actually, this is my house.

Jane: Nice to meet you by the way…
Nate: Nate.
Jane: Hm. That’s a great name.
Nate: And you are?
Jane: Done now.

Marshall: I need this job more than you do, okay? I pay for my life. I have student loans, rent, a car lease. I can’t afford to get fired.
Serena: And I can?
Marshall: You’re Serena van der Woodsen. You do one lap around this party you’ll get ten job offers. You weren’t even looking when you found this one.

Blair: What? Oh. No. Is it my hair?
Eleanor: I didn’t want to say anything in front of Louis but I found something hidden in the pantry. Is this why you have been acting so strange about Louis? Is there something you need to tell me?

Louis: Mother, Blair is not carrying those. And there are some other things I need to talk to you about.

Seamstress: Do they know?
Blair: Know what?
Seamstress: How far along you are? I’d say six weeks. He sent me your measurements.

Charlie’s Boyfriend (Brian J. Smith): One month anniversary of our move.
Charlie: It’s crazy.
Charlie’s Boyfriend: What’s crazy is if your uncle hadn’t have left you that tiny bit of money we never would have left Miami.

View all quotes from Yes, Then Zero

Beauty and the Feast

Blair: Are you sure this doctor is reputable? Your prenatal care is imperative.
Dorota: You never care about my womb before.

Doctor: You two should work this out. Dorota can come back another time. Alone.

Blair: I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.
Dorota: Yes you do. You are pregnant too! We are like sisters now. Cousins. Distant cousins. Miss Blair, why you not say you are—
Blair: Do not utter the word. No one must know. At least until I have some time to figure things out.

Charlie/Ivy: I get that working for this producer is a huge opportunity, but what about Columbia?
Serena: Well I’m taking this semester off and I’ll see how things go after that. My only issue is living with Cece. Last night at 2am her bridge game turned brutal.

Doctor: I have a hard time believing anyone has that high a threshold for pain.
Nate: Yeah, well he’s probably self-medicating. You should see his medicine cabinet. Some of that stuff’s not even legal in Mexico. {Nate laughs… the doctor doesn’t} No, I was just kidding.
Doctor: He claimed he couldn’t feel me touching his ribs during the exam. If he’s taking that many drugs, someone needs to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t take anymore or do anything except rest. His injuries are bordering on dangerous.

Dorota to Beatrice: I’ll show you to door. And by door I mean elevator. {no movement} Over there.

Blair: Your people were bred to work through these conditions and give birth in a field.
Dorota: No fields in Krakow. And I have birthing suite at Lennox Hill.

Ivy: We’ll be like Bonnie and Clyde.
Max: How ’bout without the killing and robbing and car chases?

Blair: Beatrice. You have to understand, it’s still so early. I didn’t want to get Louis’ hopes up if things weren’t okay. I was going to tell him.
Louis walking up: What were you going to tell me?
Beatrice: About her wonderful idea, Louis.
Blair: I have so many.
Dan: Mm.

Diana: Once you know how to control information you can do anything with it. Politics, banking. Whatever.
Nate: While that sounds great, I would have to get my family to approve me pulling out on this other thing.
Diana: Well just remind them what George did for JFK, Jr. See you at the office next week.

Ivy: I’m sorry. I just realized what’s making me unhappy in LA isn’t LA. It’s you.

Beatrice: I just have to find another way to get Louis out of Monaco for good. So my mother will finally see that I was the right choice all along.
Priest: Vengeance becomes you.

View all quotes from Beauty and the Feast

The Jewel of Denial

Blair: Go away! I’m preparing for my interview with Hello magazine.
Dorota: But doctor office call again. They have test results.
Blair: Hang up or I’ll tell the reporter you’re undocumented.

Dorota: We have problem. Doctor’s office call four times to say paternity test ready for pick-up. Miss Blair say she busy, but reading Grace Kelly biography all day is not busy, is denial.
Dan: When does Louis get back from his trip?
Dorota: Tonight! And Miss Blair had promised us that she find out who baby daddy is before he get home.
Dan: All right, I have a couple things to do this morning but when I am done I will march her to the doctor’s office myself if I have to.

Serena: Woah. That is not the look of a girl in an Empire state of mind.
Charlie: Last week at Grandma’s was great, but I don’t know. I think it was a mistake to come back.
Serena: Stop worrying about your mom. Cece won’t tell a soul you’re here.

Dorota: I must say, best part of pregnancy is knowing who father is.

Noah Shapiro: So Dan Humphrey wrote an actual novel. And I was convinced you’d remain an epic disappointment.
Dan: Well I never intended to publish it.

Shapiro: Have you seen what’s on the bestseller list? Unless you’re friends with Rizzoli and Isles or related to a bounty hunter, no one will give a crap about your world.

Blair: Mention that name and you’ll be exiled and forced to work in someplace terrible. Like the Upper West Side! And you know what happens to housekeepers there.
Dorota: Zabar Zombies.

Diana: This is a one-stop shop of illicit emails, incriminating photos and sex. Are you sure you didn’t work for News Corp?

Ivy: I came from nothing. Everything here sparkles. And that family that you can’t stand has been kinder to me than my own family ever was. I’m not walking away from that. And if you try to take me down, Carol, you’re coming with me.

Noah: Destiny is a scary thing to face. We all need a little push.

Ivy: I’m going to make sure that Cece reinstates your access to her checks.
Carol: You are on your own now. Good luck.

Louis: You’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!
Blair: Oh, you’re happy.

View all quotes from The Jewel of Denial

Memoirs of an Invisible Dan

Dan: Quick question: how big can my head get before it explodes?
Alessandra: Half the buys are probably Upper East Siders dying to see if they’re in it.
Dan: Yeah. Some of my friends might feel they are.
Alessandra: They’re coming tonight, right?
Dan: To the book party? No. I haven’t exactly mentioned it to them yet. But I’d have to tell them the book exists first.
Alessandra: They don’t know? Not any of them?
Dan: No. I’m not sure they’re going to like it when they find out.
Alessandra: If they’re really your friends they’ll be happy to see your star rise. And they should be at the soirée tonight. When everybody learns that Anonymous is actually Daniel Humphrey.

Alessandra: See you later. Giorgio Armani for your suit fitting. And don’t shave. It makes you look like a real writer.

Blair: I now understand why women used to go into confinement. It wasn’t because of modesty, but vanity. My boobs. Oh, I’m huge!
Louis: Sorry, darling. I was just reading about how some pregnant women have mood swings. Apparently they didn’t know you before pregnancy.

Louis: You look gorgeous. I can’t wait to tell the whole world the good news.
Blair: Me too.

Blair: You don’t think your family’s going to be upset, do you? I don’t want them to think of me as the star of some trashy MTV show like, “Unmarried and Pregnant Princesses” or, I don’t know, “Royally Screwed.”
Louis: My mother will be over-the-moon. The job of any princess is to provide an heir to the kingdom. And that is exactly what you are doing.
Blair: An heir to a kingdom lives within me. How very Shakespeare.
Louis: Comedy not a tragedy, I hope.

Jane (Michael Michele): Morning, everyone. I juice fast this week. not going to be pretty.

Jane: Daniel never agrees to do anything. The man took three years to make a pair of shoes.

Jane: You can look at your phone. I don’t run a gulag.

Diana: If only we had Blair Waldorf’s phone.
Nate: I told you, she’s my friend and my friends are off-limits.
Diana: Morals. How quaint.

Sam: We got an advance copy of this new book by some anonymous New York insider and everyone in town is trying to figure out who.
Serena: Well I know who. I used to date him.
Sam: Shut up. No way! You’re Sabrina? The dreamy blonde with the legs.
Serena: I guess I am.

Sam: Did you actually have cases of champagne delivered to your school?
Serena: Is that what he wrote? A friend was pulling a prank on me.
Sam: But it actually happened?
Serena: That was in high school. Keep reading. You’ll see I mature as he gets to know me better.

Sam: I told him that you’re Sabrina. I hope that’s not a problem.
Serena: No, not at all. It’s nice to play such a big part in Dan’s book. We’ve always been close.
Sam: Ugh. He must have been a saint to put up with you that long.

Sam: There’s this novel going around town with this character based on Serena. Sabrina is a totally shallow self-obsessed party girl. Yes, I finished it.
Serena: Aren’t you being a little reductive?
Jane: And ridiculous. Daniel lives on a farm in Ireland, his cow’s probably giving birth right now. And everything isn’t about Serena.

Diana: Don’t bother lying. Or hanging up. We met this morning when you were Charlie Rhodes.

Serena: Is this what you’ve been trying to tell me all day?
Blair: No, because it never happened. {to Louis} It never happened!
Louis: I don’t believe a word you say! You said yourself that Dan has no imagination.
Dan: Okay, thanks. But Louis, it didn’t happen.

Chuck: You’re making a big mistake.
Louis: In thinking that Blair could be trusted? Yes. She will always have her secrets. She can’t exist without them. You were right after all.
Chuck: You shouldn’t listen to me. If you read Dan’s book you know how I turn out. You have a chance at having love in your life. Not ending up alone, hanging in a closet. Don’t give up. Or your own fact will be someone else’s fiction.

Blair: Louis—
Louis: Don’t. I’m ashamed enough of my behavior. I know you have a complicated past, but you’ve been honest about it. It’s hard for me. I want to believe, but every time I turn it seems there’s another secret.
Blair: That night at Constance, you gave me a choice. And now I’m giving you one. Either you find a way to trust me, or you let me go.
Louis: I could never let you go.

Jane: Look, your reputation reflects directly on me. And frankly this book leaves yours in tatters. So prove to me I made the right choice hiring you. I want this book and you’re going to get it for me. So whatever you did to Dan Humphrey, undo it, okay? You have a week.

View all quotes from Memoirs of an Invisible Dan

The Fasting and the Furious

Serena: Hey. Jane.
Jane: Did you lock up the film option for Dan’s book yet.
Serena: No, I just finished reading it unfortunately.
Jane: Need I remind you this is your chance to make up for blowing the Daniel Day Lewis deal.
Serena: No reminder necessary. I’m on it.

Cyrus Rose (Wallace Shawn): Ah, Princess Sophie! Beatrice. Welcome. So lovely to see you both again.
Eleanor Waldorf (Margaret Colin): We couldn’t be happier.
Princess Sophie: Cyrus. You are still a hugger, I hope.
Cyrus: Is a Northern spotted owl still a predator!

Cyrus: Well whatever it is, I’m just so thrilled that it’s happening on Yom Kippur. And I hope the two of you will stay to break the fast with us. As I recall you’re quite fond of smoked salmon.
Sophie: I am! And we would love to.

Sophie: Alors. La nouvelle?
Blair: We’re going to have a baby.
Eleanor: A baby?! You’re still in college!
Blair: Mother.
Cyrus: How wonderful!
Eleanor: Wonderful? It’s a— wonderful… surprise. What is the record for youngest grandmother on the Upper East Side? Cyrus, I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to sundown without eating.
Sophie: I am thrilled without reservation! As long as the baby is born after you are married of course. The last thing this family needs is another bastard.

Blair: Thank you for keeping my secret.
Beatrice: What are sisters for.

Diana: And you had me believe crazy was just an act? I think you might be suicidal.
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Diana: You start work here under—shall we say—duress, and within five minutes there’s a catastrophic leak to my competitor.
Charlie: Diana, I swear it wasn’t me.
Diana: Since you lie like most people breathe, your oath means very little. Don’t forget, my biggest story is you.

Diana: If I were you I’d have left by now.

Alessandra: Public television is the last bastion of the intellectual. If this goes well, Charlie Rose could be next.
Dan: Oh, that’s a good tactic. Piling on the pressure right before your already-prone-to-nervous-rambling client goes on live television for the first time.

Dr. Eliza Barnes: It’s obvious that you’re deeply troubled and I would be more than happy to help if you were truly interested—in therapy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have Yom Kippur services.
Chuck: Oh. You’re Jewish.
Dr. Eliza Barnes: Not that that’s any of your business, but I converted.
Chuck: Well that’s probably a smart move in your line of work.

Jane: Why are you gossiping when a deal you’re running point on is falling apart on live television?
Serena: I’m sorry. This is Blair, my best friend. I figured maybe she could help.
Jane: This isn’t high school. This is my business. I told you not to embarrass me.

Jane: Maybe your good friend F. Scott Fitzjackass {ugh} had you nailed in the book. If something doesn’t fall right into your lap, Serena, you don’t have a clue how to work for it.

Cyrus: And furthermore it says that if you break any of these rules you face the possibility of losing custody of your child to the royal family.
Blair: What? Wait, that’s—
Louis: Outrageous.

Sophie: The clause stays. If you two cannot accept this, then I will not acknowledge the child as my heir. Nor will I acknowledge you.
Louis: You don’t have that right anymore. As the future reigning prince, it’s up to my child to acknowledge you.

Charlie: This is the mother lode. The biggest secrets of the Upper East Side. Even one of these would not only launch the web site but blow Diana’s mind.
Nate: And my ethics. These are my friends. Now that I’ve actually done this, I don’t know what I was thinking.

Dr. Eliza Barnes: You asked for my professional opinion and now you’re going to get it. You never had a childhood and now you behave like a child in the worst ways. You pay for intimacy so you’re always in control and no one can get close to you. Your superficial connections and lack of authentic emotion leave you isolated and alone. Not just tonight. Always. I wish you all the best, but you’re going to need more than that to live a happy and normal life.

Charlie: And thanks again for helping me do nothing.
Nate: Well it was fun breaking into the safe.

Eleanor: I have to confess that I may have been the one to put the idea of a contract in Beatrice’s head. I was just bragging about you and it didn’t matter where you lived. No one can keep you from being your own person. And that is part of why you will be a wonderful mother.
Blair: Thank you for saying that. I know this isn’t what you wanted for me. At least not yet.
Eleanor: These things happen when they happen. That’s the first lesson of being a parent. Children don’t do what you want them to do all the time, when you want them to do it. But you love them anyway.

View all quotes from The Fasting and the Furious

I Am Number Nine

Gossip Girl: They say the road of life is long and winding. So it’s important to mark the milestones along the way. from picking your bridesmaids—.
Dorota: So many minions. How are you ever going to decide?
Blair: Tryouts begin after breakfast.

Chuck: The dream starts the same every time.
Dr. Barnes: They have a habit of doing that.

Chuck: How can you be so sure I’m hiding something?
Dr. Barnes: Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel there’s a piece of the puzzle still missing. It’s not your mother or your father. It’s someone you’re not telling me about.

Louis: Why do I feel there’s a request coming?
Blair: Not a request. A special dispensation.
Louis: For what?
Dorota: Scheming and manipulating.
Blair: Who do you work for? Louis, can’t you just turn a blind eye for… let’s say twenty-four hours.
Louis: Blair—
Blair: All I’d be doing is spending the day with my former minions. Maybe some light water boarding involved.

Blair: Where’s Nelly Yuki?
Penelope: Yale. Where she got in and you didn’t. Plus she hates you, remember?

Dr. Barnes: What’s this?
Louis: The rest of what I owe you. I told you it’d be worth your while. Now you can settle all of your father’s debts.
Dr. Barnes: What do you want me to do?
Louis: Just make sure my fiancée will never ever fall for him again.
Dr. Barnes: Louis, that’s up to Blair.
Louis: No. It’s up to you. To turn Chuck back into the monster he was for the first twenty years of his life. He’s time bomb. Find his fuse and light it.

Dr. Barnes: You have to face that you didn’t let Blair go, you lost her. To someone else.
Chuck: You don’t know what I did. But yes, maybe there is something I need to do if I’m ever going to move on. I don’t want to lie to you, I don’t want to lie to myself. {he retrieves the Harry Winston engagement ring} If I’ve really let Blair go, I don’t need this anymore.
Dr. Barnes: It’s beautiful.
Chuck: I bought it to give to her. I’ve been keeping hold of it ever since. When really what I should do is just return it.

Jane: We’d love if you could open up the world of the Upper East Side a little bit more.
Natalie: Rich people are so hard to like. Maybe you could add someone more relatable.
Dan: I thought I did that already.
Serena: I think Dan is referring to his main character, Dylan Hunter. He’ll appeal to everyone. He starts off as an innocent from Brooklyn.
Jane: Who quotes Hawthorne and screens Fellini films? I don’t think so.

Jane: Another thought that occurred to me was to Glee this up. Music. Maybe originals. Or covers.

Blair: Dressing me for my wedding day means attending to my every need, no matter how big or small. Adjust for reception! Cinch that train! Penelope! She has to pee!
Dorota: Where secret wedding location?!
Penelope: We don’t know!
Dorota: Who designed Miss Blair dress?!
Jessica: We can’t tell you that!
Blair: Good one Jessica. Now block that baby bump!

Jane: Inside will be the next Social Network. We’re gonna Zuckerberg him.
Serena: Jane, this is unfair.
Jane: I prefer to let the audience decide what’s fair or not.
Serena: Dan is not like that. Why don’t I put a dinner on the books for all of us and this way you’ll see.
Jane: The next time I see Dan will be at Cannes when I’m shaking his grateful hand on the dais.

Louis: How was your day?
Blair: Just what I needed. Old habits die hard.
Louis: If they die at all.

Jane: Did you already tell him we got Sorkin to write movie?
Dan: What? No. That’s incredible.
Jane: I know. Now your character will talk even faster than you do.

Serena: I gave Dan my word that I would protect him. He’s one of my best friends. Please, don’t do this to him.
Jane: It’s already done. And you know what? I’m taking you off this project. Effective immediately. Like Dan you’re just too close to it.

Diana: Jane and I have history. She doesn’t always like to be reminded of it, but it’s been awhile since I did.
Serena: What kind of history?
Diana: Some things are best left to the imagination. So, how bad do you want your problem to go away?

Charlie: I’m starting to feel like I’m not Nate’s type.
Penelope: Hello. Nate doesn’t have a type. He’s like Derek Jeter.

Dan: I was hoping we could talk more about the movie.
Jane: What movie. It’s dead. If you want to know why, talk to your friend Serena.

Louis: The paternity test showed me that some part of you thought you might still have a choice to make, and I needed you to see that Chuck would always be the wrong one.
Blair: Louis, I don’t now how many more times I can say this, but Chuck and I can never work.
Louis: You know that for certain?
Blair: I do. So does he. And so should you. Chuck destroys everything and everybody in his life. And he’ll never change. But what’s scaring me is that you’re changing into him.

Nate: What, so you used me to get a story?
Charlie: The girl you’re seeing is your boss?

Dr. Barnes: I understand you’re angry. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I just thought you should know Louis wasn’t paying me for information alone. He wanted me to drive you into a rage. To turn you into this monster you apparently used to be. Louis is so threatened by you that he wanted to remind Blair—
Chuck: Why she chose him. Maybe Louis’ right.
Dr. Barnes: He doesn’t have to be. You can change.

Dr. Barnes: You chose to let go. Continue down that road and I’ll bet you find some peace.
Chuck: I’ve always wondered what that’s like.
Dr. Barnes: Good luck. And I’m sorry. I really did want to help.

Diana: Aren’t you tired of swimming in Gossip Girl’s fishbowl?
Serena: Well I’d have to do it my own way.
Diana: I’d expect nothing less.

Diana: I’d hate to run a story tomorrow about a poor girl from Florida who Clark Rockefeller’d the Upper East Side.

View all quotes from I Am Number Nine

The Big Sleep No More

Dorota: Uh oh. Mr. Chuck in dream again.
Blair: When Chuck’s in them they’re all nightmares.
Dorota: What he do now?
Blair: Behave like a perfect gentleman. Which makes him even more chilling. That fake apology of his has permeated my subconscious and haunts me even when I sleep.
Dorota: Apology not seem so fake to me.
Blair: That’s because English is your second language!

Blair: Grab the bread. Not even Chuck’s media mind games could disrupt the calm I feel off feeding the ducks. Besides, you could use the exercise.
Dorota: I’m pregnant too, remember?

Charlie: Maybe it’s none of my business but it seems that if you want people to read you then you need people to read about you first. Get Gossip Girl’s attention. Even a date would do it. Then steal her thunder by telling the real story on your blog.
Serena: You know you may be an evil genius.
Charlie: When I want to be.

Charlie: You have a girlfriend.
Nate: Who schedules time with me as if it were a board meeting.
Charlie: And who is my boss.
Nate: Well maybe I want something more.
Diana: Charlie! My office.
Charlie: If you want more, ask for it. And do us both a favor and ask her, not me.

Blair: How much more do you need to see?
Dorota: Of duck pond? Not really my thing to begin with.

Diana: I need to start a war between Serena and Gossip Girl. Stay on her and let me know what happens.
Charlie: Of course. {she goes to leave}
Diana: Oh. Regarding Nate. I thought I told you to keep your distance.

Charlie: Unless you want to get me fired, you need to stop talking to me.

Max: So when girls like you say lunch they really mean clothes?

Diana: Are you purposefully trying to make a fool of me?
Charlie: I told you, it was an emergency.
Diana: To hide from Max, your mysteriously reappeared ex. And do you think it seems a tad convenient that the only way to do that was to snog Nate?
Charlie: Look I don’t know why Max is here. But if he finds me I could lose everything.

Dorota: You really think pillows under covers trick me? You lumpier now!

Diana: This is exactly why we need to work together on your blog. So Gossip Girl loses her power.
Serena: Or I just develop a thicker skin.

Max: I’m not going to drop everything because you tell me to, Ivy. You walked out on me.

Gossip Girl: We all wear different masks for different reasons.
Diana: Nate, you matter to me. A lot. I was just trying to be cool. You know that’s my thing. Although I’m beginning to see I may need a new thing. From now on, equals.
Nate: Just us. Together. Seeing what happens.

Diana: Everything’s set.
William Archibald: Good. Very good.
Diana: You should never have doubted me.
William Archibald: You’ve done a fine job rehabilitating my grandson’s image. He’s right where I need him to be.
Diana: And Serena’s right where we need her too. Always a pleasure working with you, William.

View all quotes from The Big Sleep No More

All the Pretty Sources

Louis: I know I said some stupid things before I left, but I’ve come back a better man. I promise you.
Blair: I believe you. And I’m glad because I need you to be your best Prince Charming at our shower tonight.

Louis: I’ve done some thinking while I was gone, and I’m starting to wonder if your friends really have your best interest at heart.

Carol: Listen to me, you can’t go anywhere. If you disappear, Cece could cut off my trust for good.
Charlie: I’m sorry, but that’s your problem.
Carol: Actually, it’s your problem because if the money stops then I have nothing to lose.

Gossip Girl: This just in: we hear Blair took a paternity test to find out which daddy makes three.

Louis: This is exactly the type of thing I’m talking about.
Blair: You think someone I know sent that?
Louis: Your friends know no loyalty. Each one rats out the next. And you and I get sucked right into it.
Blair: My friends and I have grown up. We’re not like that anymore. Whoever sent that is clearly from your bloodline. namely your sister, Beatrice.

William van der Bilt: I woke up this morning to find a big picture of you in the New Yorker. With Nate in the corner as the “man by your side”. It’s supposed to be the other way around, remember?
Diana: Sorry. I don’t control every publication in New York.
William van der Bilt: My goal was to remake Nate, not to make you a star. It’s time for you to step aside. Give him the Spectator.

Penelope: Actually Serena’s been so slammed with work and her blog, she hasn’t had time to plan anything elaborate. So it’s going to be a rather intimate affair.
Blair: Intimate?
Penelope: Mm hm.
Blair: Okay.
Jessica: Yes. Dress casual.
Um, I think the line from the evite was “Jeans okay.”
Blair: Casual. Jeans. Evite?

Charlie: My feelings haven’t changed. And now that I know why you did what you did, maybe we can give our relationship another chance.
Max: Max, the truth is after all this lying I just need some time alone to figure out my real self. You know what I mean?
Charlie: Not really, no.

Diana: Why don’t we just see how many of your friends you’ve betrayed over the years. {No posts found} You’ve never sent anything into her?
Nate: Guess not. It’s just not who I am.

Charlie: Isn’t it a little mean that you and all of Blair’s friends are messing with her about tonight?
Lily: Well it might be the only event in Blair’s life where she’s not in control.

Diana: I called you here because I saw a side of your grandson today I hadn’t fully seen before.
William van der Bilt: Here I was pretty sure that you’d seen every side of him at this point.

William van der Bilt: Diana, I think I’d like to invest after all. With one condition. Your resignation letter goes to the board with my check.
Diana: I suppose that is what’s best for the Spectator. And everyone else. I’ll start gathering my things.

Blair: It was you who posted that page, wasn’t it?
Louis: I was trying to show you what your friends are really like. Once and for all.
Blair: You could have shown me at home. You wanted this to happen. It was more important to prove your point than our own shower.

Blair: Do you see what we keep doing here? All the fights and accusations? It isn’t my friends, it’s us. I thought we were better people than this. The only ones caught in a cycle are us.
Louis: A cycle created by your friends in New York.
Blair: I can’t do this anymore.

William van der Bilt: You should be thankful you’re getting out now before anyone discovered your secret.
Diana: Remember one thing, William. If they find out about me, they find out about you too.

View all quotes from All the Pretty Sources

Rhodes to Perdition

Charlie: I’ve never seen so much lamé before. Grandma actually wore this?
Lily: Yes. And looked fabulous riding in on an elephant in it. Which is why the Studio 54 anniversary party is in her honor. And Bianca Jagger’s, but we won’t mention that to her when she arrives.
Cece Rhodes: Bianca was a striver. She could never outshine me no matter how little she wore.

Max (Brian J. Smith): Why would you trust an anonymous baker when you have a master chef in your midst? You could be my sous for the afternoon.
Serena: Could we cover ourselves in flour and lick spoons and do other cute things?
Max: That’s a prerequisite.

Blair: Why should I thank someone for a blender? Do I look like the kind of girl who makes margaritas?
Dorota: Oh, margaritas sound delicious. But six months away at least.

Blair: I still love Louis. I just want to marry the sweet Prince who returned my Vivier slipper and made me believe in fairytales, not one of the Brothers Grimm.
Dorota: Even Prince Charming can fall off horse.

Blair: I need this time to figure out what went wrong with Louis and right it.
Dorota: Maybe he Freaky Friday with Mr. Chuck. They struck by lightning at the same time or pee in the same fountain.
Blair: That’s incredibly unsanitary.

Carol: Hi. We have a problem.
Charlie: Well add this one to the list. Max is dating Serena. If you don’t want me to leave or get caught we have to pay him off immediately.
Carol: Except we don’t have the money. I just came from the bank. Turns out my mother’s added a security measure to the account—probably to punish me. Any withdrawal over fifty thousand dollars requires her signature.

Nate: Listen, I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you.
Tripp: Yeah, I doubt that. I’m sorry you’re enjoying every second of this.
Nate: I know our history isn’t exactly pristine, Tripp, but we’re still family.

Doctor: Are you saying that you want your fiance to be more like Chuck?
Blair: No! More like the man Chuck’s become. Like Louis used to be when Chuck was like Louis is now.
Doctor: If you don’t mind my saying so, you seem confused.

Alessandra: If it makes you feel better, there’s a Twitter called HumphreyLove too.
Dan: That’s me.
Alessandra: Sorry. I should have recognized your scalpel-sharp deprecation.
Dan: I have over a thousand followers.
Alessandra: Let’s hope they bought books.

William van der Bilt: I understand you’re upset by Maureen’s manipulations, but Tripp was completely in the dark about her antics with that river rescue. I’m sure this is the same now. This isn’t a story, it’s a family squabble. That could cost your cousin his career.
Nate: I’ll do the right thing, don’t worry.

Lily: Rufus and I have a small gift for you.
Rufus: Opening night, I tracked it down for you.
Cece: How surprisingly thoughtful. If I had any memory of that night I’m sure it would be fond.

Carol: You’re a better actress than I thought. You got more out of her in three minutes than I have in forty-five years.
Charlie: I was just kind to her. You should try it.

Serena: I see you two have found each other. No need for introductions, right Max. And Ivy.
Charlie: Serena, this isn’t what it looks like.
Serena: Oh, so you two didn’t used to date?
Charlie: We did.
Serena: And you didn’t pretend like you’ve never met?
Max: We did.
Serena: And you didn’t try to convince me not to see him again because he may still be hung up on his ex, Ivy?

Charlie: I know what’s wrong.
Cece: Yeah, you keep this apartment excessively warm.
Charlie: Just tell them, Grandma. She’s been dieting to fit into her jumpsuit. A few martinis and glasses of champagne on an empty stomach and anyone would pass out.

Nate: I told you I’d do the right thing. I’m sorry if we have different versions of what that is.
William van der Bilt: I’m not here to reprimand you. You remind me of myself when I was my age.
Nate: Wait, you’re not angry that I alluded to Maureen?
William van der Bilt: You’re your own man, Nathaniel. I always loved you, but now I respect you too.

Cece: Enough! This is my granddaughter Charlie Rhodes. I was there the day she was born, she is my family. I don’t need any proof. I know it in my bones.
Serena: You should go before we call the police.
Max: Just remember, I warned all of you.

Cece: Thank you for your discretion earlier.
Charlie: No problem. But you know if you’re really sick, I think you should tell the family. They might care more than you think.
Cece: Perhaps. But I appreciate you protecting my secret. We all have them. It’s a Rhodes family tradition.

Dorota: Miss Blair, if you finally find key to bring Mr. Louis back to the castle why you not look like perky self?

Carol: Looks like we’re finally in the clear. You can leave anytime you want.
Charlie: Would it be okay with you if I stay?
Carol: You have enough money. You could set yourself up anywhere in the world.
Charlie: It’s not about the money for me. In fact, you can have all of it.
Carol: Then what do you want?
Charlie: Family.

Carol: If they ever found out the truth about the real Charlotte Rhodes, they would never forgive me. This way we both get to keep our family.

Charlie: What do you want?
Max: My life back. The move to Los Angeles, the job I gave up at Boulud, the two years I spent believing you and loving you when all you did was lie and cheat so you could have some fancy life that isn’t yours. You better watch your back. Because I am not leaving town until I get what I deserve.
Charlie: Good luck with that. No one can touch me anymore. I’m a Rhodes now.

View all quotes from Rhodes to Perdition

Riding in Town Cars with Boys

Charlie: It’s way too generous. Especially after everything I put you guys through with Max.
Lily: Oh please. That was not your fault. That young man had a lot of problems.
Dan: Hm. No wonder Serena was so into him.

Dorota: The same thing happening to me. Pregnancy makes fingers swell up like kielbasas.
Blair: Well the paparazzi aren’t camped out downstairs to find out if your wedding is called off. If they see me without my ring they’ll think it means something.
Dorota: I start to think maybe it does.

Nate: My grandfather just admitted to me that the only reason I have this job is because he bought the Spectator. Here I was, thinking I was doing great work and so proud of it, now I just feel like a total fraud.
Charlie: It doesn’t matter how you got here, Nate.

Louis: What are you doing here?
Chuck: Apparently the same as you. The Prince and the Pill-popper. This should be fun.

Gossip Girl: Sorry, boys. But didn’t you know that if you wait to long to seize the day—
Chuck: Gone.
Louis: Where would she go?
Gossip Girl: The one you want could get away.

Max (Brian J. Smith): No actress wants to play the same role their entire life.
Charlie: This is more than just a role. This is my life now and these people are my family.
Max: How can their love be real when you’re a total fake.

Charlie: This is all my fault.
Rufus: Of course it’s not. What are you talking about?
Charlie: I sent the Gossip Girl blast.

Jack Bass: There’s been an accident.
Diana: How bad?
Jack Bass: You know I wouldn’t take a risk like this if it wasn’t serious. Of had no choice.
Diana: Okay, Jack. I’ll get on the next plane. You’ll meet us there?
Jack Bass: Of course. Thank you, Diana.
Diana: It’s not me you should thank.

View all quotes from Riding in Town Cars with Boys

The End of the Affair?

Chuck: Louis. What are you doing out here in the rain?
Louis: I hadn’t noticed.
Chuck: I hadn’t realized you and Blair had returned from Europe already.
Louis: We’ve been back for three weeks. I’m surprised you didn’t know.
Chuck: One of the downsides of not having Gossip Girl these last few months. Any information would have to come from Blair speaking to me directly, which she hasn’t.
Louis: She’s been busy.
Chuck: I’m very sorry she lost the baby. Is she alright?
Louis: She seems to be. She spends all hours planning the wedding.

Louis: At least you’ve fully recovered from the accident.
Chuck: Physically.

Chuck: Blair said to tell you she’s gone to pick out china patterns.
Louis: At this hour?
Chuck: I’m sure it’s just her excuse to avoid me.
Louis: I wish that were true. these excursions have become quite regular.

Louis: I’m thinking of hiring a detective. I need to know the woman I’m about to marry isn’t having an affair.
Chuck: Well we’re both here so who else can she possibly be cheating with?

Blair: Please God. You have my baby. You can’t take Chuck too. If you exist, let him live. I’ll do anything. I promise I’ll keep my vow to marry Louis. And never be with him again.
Nurse: Blair Waldorf? Chuck Bass is asking for you.

Louis: I owe you an apology. I know I promised to trust you, but I had a small lapse.
Blair: Oh, ah, none of us is perfect. We don’t even need to speak of it.
Louis: I do.

Louis: Blair, please. After the accident you told me you’d never leave me. Now you feel further away from ever.

Greg: Those photographers got really close to the car, but the bigger problem was that my brakes felt like they had no pressure.

Louis: You’re not getting cold feet, are you?
Blair: No. I’ve never been more sure of any decision in my entire life.

View all quotes from The End of the Affair?

Father and the Bride

Blair: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I… pressed the close button on an elevator door when I saw a woman running to catch it.
Father Cavalia: Why did you do that?
Blair: It was a long ride down to the lobby and she was wearing too much perfume. Diddy called it Unforgivable for a reason.

Simon/Schuster Guy: Your fans are crying out for a sequel to Inside. Frankly, so’s your publisher.
Dan: Yeah, I mean I don’t know who’s interested in hearing that story anymore.
Simon/Schuster Guy: Well your girlfriend Serena’s article about you two went up less than an hour ago and there are already over a thousand comments.
Dan: Um. Yeah, I was really hoping to stretch on this one.
Simon/Schuster Guy2: Then take a yoga class.

Simon/Schuster Guy: Write about what you know. And keep on dating Serena. At least until the next book comes out. It’s great press.

Chuck: What is your angle?
Father Cavalia: This is what’s known as divine intervention, M. Bass. I’d accept it if I were you.

William van der Bilt: I think we’ve heard enough. Thank you, Nate.
Nate: Oh, don’t thank me, thank Serena. It was her idea.
Tripp: What the hell’s going on?
Nate: Well we knew you wouldn’t admit to anything so Serena and I staged that little argument on Gossip Girl. We figured you’d try to pin the accident on someone else just like you did two years ago when you left Serena in that car.
Serena: Did you really think I’d talk to you again? Never mind take your side against Nate’s.
William van der Bilt: You were really going to try and pin this on Maureen?
Nate: I’m not pinning anything. It was Maureen.

Goth Chick: Hey Bride, you got a match?
Blair: Two. And that’s the problem.

William van der Bilt: That’s it? That’s your answer? Not enough love?

William van der Bilt: You can’t possibly blame me for what happened?
Nate: You pitted us against each other our entire lives. Everything is a competition and the prize is your approval. It’s the great Van der Bilt tradition.
William van der Bilt: Well I’m sorry that you feel that way about your own family. And might I remind you that Diana Payne would never have given you that job at the Spectator if I hadn’t paid her to. You really think you can make it on your own?
Nate: I don’t know. But it’s the only way it’ll mean anything.

Princess Beatrice: The plan is finished. It’s over. And so are we.
Father Cavalia: Beatrice, wait—
Princess Beatrice: I don’t want to play these games, to hurt people. I only want you but you’re never going to leave the church for me. We both know it. I’m just the only one brave enough to say it out loud.

Beatrice: You may be able to get rid of me, but you won’t be able to stop the wedding.
Father Cavalia: Which is why I found someone far better equipped to assist me in my cause.

Thank you for writing my vows. It’ll be our secret. —Louis

Chuck: I have no time for niceties. Just tell me what you know.
Father Cavalia: I know what is in Blair Waldorf’s heart. And if you don’t want this wedding to happen, together we can make sure it doesn’t.
Chuck: She already thinks I’m a villain. I may as well become one.

View all quotes from Father and the Bride