Gossip Girl Gossip Girl (Narrator)

Season 2

2008.09.01    

Kristen Bell

Summer, Kind of Wonderful

The story continues…

Gossip Girl: Unlike the rest of us, sex, lies and scandal never take a vacation. Instead, they take the Long Island Expressway and head east. To the Hamptons. Some would say summer is their busiest season. Think Park Avenue. But with tennis whites and ban de soleil. The players change, but the game remains the same.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Blair Waldorf at Charles de Gaulle, homeward bound. What could possibly make Queen B. abandon her two dads before Labor Day? We bet Chuck Bass wants to know. Also spotted: Serena Van Der Woodsen on Cooper’s Beach. Alone again. We’ve heard talk that things are heating up with Nate Archibald. And where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire. But if that’s the case, why has Nate fallen right off our radar and Serena is always sighted solo? Wonder what she’d do if she knew Lonely Boy wasn’t so lonely anymore.

From the actual text: SPOTTED: Blair Waldorf at CDG, claiming her premiere space en L’Espace Premiere a whole week early. Now what could make Queen B abandon her dads and come home une minute before Labor Day? I have a million questions, but I bet Chuck Bass is the answer to all of them.

Gossip Girl: As for Little J, looks like this summer has been all work and no play.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass waiting for the Jitney. A dozen roses in one hand, his heart in the other. You know what they say, a man is a good thing to come home for. But an even better thing to come home with. Ain’t karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes the stars align for two old friends to go together. But sometimes they align for two old flames to totally combust. Wonder what the sky holds for S tonight. Friendship. Or fireworks.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena and Nate in a massive display of PDA. And that’s exactly what Dan Humphrey is. Pretty. Damn. Angry.

Gossip Girl: When words get in the way, there’s really only one thing left to do.

Gossip Girl: They say summer love is fleeting, but sometimes what starts as a fling can lead to the real thing. A simple trip to the beach could be all it takes to clear our heads and open our hearts. And write a new ending to an old story. There are those who got burned by the heat. They just want to forget and start over. While there are others who want each moment to last forever. But everyone can agree on one thing: tans fade, highlights go dark and we all get sick of sand in our shoes. But the end of summer is the beginning of a new season. So we find ourselves looking to the future. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. XOXO Gossip Girl

Never Been Marcused

Gossip Girl: As summer comes an end, I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned about fun in the sun. Gossip Girl Summer Tip #1: Don’t fall asleep on the job. The best hookups are free of morning breath and awkward conversation. The only thing harder than making up is waking up.

Gossip Girl: Summer Tip #2: There is no “we” in summer. Only you and me. Find out where you stand before you find yourself stood up. Anyone can canoodle in July and August, but will he be gone by September?

Gossip Girl: Tip #3: Take time to smell the flowers. It’s true that all good things must come to an end, and August is no exception. They don’t call it “fall” for nothing.

GG: Cheers to that, Blair. Nothing says welcome home like a bottle of bubbly. And a scandal bubbling.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass putting his new BFF on speed dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bromance? Or the end of Blair’s bid to be British?

Gossip Girl: Lordy, lordy, look who’s 40. Or at least a well-preserved 38. Is this risky business or strictly business?

Gossip Girl: What’s this? Chuck’s date and Blair’s date are mother and son? And Nate and Blair are exes? And Nate and the mother are in a book club? Now there’s a novel plot twist.

GG: Every summer, vacationers traverse the globe in search of new sights and experiences. But when it comes to scandal, I’ll take Manhattan every time. Welcome home, Upper East Siders. You know you missed me. XOXO —Gossip Girl

The Dark Night

Gossip Girl: In these last hazy days of summer, a few simple tips to beat the heat. One: drink plenty of fluids. Two: stay out of the sun. Three: limit all physical activity. That is, within reason.

Gossip Girl: And if the heat’s still too much, there’s always a cold shower.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: S and Lonely Boy locking lips like all is forgiven. Will Round Two be any different?

Gossip Girl: Rumor is Nate Archibald has a hidden lady. Careful, N. Secrets don’t keep long in this heat.

Gossip Girl: Sorry to break it to you, B. But this party just went over to the dark side.

Gossip Girl: Looks like Lady B is determined to have it all. The question is, who with?

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lady B acting not so lady-like. Hope you kept the receipt for that tiara, B.

Gossip Girl: Love may fade with the season, but some friendships are year round. Like you and me. You know you love me. XOXO —Gossip Girl

The Ex-Files

Gossip Girl: Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders. Welcome to the first day of senior year and the onset of a new social dynasty. The big question is: with Serena single and on top of the world, will Constance become the House of Van der Woodsen?

Gossip Girl: Looks like Humphrey defied our Great Expectations and Waldorf’s Rules of Order. Daring to date before Serena? It’s only a matter of time before it’s off with his head. Or hers.

Gossip Girl: What Dan Humphrey does with the other serfs in the village is his business. But when he brings his new maiden to court, it’s a declaration of war. Sound the trumpets, strumpets.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: a beautiful blonde phoenix rising from the ashes of a major public humiliation.
Serena: Never again. From now on, everything goes through me.
Welcome back, Queen Serena. Consider us your humbled servants. ‘Cause if looks could kill we wouldn’t want to be Dan Humphrey.

Gossip Girl: Sorry Lonely Boy. Don’t say we didn’t try to warn you. But if Queen S. would do this to D. are any of us safe? Bow down or bow out. XOXO. —Gossip Girl

The Serena Also Rises

Gossip Girl: When the white tents blossom in Bryant Park it can only mean one thing: Fashion Week. The time of year when any Park Ave Princess would trade her last Prada [] for front row seats to the best shows. And we hear the seating chart for Eleanor Waldorf’s show is being made by our very own B.

Gossip Girl: What would Fashion Week be without a fashion victim? Looks like Little J. just started her own trend: wearing a bulls eye on her back.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Dan Humphrey. Shoeless and clueless. That’s all.

Gossip Girl: They say in fashion you can become a success overnight. But one minute you’re in, and the next you’re out.

Gossip Girl: If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there would be no gossip without secrets. You might be brave enough to reveal your secret only to have it used against you. Or someone else’s secret might effect you in unexpected ways. There are some secrets you’re only too happy to keep. Others surface only to be buried away deeper than they were before. But the most powerful secrets are the truths you thought you could never reveal. That once spoken change everything. But don’t worry, B. The brightest stars burn out the fastest. Or at least that’s what I heard. Waiting for a star to fall. XOXO —Gossip Girl

New Haven Can Wait

Gossip Girl: Rise and shine, early birds. Gossip Girl here. We all have dreams. Some good, some bad. Some fun and Freudian. And some are the dreams we’ve had our whole lives.

Gossip Girl: Gossip Girl’s hardly a war buff, but I did cram for a quiz or two on the American Revolution. The last time New Haven was invaded was in 1779. Heads up, B. There’s a cannonball coming your way.

Gossip Girl: We hear there’s nothing like Yale in October. The crisp air, the turning leaves. The invasion of prospective freshman. Better hurry up, Lonely Boy. Your future’s waiting.

Gossip Girl: When it comes to war, the rule is Never retreat, never surrender. But whoever said that never met the new Serena.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Little Jenny Humphrey. Off her high horse and in high demand.

Gossip Girl: Poor S. She should know B’s rules by now. When someone leaves you off the list, don’t get mad. Get in.

Gossip Girl: From comrades to combat we thought we’d seen it all. But we’ve never seen this. Serena and Blair calling a cease fire. With so much scorched earth, can either side claim victory?

Gossip Girl: Dreams. Everybody has them. Some good. Some bad. Some you wish you could forget. Sometimes you realize you’ve outgrown them. Sometimes you feel like they’re finally coming true. And some of us just have nightmares. But no matter what you the dream, when morning comes, reality intrudes and the dream begins to slip away. Dream a little dream of me. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Chuck in Real Life

Gossip Girl: There’s nothing quite like Autumn in New York. But it’s not only the leaves that change. Something in the air brings out the true colors in everyone.

Gossip Girl: This just in: Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass placing a wager on the takedown of Lonely Boy’s BFF. We think we’ve heard this story before. And we’re pretty sure it ended up with everyone dead.

Gossip Girl: Whoever said you can’t have it all must have known the Archibald’s. Looks like poor little Nate is… yuck. Poor.

Gossip Girl: Careful B. One thing about making a deal with the Devil: he always comes to collect.

Gossip Girl: Looks like the Bass housewarming party just got a little colder. Serena’s walk down memory lame has her heading out the door.

Gossip Girl: Poor Chuck Bass. You made your bet. Now you have to lie in it.

Gossip Girl: Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does it’s almost always right.
Lily: You killed the story, didn’t you?
Bart: I already put out the hit.
Gossip Girl: Sometimes it takes what’s broken becoming whole again.
Rufus: What happened?
Gossip Girl: Sometimes it takes opening up to new people and letting them in.
Dan: Hope you don’t mind but we’ve got a lodger. So I’ll make up the sofa.
Jenny: I’ll get the ice cream.
Rufus: And I’ll get the guitar and the Songs of the 80s Fakebook. I’m thinking Wham! Almost forgot: make yourself at home.
Gossip Girl: But most times it takes just one person who is truly afraid to show what they feel. Getting an opportunity they never thought possible.

Gossip Girl: And some things never change. Let a new game begin. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Prêt-à-Poor J

Gossip Girl: Every girl fantasizes about finding her Prince Charming. But if that Prince refuses to come…
Dorota: You are late. Time for breakfast.
Blair: I’ll be down in a minute. I just have to finish something.
A girl has to take matters into her own hands.

Dorota: Don’t forget: God always watching Miss Blair.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Upper East Side beauty laying down the gauntlet for her favorite beast. But careful Princess, it’s going to take more than a little leg to get this Prince to ravish you.

Gossip Girl: Sorry J. But in the real world you can’t take a note to the principal when a drunken model eats your homework.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes the most important thing to know is when to get out. And when to give in.

Gossip Girl: What have we here? Jenny Humphrey caught in her knickers by Nate. Her knight in shining Armani.

Gossip Girl: The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life, the Prince goes off with the wrong Princess. Or the spell wears off and two lovers realize they’re better off as… well, whatever they are.

Gossip Girl: But I’ll confess. Every once in awhile a girl craves her fairy tale ending. So sleep tight, kiddies. It seems like Little J. got her happily ever after. XOXO —Gossip Girl

There Might Be Blood

Gossip Girl: Spotted at Mood: Jenny Humphrey buying 16 yards of tuille. But since when does Eleanor Waldorf pay for her purchases with a penny jar? They say a stitch in time saves nine. Will it save Little J?

Gossip Girl: I spy with my little lie. Someone getting busted.

Gossip Girl: Rumor has it that Lady B’s been outfoxed by a young fox. It seems only one ivory tower is being stormed tonight.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Bass taking the bait. Jail bait, that is.

Gossip Girl: It seems the saying’s true. Like mother, like daughter. Or is it the other way around?

Gossip Girl: Spotted at The Palace. Nate Archibald and Little J. We hear Lonely Boy’s BFF still carries a torch for Nate. If she finds out about Little Sister, wonder who’ll get burnt?

Gossip Girl: Looks like it’s bros before hos with Little J. Who knew that when her loyalty kicked in Nate would be kicked out.

Gossip Girl: Poor Jenny. All that glamour almost led to the slammer. But what will the morning bring?

Gossip Girl: S and B are headed for Yale. Nate’s headed out of town, and Dan’s headed for trouble. As for Little J? She’s nowhere to be seen. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Bonfire of the Vanity

Gossip Girl: Spotted: S and A bringing sexy back to Times Square. Move over Disney, 42nd Street is steaming up.

Gossip Girl: Did Brooklyn Boy really think he could bury the bone in the backyard and no one would find it? Every Bass will have his day.

Gossip Girl: Looks like B’s prophecy came true. One day you’re a muse. The next day you’re old news.

Gossip Girl: Poor Little Orphan Jenny. Looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks. But Daddy Warbucks don’t grow on trees. At least not a tree in Brooklyn.

Gossip Girl: Some surprises hit you over the head like a squash racket. And others sneak up on you when you’re least expecting it.

Gossip Girl: And sometimes the biggest surprises are the ones you spring on yourself. Scampering about in a slip is one way to shed old skin. But will embracing free love be as easy as flinging off a pair of Fendi flats? Looks like someone’s going barefoot in the park. XOXO —Gossip Girl

The Magnificent Archibalds

Gossip Girl: For the rest of the country, Thanksgiving is when families come together to give thanks. But on the Upper East Side, the holiday thankfully returns to its roots: lying, manipulation and betrayal. And from what we here, just like the Indians, someone else is being pushed out of their home.

Gossip Girl: Just like Nate Archibald, Gossip Girl has a family waiting for her today. So although I’d love to stay and chat, I’m signing off until after Thanksgiving dinner. Just in time for coffee, pie and surveying the damage.

Gossip Girl: As the end of another holiday draws near, I’d like to take a moment to list all the things I’m thankful for. I’m thankful that no matter how dark things might get, old friendships can still be rekindled. I’m thankful for new relationships that help us realize how far we’ve come from who we are. And how close we get when we can really be ourselves. I’m thankful that no matter what they say, you can go home again. Whether it’s your home or not. But the thing I’m most thankful for? How even on the most giving of days, people can still do something unforgivable. Signed, stealed and delivered, I’m yours. XOXO —Gossip Girl

It’s a Wonderful Lie

Gossip Girl: Winter in New York: A Gossip Girl Checklist to Surviving the Cold. Cashmere stole for ice skating at Wollman Rink. Jacques Torres hot chocolate for window shopping the holiday displays. And the perfect date to the senior snowflake charity ball.

Gossip Girl: Sorry ladies. For those of you who were hoping to find Nate Archibald under your tree, looks like he’s already picked out his mistletoe mate.

Gossip Girl: Snowflake or snowfake? Either way it’s going to be a ball.

Gossip Girl: Poor Vanessa. Even Cinderella was given the courtesy of a stealth getaway. Then again, what’s a trio of lovely stepsisters compared to Jenny Humphrey. Looks like it might turn out to be an “Unhappily Ever After” for everyone.

O Brother, Where Bart Thou?

Gossip Girl: More towers than Trump, more bucks than Bloomberg. Bart Bass definitely made his mark on Manhattan. The passing of a public figure can shake a whole town. But the real story is always the one happening in private. Away from the headlines. At home.

Gossip Girl: They say that when someone dies, their secrets are buried with them. But on the Upper East Side, sometimes the dead still speak.

Gossip Girl: If the Lord is our Shepherd, looks like one of his lambs has lost his way. Or maybe, make that a black sheep. We bring nothing into this world and we leave nothing behind. But that doesn’t mean we don’t leave a big ol’ mess when we go.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass fleeing his father’s funeral. And Blair Waldorf shedding tears for the dearly departed.

Gossip Girl: We hear Chuck Bass isn’t the only one who lost someone he loved this week. Our deepest condolences, Miss Waldorf. XOXO —Gossip Girl.

In the Realm of the Basses

Gossip Girl: Gossip Girl here, welcoming you to the New Year. When Manhattanites who flew south for the sun return to their Park Avenue perches. Which means I have a lot of catching up to do. Word is, Serena van der Woodsen tangoed in the New Year in the plazas of Buenos Aires. Guess that means Lonely Boy was all alone when the clock tolled twelve. And what of Little J? Rumor is she’s trading runways for hallways. So long high fashion, hello high school. Blair Waldorf has been spotted making inroads at The Colony Club. With high school nearing its end, has Queen B. found a new social ladder to climb? So the only real question remaining: Where in the world is Chuck Bass? And is he ever coming back?

Gossip Girl: Spotted: S. and Lonely Boy kicking off the New Year like it’s last year. Who knows, maybe third time’s a charm. But let’s not break out the bubbly just yet.

Gossip Girl: Pop quiz: What do you get when you cross Chuck Bass, a billion dollars, and Bart cold in the ground?
Chuck: For you, Headmistress, anything.
Gossip Girl: Freefall.
Chuck: Everyone. It has been a pleasure. takes out another hash cigarette
Jack: So what kinda suspension we lookin’ at?

Gossip Girl: New Year, but same old story. The darkest secrets are always the ones that hit closest to home.

Gossip Girl: Spotted at Victrola: Lonely Boy and Chuck Bass, having a heart-to-heart. What or who do they have to talk about? And will Serena be the last to know?

Gossip Girl: One thing about being on top of the world? It gives you a long, long way to fall.

Gossip Girl: Ah me. The year’s scarcely turned and already the secrets have begun. Where will it end this time? The New Year isn’t about what’s happened. It’s about what’s to come. But the past is always with us. Just waiting to mess with the present. And when it does, I’ll be watching. XOXO —Gossip Girl.

Gone with the Will

Gossip Girl: When most people lose a parent, they inherit sorrow, loss and a closest full of outdated clothes. But on the Upper East Side death’s sad chapter comes with a silver lining. Or a gold one if your relatives invested wisely in precious metals.

Gossip Girl: Is lowly Lonely Boy cheating on our Queen? Sound unlikely? Does the name “Georgina” ring a bell? Get out your shovels and start digging the dirt, kids. Gossip Girl’s going to need a little help getting to the bottom of this mess.

Gossip Girl: What’s it going to be, Chuck? Business and Blair or cocktails and coquettes?

Gossip Girl: Looks like Chuck Bass made his choice. But careful, Bass. Now that you’re a big fish there are a lot more sharks in this pond.

Gossip Girl: Hold on to your floppy cable-knit hats, kids. Lonely Boy’s secret is out and this one’s a doozy. D wasn’t cheating but there’s definitely a third party involved. Seems D and S share a sibling. While I’m always a fan of star-crossed lovers, at least Romeo and Juliet didn’t share DNA.

Gossip Girl: Oh Chuck. Didn’t your father teach you: Never mix business with pleasure.

Gossip Girl: The problem with inheritance is that it’s not always as simple as it sounds. Sometimes you get more than you bargained for. Or you discover that in gaining one thing you’ve lost something else. But every once in awhile, the fate’s smile upon you. And you get the one thing you really need. XOXO —Gossip Girl

You’ve Got Yale

Gossip Girl: True love and betrayal. Revenge and more revenge. A heroine with an impossible goal. If only Mozart had lived on the Upper East Side. But you can keep your magic flute, Amadeus. All this Queen wants is a golden ticket to Yale.

Gossip Girl: They say that it’s not over ’till the fat lady sings. But who’s that I hear tuning up in the wings? Sorry, B. I think it’s curtains.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: B hot for teacher. Too bad Miss Carr doesn’t remember the devil is in the details.

Gossip Girl: Sticks and stones may break bones. But a poisoned pen is the best revenge.

Gossip Girl: The thing about new beginnings is that they require something else to end…

Gossip Girl: Some endings take a long time to reveal themselves, but when they do they’re almost too easy to ignore...
Some beginnings start so quietly you don’t even notice they’re happening.
But most endings come when you least expect them. And what they portend is darker than you’ve ever imagined.
Not all beginnings are cause for celebration. A lot of bad things begin. Fights, flu season, and the worst thing all…

Wanna be startin’ something. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Carnal Knowledge

Gossip Girl: While Upper East Siders are hitting the snooze button, Blair Waldorf had a rude awakening when the rooster crowed at dawn this morning.

Gossip Girl: Every great leader knows, you don’t send your girls into the field unarmed. If we know Blair Waldorf munitions are on their way.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lonely Boy going from Teacher’s Pet to persona non grata. In the pitter patter of a heartbeat.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes the only thing left to do is wrap your arms around each other one last time and then just… let go.

Gossip Girl: They say every action has an equal and opposite reaction. And once something is set in motion, it can’t help but build momentum.

Gossip Girl: One thing is certain on the Upper East Side: what goes around comes around. XOXO —Gossip Girl.

The Age of Dissonance

Gossip Girl: On the Upper East Side all the world’s a stage, and the men and women merely players. But once a year, Constance/St. Jude students shed their usual roles and take on new ones for the senior class play. This year’s pick? The Age of Innocence.

Gossip Girl: Before Gossip Girl there was Edith Wharton. And how little has changed. The same society snobs still reigned. Only in corsets and horse-drawn carriages.

Gossip Girl: Every actress eventually finds the hook into her character. Even if sometimes life has to give her a little push. But don’t worry, B. When God closes a door he opens a play.

Gossip Girl: Wanna hear the sickest scandal ever? Remember B’s Lord? Turns out he was giving the royal treatment to his own Queen Mother. And the worst part? B knew and ignored it. How desperate can you be, B?

Gossip Girl: Poor Miss Iowa. Caught playing Mrs. Robinson. Looks like the teacher just got schooled.

Gossip Girl: Yale’s hallowed halls have gone to hell. S got accepted. But not for her SAT scores. Allowing a press release was her only prerequisite. [Turns out the Dean cares more about Q scores than quality.]

Gossip Girl: In life as in art, some endings are bittersweet. Especially when it comes to love. Sometimes fate throws two lovers together, only to rip them apart.
Dorota: Miss Blair is out, Mr. Chuck.
Chuck: I’ll wait.
Gossip Girl: Sometimes the hero finally makes the right choice. But the timing is all wrong. And, as they say, timing is everything.
Carter: Hello Beautiful.
Blair: Carter. What are you doing here?
Carter: Buying you a drink.
Gossip Girl: Looks like this story might just have a second act. Let’s hope it’s not a tragedy. XOXO —Gossip Girl

The Grandfather

Gossip Girl: Springtime on the Upper East Side. Where the winter chill is supposed to be so last season. But when mittens and scarves are still all the rage, the best thing you can do is just button up and hope for warmer days.

Gossip Girl: Looks like V is leading a lost lamb back to the flock. And C is coming to B. Sheepishly bearing gifts.

Gossip Girl: We hear Carter Baizen’s dealt Chuck another losing hand. But rest assured, Upper East Siders. Chuck always has a card up his sleeve.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: B taking one small step for new Blair. One giant step towards a strange townhouse. Enter at your own risk B.

Gossip Girl: Poor B. Couldn’t spin this one in her favor. Looks like now she’s spinning out.

Gossip Girl: The danger with calling someone’s bluff is that even if you win—.
Blair: Goodbye Chuck.
Gossip Girl: —you risk them walking away from the table for good. And who wants to play with themselves?

Gossip Girl: Call your travel agent, kiddies. Looks like Nate Archibald traded in a summer of love for a one-way ticket to his legacy.

Gossip Girl: Springtime. A season for rebirth and new beginnings. For some it’s a chance to turn over a new leaf.

Gossip Girl: For others, it’s the surprise of seeing something bloom.
Blair to Nate: Wait. Stay.
Gossip Girl: But for yours truly, it’s a reminder that on the Upper East Side, everything old can be new again. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Remains of the J

Gossip Girl: Mornings are simply more fun on the Upper East Side. Our favorite things to wake up to? The sun in the sky, the Nikkei on the rise, and a wake-up call from your lover. Or your best friend.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: S learning he answer to the age-old question. What if you were throwing a party and no one cared? When that happens, don’t cancel—
Serena: Poppy. Hey it’s Serena. You know that party I was telling you about. I was hoping we could meet up. I need your help.
—Make them eat cake.

Gossip Girl: And when you’re not from the Upper East Side, sometimes morning is just the start to a very bad day.

Gossip Girl: Poor B. It’s hard to turn up the heat with an old flame. But stand back. Someone’s about to add fuel to this fire.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: two people who should know better. And two people that don’t know what hit them.

Gossip Girl: Uh oh. Looks like someone’s up to their old tricks. And just in time too. Cuidado, España. Here comes el problema.

Gossip Girl: Mistakes. We all make them. They usually start with the best of intentions. Like keeping a secret to protect someone. Or getting some distance from the person you’ve become. Sometimes we don’t even know what mistakes we’ve made to get us where we are. Or we figure it out just in time to make it right again. But every mistake happens for a reason. To teach you a lesson you would otherwise never learn.

Gossip Girl: And hopefully you never make that mistake again. Lucky for me, that never happens. XOXO —Gossip Girl

Seder Anything

Gossip Girl: When you lose hope in a dream sometimes all you’re left with is sleepless nights. While some call the doctor for a refill, I find the best solution is a full social calendar.

Gossip Girl: Oh B. Too bad you weren’t invited to Nate and Trip’s lunch. ‘Cause whatever happened looks like you’re the one paying.

Gossip Girl: Uh oh B. Looks like you hitched your wagon to a falling star. Baruch hata, Ay dios mio! This Passover is going to get its own Spanish Inquisition.

Gossip Girl: Watch out, B. seems like just when you’ve got it right seems like William van der Bilt is going to do you wrong.

Gossip Girl: Ah cruel fate. Just as Serena van der Woodsen is falling in love, Blair Waldorf is falling apart.

Gossip Girl: On Passover we ask, Why is it that this night is different than any night? But who are we kidding.
Poppy: So. Tell me everything.
Gossip Girl: Tonight’s no different from the rest. These things always happen around here. Shalom. —Gossip Girl

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Gossip Girl: Eventually every queen finds herself in unfamiliar territory outside the castle walls. In Blair Waldorf’s case, the Village.

Gossip Girl: And when a queen discovers her best maiden is with a dragon in disguise, the only thing to do is pull up the drawbridge and trap him. Metaphorically of course.

Gossip Girl: Queen of Hearts or Queen of Heartache? Careful B, cut off the head of one love triangle, one of your own might grow back in its place.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes a queen has to make a choice: a castle with a white knight. Or a quest with a dark prince. So B, what’ll it be? Netflix night with Nate or battling a beast with Bass?

Gossip Girl: Get out your brooms, kids. We’re off to see the Wicked Witch of the Upper East Side.

Gossip Girl: And eventually a queen realizes that a dark knight only has one thing on his mind. And it ain’t slaying dragons. So she takes her pumpkin carriage and goes back to the castle.

Gossip Girl: Oh dear queen, heed the words of a king. Look like an angel, talk like an angel, the devil in disguise. XOXO.

The Wrath of Con

Gossip Girl: Four wise men once said, “I get by with a little help from my friends”.
Chuck: Do you have a glass in this thing?
No, man. What do you think this is?
Gossip Girl: But on the Upper East Side there’s the added challenge of figuring out who those friends really are
.

Gossip Girl: Looks like Georgina’s losing her religion. Or has B met her match in the battle for G’s soul?

Gossip Girl: They say that numbers don’t lie and money talks. But can Georgina still speak Poppy’s language.

Gossip Girl: Oh no. We warned you no good would come from spinning a wicked web. You just get all tangled up in your wicked lies.
Rufus: Please return this for me.
And the more you twist, the tighter the trap.
Chuck: I need you to dig up what dirt you can on the offices of the 55th precinct.
Nate: Detective Sanders? Yes, my grandfather William van der Bilt said you could help me get some information.
Blair: Serena’s mom gave her that bracelet. It’s been in the family for years. She couldn’t have stolen it.
Gossip Girl: Until you’re locked in a prison of your own making. Smile for the camera S. XOXO —Gossip Girl.

The Valley Girls

Gossip Girl: For those who complain about the youth of today, if you think we’re bad you should have seen our parents.

Gossip Girl: Ah. Who knew the Motherchucker could also play Fairy Godmother. But if C just made B’s dreams come true, why does it feel like our queen is standing with the wrong king?

Gossip Girl: Shoulder pads may come and go, but a BFF is forever. Because even when you’re not sure where you’re headed, it helps to know you’re not going there alone. No one has all the answers. And sometimes the best we can do is just apologize. And let the past be the past. Other times, we need to look to the future. And know that even when we think we’ve seen it all, life can still surprise us. And we can still surprise ourselves. XOXO —Gossip Girl

The Goodbye Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl: You wanted to meet Gossip Girl? Well, look around. I’m nothing without you. And while most high school friendships fade, it’s my hope that what happened today will bond you forever. Now that all my secrets are out, you have a clean slate. Until college. Congratulations, I’m coming with you.

Gossip Girl: Serena van der Woodsen just couldn’t leave well enough alone. Since she had to find out the truth about me, I’m going to tell you the truth about everyone. Every gossip bomb I’ve got is about to drop, and if you’ve got a problem with that, take it up with her. Ever wonder why Miss Carr left town? It’s because Dan Humphrey had sex with her during the school play…

Gossip Girl: Not so fast. You’re not graduating until I give you my diplomas. Mine are labels, and labels stick. Nate Archibald: Class whore. Dan Humphrey: The ultimate insider. Chuck Bass: Coward. Blair Waldorf: Weakling. And as for Serena van der Woodsen, after today, you are officially irrelevant. Congratulations, everyone. You deserve it.